Love Inside
by BerkleyDrive
Summary: Love Kangjeon rarely makes crazy decisions in life. pretty steady 25-year-old adult with a university degree, a well-designed flat, and a new job every fangirl would die for. She's focused, she's hard working, and she's determined to do well as JYP Entertainment's new video PD... until her crazy decisions lead her to a face-to-face encounter with GOT7. What happens next?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Inside The Global Village**

I'm half Korean but I still don't understand why a lot of people here choose to wear sweatshirts to work on a sweltering June weekday. I mean, come on, my pits are sweating and it's only 10AM. You can't really blame me for huffing as I make my way to my workstation.

"Annyeong haseyo!" That's Mina Kang, my fellow video PD, whose small face seems perpetually fixed with a smile.

"Annyeong haseyo, Mina-ssi" I say, not bothering to hide my foreign twang. She involuntarily flashes a toothy grin every time I say her name in my Australian-Korean accent.

"Sarang-ah, syeocheu yeppuda!" [Sarang, I like your shirt!] Mina says, praising my navy blue muscle shirt which I haphazardly tucked into a gray skirt.

"Kamsahamnida!" I respond, trying to hide my reddening cheeks while pushing the power button on my computer. I'm not sure if I'm blushing because of the compliment or the fact that she continues to call me Sarang. I've only been working at JYP Entertainment for a few weeks but my new colleagues somehow already picked up on the nickname my boss gave me, along with my working habits. I start putting my headphones on, drowning myself in a symphony of sounds and colors and movements. Everyone knows that this is the start of my 8-hour-long work-related silence.

 ***Flashback***

I still remember that day distinctly. I was sitting on a leather upholstered swivel chair, and across the table, in the massive boardroom, sat Mr. Jinyoung Park and several other Korean executives, whose names I barely remembered after all the hand-shaking and polite bowing and nerve-wracking eye-contact I had to go through. After several predictable job interview questions, they asked me what changes I would like suggest for their latest video projects.

"Well... I think a change of colors would be great for RealGOT7... Maybe add some fun, quirky animations to show just how much the boys have changed since their debut. I think it'll be a great way to visualize their comeback for Season 3 and for the new album," I answered in an awkward jumble of English and Korean phrases. At that time, I wasn't really sure what the concept for GOT7's new album was about, but with the way JYP's face lightened up when I said that, I was sure I hit jackpot.

They called me in three days after the interview to sign a contract, which signaled the end of my freelancing days in Seoul. On my first day, I found myself talking to JYP PD-nim inside the elevator and he asked me if Love was my real first name. I was very much tempted to flash my passport at him to prove I wasn't lying. "Yes sir, my full name really is Love Kangjeon" I said, half-smirking. That was when JYP decided to call me Sarang. I guess whatever nickname he decided on was bound to stick. He is, after all, one of the founders of the company.

 ***Flashforward***

Here I am, two weeks later, walking towards his office with trembling hands after receiving a call from his secretary. "PD-nim wants you to discuss the new video format," The young woman said in Korean. Her sharp honorifics over the phone, and the smug look on her face as I pass by her, gives me the impression that she does not like seeing me around.

I open the door to find GOT7's manager sitting beside PD-nim, along with some people from the creative team. They are huddled in front of a massive TV screen, waiting to watch the final edit I made.

"Oh there you are," PD-nim says. All the heads and eyes in the room turn to me. "Thank you for coming. Come and tell us about what you did for Episode 3." I force a small smile as I move to stand beside the TV screen.

"Annyeong haseyo," I say, bowing awkwardly in front of everyone. "Je ireumeun Kangjeon Love imnida. Jeoneun video PD yeyo. Bangapseumnida!" [My name is Love Kangjeon. I'm a video PD. Nice to meet you!]

"Geureom..." [Well then...] I stop to clear my throat, willing my voice to come out as I continue my little speech. "As you can see, we focused on four different colors in the new opening billboard sequence: That's green, blue, yellow, and red. These colors were based on their outfits from the DVD jacket photo shoot. We actually coordinated with their stylists to know what colors were assigned to each member and why." I take the remote from the center table, hit fast forward to show a frame of the boys wearing colored sweatshirts.

"The title card is made up mostly of green and as you can see in this frame, Jackson and Yugyeom are wearing green because it represents their playful side. We have blue to represent GOT7's more mature and serious side just like how JB, Junior, and Mark are wearing blue. Then we have two other colors to symbolize GOT7's pop and hip hop genre. Youngjae is wearing yellow because he is the main vocalist of the group, and BamBam is wearing scarlet red because he represents GOT7's unique rap style. Then there's this animated cloud that symbolizes JYP, the company that brings all the elements together to create GOT7." I hear tiny 'oohs' and 'aaahs' from the people in the room and I can't help but feel proud of what I have created.

"The font for the word 'Real' is edgier now and was handwritten to represent the candid, unscripted moments of the show. We used a simpler font for GOT7 and Season 3 to balance out all the other elements. Moving forward, we will be using these animated elements in the OBB clips and segment title cards for upcoming videos." I end my speech with a simple nod towards PD-nim and a silent prayer of thanks because I have succeeded in publicly speaking in Hangul yet again. I have been living in this country for two years now but I still get nervous whenever I speak the language in front of others.

"That's very impressive, you did your research well. You can go back now," The PD-nim said.

"Kamsahamnida," I smile broadly as I bow before making a move towards the door.

"Oh, Sarang-ah!" I turn to PD-nim once again. "Please start working on the next episodes as soon as you can. I want to see photos from the recent shoot done in this style. This is the last season for RealGOT7 and I expect nothing short of perfect." I am floored by the suddenness of JYP's declaration. I wonder why they had me change the format for the remaining episodes of Season 3. Even so, I answer with a nod before leaving the room.

I close the door behind me and let out a small sigh of relief. JYP's secretary seems to be in a better mood now so I nod and smile at her, only to find, the second I walk past her, that she doesn't even know I'm there. Apparently, she's too busy preening for the approaching men. "JB-ah, you're looking very handsome today!" She exclaims, her voice slicing through the narrow hallway ahead as the group continues to walk towards us.

JB's face is plastered with a polite smile. Junior, Yugyeom, and Youngjae are talking animatedly behind him. Both BamBam and Jackson are busy with their phones. Mark seems to be lagging behind. I make way for them by walking closely to the wall, looking down on my feet I pass by them. Mark's brown suede boots appear in my line of vision, his feet shuffling and then slowing down and then disappearing from my view altogether. I wouldn't say I'm a fan just because I've only ever listened to their songs casually, but I know enough to say that they have gotten good and popular since their debut.

Out of nowhere I feel this strong force at the back of my head. It's like a tiny string pulling me back, though not powerful enough to make me want to turn around completely. I turn my head to look back and my heart stops. Mark is gazing at me curiously, his body half-turned towards me, a mysterious smile hanging sweetly on his lips.

I scurry away as I hear the door closing, my heart pounding so loud I can't even hear my footsteps anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Thank You, JYP**

 ***Flashback***

Mina and I had a fine Friday morning until we read the email about our next RealGOT7 shoot. Our boss asked us to finish Episodes 4 and 5 within the day, and to pack our bags for weekend work. Apparently we were scheduled to shoot and stay overnight at a resort owned by one of JYP's friends.

Pandemonium. We didn't even have a cut-to-cut draft to begin with. But we managed to finish everything by 9PM and before heading home, Mina and I decided to get ramyeon for dinner. It was the first time since I came to JYPE that I got to really spend time with her.

At the ramyeon house she asked me what I thought of our work so far and I honestly said I have been enjoying every minute of it, no matter how hard it got. "But how is it different from your job in Australia?" She asked.

"Oh I mostly worked freelance. I edited my friend's YouTube videos and got paid for each one. I was also a waitress at a Korean restaurant owned by my mom's friend where I had to dress up in a hanbok every day after school for almost two years." I answered, secretly thankful for the times I spent smelling like kimchi on my way back to the university dorms because the money I saved up from it helped me a lot when I was starting out in Korea on my own.

"Wait, I thought your family's rich, why did you have to work after school?"

"What made you think my family's rich?"

"Because you dress up so well!" She said in an accusatory tone I wasn't used to. I almost spat ramyeon soup out of my mouth. "I see it all the time. I know that you take the labels off your clothes but I've seen those things in magazines so I know that they're branded and where EXACTLY you bought them. Most of the clothes you wear are not even in Korean malls yet!"

"Mina-yah! How do you even notice these things?!"

"Well, that cap is definitely legit but obviously you decided to remove the authenticity sticker," I cringed and decided to wear my cap backwards. "I know some people who would wear shirts with price tags on them just to make a point, but you... You're different." She smiled at me before diving back into her ramyeon, her thick ponytail of curly back hair bobbed behind her. I felt my cheeks reddening at the unexpected validation.

"Okay, I'll be completely honest. My mom has a jewelry business and my dad started out as a small-time carpenter from Busan," I said, realizing that it's been more than a year since I last told my story to somebody. "They live in a bungalow house on a street where mostly rich people live. We have the smallest house in that neighborhood but it was made out of high grade wood and has a lot of windows. My dad worked really hard on that house and he raised us to live conservatively."

"So who else is living in that house now?"

"My older brother," I answered, taking my phone and showing her pictures of my home and my family in Australia.

"Oh wow, your brother is good looking. He dresses well too!" Her comment made me laugh. Mina was the one who asked GOT7's stylist about their outfits during the photo shoot, and that's where I got the idea for the OBB. We were cowering by the dressing rooms then when the stylist noona asked us for our opinion on the sweater pairings. At that time, my first thought was that Mina seemed to have an amazing eye for detail, much like magazine editors and art directors. I know this because my mother has a lot of friends and business contacts in Australia's magazine industry and most of them are my godmothers.

"I won't deny the fact that I buy branded clothes, but I never wanted people to know that. Growing up, we were only allowed one designer item per year. My dad hates expensive clothing but I have decided that since I'm making my own money now, I should dress myself nicely. I still remove the labels though, out of habit and out of respect for my dad."

"I think you're really lucky. People like us can't even buy designer items, much less get one every year," Mina joked. "But I'm glad to know that you work hard for what you have." I smiled and thanked her. _Had I known her in high school, I would have had a better time._

"Omo! Since we're on the topic of clothes, I just remembered I have nothing to wear tomorrow!" Mina's face showed pure dilemma but I couldn't quite keep myself from laughing.

"Araseo, let's finish this up and go to my apartment. You can pick out clothes from my closet."

 ***Flashforward***

It's fun to see them acting foolish on tape, but it's another thing to see them being idiots in the flesh. JB is surprisingly mischievous. In the clips I edit, he usually broods in the background while the rest of the boys fool around. Today he's even more energetic than Jinyoung, who's always up for fun as long as it's safe. Jinyoung's nagging is off the charts today. Off cam, he keeps nagging about the boys running around shirtless or jumping into the pool too hard. I guess this is why the fans call him GOT7's mother.

If he's the matriarch, and JB the patriarch, Jackson may as well be the prodigal son. "Who paid for this place?" Jackson asks, always the spendthrift. The leader gamely answers, "JYP," and the rest of the boys clap their hands for the PD. "JYP, kamsahamnida!" Jackson says on cam, much to the director's delight.

"I wonder what it's like being so close to the boss and calling the PD by that name?" Mina whispers. We are sitting by the house with our laptops, watching the boys and the film crew from afar.

"I don't know, but I heard Jackson is the closest to PD. Look at all the side projects he's getting!" I say, whispering conspiratorially. "He has more TV show appearances than Jinyoung and JB combined—and they both started off on TV!"

"Hey, don't talk about JB like that you know he's my bias!" Mina pouts at me and I burst out laughing. She's a total fan. She told me last night that she asked to be transferred to our web show after the first season. "I know your bias is Jackson but be considerate about me too," She says, poking at the fact that Jackson is my entry point to GOT7.

I am no fan, compared to Mina. But I'm partial to Jackson because of his warm and funny personality. He's the kind of guy you could watch for hours and his facial reactions are golden. We all agree that TV people love him because of his unassuming charm. Other talent companies wouldn't want their artists to be so busy with side projects but JYP allows Jackson to take on other shows because he's a hard working kid—at least that's what I have heard.

"Sarang-ah, these pool games make me want to jump into the water too!" Mina grumbles. I sigh while scrolling through the bulk of video clips we need to sort and backup.

"Well then tear your clothes off and jump, who says you can't?"

"I always forget you're a foreigner," She says, shaking her head at me. "First of all, they're still filming. The director would kill me for sure. Secondly, this isn't Sydney, we don't just take our clothes off and jump into the water. Look at Jinyoung. He's wearing a jacket in the pool!" I turn my head to look where Mina's looking. There he is, splashing around with a blue and white jacket even with the sun beating down on him.

"Oh yeah, why is he wearing a jacket anyway?"

"Because he's wearing a tank top underneath and he doesn't want anything inappropriate to show,"

"We'll why is Yugyeom wearing a tank top then?"

"Because he's a pure and innocent boy." She points to the unsuspecting maknae and I immediately swat her hand before anyone notices. We then decide to take our laptops to the rooftop of the rest house and work on the archives from there. This way, we won't have to censor our mouths all the time.

Before we know it, it's almost dinner time. Mina and I have talked about the rest of our K-Pop bias list while sorting through one whole season's worth of footage. It's past 7PM and the house seems abandoned except for the laughter coming from outside. We creep our way back to the filming site to find that the boys are now positioned on the other side of the pool, the smell of barbecue wafting through the air.

We wait until the whole shoot is done before finally eating our own dinner of jjajangmyeon and exploring the resort. We walk around the garden, and then around the pool, talking about random things until we notice that we are the only ones left outside. "Mina-yah, I think it's time to swim!" I say, looking around to see if there's anyone else lurking around.

"Aishhh, jinjja?! What if someone sees us?"

"They're probably too tired to care anyway," I say, hastily taking off my sandals and my dress. "Come on, you said you wanted to swim" I fold my clothes and set my belongings aside, my body in full view as I'm wearing only my red bandeau bikini.

Mina scans the area cautiously before whisper screaming at me in the dark. "OMO! Why do you look like an idol?! Your S-line is amazing. How am I supposed to strip when you look like that?! I'm going to look like a fat squid beside you!"

"Mina-yah, hajima! No one's looking so strip down and I promise I won't judge." I wait for a few seconds with my arms crossed in front of me.

"Okay, okay," She responds before finally taking off the maxi dress I have given her last night. I roll my eyes at her. She's anything BUT a fat squid. We silently slip into the pool, wading wordlessly in fear of being discovered. "I haven't done anything this crazy in ages!" Mina says, her face lighting up with joy in the darkness.

"You think this is crazy? Skinny dipping is crazy, this is nothing." I answer cockily, moving towards the side of the pool to prepare for a lap.

"What, so you've tried skinny dipping before?!" She asks, possibly scandalized at the thought of me swimming completely naked somewhere in Australia. I smile at her in response, resolving not to tell her that I actually went skinning dipping with a boy from my swim team because from the looks of it the details might give her a mini heart attack.

After five laps, Mina finally whines about the cold and waddles out of the pool. "Oh gosh, I feel so cold how can you be so comfortable doing laps?" She watches me finish my 6th round.

"I was in my university's swimming team and we practiced early in the morning so I'm used to the cold," I respond while watching her dress up.

"That's cool. Hey, I'm going ahead upstairs to wash. I'll let you know if anyone's still up," She says, leaving me floating in the water. I look up at the sky to find stars blinking down at me and I can't help but smile. _Things are getting better now._ It may seem weird to think that way a month into my new job but I'm still optimistic. I close my eyes to feel the water rippling all around me, the cold wind kissing my nose. Something's telling me that I'm about to witness something huge, something new. I am, after all, now working at one of South Korea's top entertainment companies.

Beep!

I swim my way out of the pool to check my phone. "Coast is clear!" I know for sure that we have gotten close because I can now hear Mina's cute voice in my head while reading her text. I wear my dress again and start walking towards the garden at the back of the house, water dripping from the ends of my hair.

The silence is deafening as I walk and my dress is clinging onto my wet body. It's a good thing to be walking in semi-darkness right now because I'm pretty sure my red swimsuit can be seen through my wet dress.

"Coco, wait..." I suddenly hear a faint voice followed by tiny dog barks behind me. I freeze, scared to death because I know that voice. I've memorized it so well despite the fact that he barely says anything. Coco continues to bark at me. I feel panic rising upwards from my gut as I stand under the faint light of the house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Seeing The Light**

The small white puppy emerges from the dark part of the garden, tiny barks ringing in my ears as she runs cautiously towards me.

Kneeling on the ground, Coco sniffs the back of my hand which I gladly held out for her. She bops her wet nose against my knuckle, licks my skin tentatively, and then lets me pet and carry her. I stand up with Coco wiggling slightly in my arms. "Joesonghamnida..." I look up to find Mark bowing slightly at me and staring fearfully at Coco.

I hand the cute dog back to him, and he takes her carefully from me. I suddenly feel conscious about the fact that I'm still wet from my late night swim so I start backing off slowly towards the house while watching Mark play with Coco, my arms wrapped around my torso.

"Oh shillejiman..." [Oh excuse me but...] I stop, eyes-wide as I look back at Mark. "Can you please get me paper towels from the house? I need to clean up Coco's poop right there," Mark says, his Korean honorifics still intact. He points to the mini-park in the middle of the garden and all I nod weakly before walking swiftly towards the house. I maybe older than him by a few years but being a newbie in the company somehow puts me at a disadvantage.

Thankfully the kitchen's right next to the back door so it didn't take long for me to find a roll of paper towels. I take handfuls of it to dry myself with, desperately hoping that Mark wouldn't notice the wet state I'm in. Once satisfied, I take the whole roll with me as I walk back outside.

He's not there.

"Mark?" I call out, my heart still drumming in my chest. I may have memorized all their faces because of all the clips I have watched and edited but I still feel flustered by seeing them in real life. _Maybe I really am better off behind the computer._ "Mark?"

"Yeogiyo!" [I'm here!] He responds from a distance. I walk through the dark parts of the garden and towards the mini-park where he stands, a single light illuminating him and Coco. I can barely make out his words but I'm pretty sure he's scolding Coco for being mischievous again. I hand him the roll and he smiles at me, ultimately shattering my wits. He hands me the dog and proceeds to clean Coco's nasty remnants on the ground. "Noona, are you new?"

"N-ne" I answer, trying hard not to lose my composure after hearing him call me noona.

"Araseoyo. Mwo haseyo?" [I see. What do you do?]

"N-naneun saeloun video PD yeyo." [I'm the new video producer.] I answer politely while hugging Coco, partly because she's cute, and also because she's warm and fuzzy—and Lord knows I'm in dire need of heat right now.

"Ahhh, so that's why I haven't seen you around." His sudden switch to English startles me that I almost drop Coco. He stands up with a thick wad of paper towels in his left hand, a soft smirk playing on his lips. "Geureom, jeoneun Mark imnida." [Well then, I'm Mark.]

"Ne, ara..." I start trembling as I watch him bow to me politely even if I'm definitely physically shorter than him. "S-Sarang imnida..." I mumble, bowing hastily. I look up to him only to find an inexplicable horrified look on his face. _Is it my pronounciation? My grammar?! Oh my god, what did I say?!_

"Sorry, did you just say 'I love you' to me?" He's almost laughing now, and I'm almost in tears upon hearing him talk in English again.

"What?! No! Oh my god!" I answer back, glad we're finally making sense to each other. "I said I'm Love... Like, my name is LITERALLY Love." I stress my last two words, trying to hold my laughter in. He seems to find it hilarious too. "Everyone here calls me Sarang so I figured I might as well introduce myself like that. I guess it's not a good idea after all..." We both burst out laughing.

I shake my head and hand Coco back to him. "Sorry, I'm really anxious about speaking in Korean because I grew up in Australia. But I know how to say it properly, I just—this is the first time I'm speaking to anyone of you after weeks of seeing your faces on my computer screen at work so I'm not at all prepared for this," I ramble on and on as we start walking towards the trash bins near the back door.

"It's fine, don't worry about it," Mark says before dumping Coco's poop into one of the bins. "I'm sure you'll get used it soon."

"Sarang-ah?" We both turn to the direction of the swimming pool where we see Mina loitering, desperately whispering my name in the vast darkness.

"Oh, Mina-yah! Yeogi!" I say, waving at her. She starts running towards me, then stops on her heels when she realizes who I'm with. "Sorry I worried you, I got caught up in... Uhm... Coco's business,"

"O-Okay..." Mina seems aghast by the fact that I'm not even attempting to speak in Korean now, and probably all the more surprised that I'm talking to GOT7's most unsociable member. "Annyeong haseyo, j-jeoneun Mina imnida."

"Annyeong haseyo," Mark says, returning her greeting. I suddenly feel chills running down my spine and remember that I'm still soaking wet. As if on cue, Mark turns his eyes to me and I instinctively wrap my arms around my torso. There's something about the way he looks at me that I can't seem to shake or understand completely. Is curiosity? Intrigue? Interest? Fascination?

"Sorry to interrupt you but Sarang-ah, there's something really important we need to talk about. Maybe we should go ahead?" Mina interjects. She bids Mark goodbye before pushing me through the back door. I look back to steal one last look at Mark and our eyes meet again. The image of his sweet smile is burning a hole at the back of my skull as we move out of his sight.

Mina locks the door to our room and closes the curtains before violently throwing a towel to my face. "What was that?! I turn my back on you for a few minutes and you end up chatting with Mark?!" Somehow, my brain isn't having problems translating words.

"Believe me, I have no idea how that happened too. I was just walking back to the house and he came out of nowhere and asked me to fetch paper towels for Coco's poop!"

"Jinjja?!" Mina's giving me her crazy eyes again. "But why was he out with Coco at this hour?!"

"How would I know! Maybe Coco really needed to go..."

"But think about it... If Coco really needed to go she'd poop inside the house. She's a dog!" I watch Mina pace back and forth while I dry myself. "And if Mark knew Coco really had to go, why did he forget the paper towels?! Why did he have to ask you? He didn't know you. And if all you did was fetch the paper towels for him, what took you so long?! I was very worried, I thought you drowned or something!" I laugh at her as I head to the bathroom.

"Mina-yah, I told you I was part of the swim team, right? Besides, I'm sure running into Mark is just an accident. Don't think about it too much." I say, stepping into the shower to drown out the rest of Mina's theories. I let the warm water run down my cold skin while replaying everything in my head.

 _It's just an accident._


	4. Chapter 4 (M)

**Chapter 4: Little Miss Insider**

"Hahaha! Stop, that's bullshit!"

Click.

I hit the spacebar and press a combination of keys to mark the exact moment Jackson swore on cam—and in English no less. He was teasing Mark about something while waiting backstage before their Inkigayo performance.

"Hyung, we're still filming!" Bambam said in Korean, his hand still on the camera.

"Jinjja?!" Jackson confirmed before covering his mouth in embarrassment. Mark giggled, clearly enjoying the mishap. "Oh, jeosonghamnida!" Jackson slapped his mouth several times.

"Love Noona, please edit that out..." Mark said directly to the camera with a warm smile.

Click.

 _He said what?!_ I go back, hitting the keys like a maniac.

Click.

"Love noona..."

Click.

"Love noona..."

Click.

"Yah!" I take my headphones off to look at Mina who sits right across me. "What is wrong with you? You keep hitting they keys like you want to break your keyboard!" There's a look of annoyance on her face so I apologize quickly before gesturing for her to come over. "What is up with you?" I hand her my headphones wordlessly.

Click.

"Love noona..." I watch annoyance, surprise, and amazement pass through Mina's face in a matter of seconds. I press my ear against one side of my headphones, hoping to hear the rest of the things they're saying.

"Mark hyung, who are you talking to?" Bambam asked, shifting the camera towards the eldest member. Jackson seemed to have momentarily forgotten the fact that he said a bad word on cam and was waiting for Mark's answer.

"I was talking to Love noona" Mark answered, his face placid except for the playful smile on his lips.

"Who's Love noona?" Jackson asked.

"She's the new video PD" Mina gasps beside me. _He remembers me._ I really shouldn't be so surprised because we basically work in the same business unit, but this is definitely unexpected. "Love noona, annyeong haseyo! Jackson, say hello," Mark ordered. Jackson immediately cleared his throat in response, eyes focused on the camera.

"Annyeong hasseyo, noona! Please remove this clip from the video, mianheyo!" He said, smiling sweetly.

Click.

"I am so keeping this clip for myself," I whisper. Mina's mouth is still hanging open minutes after seeing the clip, making me laugh. I can't believe an accidental encounter with Mark would lead to this. For a new JYPE employee, this is huge progress.

"Sarang-ah, since you're friends with them now, you have to promise you're going to introduce me to Jaebum, okay?" Mina says, holding both of my hands. I nod enthusiastically, though I'm not entirely sure if "friends" would be the right term to use in this situation. I really don't think a chance encounter—in the dark and through a very awkward introduction—constitutes as instant friendship.

Aside from the secret shout out, I also did not expect to find myself swamped with additional video projects. Mina and I had to split the edits for the next fan DVD and the amount of behind-the-scenes footage I have to go through might just be detrimental to my mental health. By the end of the workday, I'm just about ready to never see Jinyoung's angel face ever again. _Or not._

Me gustas tu, me gustas tu...

My phone jolts me out of my reverie.

"Hello?" Says the voice on the other end of line. I glance at my phone again, taking note of the unknown number on my screen. "Hello? Is this Love Kangjeon's phone?" The distinctive accent seems rather familiar.

"Yeah, may I know who this is?" I say, letting my natural Australian twang flow. I can see Mina smiling at me from my peripheral vision while I pack my belongings.

"Love, it's me, Olivia! I'm here in Korea!"

"Oh my god, Liv! Where are you? I'm getting off work right now d'you want to meet up?" I ask, excitement flowing through my body as I wave goodbye to Mina. She nods at me, and casually reminds me of my half-made promise before mouthing "Annyeong!"

"Well I'm actually still in a meeting right now but I'm free at around 10PM, do you want to go clubbing? I promised you I'd treat you when I visit, right?" We agree to meet at the speakeasy club we once went to in Gangnam. We both say our goodbyes and I immediately put my phone down to hail a cab. That's when I notice the fangirls and fanboys waiting patiently outside our building—a sight I'll probably never get used to in a million years. They all look so disappointed to see me get out of the building. They're probably waiting for WonderGirls, or 2PM, or even GOT7.

"Excuse me," Says a tiny voice in English. A kid, who appears to be just around 9 or 10 years old, is pulling at my right sleeve cutely. She's wearing a pink beanie on her head of brown hair and is standing beside a shy teenage girl who's quietly holding a huge paper bag adorned with fancy colored tissue papers inside. "Do you know Jackson from GOT7?"

"Yes, he's my friend!" I answer, stooping down to face her and giving her my warmest smile. Her face suddenly lights up. Don't get me wrong, I hate having to lie to her—or to anyone for that matter—but the look of desperation on her face is killing me.

"Is he inside?" She asks.

"Oh sorry he's not there. GOT7 is out filming something today so they won't be coming any time soon." I look around to see other people eavesdropping on us and I realize they must have waited a long time to see the boys too. I also realize that I have missed several taxis while talking to the girl.

"Oh okay..." The little girl says, her soft voice barely audible. She sighs and looks to me with renewed hope. "I have gifts for them from Canada. Do you think you can hand it to them for me?"

"Of course, sweetie! Does it have your name on it so I can tell them who it's from?" She nods at me in response and then turns to the teenage girl who I assume is her sister, just because they have the same hair and eyes. The teenage girl hands me the paper bag and I stand properly to take a look at what's inside. It contains seven neatly wrapped care packages but one of them looks bigger and heavier than the others. "Oh my gosh, these are so pretty!"

"Thank you! I'm Emily and this is my sister Ellie. We came all the way from Canada to see them, but our flight back home is tomorrow..." The teenage girl ends her sentence with a sad smile and it makes me feel terrible for lying and whining at work. It's not every day that I get to witness how awesome my job is, just staring at these guys on my screen nine hours a day, even seeing them at shoots or around the office every once in a while.

"Oh don't worry, I'll make sure they get this," I say, guilt starting to creep in. I immediately flag a cab to remove myself from the situation, especially since the other fans are eyeing us curiously now. "I'm sorry, I have to go now but I'll bring this to them tomorrow, I promise."

"Thank you very much," The teenage girl finally speaks up. "May we know your name before you go?" She further asks with a grateful smile.

"My name is Love, nice to meet you! Bye bye!" I wave at them before getting inside the taxi. I can see them waving back joyfully outside the car, tears almost springing from their eyes. I start to panic. _How the heck am I supposed to give this to GOT7?_

I think about all the possible ways to get the gift to them on the way home. This includes asking the directors, the stylist noona, and even JYP himself. But I scrap that thought immediately because not only am I not personally close to these people, I also have a feeling I'm not supposed to receive gifts for the artists. _What was I thinking?! I might get fired for this!_

I decide to forget the problem I have made for myself and concentrate on my current situation instead—I have less than two hours to prepare for a night out, which I haven't done in quite a while. This should be interesting.

An hour and a half later, I'm waiting for Liv in a posh basement bar in Agpujeong. Above it is a wine shop that's barely noticeable except for a vintage blinking light with an arrow pointing downwards. I remember spending three hours trying to find it the first time Liv and I came to Korea because we heard it's where most K-Pop stars hang out without having to deal with fans and paparazzi. You can't get in if you can't tell the wine seller the correct password, and it took Liv a lot of research to find out and text me the code for tonight, apparently so that I can sit and sulk by myself at the bar.

Right now, though, my main concern is my best friend. I have called her phone number six times already to no avail. We've known each other since college and we've traveled a lot together so I know it's not uncharacteristic of her to be late, but it is not like her to not be answering calls.

I'm almost done with my first drink when my phone rings. "Hey, Liv, where are you?" I ask, trying to mask my irritation.

"Love, listen, I'm really sorry but I don't think I'm going to make it tonight."

"Why, what happened?"

"I'd love to tell you now, mate, but it's a really long story."

"Can you at least tell me where you are?"

"I'm in the hospital right now."

"Oh my god, are you okay?!"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. Listen, I have to go now but text me your address, I'll be there tomorrow and I promise I won't sit you up this time." We end the call, and a sigh escapes me. I quickly finish my drink, prepare to pay the bill and leave. I hate to admit I have wasted an hour fixing my hair for nothing.

"Excuse me," The good looking bartender says in his impressive English. "I hope you're not leaving yet because someone just bought this for you," He sets a beautiful red and orange cocktail in front of me and my eyes go wild as I look around. This is the first time someone's ever bought me a drink in Seoul. "It's from our VIPs," He adds before leaving.

I take a sip of the drink, consciously looking around the dark bar for the mystery VIP until my eyes zero in on one of the tables. A group of people are gathered in a cozy, velvet-upholstered alcove at the far end of the room. I shift in my seat to get a better look. _Why do they look familiar?_

My eyes latch onto another pair of eyes looking directly at me. He's wearing a stylish printed jacket, a plain black shirt, and super tight pants. He raises his glass of liquid to me, his plump lips upturned into a pretty smile.

 _Fucking hell..._


	5. Chapter 5 (M)

**Chapter 5: The English-Only Zone**

 _It's BamBam._

He's sitting in between Jackson and Mark along with three other people I can't positively identify from where I sit. My cheeks are warming up at the sight of his naughty smile and I raise my glass to him before sipping appreciatively.

"You would not believe what's happening RIGHT. NOW." I type, both in Korean and English. The moment I hit send to both Mina and Liv, a slender shadow towers over me.

"Noona..." I look up to find Mark smiling at me.

"Hey, Mark!" I say, immediately locking my phone screen.

"I realized it's you so I came over," He props his arm comfortably on the bar. Hearing him talk in English is enchanting.

"Yeah, about that..." I steal a glance at BamBam who's watching us anxiously from afar. "He just bought me a drink and I haven't met him personally yet so he probably doesn't know that I'm a JYPE staff. Is he even SUPPOSED to be here?"

"Well he's not really drinking so, yeah..." Mark explains. I nod slightly before taking a sip of my drink again. _Damn this one's burning a hole in my gut, what is this anyway?!_ "So how about you? Are YOU supposed to be here?" He asks and I laugh shyly at his coy question.

"I'm supposed to be here with someone—a friend from Australia. But she got caught up in something and she can't make it so I've decided to go solo tonight," I answer, toying with the pineapple garnish hanging from the lip of my cocktail glass. _Whatever this drink is, it's poisoning my mouth. When have I decided to go solo, what am I talking about?!_

"You should join us, then!"

"What?! Are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course! BamBam is dying to meet you,"

"Stop, he's like WAAAY too young for me," I warn as I take my purse and hop off the bar stool in my tight navy blue dress and high heels. Mark signals to the barista and asks him to send my drink over to their table. I almost lose my shit when I finally see who the boys are hanging out with.

"Oh hey, who's this?" Says Super Junior's Henry. Everyone in the celebrity circle turns to look at me. I then look at Mark in panic and he flashes a charming smile that would've made any fan faint, but only makes me want to punch him in the arm right now.

"This is Love noona, she's from JYP too," Mark answers before plopping in his rightful place on the couch.

"A-annyeong haseyo! Kangjeon Love imnida." [Hello, my name is Love Kangjeon.] I say, bowing politely to them. Henry holds his hand out to me and introduces himself with "Hi, I'm Henry," like he actually needed to do that. Sitting in between Henry and Jackson, Amber from f(x) reaches out to shake my hand too.

"Oh testosterone break, yay! I'm Amber." She says, giving me the warmest smile ever. I smile back but inside I'm internally screaming. "Are you a trainee at JYP?" She further asks.

"Oh, no, no! I'm a video PD," I say, shaking my head. Never in my life have I imagined myself as a trainee. I look around to find Jackson whispering something to Mark. BamBam looks super flustered in between them. At the other end of the couch beside Henry sits a very comfortable Rap Monster, the well-spoken leader of Bangtan Boys.

"Kim Namjoon, nice to meet you." His handshake is firm. _Dammit, how can he be a few years younger than me and way cooler than I'll ever be in 10 lifetimes?_ "These guys call me Joon so just call me that." I nod in response, struggling to wrap my head around the current situation. It's surprising how easy it is for him to talk to me in English when he's actually 100% Korean. I heard this kid is smart but he sounds way smarter in person.

"Noona, please sit here!" Jackson points to the empty spot in between BamBam and Mark, and I oblige, my arm brushing against theirs. The waiter appears out of nowhere to set my drink on the glass table before us.

"Hi, nice to meet you!" BamBam says in his adorable English. "Did you like the drink? It's a Tequila Sunset." He sputters eagerly while holding his lime fizz. I nod in response. Before I can even say thank you, Amber interrupts us with a nifty question.

"Oh, by the way, did Mark tell you that we only speak English here?"

"Pardon?"

"She'll be fine, she's Australian." Mark answers vaguely as I look from Amber to him and back. He winks at me before bringing the bottle of beer to his lips.

"Oh really?" Jackson pipes in. I never thought his unassuming, wide-eyed smile would look so much more appealing up close. His charming innocence on television looks larger than life right now. "I seriously thought she's Korean!" He adds, addressing everyone.

"I am Korean," I say in my native Australian accent. Everyone looks at me with interest. "Well, I'm half-Australian but I was born in Busan. We moved to Sydney when I was three and I came back here after college."

"How old are you then?" Henry asks.

"I'm 25," I say taking a sip of my drink. Jackson and Mark throw snickering glances at BamBam. It took all my willpower not to elbow Mark. BamBam seems embarrassed but unapologetic of the fact that he bought me a drink.

"Ah, unnie!" Amber responds.

"Hey, you said this is an English-only group so I refuse to be called unnie..." I answer laughing, before turning to the boys beside me. "...Or noona! So you guys are better off calling me Love." Everyone's smiling at me now and it's making me feel like I actually belong to this crowd. They all argue that BamBam should still call me noona because he's the youngest and he agrees.

"Your name fits you very well," Namjoon comments, his dimples making me blush.

"Yeah, you look lovely," BamBam says along with his fan service smile. I've seen that look on him so many times that now I feel like I'm seeing things.

"Thank you, but I don't always look like this, FYI," I snicker. These guys have no idea how long it took me to curl my hair into long, natural-looking waves, figure out what to wear, and do my I-swear-I'm-not-a-celebrity-stalker makeup look.

"Be careful, he's a player," Jackson whispers to me, his muscular arms blocking off BamBam's face. I laugh in response, my heart melting by the minute. _The fangirl in me is screaming._

"Oh it's fine, I'm used to him. We may have just met but you'd be surprised at how much I already know about you guys," I answer boldly. _This drink will be the death of me, I can tell already._ They ask me to explain what my job is about and I oblige, filling them in on the many things I know about GOT7 despite the fact that they barely see me.

"Okay, wait, I have to say this. Your Aussie accent is adorable!" Amber says, a huge smile painted on her face. I can feel the blood forming in my cheeks. "You sounded way different when you spoke Korean a while ago!"

"Honestly, a lot of people say that but I don't hear any difference,"

"There is! I swear there's a difference. Joon, what do you think?" Amber turns to the young rapper.

"It does sound very different," He answers. "You probably don't notice it because you've gotten used to it. I get comments like that too, they say they like my African-American accent but I'm not even trying, really. I just keep listening to music like that and I adapted to it pretty easily."

"Sometimes, I can still hear my Thai accent when I speak English even if I'm studying in an international school," BamBam says. The fact that he's still in school makes it all the more disconcerting for me that his arm is draped comfortably across the back of my seat.

"Jackson sounds American!" Henry, who I think is starting to slur, comments loudly.

"I don't think I sound like anything," Jackson answers.

"Exactly, mate, me too!"

"No, you sound Australian," He says, teasing me. Everyone laughs, including me. I just can't help it with this guy. Everything he says—on tape and in real life—sounds funny as heck. "I speak different languages so I can't adapt an accent. But your accent is cute," He points at me with a scoff. _Is this real life?_

We talk more about accents and learned languages and living in South Korea, our home far away from home (except for Namjoon, of course). We talk about the last time we came back to our hometowns and how things have changed since the last time we're there. For me, it's been a while since I last went home and as much as I want to come back it's definitely harder now that I'm working full time.

By the time I have finished my Tequila Sunset, I can barely feel my lips and I can tell Henry's shots are taking full effect too. Before he loses his bearing, BamBam asks us to take a group selca. I stand up and offer to take a photo of them instead so I won't have to appear on it. I guess I'm just so used to being behind-the-scenes that the thought of being in a celebrity selca kind of sickens me... _Or maybe that's just the drink._

"Love, are you okay?" Mark asks quietly as I sit back down gently. I turn to him with a bright smile, hoping it would lessen my embarrassment at being drunk in front of him.

"I'm fine, just a little bit drunk, thanks to BamBam." I slur, earning a smirk from him. I turn to Bambam with the sweetest smile I could muster. "BamBam-ssi, kamsahamnida!" I say, piling on the aegyo since I'm sure my reddened cheeks would take me to that route anyway.

"Oh, you're so cute!" BamBam says, his smile never leaving his face. Jackson starts shaking BamBam in delight, something the younger member seems to be used to by now. "Noona, can we take a selca? I promise not to post it!" He adds. I scoot near him and he puts his arm around my shoulders while angling his phone to fit the both of us. _God, my cheeks are so red._

He takes several photos of us, changing smiles and angles every now and then. After a few shots Jackson and Mark squeezes into the frame and we all make funny faces for the next few photos. "Okay, we're done here," I say squirming away from BamBam who seems to be enjoying holding me close, and Mark who's arguing to take more photos. "You promised not to post that, right?"

"I know I promised, but I still have one condition," BamBam replies, still not taking his hand off my back. I ask him what it is. "I'll keep our picture private... Only if you give me your number." His resolute smile is disconcerting. I start to laugh nervously.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: We're Good Tonight**

"Trust me, he's not gonna stop until you give him your number," Mark whispers to me, his breath almost tickling my nape. BamBam winks at him before waving our photo at me with pure contempt. I sigh dramatically before taking his phone and typing my number in.

"Okay, now I can text you my SNS and we can follow each other!" BamBam says, saving my name in his contacts list as "Love" followed by heart emojis. _Dear God, I hope the sasaengs don't ever catch my name on his phone screen or he'll be dead turkey._ He turns to me and raises his pinky finger. "I promise I won't post it. I'll send you the photos, though, so you'll remember me."

"BamBam, I see your face at work everyday. I don't think I'll ever have a chance to forget you."

"I like her, she's sex—sassy. She's sassy!" Henry interrupts, laughing loudly afterwards. I can't help but giggle seeing the crazy look on his face.

"Oookay... I think it's time for us to leave," Amber says, nudging Henry to stay upright.

"Our driver's outside, I'm taking Namjoon with us. Are you guys gonna be okay?" She asks, taking full control despite the many vodka shots she took a while ago. Namjoon stands up along with Amber, his swagger unaffected by whatever it is he consumed.

"Yeah, we're getting a taxi," Jackson answers.

"Love, how are you gonna get home?" Amber turns to me, her face full of concern.

"I'm getting a taxi too," I give her my most a confident smile as we walk towards the back exit with several bouncers ushering us out safely. _So this is what it's like being a celebrity, huh? You get to leave a club without the embarrassment of staggering drunkenly into the the street._

"It was nice meeting you, I hope I bump into you again," Namjoon says. We reach the wine shop that keeps the club away from the preying eyes of the public. I tell him it was nice meeting him too and that I hope he would remember me even after this since we work in different companies. "Of course I would, Love is a very unusual name and that face is too pretty to forget," He retorts, making my cheeks heat up. He notices my reaction and laughs before handing me his calling card.

Amber, Henry, and Namjoon bid their goodbyes. They make me promise to join them again some other time. I say yes, waving and bowing repeatedly as they enter SM Town's heavily tinted car.

"Wait where do you live? We'll take you home," Mark suddenly offers, probably sensing my dizziness after bowing so many times.

"Just in Cheongdam-dong. But it's fine, I can take myself home."

"Oh that's where our dorm is!" BamBam exclaims. "Maybe you're along the way, we'll drop you off."

"No, seriously, I'm fine."

"No, we're taking you home." Jackson says with a finality that instantly stuns me. He flags a taxi and opens the door for us before getting into the passenger seat. Without saying a word, Mark takes my hand and gets into the cab, pulling me along. BamBam squeezes in beside me after waving to some girls who apparently spotted him across the street.

There's a momentary silence as the car eases into Seoul's midnight traffic. I wish I could call Mina to tell her that I'm anxiously stuck in a GOT7 sandwich right now. Mark is silently staring outside. I look at my hand, which he held for a very brief moment. I feel like there's a ghost of his hand on my skin and I can't figure out why it feels like that. BamBam pulls me out of my drunken reverie by asking me for my opinion on his outfit and his hair. I shower him with compliments and he smiles. Jackson joins in and teases BamBam about his relentless pursuit for approval.

They bicker for a while, giving me enough time to steal a glance at Mark. He suddenly turns to me and catches me looking. I smile at him, my head spinning. He smiles back and says, "We're almost at JYPE, are you near here?"

I look outside and realize we're already driving through Dosan-daero. "N-ne. I live right behind Cheongdam Park, actually," I say. Jackson turns to the driver and instructs him to go through Yeongdong-daero. I'm not entirely sure where their dorm is exactly located, but it seems like they know the neighborhood better than I do. "Wow, how do you know my street address?" I ask Jackson.

"I didn't know actually, I was just guessing. Am I right?" I nod in response, "Oh jinjja?! I have friends who live there, that's why I know." I'm not surprised at all. Jackson has a lot of friends, he's just the kind of guy everyone likes to hang out with. I suddenly remember the gifts from Emily and Ellie. I check my watch, it's just a little past midnight. From what I know about these boys they never sleep early unless they have full schedules ahead.

"I see. So..." I start, hoping that the remnants of Tequila Sunset would bring me enough courage and luck. "Do you guys want to hang out at my place for a bit? I have a popcorn maker... I mean, that's just in case you want to sober up before heading back to your dorm," I see BamBam's face light up. He shoots Mark a pleading look, probably hoping that the eldest hyung would say yes. Mark turns to Jackson for wordless advice.

"Do you have cheese popcorn?" Jackson asks, obviously excited.

"Yup, I can make that," I answer, smacking my lips for extra emphasis. _I will never regret the day I bought that machine off eBay on impulse._ They start cheering like little kids, reminding me of the fact that I'm actually the oldest in the group.

Jackson starts filling me in on his lengthy knowledge of people living in our neighborhood. Apparently I live a block away from this comedian, and that actor. This female idol group lives next street and that idol frequents that cafe. I have been living in this neighborhood for two years and I have never once bumped into any of them. We reach Yeongdong-daero and I ask the taxi driver to turn to the cul de sac hidden off the road by a huge arch.

"Woah," BamBam exclaims when he sees the tall fountain block standing in the middle as the taxi enters the driveway. "Is this where you live?" He asks.

"Yeah, my apartment is somewhere up there," I say, pointing to the east wing building of the residential complex. Before anyone can argue, I hand the taxi driver my credit card and lead them towards the huge foyer of the building. The huge glass door slides open and we find the young receptionist shell-shocked upon seeing my guests.

"Annyeong," I say, waving at her as we make our way to the lifts.

"A-Annyeong haseyo!" She responds warily from behind her black marble desk. She signals for me to come closer and whispers to me. "Ahgassi, isn't that Jackson Wang? Are they your guests?"

"Ne," I answer, watching her ogle the boys behind me.

"Omo! Can I get a selca with them?" She pleads, her phone already in her hands.

"Oh mianhe, but they're not in the best position right now." I whisper back, my panic rising in my gut. "Bimileul yuji juseyo. [Please keep it a secret.] They're not just idols, they are my friends and I respect their privacy. Araseo?" I add, patting her hand carefully and giving her my nicest smile. She nods at me and goes back to her original position behind the desk, throwing occasional glances even after we get into the elevators. Honestly, the last thing I want is for sasaengs to be waiting outside my door, looking for them.

We reach the penthouse floor and walk towards the far end of the hallway. There's a collective sigh of amazement the moment they step in. I'm not one to brag, but I'm brave enough to invite friends over because I hustled hard to make this place pretty. I designed my loft-style penthouse apartment on my own, buying bits and pieces of old furniture and restyling them to complete my shabby chic vision in the span of two years. "Oh my god, your flat is way better than our dorm. Do you live here on your own?" Jackson asks, taking his shoes off by the door.

"Yeah, I'm not really good with roommates..." I say, walking barefoot with my heels in one hand. "You guys make yourselves at home while I get changed. There's food in the fridge if you're hungry."

"Yes please, I'm starving!" Mark says. I point him to the kitchen as I head upstairs. I can hear them wandering around as I wipe my party makeup off my face, tie my hair in a ponytail, and change into my usual white shirt and sweatpants. I polish my bare face with moisturizer and a bit of tint on my cheeks and my lips, just so I don't look like a whole different person to them.

I check the paper bag sitting on top of my dresser for the last time. The packages have been painstakingly decorated with doodles and cute drawings of each member. Emily and Ellie also included Polaroid pictures of themselves in full merch swag, their Twitter accounts handwritten on the space underneath. I can't help but think of them as I head back downstairs, and how they unwittingly managed to help me make new friends after two years of holing up in this nest.


	7. Chapter 7 (M)

**Chapter 7: First Impressions**

"I have cupcakes too, they're on the top shelf," I announce upon finding the boys gathered around the fridge, opening a box of brownies.

"Did you bake these?" Mark asks, his mouth half-full with brownies. BamBam is busy opening the top shelf of the fridge and Jackson is pouring himself a glass of water.

"Oh no, I buy them from an old lady downstairs," I say, opening one of the kitchen cabinets and taking out a jar of corn kernels. "We see each other a lot at the park on weekends. She doesn't do much because she's retired so all she does is bake and I buy her goodies whenever I can. I never get to finish the whole box though so you can take it with you if you want." The said old lady is, quite frankly, the closest I get to having a friend here in Korea.

I manage to gather everything I need for the cheese popcorn in a few swift movements. Jackson Wang seems to be getting my drift. He sits himself on the barstool across the distressed kitchen counter and peels the packaging off a cheddar cheese slice. BamBam and Mark are happily devouring the sweets they took from the fridge while wandering around my apartment, pointing to bits and pieces of decor and furniture. "Don't you get sad here? I can't imagine myself living alone." Jackson asks.

"Not really. I like being alone," I take out the popcorn maker from one of the kitchen cabinets and then watch his eyes go wild. "Give me 10 minutes, I promise this popcorn will be worth it." I say, heating up the red and yellow mini-cart with wheels. It looks like it belongs to a carnival, not a kitchen, but who the heck would dare argue when the popcorn smell is making a Hongkong-born K-Pop idol spazz out like a kid.

"Hey, can I use your bathroom?" BamBam asks, peeking behind Jackson.

"Of course! It's upstairs, first door to the left." I say. BamBam leaves for the bathroom. Meanwhile, Mark decides to sit on the barstool beside Jackson. They ask me where I got the popcorn maker, and why. I tell them that I used to have nothing in my apartment other than some housewarming wine, two trunks full of clothes, a bed, a laptop, and a Wi-Fi router. One night, while drinking wine from a paper cup, I craved for popcorn and decided to buy the tiny carnival popcorn machine online. Needless to say, it was the first ever kitchen appliance I ever bought. It even came in before the stove and the microwave.

They start laughing like crazy at the idea that my first investment—besides my flat—is a cute popcorn maker. "Hey, trust me, it's worth every penny. Red wine and soju tastes amazing with popcorn, but let's just stick to grape sodas tonight, okay?" I say, setting two cans in front of them.

"Woah," We suddenly hear BamBam gasping from upstairs. "Yo, check this out, man!" He says, making his hyungs jump up from their seats. _Looks like they found my treasure trove._ I start cooking the cheese sauce while listening intently to the footsteps upstairs.

"Oh my god, it's like we're in a department store." _That's probably Jackson._

"Hey what's going on up there?!" I ask, anxiety building as I mix butter and cheese in a saucepan.

"Dude, your closet is huge!" Mark shouts from above.

"Well, I'm a girl, in case you can't tell," I shout back. The smell of popcorn is filling the air. I immediately transfer the popped kernels into a huge bowl. "Oh, there's something for you guys on top of my dresser. It's in a brown paper bag." I say as loud as I can while pouring cheese sauce into the bowl of popcorn.

"What?! What paper bag?" Jackson says.

"The brown one, on top of the white dresser... BUT DON'T OPEN THE DRE—!" I hear Jackson's loud laugh and immediately regret that I even said anything about it. All my intimates are right there, on the first drawer of the dresser.

"Nope, too late for that. Sorry!" Mark screams, laughing along.

"Don't you dare touch my underwear!" I threaten, laughing despite my embarrassment. I take the bowl of popcorn and the unopened soda cans to the dining table, blood rushing to my face as they make their way back down.

"Love, why is your face so red?!" Mark asks, still laughing. I see BamBam holding the paper bag in his arms, a sly smile spreading across his face. _I guess what matters now is that they have Emily and Ellie's gift._

"Are you mad? I swear we didn't mean to see it, I opened it before you asked not to open it," Jackson clarifies, grinning as he plops down on the seat across me. I have two answers to his question: I could (a) tell him I feel slightly offended that they've decided to invade my private stuff (for my literal privates), or (b) just casually shrug the humiliation off.

"No, no, I'm not mad!" I grab a bunch of popcorn from the bowl before us. "I mean, who cares if you guys saw my underwear stash on the first night we all got together, right? It's no big deal!" I laugh sarcastically before stuffing a handful of popcorn into my mouth. They all laugh.

"Okay, to be fair, we thought they're all pretty, like—" Mark stops mid-sentence to laugh at my wide-eyed, horrified look. "—I was expecting to see condoms or thongs and stuff like that but you didn't have any," He adds, making the boys snicker in delight while eating popcorn.

"Because I have no use for any of those and, FYI, thongs are not comfortable." _I can't believe we're doing adult talk right now._

"But aren't they supposed to be sexy?" Jackson asks, surprisingly fully attentive. I shake my head in response.

"No, you know what's sexy? Lace, lots of them... " BamBam interjects. "I kinda like the white lace panties, and the see-through black panties...

"And the red lace bra!" Jackson adds. They turn to me with all-knowing looks while watching my cheeks fire up.

"No, but I think I like the pink Hello Kitty boxers the best. They're super cute," Says Mark. "JB would probably love the Bart Simpsons—"

"Oh my god, can we please change the subject?!" I plead, fanning my face with my cheese-free hand. The boys are laughing wildly, hands clutching their stomachs. I would be feeling really awkward if not for the fact that I'm still buzzed. The laughter finally dies down, giving me an opportunity to talk again. "Anyway, you guys should open that bag. Jackson, the biggest care package is for you,"

"For me?" He asks, his mouth half-full. I nod at him before passing paper towels so that he can wipe his hands clean before opening his present. We all wait for him to carefully unwrap and open the box. "Woah!" Inside the box is a meticulously painted mini-Jackson statuette made of plaster of Paris. Underneath the soles of mini-Jackson's shoes are Emily and Ellie's names.

"These two girls came up to me yesterday while I was waiting for a taxi outside work," I explain, handing them the Polaroids from inside the paper bag. "They said they're from Canada, and they really wanted to see Jackson but you guys were out filming so I just took them." In my most sincere, half-sober state, I manage to confess that I really wasn't sure if I could ever give it to them because we weren't really friends yet. But I felt really bad for the girls who have been waiting all day outside the building. "Come to think of it, I didn't even know you guys would be there tonight. I'm actually glad my friend ditched me!"

"Yeah, because now you have new friends, right?" Jackson says with a smile.

"Wait, so are we REALLY friends now?" I slur.

"Of course!" BamBam answers, gulping down his soda. I turn to Mark for validation.

"Yeah, we've seen your lingerie collection. I think that's enough," He giggles raising his soda can to me.

"Fair enough," I retort, clinking cans with him. "You have no idea how much I've seen of you guys before we even met anyway, so..." I watch their jaws drop open and I can't help but chuckle at the sight of it. Of course I've seen a lot. I've seen them shirtless, cursing, fighting, sleeping, and making obnoxious mistakes that cannot be broadcasted at all cost. Before they can even start asking questions, I hold both my hands up. "Don't even ask. Just know that whenever there's a camera around you, I will see you."

We all agree that they should be free to be who they are, even on cam. It is, after all, the one thing their fans love about them—their adorable authenticity. I promise to keep their clean idol image intact by doing my job well. I can't promise them though that I'll always cut the clips they ask me to edit out. I rarely get to shoot with them, after all, and I'm still under the mercy of the directors and writers.

"So what do we promise? She made hers, we need to make our promise too," Mark tells his two younger members. I can see the wheels in Jackson's head turning. He's doing that eye roll thing that I can never seem to edit out of videos, no matter how much I hate it.

"Let's introduce her to the other members!" BamBam suggests. The first thing that comes to my mind is Mina, who's very keen on meeting GOT7's leader, Jaebum.

"No, no, no, you don't have to do that," I shake my head, despite the very tempting offer. "I'd really rather let it happen naturally because we all work in one company and in one team, it would be ridiculous to never meet the rest of GOT7, right?"

"How about if we introduce you to other artists? Like, tell us who your favorites are and we'll call you when we're hanging out with them," Mark says.

"I swear if you don't say GOT7, we are done here. We're leaving!" Jackson warns, making me crack up for the nth time.

"Aside from GOT7," I answer, giving Jackson a meaningful look. He responds with a very proud smile. "I really like G. Soul, Suzy from MissA, CL from 2ne1, and Jimin from BTS."

"Okay, you already met Rap Monster so BTS is out," Jackson says. I jokingly protest but he shushes me with a cheesy finger. "CL is too cool for us, forget it. Suzy is busy but we'll see. Jihyun hyung is easy to find so THAT we can promise!" The two other boys are nodding as Jackson speaks.

"I'd be happy with an autographed album really, no need for introductions. He seems like a really busy guy." I take a swig of soda, my insides feeling all fuzzy and weird when my eyes meet Mark's gaze.

"Okay, done. Mark, don't forget that," Jackson tells Mark. Mark turns to Jackson and then to me and winks. _Damn. If I wake up this morning with a bad hangover, I hope I remember that wink._ We continue to talk about G. Soul's soul-shattering music until BamBam's ringing phone interrupts us.

"Oh, it's JB hyung!" He announces before picking up. We all fall silent for a moment, Jaebum's leader vibe resonating through speakerphone.

"Yoboseo?" JB says.

"Yoboseo? Hyung..." BamBam answers.

"Yah, eodiya? Where's Mark and Jackson?" His voice is placid, almost calm, but you can tell he's mad. BamBam sends an all-knowing look at his two older brothers.

"JB hyung, this is Jackson. I have Mark and BamBam beside me," Jackson says. I squint at them, my brain translating words far slower than usual.

"Eodiya?" JB asks again. I start to feel goosebumps in the worst way possible, I almost want to shake in fear.

"We're at a friend's house near Cheongdam Park." Mark and BamBam seem more silent than usual. Although I know they don't back down from JB as easily as the other members, it still doesn't surprise me that they're letting Jackson talk on their behalf.

"Nugu?" [Who?] I can feel my heart pounding. They all look at my panicked-stricken clueless face.

"Uhm, she's a new friend..." Mark finally speaks up.

"Aishhh!" The leader exclaims, sounding sharper than ever. JB's Korean words are hitting me at full speed now and it's frightening as fuck. "It's three in the morning. Our manager is looking for you. If you're not here in 10 minutes, I swear I'm going to punch you guys until you bleed, araseo?!" We never film them in their dorms but I do hear JB say "wait until we get home" a lot in the clips I edit. I can now imagine what that means.

"Ah, wae? We're just trying to chill, we don't have schedules today anyway!" BamBam is the first to question him. _This kid is freaking brave._

"It's not about the schedule, it's about you partying until 3AM. What if fans see you?" JB reasons.

"Araseo, we're on our way back now." The very patient and calm Mark seems to always be the first to concede. The line goes dead almost immediately, leaving me shocked.

"Oh my god, I lost track of time! Shit, Sorry guys, mianhe..." I profusely apologize.

"Ani, gwaenchanha. it's very nice meeting you—and I'm not just saying that because you're pretty," BamBam says, finally regaining his smile.

"Hey, thanks for the popcorn!" Jackson says standing up, licking his fingers. Mark picks up the paper bag carefully as he stands.

"No problem! Hey, wait, I have something for JB," I hurry towards the fridge to take out the huge box of cupcakes. "Here, tell him I'm sorry for keeping you up. I'll probably meet him some other time."

"Oh, you're so sweet!" BamBam says as I hand him the box. We all exchange high fives as I lead them to the door. I feel like my soul is about to leave my body by the time they step out. But like every day of my adult life, I try to fight off my tiredness to clean up our mess before turning off all the lights, running upstairs, and collapsing in bed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Timing, Just Right**

 ***Flashback***

Quite predictably, BamBam created a new KaTalk group chat the morning after and named it "Pop-Porn Buddies". I woke up to the sound of my phone pinging non-stop. They were discussing the inappropriate title BamBam gave the group. I typed in my first message with a huge smile despite the debilitating pain in my head.

 **Love:** Guys, my underwear collection is way too modest for a porn flick. Just saying.

 **BamBam:** Ha ha ha! There you are! How do you even know for sure?! *wink emoji*

 **Love:** IDK, probably because I'm old enough to watch Rated R movies? Are you?

 **Jackson:** Oooohhh buuurn!

 **Mark:** *laughing emoji*

 **BamBam:** I will be soon!

 **BamBam:** Will you watch with me when I turn legal?

 **Love:** HA HA HA! CAN SOMEONE PLS TAKE THIS DIRTY CHILD AWAY?! *blushing emoji*

 **BamBam:** JK JK JK *laughing and crying emoji*

 **Jackson:** I already hit him on the head for you

 **Love:** Ha ha ha! I was kidding. But really, guys, thanks for coming over. I have the worst hangover RN but it was worth it. I'm saving all your numbers BTW!

 **Mark:** We saved yours too. Promise not to give ours to the fans?

 **Jackson:** She won't do that. Right, Love?

 **Love:** Why the heck would I do that?! I don't want to lose my job, guys.

 **Love:** Was JB mad when you got back?

 **BamBam:** Yeah, we fought a little...

 **Love:** Sorry *crying emoji*

 **Jackson:** No it's fine, we do that all the time.

 **Mark:** We're good, don't worry!

Liv came just in time that day with a warm bowl of dak kalguksu [chicken noodle soup] to help me get over my Tequila-Sunset-and-Noisy-KaTalk induced headache. "How did you know I'd be hungover?!" I asked.

"I figured you'd be wasted because of your last text which, by the way, was the worst cliffhanger ever!" She said. I didn't even realize that she replied to the text I haphazardly sent the night before. I quickly told her what happened while sloppily filling my empty stomach with soup. Her jaw dropped, and it took her a while to recover from the shock.

Of course she knew I was working with GOT7, she was the first person I ever told outside my family. She was ecstatic when she found out I got in at JYP Entertainment. She's also the reason I got so hooked on K-Pop. She introduced me to Wonder Girls and 2ne1 back in college. We have fangirled in secret until junior year (which was the year she finally decided that being a popular cheerleader meant nothing if you couldn't enjoy the kind of music you really like). On our senior year, we went on our first trip to South Korea.

I fell in love with Seoul's beautiful autumn colors. I loved Busan's dreary seas and felt at home with the warm welcome I received when I visited my Granny and other relatives for the first time. That year, I vowed to return to my Korean roots.

My dad was very happy when I told them about my plans a few months before my graduation. My mom, though obviously disappointed that I have finally banished all possibilities of working as a designer in our company, felt glad that I was making clear and bold choices at a young age. It was ambition, after all, that led her to Korea, where she met the man she married.

"Okay, can I just say," Liv said after reading our Kakao exchange. "If BamBam were into me, I would definitely make him my boyfriend. I mean, what's seven years of age difference?! One of my clients told me he's having an affair with a 20-year-old girl and he's bloody old. You wouldn't be the worst cradle snatcher in history." I fervently shook my head in disgust.

"Oh, speaking of client, what happened to you last night?" I asked, remembering how she ditched me without any explanation.

"Oh, yeah! Sorry about that," She said, sulking like a kid. "I was in a meeting yesterday and I went out to eat dinner with this Mr. Hwang guy from Pledis Entertainment because we were trying to get them to do a fashion editorial with us next year—"

"Oh my god, for Spark?! Who are you getting?" I asked, referring to the Australian fashion magazine Liv's mother built back in the 2000s. Liv took over the PR manager post as soon as we graduated, which was why she wasn't able to join me in my crazy Korean adventure back then.

"Seventeen! Oh my goodness, those boys are gorgeous. Have you met any of them?"

"Nope, it's not like I have the time. I've only been working for six months!"

"I haven't either, they were super busy yesterday, I couldn't get a break. Anyway, we were eating dinner and I ordered the fanciest freaking meals on the menu to impress the guy but I didn't know the soup had lobster in it. So Mr. Hwang eats up, loads up on the soup, and the next thing I know he's turning purple and he's choking because he's allergic to bloody lobster!" I gasped and dropped my spoon. She recounted having to leave her credit card to the restaurant manager, calling for an ambulance, and rushing the hyperventilating marketing guy to the nearest emergency room—which was where she called me.

"So what happened to the guy?"

"He got better after four hours so I drove him home. I apologized so many freaking times, my back actually hurts from bowing too much which reminds me—let's go out and get massages!"

"No, no, no, I do not want to leave my house. Look at me! I'm a bloody mess!" I said pointing at my sweatpants and tangled hair.

"It'll cure your hangover, I swear. I've heard about this fabulous spa in Agpujeong. I promised you I'd treat you out right?" She answered before I had to chance to groan about my measly salary.

She was right about a full body massage curing me of my headache. She also got me spending way too much on a new haircut (I got bangs!) and new clothes for autumn. Though we haven't seen each other for a long time, Olivia and I felt like the same bunch of weirdos we were back in college, and I guess that was exactly what I needed at that time.

 ***Flashforward***

"Aishhh!" Mina breaks the silence just as I'm about to put a kimbap in my mouth. She pays no attention to my surprised face and raises her hand while speaking in informal Korean. "I cannot take this anymore, give me your phone!"

"Ani!"

"Give it!"

"Wae?! Wae?! So you can flood our KaTalk with your fan questions? I promised them I won't talk about it to anyone!" I nag, probably sounding a lot like Jinyoung. I shove a kimbap towards Mina's face to make her stop.

"Jinjja, how long has it been? You guys should be talking non-stop since you met at the bar, how are you supposed to deepen your friendship with them at this rate?!" Her sharp tone makes me drop the kimbap in between my chopsticks and I whine a little at her for not eating it. I stare at the forsaken kimbap for a while before speaking up again.

"Actually, we haven't spoken since their vacation break..." I say, remembering how the boys said goodbye before leaving for the States, Hongkong, and Thailand on the first week of August. It's October already, and I know they're back in Korea but I have not heard from anyone since then. "Maybe they're busy with the new album. You know how it is." I said, justifying my lack of courage to hit them up and invite them over.

"Araseo," Mina says, finally realizing my point. Despite my close KaTalk vigilance day and night, the premise of us becoming close pals is just too good to be true. "They did promise to get you a signed G. Soul album though," She adds, making me blush.

"I'm sure we'll see each other again," I say with a smile. We suddenly hear GFriend blasting from my pocket.

"You need to change your ringtone," Mina chides.

"Yoboseo?" I didn't even look at the caller ID—the perks of having a gesture-friendly phone.

"Aaawww, her voice is so cute!" I hear someone in the background say in English. I steal a glance at the caller ID to confirm who's on the other end of the line before shooting Mina a panicked look. "Hello? Hey, Love!" It's Jackson.

"Yo—Hello? Hey, Jackson!" I answer, quickly switching to English. Mina's eyes automatically widen upon hearing his name and she scoots beside me to eavesdrop.

"Yo, where are you? We're back, baby!" He says, his voice booming. Mina looks like she's about to explode in her seat.

"So I've heard! I'm still at work, why?" I say, trying to keep my chipper voice down. I feel like every time I speak in my native tongue people at work start judging me. They either look surprised, impressed, or annoyed.

"At JYPE?" Jackson asks.

"Uhhh... Yeah, where else would I be?" I can see Mina frantically flailing her hands at me. It's like she's trying to tell me something but I can't seem to understand what she's saying.

"Okay, we'll see you then!"

"Mwo? Geuge museun marieyo?" [What? What are you trying to say?] I say, to both Jackson and Mina.

"We're filming Real GOT7 at JYPE today, we're on our way there!" Jackson answers.

"Oh!" I answer, shock spreading all through out my body... And then I panic. "Ohhh... Okay," We were told about the next episode weeks before and I completely forgot about it. "Uhhh... Okay then! I guess I'll see you!" I say, feigning enthusiasm. I put the phone down as soon as Jackson mutters his goodbye. "Omo, the surprise video!" I squeal.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, we're not done with the surprise video!" Mina says, collecting her stuff. We dash out of the pantry so we can finish the surprise video before GOT7 comes in for their filming. On the way to our desks, I finally send another KaTalk message to the boys.

 **Love:** Hey guys, I have a small favor...

 **Mark:** Yeah? What is it?

 **Love:** You know that the people here have no idea we all know each other, right?

 **BamBam:** But you're GOT7 staff, of course we know each other.

 **Love:** No, like, no one here knows we're friends outside of work other than Mina, the other video PD.

 **BamBam:** Oh ok!

 **Love:** So, if it's okay...

 **Mark:** You want us to pretend we're not friends?

 **BamBam:** Awww... I'm hurt. *crying emoji*

 **Love:** No! It's not that...

 **Jackson:** *sad face emoji* Don't you like us anymore?

 **Love:** Oh god, hear me out!

 **Love:** If we ever need to talk with others in the room, just remember I'm your noona. So talk to me like how you address everyone else.

 **Love:** And please no mention of my undies. I am begging you, BamBam. Jebal. *praying emoji*

 **BamBam:** LOL *laughing emoji* Arase o!

 **Mark:** *thumbs up emoji*

 **Jackson:** Do we have to do acting? I'm bad at acting...

 **Love:** Just treat me like how you treat the other staff, that's all I'm saying.

 **Jackson:** Ha ha ha, just kidding. Okay!

I put my phone down just in time to see Mina staring at me from across our work table. "Yah, I hate to say this but that smile of yours will give you away immediately," She says. I bite my lower lip, failing to realize just how wide my smile has gotten. "By the way the video is done rendering." I look back at my computer and sure enough, the surprise video is done.

This day is about to look super interesting.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Night Of The Full Moon**

A few hours after our hurried lunch, we make our way back to the ground floor with Mina preening all through the elevator ride. She's wearing full make up now, which is surprising because she went to lunch with a bare face.

I glance at my reflection on the elevator doors and cringe a little at the mess I see. My black shirt is askew, my hair is sticking out everywhere, and I look sick. I quickly finger comb my bangs, tie my hair in a low ponytail, fish the lip balm in my pocket to swipe some moisture on my lips, then slap my cheeks just a little in the hopes of getting a bit more color on my face. I don't know why I'm feeling pressured to look pretty right now (probably because they've only seen me wearing makeup) but I do know that I'm freaking excited for what's about to happen.

We go straight to the pantry, which was closed off to make way for Real GOT7. "Oh they're still filming," Mina says, peeping through the glass doors. I stand beside her to take a look too and I can see the bright lights and the cameras. The boys are seated around the table, with Yugyeom in the middle, talking. We creep towards the director, careful not to make a scene.

"Annyeong haseyo, Gamdog-nim," [Hello, director-nim,] I say to the fellow in black who's silently watching the boys through a small TV monitor.

"Ah, Sarang-ssi, are we all set for the commentary filming?" The director asks, his eyes telling me to be mindful of my response.

"Ne, I have the clips all set in my laptop. May I know where we're going to set up?" Through my peripheral view, I can see heads turning and eyes landing on me, but I try not to move or look anywhere else while the director checks his silver wristwatch.

"Oh, we still have time, you can stay here if you want" he says, smiling. I nod and tell him we'll be standing in the corner.

Mina and I exchange delighted looks as we stand awkwardly by the side. We don't always get to see the boys from this distance so I can tell she's already dizzy being a foot away from JB, who seems to be in such high spirits today. The staff hands each of them apples and knives after Yugyeom explains the mechanics of the game. In my head, I'm already thinking of ways to explain the game to international fans when I edit the video. _Maybe I should make cute graphics to go along with it?_

The boys immediately start peeling apples, competing to create the longest peel. Jinyoung is expertly skinning the fruit in his hand and Mark and JB seem to be following what he's doing. Yugyeom and Youngjae are peeling bits and pieces. BamBam tries to skin his apple under the table.

Jackson decides to move away from the rest of them. Mina points to him and we both purse our lips so as not to laugh at his apple-peeling face. He looks like he's wrestling with a bear as he unsuccessfully slices through a huge chunk of the apple. Then he eats the fallen piece sneakily, and we giggle silently. He catches us laughing and gives us a wide, knowing smile before putting his finger against his lips.

"Omo, you're right, he so cute!" Mina whispers. I'm pretty sure the camera caught that moment, and I sure as hell won't edit that out.

"Sarang-ah," Says head writer Jenny, a tall girl with an oval face, wavy hair, and a mole on her right cheek. She's one of the few people I know well from the crew because she visits me at my work desk all the time. "Do you need a copy of the script?" I nod enthusiastically, excited to see what's in store for us in the next two episodes.

She hands me two sets of stapled papers and I start reading through it. "Yah, it's so nice seeing you hanging out here. You should come to shoots more often!" She says, messing with my fringe. She's just a few years older than me but she's very comfortable to work with.

"Aish, you know we're not used to being here. We don't even know what to do or how to help!"

"You could give the director suggestions for filming so you can edit better, or talk to the boys while they're waiting. I swear these guys need all the people they can talk to, they have so much energy." Jenny says, just before we hear their booming laughter from across the room. They seem to be having a lot of fun with the Post-It Game. She gives me a see-what-I-mean look and I just laugh in response. "I'll introduce you to them later on. Meanwhile just keep an eye out for GOT7's manager, you know he's going to play an important role in Episode 9 right?" She winks and I nod, knowing full well that she's referring to the Halloween special. She then excuses herself to talk to someone and I start going over the script again.

Suddenly, I feel a nudge coming from Mina. "Wae gu re?" [What's wrong?] I ask, still not taking my eyes off the script.

"They are looking at you," She whispers.

"I don't want to look back," I whisper back, my eyes still focused on the paper in my hand. Before she gets the chance to ask me why, gamdog-nim announces a short break, and instructs the staff to remove the table and arrange five chairs in a line.

The boys offer to help out by rearranging the chairs and I watch in awe at the way they act and communicate towards the staff. They're sweet and friendly yet polite in all the ways you'd expect from a co-worker. From where I stand, I get the feeling that the guys have grown up fondly around these people.

A pair of eyes suddenly catch my attention. I didn't realize I was staring mindlessly at BamBam's general direction. His chocolate brown eyes are smiling at me, and I bet he can see how surprised I am at his outright stare. He winks at me before turning to Yugyeom. I look away as fast as I can. "Did you see that? Was I dreaming?" Mina, who standing beside me, asks.

"Mina-yah, close your mouth. You look like a fish caught in a net," I answer giggling. From the corner of my eye I see GOT7's manager approaching Jenny. The head writer turns to me and waves. I immediately take Mina's hand and lead her towards Jenny, who asks us and three other crew members to proceed to the 6th floor. Apparently we need to start setting up at the recording booth before the fake drawing activity is done. I throw one last look at the boys and catch Mark following us with curious eyes as we leave the room.

On the way to the 6th floor we start explaining the plan to GOT7's manager. He seems hesitant at first but proceeds to disguise himself as a ghost the minute we reach the recording room. We spent a lot of time thinking of people who could play the ghost but we settled for their manager because we know they respect their hyung enough to not be mad after finding out about the prank. "I hope they don't hurt me. You have no idea how hard they hit each other," He tells us, laughing.

"Do they really hit each other?! I thought they just like playing around," Mina comments.

"Oh you should see them fight," He says ominously before crouching down under the table. Mina and I exchange surprised looks before moving to our stations.

Everyone is obviously on an all-time high by the time we wrapped up. Somehow, despite my rumbling stomach (because Mina and I completely forgot to eat dinner), my heart flutters like a butterfly in my chest. I can't keep my face from blushing slightly every time I catch Mark or BamBam or Jackson stealing glances at me. They seem to be telling me telepathically that I have a lot of explaining to do later.

My phone vibrates in my pocket as we head back to our editing stations with the footage from the shoot, but I decide not to check on it until we reach our desks. "Mina-yah, Sarang-ah," Jenny calls out to us while we're waiting for the elevators. "Come with me, I'll introduce you to the boys!"

"Eh?" I hear Mina say. I can already tell what she's about to say. "But Sarang already met them."

"I met them a while ago while we're filming!" I clarify, giving Mina a stealth I-Hate-You look. "Oh and we need to copy all the files as soon as possible so..."

"Aishhh, what are you talking about? It's 2AM on a Saturday!" Mina says, annoyed because she obviously wanted to meet JB.

"She's right, we're not supposed to be working today. Besides, we're going out to eat afterwards so whether you like it or not you're coming with me." Jenny takes both of our wrists and drags us back to the filming site.

"JB!" Jenny calls out. Mina instantly blushes at the sound of her bias' name. "I want you guys to meet the masterminds of Episode 9!" Upon hearing this, GOT7's leader gathers the rest of the members to face us.

"Everyone, I don't think you've met these girls before because they're always hiding downstairs but they are our video PDs too. They are in-charge of editing our videos after filming. Girls, say hello!"

"Annyeong haseyo, Kangjeon Love imnida," I bow.

"Aigoo, I thought your real name is Sarang!" Jenny says, laughing. Mina introduces herself after me and I can feel her trembling as she bows because she's right in front of JB now.

"Ah noona, we're you the one who suggested this hidden camera prank?" Jinyoung turns to me curiously to confirm.

"Ne, mianheyo!" I bow again, feeling shy as heck. "We suggested to do a prank video because we think our ahgases would enjoy it a lot. Sorry if it stressed you out," I add.

"It's okay we had fun today!" BamBam answers politely, a pretty smile plastered on his face.

"Aniyo, it wasn't fun for me," Jackson says bluntly in Korean and English. We all laugh. "I have a weak heart, I feel like I'm about to have a cardiac arrest when I saw the face on the screen! And hyung is already scary without the costume." Youngjae laughs and JB nods in agreement with Jackson. We laugh again when Jinyoung points out that manager-nim is eyeing us from a distance. Jenny then announces that the crew are treating the boys to Korean barbecue to make up for the cruel, but absolutely funny, prank.

On our way to the nearby restaurant they start asking us questions about how the prank idea began, and why. In my slightly stuttering Korean, I tell them how gamdog-nim and the writers asked all of us to come to the brainstorming while the members were on break. I raised the idea, thinking it's been a while since the last hidden camera episode, and they all agreed. Then they left it all up to me, Mina, and Jenny to come up with a good scare.

"Aishhh, next time can you give us a bit of a heads up? My throat is sore today, it's a good thing I didn't scream." Jinyoung pleads quietly, closing his eyes momentarily in annoyance.

"We were worried about that actually so we asked manager-nim to go easy on you," I answer.

"Did you ask hyung to go easy on me too? Or was he just really tired?" Yugyeom asks.

"He was already tired by the time you came in," It's Mina's turn to answer.

"Ah, I thought you were going easy on me because I've had the most hidden cameras here," He explains, making all of us laugh. I never thought this maknae would be so charming up close.

The crew and members are starting to throw more questions at us as we eat. Apparently, many people in the crew line envy us because we get to stay in the office and lead normal lives in as much as our schedules would allow. The members, however, are more concerned about the amount of footage we cut from the actual videos and the extent of our knowledge on GOT7's inner workings. I can't say much because I don't want to surprise them with details, while Mina seems too busy watching JB eat.

"Noona," BamBam speaks up, cocking his head to the side. "Why is everyone calling you Sarang-ssi?"

Some of the crew members explain that they only learned my name from the gamdog-nim so they really thought my name was Sarang. I immediately explain the whole nickname debacle with PD-nim Park Jinyoung. Everyone doubles over upon hearing my story.

"Yah, that's so funny!" says Jenny after calming down from her laughing fit. "But can we ask, why is your name Love? Did your ommeoni tell you all about it?"

"It's from a Bible passage," I explain, wiping the side of my lip with a napkin. I clear my throat and start reciting the English Bible passage my mother painted on our living room wall. _Three things will last forever: Faith, Hope, and Love. But the greatest of these is Love._

"Instead of going on a honeymoon, the first thing they did as a couple was build a house and they called the house Faith. When my brother was born they named him Hope." All eyes are on me as I weave English into my Korean vocabulary to fully explain the story. Even Mina seems to be listening intently. "A year later, I was born and they named me Love. I'm the youngest in my family." Jenny then explains to everyone that though I look very young for my age, I'm already 25 years old and have finished college with a full athletic scholarship and a degree in visual arts.

There's a collective sound of awe around the table. I can't help but blush and stare at my plate for a moment. I look up to find Mark staring at me with a smile. My eyes move from him to Jackson to BamBam, and they all have this surprised and amazed look on their faces upon hearing what Jenny has to say about me.

"Ah, noona," says Youngjae, his curious puppy eyes making me smile slightly. "You speak English very well and you seem to have an accent, where are you from?" I answer him about my ancestry and quickly add that my Korean pronunciations may sound weird because of it.

"Some people think it's cute, though!" says a low, rough voice in perfect English. My eyes stray from Youngjae to Jackson who's busy turning the meat on the grill. "I have the same problem when I started hosting, I mispronounce a lot of Korean words and I stutter during broadcast but people laugh and they seem to like it." We all nod in agreement. I have seen Jackson host various variety shows, both in Korea and China. His apparent communication and people skills are just some of the reasons why I like him.

"Ah, but that's because of your charms," JB answers, to which we all agree. Jackson cutely hits him on the arm making all of us laugh.

Kako!

"Huh, what is that?" Mina says, looking around.

"Oh, it's my phone. Mian," I say, surprised that someone is chatting me at this hour. I check the message on my phone and my eyes grow wide as soon as I see the name of the sender.

 **Mark:** Your name really does suit you... *smile emoji*


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: House Party Caller**

"Yoboseo?" I groggily answer my phone without taking off my eye mask. I don't even care who the caller is, I just want to go back to sleep. It's 9AM on a Sunday. I really don't understand why anyone would call me at this hour.

"Good morning! Are you busy today?" The caller says, thick American accent slightly waking my senses.

"Hmmm... What?" I moan, turning in my bed. "Who is this?"

"Is she seriously still sleeping?!" Says another voice in the background. I can hear scratches, like someone's grabbing the phone from the caller. I finally decide to take off my mask and check the ID. Mark Tuan.

"Hello?" He says. _Wait that's not Mark's voice._

"Hello? Mark?"

"No, it's Jackson. Are you awake now?" Scruffy voice tickling my ear.

"Not really."

"We're on the way to your place right now,"

"M-mwo? Wae?!" I gasp, bolting upright in the most unglamorous way. Since the last Real GOT7 shoot, Mina and I have gotten closer to the crew and the boys, so much so that we were asked to come to all the remaining shoots. Mark and I have been messaging each other a lot—practically every day whenever he's not busy. The three guys have visited me at home at least twice this month already and it's only the middle of November. I really shouldn't be surprised that they've decided to come over today, but this early and even in this cold weather? Really?!

"Because we're bored and we don't know where to go today," Jackson tells me, the English lilt in his voice is making him sound like the world's biggest brat.

"UGH. Fine, who's with you?" I ask, finally getting out of bed to change into something decent.

"It's a surprise!" Jackson answers as I struggle to strip off my pajamas.

"Oh my god, can you please just tell me?!" I toss my clothes to the hamper in the corner of the room and hurriedly open the drawers of my white distressed dresser.

"I'll give you a hint. Hyung, say hello," Jackson's voice is growing fainter.

"Eh? Uh, Hellooo—" Another voice pipes in. _Shit._ That's definitely JB. _I hope Mina's not busy today._

"Do you know who that is?" Jackson again.

"I think I do," I answer while taking out a pair of denim cutoffs and an oversized pink knit sweater from my closet. "Isn't that JB?"

"Ugh, you're no fun. We brought you breakfast so don't bother cooking, okay? See you in like... 30 minutes." The information makes me panic as I stand in my bathroom. I mutter a quick goodbye before running downstairs in my underwear to get the coffee started, and then running back upstairs to take a shower.

The doorbell rings exactly 30 minutes after the call which doesn't really shock me knowing how much Jackson hates being late. I glance at the mirror by the door. My hair is still wet but at least I managed to slap on toner, essence, eye cream, moisturizer, and a tiny bit of tint on my cheeks and lips. I look at the screen of the intercom and true enough GOT7's leader is standing with the foreign members on my doorstep.

"Hey!" I say, opening the door for everyone with a smile. As usual, Mark's the first to come in, giving me a big hug after taking off his shoes. He then sticks his nose up in the air to take a sniff.

"Oh my goodness, coffee! Yes!" He saunters to the kitchen without looking back.

Jackson comes in after him carrying a huge paperbag. "Oh, you smell good! Good job for someone who just woke up!" He winks at me after a quick hug.

"Noona, I hope we didn't catch you at a bad time," JB says politely before giving me an uneasy half-hug. I feel my cheeks heat up a bit at the unusual close contact because JB and I have never been this close to each other. We've had brief conversations during shoots though, which makes it easy to talk to him at this point.

"Ani, ani, you're always welcome here!" I answer, smiling warmly at him. His smile is so nice, I wish I could frame it and give it to Mina.

BamBam closes the door and stands beside JB, his off duty model look distracting me momentarily. "Awww, you look so pretty today!" He comments, hugging me tight. I tell him he looks prettier in his black sweater, black skinny jeans, pink jacket and pink socks. I offer to hang their coats for them, and tell them to make themselves at home—something I really don't have to say anymore but which JB seems to appreciate.

The dining table is all set by the time I get to the kitchen. There's a stack of pancakes on my plate along with some eggs benedict, and bacon. Mark took the liberty of pouring coffee for me and BamBam. JB and Jackson have somehow produced green tea. We all eat in peace, a few chit chats peppering our breakfast table.

Me gustas tu, me gustas tu!

"That's your ring tone?" Jackson asks, clearly surprised when a call came in.

"What?! I like GFriend," I respond before picking my phone up. "Yoboseo?" I see BamBam smiling again the moment I transform into my Korean alter-ego. He seems to find it too cute to handle.

"Omo omo omo omo omo, are they really there? Is JB there?" Kang Mina is ecstatic as heck.

"Ne, we're having breakfast right now. You're coming over, right?" Everyone around me seems interested to know who the other guest is. I put my phone down as soon as I wrap things up with Mina, who's reportedly dashing to the bathroom as we speak.

"Hey, give me your phone," Jackson orders. I hand it to him, curious as to what he's planning to do.

"Is that Mina-ssi?" JB asks, momentarily taking my focus away from Jackson. I nod and tell him she's coming over too since she's not busy today. I yabber more about her, how she likes really spicy ramyeon, and how she compliments my outfit every day.

"That's why I always try to dress nicely. I want to know what she thinks because she's really good at making observations, especially when it comes to style and fashion." I explain to JB, subtly hinting at how daebak my friend is. It's great to know that he's interested in her too, enough to listen to me talk about her quirks.

"Okay, done!" Jackson announces in English, giving me my phone back. "Now I'm calling you!" He then adds in Korean. _I swear this table talk is messing with my bilingual brain._ My phone starts to light up and we all hear cute holiday tones coming out of it followed by Jackson's low rapping. I look at the caller ID only to find that he not only changed my ringtone, he also took a selfie of him doing a finger heart and then made it his contact photo.

"This is so cute!" I squeal, slightly blushing. I wasn't a fan of GOT7 before joining JYPE and I sure as heck don't have a bias list but that's hard to maintain when you get to see what kind of people they are off cam. "Thank you, this is pretty spiffy," I tell Jackson, my warm smile spreading like melted butter across my face. I really mean it. I like GFriend a lot but it's adorable that Jackson personally made it a mission to remind me that they're my actual friends. _He's totally staying on my bias list._

"Ah pali, pali, I need to take your caller ID photos too!" I stand to take Mark and BamBam's photos. "Oh, JB-ssi, I don't have your number yet." I hand him my phone nervously. He mulls for a second, making me regret asking him in the first place. _What the heck was I thinking anyway?!_ The rest of the boys are eyeing us curiously while eating. JB then smiles at me, takes my phone, and types his number in. He even takes a selfie and saves it in his own contact profile named "Jaebum Im". He typed his name in Romanized form. I am instantly impressed by his eye for detail because he seems to understand the way with which I organize my phone. Even my brother is listed in my address book as Hope Kangjeon. The only people who are listed differently are my parents (because if something were to happen to me, the first two things people would search on my phone are 'Mom' and 'Dad').

"Ah, it's so weird seeing JB hyung taking a selca," BamBam comments. We can't help but laugh at JB's bashful smile.

"So what do you guys want to do today?" I ask.

"Chill?" Says Mark.

"We could go shopping?" BamBam suggests, eyes egging me to say yes.

"Ani, let's not go out today. It's too cold. I think it's better to stay indoors." We all look at JB, me most especially. He's not smiling anymore, but he's gazing at me with a resolute look on his face. Somehow, I get the feeling that he wants to talk to me about something important, which is why he came and why he wants to stay.

"Ah, maja!" My answer makes the other three members turn with surprised looks on their faces. "Why don't you guys just watch a movie or play games, and I'll cook fried chicken for you!" They seem to like the idea.

As we start to clean up, Mark and Jackson volunteers to tour JB around my apartment. They promise not to touch anything in my closet this time. BamBam stays behind to help me wash the dishes. "I didn't know you were such a neat freak," I say, watching BamBam scrub each plate twice.

"I just got used to it," He reminds me that his family owns a restaurant chain in Thailand so he's very much used to cleaning up well. "You're the neat freak one, your apartment smells so nice all the time."

I scoff before showing him one of the tiny bottles filled with vanilla scented incense sticks sitting on window sill. "It's because I have these around the house near the windows and the vents. My mom taught me that." I put the bottle back to its original place. "When I come home from work, the scent reminds me of home and it feels really good."

I tell him more about my first year in Korea; How I didn't have a job, how I couldn't speak the language despite the fact that I'm a full-Korean, and how the only piece of furniture in my apartment then was my bed. The extent with which I allowed my mom to help me when I first moved to South Korea was limited to finding a place to stay and opening a bank account. I refused when she begged to buy furniture for me because I told her I'd like to do it on my own, and with my own money. It was pride, I believe, that pushed me to work hard for myself.

"I feel the same way whenever my mom sends me pictures of our new house," BamBam replies. He proceeds to show me photos of the two-storey house he bought for his family in Bangkok and I marvel at the grandness of everything he's showing me, until we hear heavy footsteps upstairs and booming laughter.

"Yah, what are you doing?!" I scream, leaving BamBam with the dishes to run upstairs in panic. _Please not my underwear again. PLEASE._


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: I Got You**

I find Jackson sprawled on my carpeted bedroom floor, and JB sitting on the edge of my bed holding my pillow. Mark is happily bouncing on top of the mattress with another pillow. "What the heck?"

"Oh-Jeosonghamnida!" JB apologizes with a wide smile. "We're having way too much fun on your bed, it's very soft!" He pats the white sheet he's sitting on and Jackson gets up from the floor to sit beside JB like an obedient pup.

"Your pillow smells so good!" Mark exclaims as he drops to his knees, bouncing a little while hugging my pillow tight. I don't think I'll be able to sleep well tonight thinking that Mark may have hugged the very pillow I drool onto. Before I get the chance to scold or warn them, we hear the doorbell ringing.

I rush down the stairs to see BamBam opening the door for Mina, who I can barely see behind the huge box she's carrying. She's obviously surprised to see GOT7's fan service king opening the door for her. "Oh, annyeong, annyeong!" Mina says, greeting BamBam who welcomed her warmly with a bow.

"Noona, let me help you with that!" BamBam takes the box from her, allowing me to see her barely made up face. She looks younger, and frankly a lot prettier without the pretense of winged liner and matte lips.

"Mina-yah," I say, giving her a hug before she can even take her shoes off. "What did you bring? I told you not to bother with food, we have a lot!" She steps into the living room awkwardly with me pulling on her arm. BamBam is peeking inside the box, his thin arms holding it steady.

"Oh, that's not food. I'll explain later. What are they doing?" Mina asks, curiously looking upwards because of the booming laughter emanating from my bedroom.

"Having a pillow fight," I say, rolling my eyes. BamBam snickers upon hearing news of his hyungs playing upstairs. I lead them both to my bedroom and we catch Mark trying to fix my bedside lamp with with a guilty grin on his face.

"I didn't break it!" He says, trying to hold the head of the lamp upright.

"Yeah, it just got a little lopsided," Jackson reasons, holding a pillow. Mark lets go of the head and it falls a little to the side like a curious puppy. "See, it's cuter this way!" He adds. JB throws his head back in laughter.

"Don't worry about it," I say, giving in. Mina shyly comes in and greets the rest of the boys while BamBam sets the box on top of the bed, announcing as he does that it contains fan gifts. "Those are all fan gifts?!" I ask Mina, my eyes huge with surprise. She nods quietly, obviously unsure about her decision.

"Ne, I've been collecting all these gifts for over six months now. Fans gave it to me on my way home, some of them were from my friends who are your fans too," She explains, her eyes focused on her feet while we all look at her with mouths hanging open. "Sorry if I'm giving all these to you just now, I never had the courage to send them to your dorm or give them to your manager because we're not supposed to receive gifts on your behalf..." She pauses her long speech and suddenly does a 90 degree bow. "Jeosonghamnida..."

"Oh, geurae?! [Is that so?!] I've done it too, I didn't know it wasn't allowed!" I give JB a panicked look knowing that they must have received the gifts I handed to the boys the first time they came here. "M-Mianhe..." [Sorry...] I didn't even get the chance to bow because Jackson's already shaking his head at me as he drapes his arm around my shoulders with a smile.

Mina is still in her bowing position and I almost pull her up if not for JB who takes the box and settles down on the floor in front of her. JB peeps through the curtain of semi-curly black hair hiding her face and I can see her ears reddening . "Gwaenchanayo, noona. [It's okay, noona.] We're really grateful for these." She stands up at his bidding and I smile as he takes her hand and asks her to sit on the floor with him. Jackson pulls at my wrist and orders me to sit beside him as well. Mark and BamBam take their places on the floor and we all end up in a semi-circle on the gray carpet, rummaging through Mina's box.

We watch as the boys excitedly open their packages, ripping the wrappers and happily complimenting each and every gift they open. "Oh my god, this is so cool," Mark says, holding up a framed caricature of him. It's amazing how much talent and effort these fans put into their idol gifts. After a few minutes of cheering and laughing along, I decide to give Mina some alone time with the boys. "Aigoo, look at the time! I'll go and make us chicken wings and rice for lunch. Any other food requests? I'll order if I can't make it." I say, standing up and rolling my sleeves expertly.

"Noona, let me help you cook!" JB pipes in, standing up and surprising the other members. It's not a secret that Jaebum can do anything BUT cook.

"Hyung, I'll do it," BamBam offers.

"Ani, gwaenchana. [No, it's okay.] You already washed the plates. I'll go help noona now," JB stands beside me with his standard boyish smile and I turn to Mina, giving her a small shrug to answer the questioning look she's throwing at me. He's either really passionate about chicken, or he's planning something and wants to let me in on it. Whatever it is, I'm feeling slightly excited to hear what he has to say.

I toss a girly pink apron at Jaebum, making him blush slightly. "Oh, kyeopta Jaebum-ah!" [Oh, you're cute, JB!] I tease as he wraps the apron around his waist. "You look ready. Do you know how to cook chicken?"

"A-aniyo..." He admits while watching me take out a ziplock bag filled with chicken wings from the freezer. "But I'd love to learn if you'll teach me!" He immediately adds.

"It's not that hard," I say, popping the bowl of chicken wings into the microwave for defrosting. JB stands beside me on the kitchen counter, listening intently to my instructions on how to properly bread a chicken part using cornstarch, salt, and pepper. "A lot of people use flour but I was taught that fried chicken is crispier when you use cornstarch,"

"Ah, jjinjja?"

"Ne," I say, taking the chicken out of the microwave. I take a piece of tender chicken and show him how to bread it so he can do the rest. "JB-ah..." He looks up to me with a curious smile, his hands covered in cornstarch. I smile back at him before busying myself with the frying pan. "I know you're looking forward to talk to me about something. May I know what it's about?" I suddenly feel like being bit more formal while talking to him in Korean and he seems to take notice because he starts looking around before turning to me again.

"Noona, to be honest, I came today because I wanted to know why my friends keep coming here..." JB's face is stony and almost scary. His jaw is jutting out just a little, signaling a fresh wave of anxiety as he carefully breads the chicken. "And I want to talk to you about them returning late at night."

I can feel my face flushing as he hands me a plate of breaded chicken wings so I turn my attention to the hot pan instead. Things have always been spontaneous during the past visits as far as I remember. The day after our Halloween special shoot, they came over to bring me ice cream and our working relationships somehow slipped into the conversation. We all agreed to keep being civil to each other at work while drinking beers. The one after that was much more chaotic. They called while I was shopping for groceries and I had to hurry back home because some girls recognized them while they're waiting for me at the lobby.

"Well," I start, thinking of a way to explain myself without sounding defensive. "First of all, you have to know how I met Jackson, Mark, and BamBam." I tell him all about the accidental awkward introduction with Mark and Coco, the night at the bar, the gifts I received from their fans, and our first popcorn meeting after that. "You called that night, remember? You were on loudspeaker. I got so scared because you sounded mad!" JB smirks before handing me another batch of chicken to fry.

"Actually, I was scared too," He says, catching me off guard. "I didn't know who you are, and if you are trustworthy. That's why I asked them to come home immediately." We both fall silent while I'm taking out the first batch of chicken from the frying pan.

"Noona, I hope I don't offend you by saying this but we've been through a lot just to get here so it's important for me to know if we can trust you or not." I can feel JB's eyes piercing my gut as I continue to cook and listen. I start thinking of ways to defend myself, to prove that I have no ill intentions, but then decide to abandon that route all together.

"Well then what do you think so far?" I ask, handing him the plate of fried chicken and urging him to try one. He takes a piece gratefully, thinking, considering. "I mean," A few English words slip through the cracks of our conversation, a reminder of our differences. I know he understands anyway. "What's your impression of me based on what you've seen so far?"

"I think your apartment speaks well for you. Jackson says you designed this yourself?" He asks and I nod. "It looks great! I've always wanted a place like this. It's like everywhere I look I can see bits and pieces of your personality. You and Jinyoung like the same kind of books,"

"Oh, jjinja?"

He nods, licking his lips before speaking again. I try to focus on the chicken I'm frying because his oil-glossed lips are making me squirm inside. "Mark loves your bedroom, BamBam loves your closet, Jackson loves your kitchen and I think Yugyeom would too, if he was here. Youngjae would love your vinyl collection." He finishes his chicken and washes his hands while I stand there, shocked at JB's observations. I didn't even show them my vinyl collection and player but they seem to have found it just the same. "I like your fried chicken," He adds, giving me a wide smile.

"Aigoo, gomawo..." I take out the second batch of chicken before frying the rest. "I feel like this place is slowly becoming a GOT7 tree house!" We both laugh, eyes scanning the view outside my kitchen's window. Seoul's bustling cityscape sprawling before us. I hand the plate full of chicken to JB and he takes it from me with a smile. Then we both share a long, hard look at each other. He's right. I DO need to provide them some sense of security because he's been in the business long enough to know what it means to have real friends. "I understand if you won't trust me immediately," I tell him, transitioning to English just because I think it sounds way more earnest. "Trust is earned, not given."

I turn back to the stove to start cooking the sauce. Mark and BamBam like hot, spicy food so I'm making them a special batch of buffalo chicken wings. For the cheese-obsessed Jackson, I'm making a garlic parmesan batch. "You guys need a space to be free from all the cameras and the fans and the industry standards and the competition. I know that because I work on the things you work on." I add, my voice steady and calm. Secretly, I am hoping that my Korean won't fail me as I toss the fried chicken in the pan to cover them in sauce. "Whether you should trust me or not is completely up to you, but know that my door is always open to anyone of you who needs a break." I finish. JB seems to be thinking deeply while watching me.

"Noona..."

"Just call me Love or Sarang, whichever you're more comfortable with," I answer. He nods at me and gives me the warmest smile I've ever seen from him.

"Okay," he says, surprising me with his one-word English. "Sarang-ah, gomapta..." I stop what I'm doing to face him, curious as to what he has to say in response to my lengthy sermon. "I appreciate you for being really kind and for taking care of my members." The serene look on his face is a bit debilitating, but I manage to crack a smile and nod. "Nalang chinguhallae?" [Will you be my friend?]

I hold my hand out to him. He gives me a wide smile, his eyes disappearing into adorable tiny slits as he shakes my hand vigorously. I feel like I have accomplished something huge by gaining the trust of GOT7's leader.

"Hey, Love!" Mark calls out, running down the stairs. He sees JB and I, still hand in hand, smiling at each other.

"What's up?" I ask, glad to be speaking in English again. He approaches us with a medium sized pink box in his other hand. "What's in there?"

"We've got something that's perfect for your fridge." He opens the box and shows me the magnetized mini webtoon versions of GOT7. Mark holds up a mini webtoon version of himself and poses exactly like it.

"Oh my god, you look so adorable!" I say, laughing. He sticks it on my fridge door, grinning from ear to ear while JB peers into the box to get his own webtoon character.

"You'll always remember us now when you're hungry or eating alone." Mark says before sticking the rest of mini GOT7 alongside his webtoon. JB carefully places his webtoon magnet at the end of the line. I look at the seven little figures on the fridge door and know that I'm probably never going to be sad and hungry at the same time ever again.


	12. Chapter 12

"Why the heck are you awake? Aren't you guys tired from the MBC stage last night?!" I ask BamBam, who called early in the morning to my surprise. It's 7AM and I am running on a treadmill, trying to get in shape on the first day of 2016.

"We are, but we haven't seen you for so long so we wanted to do a New Year's Day party at your place tonight!" He says. I can tell that last night's year-ender performance and afterparty roughened his voice. GOT7 had a pretty hectic December so we never got to hang out again after their house visit. The last time I got to see them was when Mina and I watched their KBS Gayo Daechukjae stage performance.

"Okay, well, who else is coming along then?" I answer as I frantically push the buttons of the treadmill to change my pace. I feel compelled to stop working out and start preparing because when BamBam says party, he means it.

"We're still asking around but I think Amber wants to go," I continue to slow down on the treadmill while BamBam rambles on and on about a growing guest list that might not even fit my apartment.

"Oh my god, wait, wait hold on." I press another button and the machine stops completely. "I don't can't fit all of you," I stammer, panting heavily as I step off the treadmill.

"Woah, wait what are you—"

"Oh shit—" I blurt out. My leg is starting to cramp. "Oww, fuck!" I sit on the floor of the gym. moaning in pain. A male instructor comes up to me to ask if I'm okay and I nod, waving him off.

"Wait, are you with someone? Should I hang up?!" BamBam asks, suddenly alert.

"What?! What are you talking about? I am not with anybody, I just got off the treadmill and my leg is cramping."

"Oooohhh, okay," He says, chuckling over my predicament. "Well then stop breathing in my ear, you're giving me really dirty thoughts right now!" I can hear someone asking questions in the background—probably his roommate Jackson.

"How the heck am I supposed to do that?!" I ask, laughing along as I flex my calf muscles. If BamBam could see me now he'd probably laugh harder because I can feel my face flush at thought of him getting turned on by my erratic breathing.

"Wait, let's switch to FaceTime. Bye!" He does not even wait for my response. He ends the phone call and follows it up with a FaceTime call. I answer despite my sweaty, no-makeup exterior and BamBam comes up on the screen, still in bed, his mop of brown hair a mess.

"Are you happy now? I told you I'm not with anybody," I say, trying to breathe normally.

"Oh you really are working out!" BamBam smiles and waves at me through the screen.

"Why, what did you think I was doing?" I ask, stretching my leg gently, hoping the pain subsides.

"I thought you were having sex, you were moaning in my ear!"

"Oh my god, isn't it too early for that?!" I hear Jackson's voice and crack up instantly. Bam finally gets up and pulls Jackson beside him. "Annyeong! [Hello!] Oh, you look really sexy right now!" He adds.

"No I'm not, I'm a mess!" I shoot back, mopping the sweat off my face and body with a terry cloth towel. My bangs are sticking to my forehead and my bun is coming undone. Slowly, I start getting up again, testing my leg.

"Yes you are, you're a hot mess," Jackson says. I respond by vigorously shaking my head.

"Noona, I have a request," BamBam says, clearing his scratchy throat. I raise one eyebrow at him as I walk towards the gym's floor-to-ceiling mirrors near the shower rooms. "Can you please let your hair down?" He asks, his eyes focusing on me. I follow his command wordlessly, pulling the tie securing my bun. My light brown hair falls down to my chest in waves, covering the skin of my shoulder exposed by my lopsided zipped-up hoodie. I decide to fix it by opening the jacket all the way, revealing my pink sports bra and my bare abs. I've gotten very little progress at getting back to my old shape. My abs are not as toned as it was back in college, when my life revolved around studying, swimming, and working part-time. I guess that's just what a 9-hour workday does to you.

"Now switch to the back camera!" BamBam orders. I tap the icon on the screen. "Jackson look at my makeover!" I see Jackson gaping like a fish out of water upon seeing my full image on the mirror.

"Oh my god! See that's what I mean by sexy. Are those abs? You have abs?!" Jackson comments, his eyes wide. There's chaos on the other end of the line because Jackson wants to see me more but BamBam wants to get a screenshot. Meanwhile, I'm busy laughing at them and realizing belatedly that I have never told them I used to be an athlete.

"Okay, stop, I really need to go and take a shower now." I ask BamBam to text me the final head count before hanging up.

*Flashback*

For the first time in three years, I decided to forgo my yearly trip back home and spend my holidays in Korea. My mom wasn't too thrilled but my dad was over the moon at the idea of me cooking kimchi jjigae with my grandmother in her massive kitchen.

After covering our charity event with GOT7, I went home to pack my things and board a train going to Busan without telling anyone but my boss, Mina, and Jenny. I spent the day before Christmas with my Nana Kyung and my cousins in Suyeong-gu. At dinner they started asking me if my hair and my eyes really were naturally light brown while exclaiming "Yeppuneye!" [So pretty!] over and over again. I answered by saying "Ne, kamsahamnida!" [Yes, thank you!]

It sent my female cousins—who I never spoke with for years because I didn't understand Korean back then—into a temporary state of shock. I still don't know if they balked because of my Seoul dialect or my bold acceptance of their adorable satoori compliments. Nana Kyung just laughed it off and kept petting my head like a puppy while the servants milled around with an unending supply of food.

Nana Kyung loves to cook and though she's old (she's nearing her 87th birthday), her kitchen work is so graceful that I almost failed to remember how she did her jjigae because I was watching her with great fascination. I sent my dad a selfie of me and Nana on the eve of Christmas and Hope said he cried.

The next morning, Jihoo, who my Nana Kyung introduced as my second cousin, took me to Gwanggalli Beach so I can walk around and grab breakfast before heading back to Seoul. Thankfully, he knows how to speak English because he's taking up literature in Kyungsung University. "So, what are your plans in Seoul when you get back?" He asked, his pronunciation clear and crisp.

"I actually have no idea," I said while munching on my toast. "I guess I have two and a half hours of commute to think about that."

"Oh, you should go ice skating or watch KBS Music Bank live! I'd love to see the special stages." Turns out, Jihoo is a huge SM Entertainment fan so when he found out I work at JYPE, and that I've met Amber, he freaked out. "Amber is like, my ultimate bias. I wanted to learn English because of her!"

"Oh she's very nice, and very pretty! I'll show you a picture but you have to promise not to tell anybody about it, okay?" He nodded enthusiastically. I showed him the group photo I took the first time we met and told him everything that happened that night in Gangnam. He was slack-jawed, and I was overjoyed because I finally found someone to talk to about it other than Mina and Liv.

"So are you and BamBam dating now?" He asked when he saw our numerous selfies on my gallery.

"Oh my god, no, absolutely not!" I said, almost choking on my toast.

"Why do you have so many pictures together then?"

"Because he likes taking selfies. He's too young for me, Jihoo, I'll never date someone that young."

"I would date Amber, though!" He said, addressing the fact that he's only as old as BamBam and Yugyeom. He then made me promise to ask Amber if she's willing to date a younger guy.

Our breakfast turned into lunch and by the time we parted at the train station, we've managed to get each other's numbers and SNS so we could talk some more. I have never been so thankful for the gift of family in my life.

I spent Christmas night dressing up in my fanciest white fur coat and white designer dress just to end up eating alone at Hyatt and ice skating along with the families and couples on the frozen lake outside the hotel. Everything felt so serene, and the snow made it all the more special. Not once did I feel lonely in Seoul that night. For the first time in a very long time I felt genuinely peaceful. I have come to remember why I fell in love with the city despite all the hardships I had to go through while building my life around the deepening roots I never thought I'd discover.

*Flashforward*

By 7PM my kitchen is looking more and more like a buffet counter of all the comfort food I can think of. I made mac and cheese from scratch, as well as nachos, and grilled cheese sandwiches. I also didn't forget BamBam's beloved buffalo chicken wings, and Jackson's favorite garlic parmesan chicken wings. Mark's pepperoni pizza came just in time and my popcorn maker is ready to go.

I have soju, wine, and beer in my fridge, and red plastic cups stacked conveniently by the sink beside a cooler filled with ice. The dining table is set for six people though I'm not exactly sure who's coming. My living room is looking bright because of the fairy lights on the Christmas tree that's standing in the corner of the room, beside the brand new gold and rose quartz curtains I've put up. I have metallic gold balloons that spell Happy New Year on the railings of my metal staircase.

I Skype my mom to show her my party prep work. "Wow honey, you've done a great job! How many people are coming to your party?"

"Well I'm not really sure. I think my friends invited, like, 5 or 6 people—"

"Boo! That's ridiculous, that is NOT a party!" My brother Hope interrupts, peeking over mom's shoulder. "Come home so I can show you what a real party's like. I have friends from Perth who are single as fuck and are dying to meet you!"

"Hope, will get your filthy mouth away from here please?" My mom orders and he grumbles away from my mom and her iPad. "Now, Lovey, remember to make sure your guests get to eat before drinking. Absolutely no drugs please," I roll my eyes at my mom and before I could protest about her plea to her introverted, prude daughter, I suddenly get a calendar reminder from her.

"That's so you don't forget your dad's business trip in Daegu. He'll fly in directly from Hong Kong so make sure you pick him up at the airport, araso?" [Understand?] I can't help but admire her planning skills. It's what makes her one of the most efficient businesswomen I know.

"Arasoyo! Saranghae, Omma!" [I understand! I love you, Mom!] I wave at her with a wide smile before ending the call. At 8:30PM the doorbell starts to ring.


	13. Chapter 13

Jackson is the first person to enter as usual, and his bright energy is so contagious that all my anxieties vanish. "Oh my god, you're so cute!" He says shaking both closed fists in the air before asking me to turn around for him. I do a quick spin in my light blue baby doll dress and pink ballet flats. He squeals in delight then hugs me super tight, my cheeks brushing against his fuzzy sweater.

"Stop it, we're waiting here!" BamBam pushes Jackson away and spreads his arms wide for me. "Happy New Year, Noona!"

"Happy New Year, Bammie!" I say before going in for the hug. Behind him, Amber peeps with a wide smile and a box of cake in hand, making me gasp. "Amber! Hi, welcome!" I give her a hug too and lead her and BamBam inside, telling them to feel right at home. Jihoo's going to flip out if he finds out Amber's here. JB pokes a finger to my side and I turn to give him a hug, this time warmer and less awkward than before. The thing about JB is that it takes a lot of time for him to feel right at ease with someone, but in the months we've worked together and the moments we have shared in my house, I guess it's safe to say we're close enough for us to merit a holiday hug.

"I brought them with me, I hope you don't mind," JB says in Korean before showing me who else is hiding behind him. To my surprise Mina and Jenny are there along with Jinyoung, Yugyeom, and Youngjae. I guess Mina's been chatting with JB too, behind my back. I resolve to corner her about it later.

"Noona, we brought you hot chocolate for after dinner," Jinyoung says, holding a bag with a silver thermos inside, his warm smile melting my heart. "Or for tomorrow morning's hangover," I laugh at his sweet gesture and tell him how cute he is for even bothering to bring me something. He brushes it off with an adorable pout.

"Please come in. Let's all have dinner." The guests start milling around my penthouse apartment, looking at decors, photos, and paintings. Amber and Youngjae are looking at my vinyl collection and observing the turntable which I finally decided to display in the living room. Jinyoung stands quietly in front of the shelves installed under the stairs browsing through my English books. JB, BamBam, Yugyeom, and Jackson are congregating around the kitchen counter to start on the appetizers.

"Hey," I say, standing beside Jackson as he tries to make popcorn the same way I always do. "Where's Mark?" I ask quietly. Jackson just smiles at me.

"He's coming in later, he just went out for a few errands," JB answers in Korean, passing a look towards Jackson that somehow makes me feel more suspicious. I decide to shrug it off and help Jackson with the popcorn before moving to the dining table to add more dinnerware. I have no idea how the heck I'm supposed to fit nine people in my dining table for six.

Somehow, we manage to squeeze BamBam in between Amber and Jackson. Jenny and I take up the two ends of the table, sitting on ottomans. "Oh my god, this jjigae is so good where did you learn how to do this?" BamBam asks.

"My Nana Kyung taught me the recipe last Christmas" I say, my Australian accent slipping through. I tell them about my short holiday in Busan, my Nana Kyung, and all the funny reactions of my satoori-speaking relatives. There's laughter everywhere, and for a moment I forget that I'm so far away from home. I look at the faces around me and I don't see world-famous idols or the people working behind them. I see normal people, and I cannot get over the fact that we are all so much alike.

The doorbell rings as soon as we finish dinner. I get up, leaving the others to slice the cake Amber brought to the party. "Love, Baby, annyeong!" An intoxicated Henry stumbles into my arms as I open the door and behind him, Mark stands awkwardly with paperbags in both hands. His gray hoodie hangs loosely on his body and his blonde hair is dusted with flakes of snow, making him sparkle the way princes do in manhwas and dramas. Somehow, I manage to escape that dreamy, split-second eye-to-eye encounter with Mark.

I lead both of them to the living room where the guests are starting to gather with little plates of cake. Henry plops on the sofa beside Jackson and wrestles him into a hug. "Wang, holy shit, man, I've missed you!" He screams, shaking Jackson like a doll. Jackson rolls his eyes at the older idol, obviously used to Henry's drunken bouts. Everyone's instantly captivated by the ruckus the two boys are making.

"Hey," Mark whispers in my ear as he steps up behind me. I feel his warmth on my back, instantly knocking out the air from my windpipes.

"Yeah?" I turn to him while everyone's busy laughing at Jackson and Henry. I find myself at eye level with his lips and chin and Adam's apple. I watch it bob up and down before looking up to meet his chocolate brown eyes.

"You look really..." He gazes at me, and I distract myself by staring at the white shirt peeping out from under his hoodie. "You look pretty." He says quietly, almost whispering in my ear.

"You're the one who's looking really pretty," I say with a light laugh, trying to mask my adoration. How can someone look like a prince in a pair of faded jeans and a hoodie? He laughs shyly, obviously surprised by my response. "Where have you been? JB said you had errands."

"I bought you a gift," He produces a huge bottle of red wine from one of the paperbags and hands it to me, making me gasp. "Actually, that's from all of us. But this one's from me," he takes a pink box out of the other paperbag and holds it up for me to see.

"Oh my god!" I say, laughing in disbelief while inspecting the outside of the box. There's only one place that produces that specific shade of pink-on-pink stripes and just the thought of him shopping in a place like that is enough to make me blush. He laughs at my reddening cheeks, a naughty smile spreading across his face.

"It's lace, so I'm sure you'll like it..."

"Mark, you really didn't have to get me anything," I say, shaking my head and brushing all the disturbing thoughts away. He suddenly looks concerned. "I mean, now I feel bad because I don't have anything to give you!"

"I'm fine with a hug," He says, smiling wide and spreading his arms wide. I laugh as I step closer with two full hands and burning cheeks. We settle into a comfortable hug, my arms wrapped around his waist and him holding me tightly against his body. He smells like fresh laundry and lavender cologne, just like a baby. His scent reminds me of a world of comfort and softness and I just want to melt in his arms if I could. I haven't actually gotten the chance to really smell Mark until now, even if we often greet each other with a hug. With BamBam and Jackson, and even JB, it's different. Their strong, manly perfumes often hit me the moment I get close.

"Thanks Mark," I say moving away from the hug for what feels like an eternity. "I'll just take this upstairs. You and Henry should go and grab some food in the kitchen." I leave the guests downstairs to hide in my closet for a minute.

 _Holy crap, what is this feeling?_ I will my blood flow and heart rate to normalize, fanning my hot face and breathing deeply. It's been a while since I have felt this way. I was too busy building the life I've always imagined in Seoul in the past three years that I didn't have time to meet people or date around. My last relationship was a good four years ago so I'm pretty much numb from singlehood until now. I check the bottle of wine from GOT7. There's a tiny note hanging from the lid with a gold twine, and on it a neat scribble:

 _Thank you for a LOVE-ly year, Noona!_

 _Happy Holidays!_

 _From, GOT7_

I tear the note off the lid and place it on my dresser before opening the bottle with the Swiss knife I always keep in my bag. _If I'm going back in there, I'm going to need some pre-game._ I take three swigs, chugging the wine unceremoniously and staining my nude-colored lips blood red.

When I reach the living room, BamBam is already pouring champagne for everyone and Jackson is busy placing bowls of popcorn on side tables and on the floor where most of the guests are settled on pastel-colored bean bags. Yugyeom is initiating a game of truth or dare using JB's empty beer bottle. I go to the kitchen, which is already surprisingly clean apart from the counter full of food. With the amount time they spend in my apartment, it's not surprising that the boys already know all the ins and outs of my kitchen, along with the fact that I hate a messy house. We've also gotten so close that they treat my house like their own dorm, leaving pieces of garments and items around for me to find on cleaning weekends.

I take a glass flute from the cupboard and a box of cupcakes from the fridge before making my way back to the living room. I then find Henry sprawled on the sofa with his head on Amber's shoulder. She's slapping his face lightly to make him sober while Jackson continues to make fun of his drunk sunbae. I plop beside Henry and offer him a cupcake. "Oppa, you have to try these, they're really good."

"Eww, don't call him Oppa!" BamBam says as he fills my empty flute with champagne.

"Why not? He's older than me," I answer, laughing as I watch Henry stuff his mouth with a moist chocolate cupcake.

"Love can call me Oppa all she wants," Henry answers too, grinning slyly with cupcake icing on his face. I take a tissue from the box on the nearest side table to wipe the icing off Henry's face. "Aigoooo," He says, blinking hard. He holds my hand and gives me his best male gaze. "Thank you, you're such a sweetheart!" He kisses my knuckles and I laugh at the unexpected physical contact. In my head I'm wishing that Olivia is here to see my interaction with her favorite Super Junior member.

"Hey, hey, no kissing!" Jackson says, waving his finger at Henry. "She's ours, you can't flirt with her,"

"Yeah, off limits Henry! Off limits." Mark comments before drinking his beer. Jenny and Mina chides in to ask why I'm getting the special treatment when they're part of the JYP staff too. Jackson jokingly responds that I have basically become their special Noona by letting them into my home whenever they're bored at the dorm.

"She feeds us all the time, she's like a mother bird when we're here," Mark continues in Korean.

"Ani, [No,] I thought I was the eomma [mom]?" Jinyoung interjects and we all laugh.

Yugyeom, being the adorable maknae he is, starts a mini-tantrum then, telling us he really wants to play. We give in, forming a perfect circle around the empty beer bottle that I'm pretty sure Mina's been itching to get her hands on. Yugyeom's first spin points to BamBam and he chooses to start the game with a truth question. "Okay, answer this: Who would you kiss, marry, and kill in this circle?" Yugyeom asks in Korean.

BamBam looks around, obviously conflicted. He then points to Jinyoung and says, "I'd kill Jinyoung hyung first because he always makes me do the laundry," Jinyoung's eyes widen threateningly despite his laughter. "I'd marry Jackson, because he's rich and he takes care of me even now."

"Yeah, we're like a married couple anyway," Jackson interferes, his smile all-knowing. "We sleep together, we eat together, and when we're out I always pay for him!" We all laugh. It's amazing how well this group is jiving together and it's only the beginning of the game.

"Who would you kiss then?" JB asks BamBam. The youngster looks at me with mischievous eyes.

"Ahhh, I'm not going to say it because I think she knows already," He says, making me retreat behind Henry's broad shoulder. Amber notices my reaction and laughs, stealing everyone's attention and subsequently taking the bait as BamBam's kiss choice despite her refusal.

"No, ewww! He's like my baby brother!" She says in protest.

It's BamBam's turn to spin the bottle and as luck would have it, the empty Heineken points to my direction. Amber laughs again, as if leering at me, and gives BamBam a high five. "Noona, is it Truth or Dare?" he asks, obviously amused.

"Dare," I say, not giving anyone the opportunity to question me further.

"For 5 minutes can we pretend that I'm your Oppa?" Bambam replies with a sly smile. Everyone reacts in defiance. I feel like JB and Jinyoung are about to beat up Bammie's ass. Amber is laughing nonstop and Henry seems pretty adamant to be the only guy in the group that gets to be older than me.

"Araso," [Fine,] I say, raising my hands up to silence them. "It's fine, I'm doing it, but only for one minute." I drink the rest of my champagne straight up. If it is true that he's smitten by me, then I'm excited to see his reaction. "Oppa..." I say, switching to my sweet girl personality and looking at him from behind my dramatically long eyelashes. He responds with a wide smile. "Joaheyo." [I like you.]

BamBam spasms on the floor animatedly and everyone explodes in a fit of laughter, especially Youngjae and Yugyeom who are hitting BamBam playfully as he lay helpless on the floor. Jackson picks him up and sits him on a bean bag like a doll. "Times up!" I say returning to the game.

The bottle stops in between Mark and Jinyoung who are busy laughing together until they realize that the bottle is in between them. "Oh oettoke?" [Oh, what to I do?] Jinyoung says, eyes wide but still smiling, his champagne flute already empty in one hand while the other rests on top of Mark's knee.

"I'll take it," Mark answers, a coy smile plastered on his face. My insides are starting to feel like the beer he keeps swirling in his bottle.

"Truth or Dare?" I ask, staring back at him. I seriously wish he'd say Truth because I've been dying to ask him if the rumors of him having a tattoo is true—and yes I've been dying to see it for myself too.

"Dare."

 _Fucking hell._


	14. Chapter 14

"Love—Uh, Noona!" BamBam calls out to me as he gets off the stage before the encore. "Can I see the photo you took?" He's unusually formal, of course, because we are still at work.

"Ne," [Yes,] I answer, camera still at hand. He sidles to my side, face close to mine as he looks at the screen while I scan the previews. I can still feel my heart pounding in my chest after the unwanted exposure. When GOT7 announced they wanted a photo with fans, the stage director pushed me towards the stage at the last minute since I'm the only one around holding a camera. It wasn't because I was covering the event, my work goes as far as making sure I get the footage for editing the next day before the night ends. I just wanted to make sure I get photos for Mina, who is sick and isn't able to come to the event.

"Oh, that's nice! Send me a copy of this, okay?" BamBam says switching to English, which means he's getting comfortable again. I smile and nod politely at him, breaking eye contact before I start laughing at the way we're acting around each other.

"BamBam!" A voice calls out. We both look up to see Mark in the distance, taking his ear piece off. "Gaja!" [Let's go!] The rest of the members are running towards the dressing room, taking their sweaters and earphones off as they go.

"Ah, encore time. See you later, okay?" BamBam says. He then winks at me and makes a mad dash towards Mark and to the dressing room. My eyes meet Mark's and for a split second I feel time stop. He smiles at me and breaks into a run.

*Flashback*

"Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."

Fucking hell.

I was clueless. I look around and they were all staring at me with amused smiles. I let out an agitated sigh. "I got nothing." A sprinkle of laughter in the room. I couldn't help but smile despite the awkward situation.

"Excuse me, can I suggest something?" Jackson said, raising his hand. We all look at him and he giggles like a kid before exchanging sly glances with JB. _What the heck is up with these guys?_

"Yeah, go ahead then," I said, my curious eyes fleeting between him and Jaebum.

"Seven minutes in heaven!" Jackson said, hand still raised in the air.

"Ah, geureom!" [Ah, of course!] At JB's bidding, Jackson stood up and took both of my hands. He playfully pulled me upward and dragged me upstairs into my dressing room. Behind me, Jaebum has effortlessly pushed a giggling Mark into the room and has forcefully closed the barn doors shut. I immediately ran to the door connecting to the bathroom but Jackson sprinted ahead of me and blocked the door from the outside, his muscular form loomed behind the frosted glass.

"Jackson! Let us out!"

"No! Oh my god, why are you so strong?" He shouted while I try to push the door open. Unlike the barn door that leads to my bedroom, the bathroom door couldn't be locked from the outside so Jackson is definitely using his strong arms to keep it shut. "Mark, You have seven minutes!"

"Hey, stop, you're gonna break the door," Mark said. He pried my tight grip from the old brass knob with his right hand. I felt his left hand slide to my waist, pulling me close to him and leading me to the center of the room. "There's no use fighting them."

I sigh and pout before plopping onto the long mint ottoman that I have repainted to fit the room. It was on sale at a weekend flea market in Myeongdong and was in such a bad state that the ahjumma couldn't believe I was willing to buy it from her. She gave me an old tin mug for free along with it because she felt so bad about selling me something so incredibly old. I told Mark about it while retouching my makeup with a brush I took from the tin mug. Everything around me is done with shabby chic in mind. I figured that if I style my apartment this way, no one would notice that most of my furniture were DIY thrift store projects.

He nodded silently and fiddled with the hem of my pink silk bathrobe before taking notice of the opened bottle of wine. "Oh, you opened the wine already!"

"Yeah, I needed a pre-game," I said without telling him the real reason why. He smirked at me and I felt my heartbeat slow down again.

"Can I have a taste?" He looked at me, bottle in hand, and I swear I almost felt the hairs at the back of my neck stand up. I told him to feel free since it's their gift. He pressed the tip of the bottle to his pink lips and expertly drank the red liquid, his Adam's apple bobbed up and down in an enchanting rhythm. I tried not to stare.

"Wow, this is good! I didn't know Jinyoung had such great taste in wine," He said, checking the label. I suddenly felt so parched.

"Jinyoung chose that?"

"Yeah, I asked them what to give you and JB said you like wine. Jinyoung suggested the brand, and BamBam suggested the place to get it from." Mark sat beside me on the ottoman and handed me the wine to allow further inspection. It's a standard Pinot Noir bottle and I've had it way too many times in the past three years to know where it could possibly come from.

"It's the wine shop on top of the secret bar, right?"

"Yeah, how do you know?"

"Because I have two bottles of these downstairs,"

"Damn, then we shouldn't have bought you this then."

"No, it's fine! I love it, thank you," I said, uncorking the bottle again and taking a swig. A look of surprise registered on his face briefly, and I realized that I was drinking from the same bottle tip that touched his lips a while ago. I felt my face heating up instantly.

Mark started to chuckle, and I couldn't help but laugh along with him. How could I not? The sound of his laughter and the smile on his face could probably resurrect a dead squirrel. We took turns drinking from the bottle and I tried to keep my mind from straying towards my long-dormant dirty thoughts.

"Hey, you haven't opened the other gift yet?" Mark asked, pointing at the pink box on top of my dresser.

"Yup," I said, smacking my lips to taste the wine better.

"Open it now, I want to see your reaction,"

"Okay," I shrugged. He nodded at me excitedly as I handed him the bottle and stood up to retrieve the gift. It was so obscenely pink, I wonder how he must have felt when he left the store. He said he carried it in a brown paperbag, which was smart because if a male idol like him was seen holding this pink box in public it would have been a scandal in the making.

I gently removed the ribbon wrapped around the box and lifted the lid to find more pink tissue papers inside. He stared at me, curious eyes piercing my numbing senses. I went through the delicately folded paper which revealed a chocolate brown silk night gown. "Oh my god," I gasped. "This is so beautiful!"

"I think it suits you, it's the same color as your eyes." I looked at him and he gave me the softest gaze ever. I handed him the box to hold the fabric up against my body. The smooth, silk cloth fell just above my knees and the lace trimmings on the neckline of the gown draped elegantly against my chest. I shook my head, thinking it actually might look pretty on me. _But why would he give me this when we're in the middle of winter?_

"You forgot this." He held the box up to me and at the bottom of the box sat a lonesome pair of lace panties. He watched me scowl with look of naughty amusement. "You don't like it? I thought you like lace ecause you have so many of these!" He added. My mind went back to the first night they came to my apartment where they discovered my love for expensive, intricate underwear.

"Oh for fuck's sake don't ever buy me things like these again, okay? It is so embarrassing!" I said, laughing out loud and taking the matching underwear to my night gown. I could tell he was pretty surprised to hear me curse so I bit my lip and muttered a tiny apology. "But thank you, I really appreciate it. I'll come up with a good holiday gift for you guys too, I promise."

"No, you don't have to! You've done so much for us already. Look, you even threw us a last minute party, this is the least we could do."

"Well if wine and fancy lingerie is the least you can do then I can't imagine what else you'd give your girlfriend," I mindlessly commented while folding my new sleeping set and placing them in my dresser along with the other lacey stuff I have.

"But I don't have a girlfriend," Mark said, a smirk spreading on his pretty face. I gnawed on my lower lip furiously in an attempt to wake my senses from the alcohol-induced numbness spreading through my body at that moment. "So, since you're a girl, and you're my friend, you're going to have to carry the burden of receiving my gifts." He stood up and walked towards me, his left hand still holding the bottle of wine. He took another swig from the bottle and I watched as he smacked his lips and sighed. He turned to me and his sultry gaze changed to a look of concern. "Love, you're bleeding!"

Mark placed the half-full wine bottle on top of my dresser and stepped closer to me. He held my face gently with his left hand, his thin fingers lifted my chin upwards. His face was inches away from mie and I got momentarily distracted by his blonde fringe. He looked so good that I stuttered like an overcaffeinated cat. "M-m-mwo hae?" [What are you doing?]

"Stop biting your lip," Mark said. He gently swiped the blood off with the pad of his thumb across my quivering lower lip. I felt my breath hitch at the sudden contact, and I knew that he knew because he smirked at me, his eyes aflame. We heard a fake cough coming from the direction of the barn door. JB was obviously curious about what he saw.

"Sorry to bother you but your seven minutes are over," Jackson said, his head sticking out of the bathroom door. From his perspective, it must have looked like we were kissing and he seemed rather perplexed about it.

"Gaja?" [Let's go?] Mark cooly said as his hands dropped to his sides. I followed them downstairs, consciously licking my lips. It tasted like wine and metal and I felt a tinge of pain as I sat back down on the sofa where the game continued even while we're gone.

"Hey," Amber nudged my knee with her free hand. Henry was fast asleep on her lap. "Are you okay?"

I nodded enthusiastically, though I knew that I wasn't fully okay—not when Mark sat on the shabby gray rug on the floor, cozily leaning against my leg, his blonde head resting on my knee.

*Flashforward*

I hear the audience chanting hopefully outside, and see the staff scurrying around for the final part of the show. The boys are tired, I can see it in their eyes. Despite the thick gray hoodie uniform they're wearing, I see beads of sweat on their foreheads which the makeup artists are gently mopping with tissues. It's weird considering that the temperature outside has dropped lower than forecasted. Somewhere out there, a salary man or a university guy is freezing in the cold and here I am, standing a few feet away from seven sweaty boys who are trying to keep their energy together.

"GOT7! GOT7! GOT7!" The crowd chant is endless. The music starts out of the blue, momentarily startling me. I take photos of their candid moments backstage before facing the crowd again. There's a hush among the staff as we watch our boys gather their remaining energy to perform for their fans for the last time that night. I hear mutters and whispers but those things feel like loose noise compared to the blaring voices, the chants, and the screaming outside. I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Sarang-ssi," I froze. That voice is so distinct, so unreal. "I'm glad to see you here."

"Oh, PD-nim!" I say as I turn to bow to JYP himself. "Annyeong haseyo!" [Hello!] I give him my sweetest smile and he returns it with his signature shy grin and a nod. "It's good to see you too," I add in English. The guy's pretty fluent, this I know because when we bump into each other at the company he always speaks to me in Korean first, and then in English.

"I hope you're having a good time seeing this live," The executive producer says while turning to the monitor in front of us.

"Ah, ne, [Yes,] it's quite refreshing seeing them in the flesh every once in a while than just staring at my monitor in the office all the time," I joke. The PD didn't seem to notice my remark. We watch in silence as the cameras zoom in on Jackson's face. I always find it difficult to edit his parts into the videos because he's always so active that it's often hard to find good, steady clips of him while performing.

"Sarang-ssi, do you have time after the event?" Park Jinyoung—the big Park Jinyoung—asked, turning his kind face to me again.

"Y-yeah, I guess I have time." _God, is he going to ask me to work at a time like this?! Why did I even agree to go to this event?!_

"I was wondering if you'd like to eat with me, I really don't like eating dinner alone." He flashes me his perfectly white teeth and I am stunned. My bloody boss is asking me to eat dinner with him. I nod and mutter a small okay because, really, when JYP—the Asian Soul—asks you to dinner, you're only limited to one answer.


	15. Chapter 15

This is probably the most eventful dinner I have ever had in Seoul in the three years I've been here. Sure, I've eaten in fancier hotels. Sure, I have tasted a lot of good sushi platters in my lifetime—but nothing compares to the frightening feeling of sitting across your company's co-founder, eating fancy sushi and drinking like long-time mates. I'm actually glad I'm wearing something appropriate for a fancy hotel dinner with my boss.

"You know I'm not surprised you like sashimi," Producer JYP says, picking up his silver chopsticks.

"Why?" I timidly ask. I realize that my boss speaks to me in English when we're in a casual setting just like this, and he doesn't really do that with other employees. Mark's American, but does he talk to him in English just like this?

"Because you seem to like eating healthy food—I mean, that's just my impression of you. You seem like the kind of person who eats organic, you know?"

"You mean like you and Jackson?" I comment, bravely chuckling. He laughs along. It's a running joke in the industry that JYP only consumes organic stuff and that he somehow passed this habit to Jackson. "Why do you think I only eat organic food?"

"Because you have really nice, healthy skin and that's one indicator." I nod, fascinated by his love for all things organic. "You know," He adds while watching me eat a piece of tuna sashimi. It melts in my mouth the minute I chew it and I can't help but let out a happy sigh. "If I didn't see your impressive resume before the interview when you applied as a video producer, I would have scouted you to be a trainee,"

I stop chewing. He laughs when my eyes go wide and I shake my head furiously. "Oh, PD-nim! Mianheyo... [I'm sorry...] But that's just bollocks. I'm too old to be a trainee and my voice is just—I'm not that awful but you have Jamie Park and I could only sound like her when she's sick."

He laughs loudly. His laughter is so contagious even the servers can't help but smile. I take a sip of my wine while waiting for him to climb down from his happy high. We talk about my favorite JYP artists, why I wanted to work for his company, and why I think no other sushi will taste the same now that I've eaten a platter of the best (not to mention most expensive) sushi in town with him. He laughs and he laughs and he laughs with so much enthusiasm and I keep on wondering where he gets his energy.

"Ah, you're so fun to eat with! I'm finally getting why the boys are gaining weight so fast based on their physical assessments," He mentions it so casually that I almost didn't realize the sudden turn of vibe.

"Sorry, who's gaining weight?" I ask. I've known about industry practices like the monthly assessments way before I joined JYP. As a K-Pop fan, it is a must to know how much hard work idols put into their careers. When you start knowing that they're basically forced to diet and workout to maintain a specific weight, or that they only get to sleep for several hours a week because of practices, you start appreciating them more.

"I've been told the boys are getting heavier every assessment, which is absolutely good! We've been telling Mark and BamBam to gain some muscle for years. Tell me, what are you feeding them?"

"Uhhh... I..." I don't know what else to say so I decide to just casually admit to my guilt. "Well, mostly Western food," I answer fretfully. "I can cook chicken wings and burgers but I can never learn how to make sushi..."

He smiles, nods at me and sips his wine. I start toying with the tuna sashimi on my plate. _Am I getting fired?_

"I see," He sets his empty wine glass down which prompts the servers to refill it instantly. I consciously wait for him to break the news of my unemployment over sushi. "Sarang-ssi..." He leans closer to the table and my heart starts pounding in my chest. "For what it's worth, I'd like to say sorry and thank you," He says, speaking in Korean once again.

I ask him why, and he smiles at me with his earnest eyes. "Because these boys are strangers and I know they keep coming to your home, which has been quiet for the past three years. I have to admit I am concerned about your—and their—privacy and security...for obvious reasons."

We fall into uneasy silence, the producer because he's gauging my reaction, and me because I'm gauging his sincerity.

"Well, the thing is..." I start, heart still beating fast despite my will to deliver my next words in the most honest way I could. "I never thought of them as strangers." The producer nods at me and smiles kindly, making me want to elaborate on the matter further. "I've always felt that, because I see their faces on my screen all the time, they've become my friends, more than my workmates."

"I see..." He says, mulling it over.

I finally realize where this is heading so I steer the conversation to that path without warning. "Which is why I wish to apologize about what happened three weeks ago..." I say, my voice soft and almost incomprehensible. I take a deep breath before explaining everything in full detail: The party, the drinking, the decision to make everyone stay until the morning, and the photos.

*Flashback*

After a few more rounds of Yugyeom's truth or dare game, JB, Jinyoung, Mark and I decided to make everyone stay because everyone in the room looked terribly drunk and I didn't want to risk sending my guests home in that state. So I laid mattresses and blankets for the boys in the living room and told the girls to sleep in my bedroom at least until the sun comes up.

I was left alone in the kitchen, busily cleaning up the mess despite the weird feeling in my stomach brought about by the numerous glasses of wine and champagne I had. I wasn't drunk, but I knew I wasn't completely sober either... and I knew that because I couldn't quite remember which of the boys hugged me from behind while I was washing the dishes.

"Are you not going to turn around?" The voice asked. It was deep... but that was all I could remember.

"No," I smirked.

"Why?" He asked, his warm breath fanning the side of my neck.

I remember biting my lip so hard, the wound I got from earlier that evening started to hurt again. I remember moaning and immediately masking it with a hearty giggle.

"I'm not turning around because I know that if I do you're going to kiss me..."

"And you don't want that?" He said, tentatively letting his arms around my waist loose.

"I want that..." I said, shifting on my feet slyly. "But I wouldn't want that for you." It was supposed to be a whisper, but it came out as a quiet growl. He chuckled then left, and I remember fighting the will to turn around until I hear his footsteps fading.

The morning after our New Year's Day Party, photos of Jackson, Henry, and Amber leaving my apartment building circulated through SNS. Apparently, some sasaeng fans followed SM Entertainment's van and saw Henry swaggering unsteadily in his clothes the night before, donning a pair of huge sunglasses that was obviously way too girly to be his. Jackson was only trying to help Amber keep him upright but he ended up getting inside the van when the fans tried to chase them.

JB and I watched in shock from my balcony as the car sped away before the fans could take any more compromising photos. I immediately pushed JB inside before he gets noticed. "What do we do?" He asked, his brows tied in a knot on his forehead and his jaw jutted out fiercely. I looked around the mess inside my apartment, desperate for a solution.

"Ah," I said, snapping my fingers. "We'll sneak you guys out while Mina and Jenny stand guards outside. Jackson will probably be in your dorm soon. We're going to have to ask Hee Noona for help," I answered. JB hissed at my problematic exit plan involving GOT7's new manager but nodded anyway. It wasn't like he had any other choice. I quickly dialed Jackson's phone.

Jenny and Mina left through the front doors of my apartment complex and immediately informed me that the fans were still waiting in the park outside my building, hoping more idols would show up. Jackson managed to borrow a friend's car and drove to the basement parking unnoticed. Before any of the sasaeng fans knew it the car was gone and I was left in my apartment alone, cleaning up while trying to figure out who it was that I rejected last night.

*Flashforward*

"PD-nim..." I say, standing up from my seat. My chair makes a loud, embarrassing sound and everyone in the restaurant turns to look at us. JYP watches me with eyes wide in shock. "I know my bad decisions have caused many inconveniences. Jeosonghamnida. [I apologize.]" I do a 90-degree bow, and I thank the heavens that my high heels are preventing me from coming face to face with my plate.

"A-ani, ani, [No, no,] you don't have to any sorry!" He says, waving his hand at me. He stands up and taps my shoulder before pushing my chair forward like a true gentleman. "Sarang-ssi, you must have misunderstood. I'm not mad about the house party. The management barely even noticed it,"

"What is it then?"

"Well, honestly," The PD-nim seems to be at a loss for words. Who wouldn't be? I basically dragged this fancy dinner into the awkward zone. "I just wanted to understand your relationship with the boys better,"

Silence.

I tell myself not to be on the defense because I never really did anything wrong. It's just that in this country, and in this culture, it's not very common for a girl to invite boys over to hang out. "Well, we're all friends... I am especially close to the foreign members because we have this understanding, you know?" My boss nods in agreement. I admit that we talk a lot via SMS and Kakao, but that I feel uncomfortable talking casually with them while at work. I tell him that they would call or FaceTime me whenever they're bored and they almost always end up coming over to just eat and talk.

"I know why it's important for you to understand the dynamics of our friendship," I continue in English, my voice soft and my convictions solid. "Believe me, your concerns are the same as my concerns. But I did talk to JB about this and we both agree that if the boys ever need an outlet, they need someone who's also from the inside. They may be idols, but they're humans too. They need a safe place to be themselves, away from cameras and work issues. They want to feel normal, and relaxed and maybe my apartment is the closest to normal they could get..."

He nods, a small smile forming on his face. "Well, I trust you and JB, so I know the boys are safe. There are only two things I—and, of course, the management—would like to ask from you."

The word management rings in my ears like a bell. I feel fidgety again. "What is it?" I ask.

"First, we need you to be very careful whenever they're in your care." I nod dutifully. "Second, and most importantly..."

I watch one of South Korea's best producers pick up another sushi from the platter in the middle of our table. He eats it with much gusto and stares back at me with a knowing smile. "Please don't date any of the boys. You do know about the dating ban, right?"

I feel the hairs at the back of my neck stand up. Jackson once told me that one thing Park Jinyoung—the CEO—and Park Jinyoung—the GOT7 member—had in common was their ability to read people well. Now I know exactly why he said that.

"I know," I say, half laughing as I try to shake away the image of Mark touching my lip and the feeling of someone's arms wrapping illicitly around me just a few days ago. "Of course I won't, that's not going to happen at all."

There's a certain pull in my chest when the words escaped my mouth. Of course he needed to drive to point that the boys are not allowed to date anyone until three years after their debut. Of course I can't fall in love with them. Of course.

"Wae?" [Why?] He says, animatedly pointing his chopsticks at me. "You're such a pretty girl! Even the people in our company think so. You've gotten popular in the company because you don't look or dress like a regular employee, don't you know that?"

"Aishhh, that's not true,"

"It is true! Isn't your mother the famous jewel designer from Sydney and your dad the hotelier from Busan? No matter how hard you try to dress normal, you still look rich to me," My insides suddenly drop and he catches the look on my face the moment he drops another bomb at me. I eat another piece of sashimi with a silent smile.

"Sarang-ssi, I think one of the reasons the boys like you is because you're truly very humble. You're an heiress. I knew who you were based on your last name but I still hired you because you said you were confident that you can bring something new to the company and none of the applicants that day ever said those words."

I feel my heart leaping out of my chest once more. I haven't told anyone about my parents' jobs, nor have I told anyone about what my life really was like in Australia. _Do the boys know?_

I open up to JYP a little more and tell him that when people ask me, I always just say that my mom is a jewelry designer and my dad is an architect because my brother and I were never raised to think like heirs anyway. I tell him about my experience working as a waitress in college to save up for my plans of living in Korea. He laughs and tells me about his odd jobs back in the day. Before we both the know it, it's nearing 10PM and we have finished a whole bottle of wine already. The sushi platter has been depleted as well. He pays the bill ever so casually and drives me to my apartment building, memorizing the way as we go.

"PD-nim, in case you want to eat and hang out, my apartment is on the penthouse floor of the west wing, okay?" I joke.

"I'll take you up on that offer some other time, annyeong! [Bye!]" He says, waving before driving away.


	16. Chapter 16

If there's one good thing that came out of the dinner I had with Jinyoung PD-nim, it's that I was finally allowed to go home for two weeks. I couldn't forget the look on his face when I told him I haven't seen my family in Australia since last year. He was so shocked that I never had the chance to come home before starting at JYPE, and as a new employee I technically wasn't allowed to go on vacation just yet. So while GOT7 is on break, some of the staff—including me and Mina—were given two weeks time off before the next big comeback.

Which is why I now find myself sipping martini by the poolside of a huge mansion in Perth, wearing a too-sexy-for-my-own-good black romper and looking every bit out of place while surrounded by drunk teens and adults. From a distance, I can see my 28-year-old brother dancing his best rave moves inches away from the DJ booth.

The DJ, I have learned, was Australian breakthrough artist Troye Sivan's brother, Tyde Levi. How we got suddenly invited to Troye's house party to celebrate his successful world tour is still beyond me at this point. The one thing I'm sure of though is that I have a good feeling about Tyde.

I don't know why, but there's something about my brother's 16-year-old famous friend that made me say "Yes" to all the craziness despite my jet lag.

*Flashback*

The last time I was at Sydney International Airport, I was with my mum who forced me to take two luggages to Korea, one of which was filled with new designer clothes and makeup that I absolutely did not ask for. My mom loves to shop for clothes, and because I only come home once a year she tends to go overboard during our shopping trips. This is also why I didn't check in any luggage for my trip and why I was out of the arrival area in a matter of minutes.

 _I... Love you... Baby I... I love you..._

"Yob—Hello?" I answered my phone immediately before my ringtone starts spewing Korean words in public.

"Don't you dare, I've had enough of Mom speaking Korean to me at home," said my brother Hope over the phone. A navy blue BMW sedan stopped in front of me and I found my brother smirking in the passenger seat as he rolled his window down. "Where are the rest of your stuff?"

I pointed to my backpack behind me. "In here," We put our phones down and he climbed out of the car to hug me. "Thank you for picking me up so early in the morning. I know you hate mornings,"

"Yes, shit, I'm so hungover I can't even drive."

"Who's driving then?" I moved away from my brother to check the heavily-tinted car before us. "And whose car is this?"

He took his sunglasses off and I saw the horrible dark circles around his eyes. His grin is all too familiar and it could only mean that he may or may not have done something crazy again. "I'll explain later. Hop in," He opened the door for me and I climbed into the backseat.

"Hello," said the young man in the driver's seat. "I'm Tyde Levi, nice to meet you." He reached out to me and I graciously shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you too!" I was taken aback by his bright blue eyes and adorable dimples. His name and angelic round face seemed familiar, but I couldn't quite remember how. He must've been one of those fraternity brothers who visited every time Hope threw his posh birthday dinners, which I used to never want to be a part of if not for my mother's insistence. "Thank you so much for picking me up, I hope it's not too much of a bother."

"Oh it's nothing. I'm always picking up people at airports. I know this place like the back of my hand." He drove as soon as Hope settled in the seat beside him and true enough, he seemed to know his way around.

"Bro, don't worry, I'm buying you breakfast and coffee. Whatever you like, mate, whatever you like." Hope said, putting his sunglasses back on. I was not even surprised to know that he hasn't been home since last night.

"Really? I'd like pancakes, is that okay?"

"Good lord, is that all? I'll buy you a fucking pancake tower."

"Wow, it is so good to be back home. I missed all the cussing," I said, making Hope and Tyde laugh. I told them how it took me three years to learn and actually speak curse words in Korean because my first two years were spent learning Hangul from an international language school. The only bad word I knew coming to Korea was pabo [stupid] and it wasn't even THAT offensive. My dad, being the curt ahjussi that he is, never spoke a bad word at home in English or Korean.

"Who taught you how to curse then?" Tyde asked.

"JB and Jackson," I blurted out while watching the almost empty roads. I realized that it's Sunday where I am.

"What?! The guys you work for taught you cuss words, that's fucking insane!" Hope commented.

"I don't work FOR them, Hope, I work WITH them," I said, my voice full of conviction.

"What kind of work do you do in Korea?" Tyde asked.

"She works in the music industry too," Hope answered, his voice dripping with pride. "She's a video editor, she works WITH K-Pop idols,"

"Oh wow, that's so dope!" Tyde said, blue eyes meeting mine through the car's rearview mirror. "Who do you work with?"

"I'm currently assigned to this seven-piece boyband called GOT7."

"I haven't heard their songs yet, can you one?" He said, throwing me off momentarily. Hope protested by telling us that it's way too early in the morning for songs they wouldn't understand. "It's music, dude. You're supposed to just enjoy it. Come on," Tyde goaded, pressing the Bluetooth button on his car radio.

I connected to it and scrolled through my GOT7 playlist. Somehow I felt like that was a make or break situation and the pressure killed me a little inside. That must be how Liv felt when she first introduced me to Wonder Girls and 2ne1 back in uni. I decided to play If You Do first.

"Oh... This is good! Is this their new song?!" Hope was the first to react.

"Yeah," I consciously watched Tyde tap his fingers on the steering wheel. I remembered being so flustered during the shoot for the If You Do MV because of a lot of things... But mostly because of Mark.

"Play the other one, the one they released before that song!" Hope asked, reeling me back into the conversation. Despite our constant bickering, he always said he's my biggest fan and he went nuts when he saw the CG effects I did for Just Right. "Dude, the music video for this one looks like fucking N'Sync, it's so cool." He told Tyde as the intro rolled in.

"Oh wow, I like this! What is this?" Tyde asked.

"It's called Just Right," I answered, translating lyrics every once in a while. Hope started dancing as soon as the chorus came in. He showed Tyde the hook's dance points and they both grooved to the music, possibly momentarily forgetting that I was there.

"This is so fun, you should play me more of this!" Tyde said, turning to me with a smile before fixing his eyes back on the road. "Can you send me this song? I'll play it tonight at the party,"

"Dude, that would be sick!"

"I know right? I'll probably, like, play parts of it and remix it with some of the beats we made last week."

"Wait what party are you guys talking about?" I interrupted.

"Oh, we're having a house party later for my brother. You're coming, right?"

"Uh-I," I racked my brains for reasons not to go, but the coffee hasn't kicked in just yet.

"She's coming," My brother said forcefully. "She wouldn't want to miss out on meeting THE Troye Sivan."

"What?! He's your brother?!" I said, eyes wide. I've been a fan of Troye since his YouTube days, when the promise of being a world-famous singer-songwriter seemed far away. I was in Korea when he finally had his Billboard breakthrough and started touring as an artist so despite my jetlag, I allowed my brother to drag me to Perth later that afternoon in the hopes of meeting Troye.

*Flashforward*

My phone starts vibrating in my hand, jolting me out of my reverie. I see a message from BamBam in our group chat, which is now (thankfully) named "With Love, The Resthouse Caretaker" as it is how they've decided to fondly call me. I instantly smile when I see his photo.

BamBam: Hello from Thailand!

Me: *waving emoticon* Sawadeekaa!

BamBam: Hello, Noona, are you in Australia?

Love: Yup!

BamBam: What time is it over there?

Love: 11PM

BamBam: How come you still awake?

Love: Because I'm at a party!

BamBam: Wow! Take a selfie!

I find myself giggling at that. Since our New Year's Day party, my phone has been constantly filled with selfies and random photos from the boys. I've never sent them a single selfie. The act feels so intimate to me that I couldn't bring myself to do it and the thought of them keeping my photos in their galleries scares me a bit. What if somebody sees them?

Tonight's a bit different though. As I down the rest of my rhum coke, I feel a tinge of confidence spreading through my body, and it's enough for me to snap a photo of my slightly flushed, fully made up face. I send it to the group immediately before I start regretting it.

Mark: Nice! We finally have your selfie *wink emoji*

I feel my heart jump up to my throat upon seeing his name. My hands grow cold and I'm suddenly thirsty for another rhum coke. It's the same sickly feeling I got while watching him film his part in the If You Do music video—like I'm suddenly in a roller coaster that stopped mid-air.

BamBam: Noona you look hot!

BamBam: Mark Hyung did we wake you up?

Mark: No, I was awake the whole time, just busy.

Mark: Love, where are you?

Love: Perth, at Troye Sivan's house

I send them a photo of the huge house in front of me. I met Troye a few hours ago when we arrived. True to his word, Tyde introduced me to his brother, who beamed at us warmly and asked me to also send him the K-Pop playlist I'm making for his brother. I send them my photo standing side by side with Troye and Hope.

BamBam: That is so cool!

BamBam: And I like your outfit!

Love: Thanks! How's vacation so far?

Mark: I'm just chilling...

BamBam: Me too.

BamBam: I was so tired yesterday, I got to the airport and there were so many fans waiting I couldn't believe it!

Love: Aaawww that's so sweet!

Mark: How about you Love?

Love: I'm bored. I got no one to talk to here.

"Yo, what the fuck are you doing here all alone?" Hope has the best timing in the world. He looks at me through hooded eyes, his graphic shirt sticking to his sweaty body as he finishes another drink. From the way he looks right now, you wouldn't think he's a licensed architect.

"I'm chatting with my friends," I say, before going back to my phone. Hope grabs it and slips it into his back pocket. "What the—Hope!"

"Stop being a princess and just come with me. Tyde is looking for you and I will kill you if you miss out on this opportunity," He grabs my wrist and drags me to the makeshift dance floor where other sweaty bodies are packed dancing to the intro of Justin Bieber's Sorry. Tyde sees me and waves at me to come over. I hesitantly walk up to the DJ booth.

"Hey!" Tyde says, taking his headphones off momentarily. I hand him a thumb drive with the audio files of Just Right and If You Do, remembering his request. "Oh, thanks!" He says and I force myself to smile, hoping that I wouldn't get in trouble for giving away really important music files just like that. His hand lands on my lower back as he moves closer to talk to me over the loud music. "So, Hope told me you like mixing music too?"

"Yeah, I did that back in college," I answer. I used to edit cheer mixes for my university's cheer squad because Liv, my best friend, is the head cheerleader. She discovered my editing capabilities way sooner than everyone else did and she, along with my brother, convinced me to keep doing it. I guess I have them to thank for my job. Tyde smiles at me and I realize he's almost a foot taller than I am so I squint a little at him.

"Do you want to learn how to DJ?"

"What?!" I think the bass is way too loud in this side of the party.

"I think you can learn pretty easily, I listened to your old mixes and you've got the basics down,"

"Oh my god, really?" I say, realizing that Hope may have planned this all along. _Hope, I will definitely kill you but not tonight because I love you._ "I-I'd love to learn. Are you sure it's okay?"

"Of course, come on!" Tyde pull sme towards the booth and shows me his station. It's the first time I'm seeing all these things and yet somehow, it all feels familiar to me. "Go on, try it out!" He gives me his headphones and shows me how to add layers to the music. I try playing the transition beats from If You Do's hook and it went in perfectly with Sorry's chorus. Tyde gives me a thumbs up sign before showing me how to mix things up and I absorb it so easily that we're both grooving at the DJ booth side by side before the song even ended.

"Thanks Tyde, this is so much fun!" I say, beaming at him as I hand his headphones back. I'm never the kind of person to party hard. Lord knows I'd rather cozy up at home with my vinyl records and books, but at this exact moment, I feel different.

"Dude, you were really good! Listen," He scoots closer to me again and whispers. "I have a gig this weekend, do you want to spin with me?"

I nod, feeling the world whirling around me just a little. He tells me that we should talk about it later. I can feel my heart racing as I step out of the DJ booth, thinking I must have had too much to drink already.


	17. Chapter 17

*Flashback*

"Liv, please..." I was on my knees on the hotel bed, hands clasped together in prayer with my phone in between my palms. I'm still feeling woozy after the 13-hour flight from Sydney to Los Angeles, and my body hasn't fully recovered from the constant partying. Frankly, arguing with Olivia was the last thing I wanted to do that morning.

The LA trip wasn't actually a part of my vacation plans. All I ever planned to do was stay in bed and hang out with my friends in Australia. But the parties and the festivals happened and I had way too much fun learning how to spin with Tyde and my brother (who apparently just approached the 16-year-old in his drunken stupor after a successful rave the night before I came back).

Liv was just downright mad when she found out I was back after seeing my face on the dailies. Apparently, the Sydney society pages were abuzz with my sudden appearance at major parties playing alongside Tyde Levi. They found it amusing that the jewelry empire heiress who suddenly disappeared after graduating from the ANU School of Arts with honors has turned into a major party girl, turning tables (literally). Liv turned up at one of the parties we attended and gave me an earful for not telling her I've been in town for a few days already. To appease her, I offered to accompany her to an LA business trip so we could catch up.

"Liv, please, he's probably really busy." I explained yet again that I couldn't possibly just call Mark and tell him I'm in town. I mean, I could... But I just don't want to. I would very much like to stay away from giving Jackson, BamBam, and JB the benefit of teasing me and Mark for 'kissing' during the New Year's Day party.

"Oh for godssake, Love. We are NOT going to Disneyland until you talk to him. Do it. FaceTime him now." Olivia grabbed my iPhone, dialed the number, and held the phone in front of my face.

I saw my newly woken, puffy face on the screen, my messy mop of brown hair haphazardly tied in a loose bun. The sleeve of my white shirt was hanging loose off my left shoulder and my bangs were prickling my eyes. "Can't I at least take a sh—"

"Hey, oh, good morning!" Mark Tuan was already up and about in his workout clothes, panting and sweaty while putting his earphones back on. There I was, still in my pajamas, yawning as the phone was thrust back into my palms. "Where are you?" He said, probably surprised that I'm in the same timezone as him.

"Good morning! Oh my god, I'm so sorry I look like this..." I muttered under my breath, rubbing my eyes. "I'm in LA, actually!"

"Are you really? Oh my goodness," He said, eyes wide.

"Yeah, surprise!" I feigned a tiny laugh. _God, that was so awkward._ "I just got here last night, I'm here for four days and then I'm going back to Korea." I adjusted my bangs and fixed my shirt sleeves. I couldn't look directly at Mark's makeup-free face (which frankly isn't very different from his made up face anyway) because I felt like I was going to self-combust for no reason.

"So what are you doing today then?" He sat on a black couch and dried his face with a small towel. The bed dips when Liv sat on the bed in front of me, mouthing 'Oh my god' with eyes bulging. I gave her a warning look _. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, okay?_

"Uhm, were actually going to Disneyland today and that's about the only plan I have coming here. I have no idea what I'm going to do in the next couple of days," I lobbied for a minute and watched Mark fix his newly dyed brown hair _,_ trying my best not to stare at Mark's developing biceps. He's been working out a lot for the comeback and the results are a bit intimidating—in a good way.

"Oh, so you're not busy tomorrow? I'm hanging out with my friends, do you want to come? It's your turn to visit MY house." He was smiling. It was as if he knew exactly why I called so he said it out loud for me. I stopped for a moment to decide, which was a bit unnecessary considering how I felt like melting just seeing his smiling face on my screen.

"Yeah... Uh, that sounds like a good plan," I stuttered, making him grin. Somehow, it was comforting to know that I have a friend in LA other than Liv, who's about to get busy because she's meeting with the KCon 2016 coverage team for Spark Magazine. That was why she forced me to call Mark up. She just didn't want me to be alone. I told her I'd be fine because I've always been comfortable being alone, but Liv's the total opposite of my introvert self.

"Cool, I'll pick you up at your hotel tomorrow, okay? Enjoy Disneyland!" We both said our goodbyes and I promptly hung up before letting out a huge sigh and throwing a pillow at Liv's face.

"I am so getting back at you for this," I announced before marching to the bathroom.

"You are so thanking me for this, trust me," She guaranteed.

*Flashforward*

Maybe I should message her and let her know that I am thankful for her annoying act yesterday. Right now he's grinning from ear to ear while flipping through our Polaroid photos at Disneyland. It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon and we're resting in their spacious porch with his high school friends, drinking beer after the early dinner Raymond, his dad, prepared for us. _The man can make really, REALLY good barbecued ribs._

Early that day, Mark and his friends took me to the village park and taught me how to skateboard. They also toured me around the neighborhood they grew up in and even showed me the high school they went to together. His friends told me was always the shy kid in class, which is why they didn't immediately believe him when he said he's going to train in Korea.

"Oh, can I have this one?" Mark holds up a photo that got mixed up with the ones from yesterday. It's a group shot of GOT7 with me, Mina, and Jenny from the New Year's Day party. I nod and watch him carefully slip the photo in between the folds of his thick wallet. Andrew and Jessica, two of Mark's closest friends, are also looking at the photos on Mark's lap.

"I really love the dress you wore to Disneyland yesterday!" Jessica says. Her sweet smile is way too pretty to be true. How can Mark be friends with her and NOT like her? Then again, I really have no idea what their friendship's like. _What if she's Mark's secret girlfriend?!_ "Where did you get it?" She asks.

This is the part where I try not to stutter because I always feel awkward talking about the things I'm wearing. "Oh... That..." I look at the photo in her hand, the one where I'm standing in front of Sleeping Beauty's castle wearing a blush pink slip dress and white chunky sandals. "I-It's from an Australian brand called We Are Kindred," I tell her that I bought the dress on a whim because of the beautiful gold lace details. It went beautifully with the mini tiara I bought as a souvenir.

"You've got to send me the link to this, it's so pretty!" Jessica says. The idea of her wearing the same dress sickens me, but I nod enthusiastically and even promise to follow her on Twitter. Andrew then grabs the Polaroid photo from Jessica and sits on the empty chair between us.

"If you're done talking dresses, can I ask for this photo? Mark has your photo in his wallet, I want one too," Andrew waves the photo at me with a naughty smile. A part of me wants to ask why he wants my photo, the other parts of my psyche just wants to flat out refuse because I actually really like the photo he's holding.

"Why do you want her photo?" Mark is quick to ask. _I swear to God, he can hear my thoughts._

"Because she's hot," Andrew answers, winking at me. I hear the rest of Mark's friends start screaming and whistling conspiratorially. Mark is laughing and shaking his head at the same time. "I want something to remember you by, if that's okay,"

"We can take a selfie on your phone," I say, trying to dissuade him from taking the photo by telling him it's the only photo I have in front of the castle. He agrees and hands the photo back to Mark before dragging his chair close to mine. I concede to taking as many photos as he wants and before I know it, the guy's giving me a big, fat kiss on my cheek, making me blush (and curse inwardly).

Andrew proudly parades the photo for everyone to see. I steal a glance at Mark and find him gathering my photos and putting them back in the ziplock bag it came with.

"Okay, that's it, I'm taking her away. You creeps better start leaving now." He stands up, grabs me by the wrist, and doesn't let go until the rest of his friends are gone. I wave at them despite the humiliating events and hold my other hand out to Jessica to say goodbye. She squeezes it gently, her eyes filled with unspoken apologies. Why do I get the feeling that this isn't the first time she saw someone being disrespected by her own friends?

"Mom, we're leaving."

"Where are you going?" His mom seems slightly disappointed that I'm not staying for long. His Dad comes out of the kitchen with a plate of French Fries, asking me to stay and help myself to midnight snack. Mark starts speaking in Chinese with an explanation I cannot, for the life of me, understand. He kisses them on the cheek and places a hand on the small of my back. I take it as a cue to come forward to thank them and say goodbye.

"Ah, I hope you come back soon and stay with us," Raymond says, pulling me into a tight hug. Mark's mom comes forward too and mumbles a goodbye before hugging me too. _Okay, well, now I know why Mark's a hugger._

"I definitely will, thank you again," I answer with a slight bow. Mark leads me out of the house and into his car. I sit in the passenger side soundlessly, careful not to step on his obviously curling toes. "Gwaenchana?" [Are you okay?] I stupidly ask. He cackles and looks at me sideways as he starts the engine.

"I should be asking you that,"

"I'm fine," I say, busying myself by putting the photos and my phone back into my purse. "You really didn't have to make them leave." I add, anxiously looking at the road ahead. We seem to be heading towards Santa Monica Beach. I check my watch, it's half past 6PM. _What the heck is he planning?_

"They were rude," He answers briefly, checking his rearview mirror. I watch in fascination as he drives smoothly across the freeway. Mark and JB are the only ones allowed behind the wheel in music videos. I learned that it's not just because they're the only members with a driver's license, it's also because they look really cool while driving. JB's angsty features and Mark's chill vibe make them perfect subjects for shots like that. My job is to make sure those shots are properly highlighted and if my eyes are camera lenses, this would've been an awesome scene to edit. "Are you surprised I actually know how to drive?" He asks, finally breaking the silence.

"No, I know you drive," I answer. Jackson once showed me the contents of Mark's wallet while he's in the bathroom on one of the random nights they visited my apartment. We laughed at his driver's license photo all evening. "It's just that I'm not used to seeing you like this,"

"Like what?"

"Like... I don't know..." I fumble for the right words to describe my thoughts. "Like a normal person, I guess?"

"Why, am I not normal? You're the one who said we're human too," He says. Apparently, JYP spoke to them about me and gave them his express permission to escape to my 'resthouse' along with a list of rules.

"You know what I mean, Mark, you're a celebrity..." There's a look of pride in his eyes that I notice instantly. He is proud about being famous, he just doesn't like showing it off. Fame comes with a high price to pay and he knows that well enough not to brag about it. "It's just weird watching you do stuff that normal people do. I mean, you don't drive like this in Korea, you have drivers to take you around for your schedules. You probably won't be seen in drive-thru places and you sure as heck can't just go to the beach at 7PM. Trust me, with this comeback, you're not gonna be able to do any of those anytime soon either." I know he has been writing songs for their next two albums, and I'm bursting with excitement but I've sworn not to tell anyone about it.

"Well then let's do it now!" He says, beaming at me. We stop at an In N' Out drive-thru and order burgers and milkshakes. Then he parks the car at Santa Monica State Beach, takes a blanket from the trunk, and leads me to a secluded part of the beach so we can eat our take-out in peace.

"This is cool," I say, taking a huge bite off my Angus burger. "Thanks for planning this day,"

"How do you know I planned this out?" He asks, surprised that I'm catching up on his pretend date so easily.

"I'm good at spotting clues," From the way he looked at me that morning when he picked me up at the hotel, to the way his friends acted around me all throughout the day, I could tell he wanted this day to be memorable for the both of us. "I mean, surely not everyone in LA keeps a blanket in their trunks for emergency hang outs at the beach." My remark elicits a high pitched laughter from Mark.

Maybe Andrew kissing me wasn't a part of the plan, which was why he reacted so hastily. Maybe it's just me being at the right time and the right place, saying the right things in perfect timing. Even so, he seemed to have thought about what we were going to do on his last night in Los Angeles and his plans led us here, sitting on the sand, hearing the waves crashing to the shore, and looking up at the stars in the sky.

"Okay, let's say I did plan everything out. How does that make you feel?" He asks. I look at him in the eye just to see how serious he is with his borderline-existential question. He looks back at me with a challenging look, like he's once again telling me he's choosing 'dare' over 'truth'.

"I kinda like it that way, to be honest." I say, avoiding his gaze and from my peripheral vision, I can tell that my answer made him smile.


	18. Chapter 18 (M)

"Damn, what a beauty," I point to the distance and sigh before sipping the rest of my milkshake, my eyes are fixed on the glowing lights that dotted the Santa Monica State Beach shoreline. I watch a few people playing in the water, getting their feet wet, their figures illuminated by the red and purple lights of the giant Ferris Wheel looming in the background. Everything around me looks and feels alive. Mark, however, is still dead silent. "Must be nice being away from all this and seeing it again like it's the first time..."

"It is," He says, making me snap out of my thoughts. I find Mark gazing right at me, his face almost expressionless. It's like he's staring at a painting in an exclusive art gallery, trying to estimate how much it would cost him if he were to buy a piece of art.

"Stop that," I hiss.

"What?! What did I do?" He asks, acting all innocent and blinking at me repeatedly.

"I know that look Mark, I've seen that look before. I'm not trying to big-note myself here, I'm just telling you that I know exactly where this is going and we can't."

Silence.

Despite the romantic atmosphere brought about by the beach and the lights, I decide that it's best for the both of us to just face this issue like adults—which we are, in as much as we hate that fact.

"I know that..." Mark leaves his sentence hanging.

"Then stop." I try to focus on what I said to Producer Park back in Seoul, with sushi as our witness. No dating. Absolutely no dating. My heart clenches at the thought of Mark being so close to me right now and giving me all the signs that point towards the possibility of a relationship that goes beyond the line of friendship.

"I can't." He says, his voice sounding so helpless and brave all at the same time. "I can't stop."

I laugh in spite of myself. "Of course you can, what are you on about?! Why are you saying that?" I roll my eyes at him and he just stares at me. I focus instead on cleaning up what's left of our fastfood dinner. _Wrap it up. End this now._

"I can't because I'm attracted to you," Mark's voice is as concrete as the ground made of sand beneath us. "I've always been attracted to you," He's adds. He seems very sure of it, and the look on his face tells me he's not going to apologize for what he just said.

Silence.

I'm waiting for him to tell me this is all a just joke. I'm waiting, and waiting, and waiting for a punchline because I'm afraid that if he doesn't I'm going to either breakaway or break the rules but it does not come. "I'm not going to take that back. We're both too old for that shit."

"Are you sure?" I ask, hoping he would reconsider his feelings in the same way I've been reconsidering mine.

"Yeah," He answers, confusing me all the more. I shiver and it's not just because of the cold breeze blowing from the sea, but also because of the ominous feeling of things changing right before my eyes. Maybe a knit crop top and a pair of distressed denim shorts isn't such a good combination when you're out on a pretend date—one where you don't even know you'd end up at the beach past 7PM with a confession hanging over your head. I press my legs together, pull them closer to my body, and rub the sides of my arms with my hands.

Suddenly, I feel warmth emanating behind me, solid arms circling my waist, long legs spreading on either side of me as Mark pulls me into his embrace. He closes the gap between my back and his chest, and pulls my hair away gently so he could rest his chin on my bare shoulder. "Please say something," He whispers.

"What do you mean when you said you've always been attracted to me?" I ask.

"Do you remember the night we met while filming Real GOT7?" He asks me back with a soft chuckle.

"Yes," I smile. It's only been half a year since that night, how the heck would I forget?

"It wasn't an accident..." Before I get the chance to turn around and question him further, Mark hugs me tighter. My breath catches in my throat and I swallow hard as he leans closer to my ear. "I was rooming with Youngjae that night and there's this huge window in our room. I saw you taking your clothes off by the pool and I watched you swim."

I turn my head to look at him, our faces inches away from each other. _Is this for real?_ "I... B-But what about Coco? And the poop, and—"

"That was Coco's poop from the morning before." Mark laughs at my disbelieving face. "I didn't pick it up that morning so I used it as my excuse talk to you,"

"Oh my g—Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was that night?! I was cold and dripping wet and I didn't know what to do!" I feel my cheeks burning as I turn away from him, making Mark laugh all the more.

"See, that's exactly why I had to lie. I could see your red bikini through your white dress and it looked really sexy," Mark says, his laughter dying down slowly, his voice lowering a notch. "You have no idea how much it bothered me for several nights... It kind of still does..." There's a hint of mischief in his voice as he speaks and I try not to squirm against him. It's not that I'm not comfortable being so close to him like this, it's just that everything he's saying seems so unreal. I fake a laugh and stretch my legs out in front of me, leaning back to him a little as I try to get more comfortable. The stars and the lights are glinting on the water in front of us, making me realize that we're getting deeper into the night, and maybe into each other's thoughts too.

"Are you mad?" Mark asks, taking my right hand and kissing the back of it gently. I suddenly feel my heart pounding in my chest.

"No, I'm not mad," I answer, sighing as I stare at my helpless hand intertwined with his. I feel like his kiss has melted my bones. "But I could definitely use a bottle right now. A lot of things are starting to make sense and not make sense all at the same time. Can we go somewhere to drink?"

"I don't want to drink tonight," Mark's breathing heavily on my shoulder now, his chest is heaving as he grazes the skin on my arm with his long fingers. "I want to remember every single detail about you..." He kisses my shoulder blade and my breathing hitches once more when his lips start tracing the line from my shoulder to my ear. _What is happening?_

"Like what?" I dare ask, willing my heart to slow down while he draws lazy circles up my arm and on my shoulder. His other hand starts traveling down my thigh, thumbs brushing against the bare skin that my ripped shorts are exposing.

"Your clothes, and the way you dress," He whispers. "Your legs, your face..."

"Mark..." I call out softly before my defenses fall like leaves in autumn.

"Your boobs..." He continues, snickering in my ear. His lazy circles are moving constantly from my shoulder down to my cleavage. "Your neck..." I suddenly feel his hot breath on that my sensitive spot, followed by his lips, and then his tongue. A moan escapes me and I immediately cover my mouth with both hands. I feel Mark smirking against my skin, his airy chuckle tickling me in places I never even imagined he could. I am melting slowly in his arms, my resolve leaving me bit by bit.

He takes my hands away from my mouth with both of his own. "Your lips... God, I love your lips the most," He sounds desperate now as he traces my jawline with his finger. He tells me that it took all his willpower not to kiss me when we were stuck in my dressing room, drinking from one wine bottle. He whispers the many things he thought about while watching me anxiously trap my lips in between my teeth, knowing for a fact that his presence affected me so badly. He says he wanted to push me against the wall, or down on the shaggy rug, hike my baby doll dress upwards and touch me anywhere I'd allow him access to. He reveals that he wanted to kiss me, and he wanted it all the more when the blood started oozing from my lip.

Unconsciously, I start gnawing on my lower lip again, my heart racing. He turns my face sideways towards his, and my eyes fall on his mouth, moist and pink. In that split second, the wheels in my head starts to turn. _Should I push him away or just let happen?_

"I like you so much, I've wanted to kiss you for the longest time..." He whispers again, just inches away from my face. Something inside me snaps. I lean first towards his open invitation, kissing Mark Tuan on the lips with all the restrained force I could muster. He kisses me back.

It's not about breaking the rules now, it's about finally admitting to the truth that I've been trying to avoid for months.

I turn my body towards him and his hands find their way to my waist, to my face, caressing me softly as our lips crash together. I let my hands roam his chest, pulling him closer by the shirt. As we kiss, Mark slips his hand underneath my crop top and cups my right breast tenderly. I immediately pull away. "Mark, were in public," I warn.

"Sorry," He stops groping me and scoots closer. I feel the bulge that has formed in his pants against my back. "I can't help it, you're turning me on so much right now." He attacks my neck again with eager kisses, leaving bruises while I purse my lips and grab onto the blankets beneath us to prevent myself from moaning. His fingers make their way to the crotch of my denim shorts and I suddenly feel hyper aware of my own wetness. _Damn, what is happening to me?_

"Mmmhhhmmm... Do you want me to take you back to the hotel now?" Mark finally asks, his labored breathing sending shivers down my spine. We both run to the car as soon as I find the willpower to nod, our blanket flying behind us.


	19. Chapter 19 (M)

If the hotel room door could talk, it's probably whinging at me now for my crazy ass decisions. It would have warned me that there were CCTVs in the hallway that might have recorded Mark grinding on me while I searched for my key card. I can just imagine the door complaining loudly about bodies slamming against wood in heated passion.

But the door, fortunately, doesn't have lips to give me sound advice, and even if it does I probably wouldn't hear it because of all the sex talk I'm getting from Mark Tuan.

"Love, I want you so bad," He whispers yet again before savoring my neck, making me moan as he presses me up against the door. So this is how it is... He discovers all the tiny things that make me weak in the knees and I discover just how much I've missed in the last three years.

"Mmmhhh... Okay..." I answer breathlessly as my leg brushes against his crotch, his manhood straining against his skinny jeans. "B-But you know, we actually have a bed right there so—."

He shuts me up with another brash kiss and grabs my waist, dragging me with him towards the bed. I imagine that the door must be glad that we're finally moving to the bed. We stumble around the hotel room, kissing while dropping bits and pieces to the carpeted floor: My purse, his phone, my ponytail, his shoes, my shoes.

I feel the back of my legs hitting the edge of the bed and I let myself fall until I'm panting beneath him, his weight knocking the air out of my lungs. Mark laughs as he pulls himself off me. "Sorry," He says, leaning to his side.

I immediately sit up to reevaluate my life choices. First, I decided to kiss him in public after his bold and unexpected confession. Second, I took him to the hotel room I'm sharing with Liv. Third, I told my best friend not to come back with the full knowledge and intent of having sex with a guy I've only been working with for six months—who, by the way, was two years my junior. _Am I crazy? I must be._

"Are you okay?" He suddenly asks, probably getting worried because of my changing facial expressions. One minute I'm all hot and heavy for him (and I still am), the next minute I'm looking so confused and scared. "Hey, if you don't want to do this anymore, it's fine." He adds, sitting up to hold my hand.

"No, I want to," I answer, watching him kiss my knuckles tenderly.

"I don't want to force you—" He starts. I interrupt him with another kiss on the lips that starts innocently and ends up going way deeper than it should.

"Stop thinking..." I say, in between heated kisses, my hands moving to the back of his head, pulling him closer. His tongue invades my mouth, hands roaming my body. Mark then guides me to his lap and I willingly straddle him, my already wet crotch staining the front of his jeans as I hump his growing erection.

His hands make their way inside my top, cupping my breasts and stroking my nipples through the thin layer of lace. I reach behind me to unhook my bra and he takes that as his cue to start undressing me. He takes a minute to look at me in all my topless glory, eyes wide with utter bliss as I continue to move slowly on his lap. He starts kneading and kissing my breasts, swiping his wet tongue over one of my nipples while pinching the other with his fingers. I moan and throw my head back, unable to keep my pace because of his ministrations.

I feel his strong arms pulling me close again. "Suck me baby, please..." He begs, lips hovering over the skin of my neck. He leaves a trail of purple kiss marks in his wake, making me want to please him all the more.

I stand up from his lap and slowly take the rest of my clothes off, never peeling my eyes off him. "Oh wow..." He mutters under his breath, eyes filling with lust.

I used to hate my body shape back in college because as a swimmer, I've always thought that being pear-shaped was more of a setback than an advantage. I could never find the right Spandex swimsuit that wouldn't invite male swimmers to blatantly ogle me during tournaments. Somehow, along the way, I've learned to like what I see in the mirror. Sports allowed me to maintain my curvy figure and with the way Mark's eyes transformed when I stripped down before him, I'd say it was all worth it.

I pull his shirt off him and toss it somewhere behind me, fingers traveling down his torso in a painfully slow manner. His abs seem less pronounced than when it's being hit by colored lights but it still looks every bit enticing as he leans on the bed with his two toned arms. I take my sweet time unbuckling his belt and pulling pants down along with his boxer briefs. I let out a little gasp when his cock springs out of the jeans it's been straining against since we left the beach.

"Like what you see?" Mark asks, a proud smile spreading across his face while watching me lick my lips. His penis looks proud as a statue... Very proud, actually.

"Yeah, this is way better than seeing you half-naked on my computer screen acting all shy and shit," I joke and he lets out a high-pitched laugh. I pepper his body with kisses, starting from his collarbone, to his chest, to his abs, and down his fine happy trail. He plays with my hair as I hover towards his crotch area. I look up to find him staring at me expectantly while pushing my hair away from my face.

He starts to beg when I decide to stick my tongue out and playfully lick the tip if his dick. "Baby, please don't make me wait. I haven't had a decent blowjob in years," He touches my face tenderly, his eyes are filled with fire I've never seen before. It dawns on me, as I wrap my fingers around the base of his girth, how much they take their no-dating policy seriously. I brush the guilt away by finally taking the head of his dick inside my mouth and feeling the slit and the folds and the veins with my tongue, making him throb.

"Oh my goodness," He whispers, biting his lower lip hard as I suck lower, deeper, halfway down his length. "Shit!" Mark suddenly holds my head with gentle force as his manhood hits the back of my throat. I close my eyes and feel him pulsing, getting harder inside my mouth before I hollow out my cheeks to suck him upwards. "Damn, that feels so good..." He's moaning now, and it's adding up to the sopping mess in between my legs as I bob my head up and down his shaft.

"Baby, I have a condom in my wallet could you please put it on for me?" He says the minute I free him from in between my lips.

"I can't believe you're ready for this," I say, reaching for his discarded pants.

"I can't believe you're so good at this," He answers, laughing again as I rip the foil and expertly place the clear condom on his shaft with my mouth. He spills a few more expletives while I'm sucking him up and down, coating the flavored condom with my saliva.

We move to the center of the bed, kissing and touching along the way like hungry wolves. It's becoming harder for me to ignore the juices running down my thighs. He asks to be on top and I oblige by lying down and spreading my legs for him. Mark positions himself between them and stares at me deeply while aligning himself to my entrance. "Are you sure about this?" He asks, his voice breathy as he rubs his sheathed dick against my slit.

"Mark, please..." I groan, feeling the head of his cock pressing flush against my slick folds. "I should be asking you that, you're younger than me!"

"Hey, only by a few months. Besides, I've already pictured this in my head a thousand times," He chuckles, pumping his cock before finally pushing it into me. I cry out in pain at the exact time he draws a long, heavy moan. "Oh my god, why are you so tight?! Are you a virgin?!" He whisper screams as he continues to bury himself halfway inside of me, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

"I'm not, it's just..." I let my sentence hang to control my breathing, writhing in pain and pleasure beneath him. "I haven't had sex with anyone in three years and... Ohhh..." I inhale sharply when I feel him drive his whole length into me.

He grunts softly, filling me up with his long member. I feel a tear fall as I close my eyes. He pulls out and enters me again, this time faster and harder than the first. I dig my nails onto his back, enjoying every inch of him as he touches his forehead to mine.

"Am I hurting you?" Mark worriedly asks, letting me adjust to his size.

"Yes—No—I mean, I'm fine, I'm... Okay..." I say, wrapping my legs around his lean hips."You have no idea how good this feels for me," He whispers before moving his hips slowly but with calculated force. "You're so tight, I don't think I can last long,"

"Then fuck me hard now and make me cum with you," I whisper back, aching for more. He kisses me hard on the lips and snaps his hips forward, driving himself deeper into my sex. His deep, steady thrusts draw moan after moan out of me, and I can't help but screw my eyes shut to feel him more.

"No, baby, look at me," Mark demands, not stopping for even a minute. My eyes flutter open to stare back at him. "Don't take your eyes off me, okay?" He fucks me harder and harder, making it difficult for me to keep my eyes open and my screams low. The way he's looking at me with so much hunger makes me wonder where the seemingly innocent visual of GOT7 went.

"Mark, I think I'm..." I'm cut short by Mark's own moans that are growing longer and louder as he plows into me. I feel him throbbing within my walls and realize he might be close to climax too.

Suddenly he takes both of my limp hands, laces his fingers together with mine and pins my hands above my head before slamming hard into my pussy. I scream, so close to breaking as he leans is head against mine, his breath fanning my face.

"Ohhhh, baby you feel so good..." He sighs and kisses me hard, sending chills down my spine. I arch my back when his lips land on my neck again, licking and marking my skin in places I'm sure people would see tomorrow.

He starts thrusting faster and faster and his hands are gripping mine so hard that they're starting to go numb. Down south I am on fire, my insides are twisting and turning and I'm starting to lose all sense of sanity I have left. "Mark!"

"Fuck, you're getting tighter. Are you cumming?"

"Yes... Please... Don't stop... Aaahhhh!" I scream as I reach my orgasm sending Mark into a cursing frenzy, pleasure coursing through both of our bodies while my walls clenched and pulsed all around him."Ohhhh, baby I'm so close," His fast thrusts turn into deep and hard fucks that make the bed creak. He bites his lower lip hard and closes his eyes, his member twitching inside me signaling his own climax.

We both breathe hard, chasing down our highs with a couple more thrusts. Mark lets go of my hand and lays spent on top of me, his face buried in the crook of my neck. I hug him and gently run my fingertips up and down his back. "Mark?"

"Yes, baby?" He answers, leaving butterfly kisses from the sides of my neck to my collarbone. Silence. I can feel him smiling on my skin and we just stay there for a while, not really knowing what to say to each other.

"Are you seriously going to call me 'baby' now?!" I ask, staring at the ceiling and trying to ignore the feeling of his ridiculously moist and soft lips.

"That's up to you, actually..." Mark casually says. He rolls off me and lies beside me on the bed. "I want to, but it's up to you if you want that to stick, or not..." He adds, discarding the condom that looks like it's been filled to the brim.

"I'll think about it," I answer with a wink before leaving him butt naked in bed.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"I need to pee," I pad barefoot towards the bathroom without looking back. I close the door and quietly sit on the toilet, letting the tears roll down my cheeks.

Two minutes.

I'm giving myself two minutes to wallow in confusion and self-pity before I start my cool girl act.

The last thing he needs right now is a girlfriend and though I'm not exactly the one-night-stand kind, I'm more than willing to forget what just happened and not even glance at him when we get back to Korea for the sake of both our jobs.

For now, while we're still oceans away from our adult realities, I guess it's okay to go back and finish the night with a sweet cuddle session. So wash up, dry myself, and crawl underneath the covers where Mark instantly spoons me 'til he falls unconscious. I stay up, savoring the warmth of his naked body against mine, thinking this is the last time I'm sleeping with an idol.


	20. Chapter 20

"What if that's your karma? What if Mark gets in trouble for what you did and this is how the universe repays you?" Liv asks animatedly, her voice blaring through my Bluetooth earpiece. I wish I could toss my phone to the trash bin just like the rich brats on television but I bought my iPhone with my own money so I can't.

Everything about this day is driving me insane. I'm stuck in Narita Airport for god knows how long because my connecting flight to Incheon got delayed. I have a massive headache, I am in dire need of a shower, and I need to report to work in approximately 48 hours—that's if I don't get fired for sleeping with an idol under a strict contract. While I'm excited to actually be in Japan, I hate not being able to come out to explore the city because I still don't know when exactly the plane is arriving and I'm too shy to come up to the ground staff to ask.

"Jesus, whose side are you on, Liv?" I ask as I walk back to my seat at the boarding gate, sipping my latte carefully. I wish I followed my mother's advice to buy a business class ticket so I could relax at the lounge instead of waiting for my flight along with dozens of anxious strangers.

"Of course I'm on your side," My extroverted best friend says. "But with a face like that, I have no problems being on Mark's side too. Let's just say I'm on both of your sides." Liv continues.

*Flashback*

When Liv met Mark Tuan the morning after, I could tell she was already planning disguised double dates at Han River and secret Caribbean getaways with us and her non-existent idol boyfriend in her head. She was overly excited and way too enthusiastic for somebody who was kicked out of her own hotel room the night before.

We were having breakfast at the hotel's restaurant when Olivia came up to me wearing new clothes, looking every bit classy before she revealed, much to Mark's embarrassment, that she slept in a different room at the hotel to give us privacy because her Tinder date didn't exactly go as she planned. Mark laughed it off nervously, but his hands were resting on my thigh under the table the whole time, inappropriately drawing small circles on my skin. Liv commented on how adorable Mark's laugh was while gripping my hand under the table, telepathically asking me how I got myself in such a situation. Needless to say, I almost choked on my toast.

I wanted to talk to him about it. About us. But it didn't seem right to talk about the complexities of our actions when he's obviously still on a high. There was some semblance of serenity on his face that I haven't seen before. The smile on his face, his eyes, the way he ate, they way he looked at me, everything he did was calm and collected and not at all reflective of my war-torn head. Liv's presence saved us both the awkwardness of having to discuss the previous night's events.

After that day, and during our last days in LA, I begged Liv to just stay and lounge around the hotel with me. The endless socializing sapped all the energy out of me. I could still remember the weird looks at the airport, and the flight attendant's knowing smile when she handed me the in-flight newspaper where my face was printed across half a spread of the events section.

 _K.J. Jewelry empire heiress and new DJ prodigy Love Kangjeon livened up the party with Tyde Levi._

The photo's caption made my heart race. There were photos of me partying with Troye Sivan and Tyde Levi, me dancing onstage, and me posing with Liv and other society girls we grew up with but barely know. Everyone was so surprised that I finally "came out of my shy shell" to sample the party scene.

My hometown friends said they couldn't recognize me because I've gotten skinnier, fairer, and prettier since living abroad. I told them I have South Korea to thank for its mercilessly cold weather, healthy food, and uphill roads.

My mom was way too happy about the fact that I was getting free publicity for our business and she asked me to wear her limited edition designs to parties and society gatherings so people could see it. I had so much fun dressing up and partying and meeting people, but I needed the LA trip to recharge and Olivia was sensitive and sensible enough to keep the whole four days party-free. Mark left for Korea way ahead of me, which is a relief considering I've spent so many sleepless nights thinking about what happened.

*Flashforward*

"Liv, let's please acknowledge the fact that Mark and I... We're not a couple..." I almost whisper, before taking a bite of my croissant. "As soon as I land, I am going to pretend like nothing happened and if this is early karma, I'm fine with it."

"Wow, I never pegged you as the one-night-stand kind of girl," She says laughing. "I guess that means you're going to pretend your 'DJ Sarang' alter ego isn't real too, huh?" Liv adds, making me roll my eyes despite the fact that she can't see me.

"Yes, because I'm not a DJ. It's a one-time thing that I have decided to try because it seems fun, and because Hope was so insistent about it," I sip my coffee loudly to signal my protest.

"Correction, it's not a one-time thing, it's a week-long thing. You basically hijacked all of Tyde's gigs, and he let you because you're actually really good!" She exclaims, her voice rising a bit. Olivia Moseley is a huge believer that there's a hidden talent in everyone waiting to be unearthed. As a sophomore student, she approached me in my lonesome freshman state and tried to persuade me to give cheerleading a try because according to her I had "the perfect athletic build" for dancing. I politely said no, but she never stopped talking to me after that incident.

"Olivia, you're getting way ahead of yourself again. I'm not a DJ. I'm a video producer." I say, closing my eyes. I wish my headache would leave me alone after I finish this cup of coffee. I hear some rustling beside me and I hesitantly turn to look.

There are three free seats beside me (I'm sitting on left-most edge of the boarding gate bench) but the brown-haired girl decides to sit beside me and dump her belongings on the seat beside her. "Okay, I've got to go, my mother will probably kill me when she sees my phone bill. Bye, Lovey, I'll see you again next time okay?" Liv waits for me to respond with a weak laugh and a meek goodbye before cutting the line.

"Solma..." [Don't tell me...] I turn to face the girl beside me only to find her staring with an astonished look on her face . "O-omo..." She covers her mouth with both hands and casts her brown eyes to the floor, her round face pink with embarrassment. I look away from her too, deciding instead to stare at the massive window in front of us. I wonder if she knows I can speak Korean.

I watch the girl through our reflection on the massive windows before us and immediately notice that she's peeping at me while emptying the contents of her shopping bags into her semi-full orange mini suitcase. She has short brown hair that frames her pale face perfectly, and her brown eyes keep hovering towards me every minute or so. She seems to be troubled about something but I wouldn't dare ask what it is.

I pretend not to notice the weird looks she's giving me by busying myself with my phone. I connect to the airport WiFi and as soon as I establish my Internet connection my phone starts pinging non-stop. "Shit!" I immediately silence my phone, knowing that people are starting to look. The girl beside me is definitely full on staring now, but I couldn't care less because the amount of mentions on my Twitter and Instagram is making me panic. I open my apps nervously as I place my coffee on the ground just a few inches from my leg.

 _TydeLevi: Hey SarangKJ, will this video make you come back and jam with me again?_

 _KtotheJHope: TydeLevi SarangKJ She'll be back before you know it_

 _LivMoseley: OMG! Look, SarangKJ!_

There's a video link attached to all the tweets and I'm getting so many messages I can barely load the short clip. It seems that someone from Tyde's entourage took a video of us at a rave party in Perth and uploaded it on YouTube. The video is now spreading like wildfire on both Twitter and IG because people found my mashup of GOT7's Just Right with One Direction's similar sounding hit song very interesting. I feel my heart racing as I scroll through my notifications, reading comments about my face, my figure, my outfit, my choice of songs, and even my dancing and knowledge of K-Pop dance points. _This isn't real. This can't be real._

I disconnect from the airport WiFi and close off all my social media apps. I need some sense of reality here, something to pull me back to the adult world I've established for myself in the last three years. I take a deep breath and open my downloaded files to check out the songs JB sent me for their upcoming album.

"Excuse me," I'm not even past the chorus of JB's new song called FISH when the girl beside me starts speaking in English and tapping me on the shoulder?

"Yes?"

"Sorry, but from what album is that GOT7 song from?" She asks, eyes bright and lips spreading out into a beautiful smile. "I don't think I've ever heard of that song from GOT7 before."

"Oh," My heart starts racing. No one is supposed to know about this. _I'm definitely going to lose my job._ "Well, it's not an official GOT7 song yet so I can't give you the details. I'm sorry, I hope you understand." I give her my sweetest smile in an attempt to distract her from my phone screen.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for prying. I really just got curious, I'm a huge GOT7 fan." She turns back to fixing her suitcase and I go back to staring at my phone screen in peace. We sit in silence for a while and my mind starts to wander back to the video I just saw. Did it go viral because K-Pop fans in Australia noticed how unusual it is for a mainstream DJ like Tyde Levi to play Korean songs alongside his dance and house beats? Whatever the reason is, I still can't get a grasp of the fact that people are actually talking about me.

"Uhm, excuse me again," The voice on my left says. I turn to her distractedly, noticing the familiar grin on her face. I've seen that smile before, on the faces of people waiting outside my work building every day, and on my own reflection while walking along Garosu-gil's vibrant shops when I first came to Korea. I think she's about to give me a fan gift to pass on to the boys because she figured out that I work at JYPE so I start rehearsing my rejection speech in my head.

She holds up a pink package with both hands. "This is for you."

"Huh?"

"You're the DJ in the viral video, right? It's a gift for you. Please consider me as your fan now."

"Oh, gosh! T-Thank you..." I stuttered, hesitantly taking the package from her hands. I'm at a loss for words while she tells me about getting dragged by her cousins into a party one night in Perth and being so surprised that I played Korean songs which she massively enjoyed. "I-I don't know what to say really. I just found out that the video is going viral so I'm not at all prepared for this."

"Don't worry, it takes time to get used to it. I'm Nawoon Kim, by the way."

"Love Kangjeon, nice to meet you," I shake her hand with a shy smile. She launches into a detailed story of her life, how her family moved from Portugal to Australia to Korea, and how she started liking GOT7 at age 20.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you know anyone from JYPE? I'm just curious because you said the song you were listening to hasn't been released yet." Nawoon looks at me with inquisitive eyes, the kind of look puppies and preschool kids make. I feel like she can see the wheels in my head turning as I decide whether to tell her the truth or not. She blinks at me, waiting for my answer, and I gulp before finally speaking up.

"Actually, I work at JYPE." I watch as her face contorts into a look of utter shock. I tell her about my job and emphasize the fact that I don't really get to work face-to-face with GOT7 because I only edit the videos clips they shoot.

"But are you friends with them? Like, have you ever talked to them? Do you have a photo with them?" I balk at the avalanche of questions, but something about her wide smile and warm eyes keeps drawing me in.

"Well, we all know each other like regular workmates. I'm one of their staff anyway so I do get to talk to them from time to time." I lie, looking down on my phone to find photos of us. I'm a fairly good liar, but Nawoon seems to be the kind of person who knows exactly when a person's lying or not. "Here, this one's during the recent fanmeet." I show her a group photo of GOT7, JYP, and the staff posing on stage after the fanmeet, hours before my infamous dinner with our boss. "I'm right beside Jackson see?"

"Wow, you're so lucky!" She says, eyes wide while staring at Jackson's muscular arm that was draped comfortably across my shoulders. "What's it like being close to them?"

"They're funny, and nice," I say, trying to drown out images of Mark sweating on top of me just a few days ago. "And they're very sweet too, even towards the staff." I squeeze my legs together before telling her the story of how I ended up living in Korea and working for JYPE. That's as much as I can tell her. We talk about our biases from other K-Pop groups, Korea's fan culture, and the fact that I've subconsciously decided not to bias anyone from GOT7 anymore because it's difficult sticking to one when you work closely with them.

"My bias is Yugyeom. He's so pretty, it's surreal how such a pretty man exists!" She declares, her hands clasping the front of her shirt as if she's having a heart attack. Just then, we both hear my flight's boarding announcement. I stand up to gather my things and so does Nawoon. "Oh, are we on the same flight?" She asks while picking up her belongings.

"I guess so," I show her my boarding pass and we both gasp. "Oh wow, we're sitting right next to each other!"

"Woah, this is such a crazy coincidence!"

"I know! I guess this means we'll still be seeing each other?" We laugh as we make our way to gates, the feeling of comfort and familiarity breeding inside my chest. Just before we get to the bridge connecting to the plane my phone starts buzzing.

BamBam.

"Who's calling you?" Nawoon asks.

"Oh, uh... J-just. I-it's my friend from earlier..." I stutter. I press answer and immediately cover my mouth with my hand. "Y-yoboseo?" [Hello?] I answer, almost whispering on my phone.

"Noona, you're not answering my message, wae? [Why?]" BamBam chides, sounding like a true Korean.

"Mianhe, [I'm sorry,] I'm still in Japan. I'm about to board the plane now."

"Oh, you're on your way back? What time are you coming in?"

"I think I'll be there by 6 or 7pm,"

"Ah, jinjja? [Oh, really?] I'll pick you up from the airport then, call me as soon as you land, okay?"

"Okay, thanks B—" I stop myself from voicing out BamBam's name because Nawoon is looking right at me as we enter the plane. "B-Babe. I'll see you later, bye!" I end the call as fast as I can, interrupting the sound of surprise coming from BamBam's end. Nawoon gives me a knowing smile as we settle down on our seats.

"I knew you weren't single," She says, smirking at me. "You're too pretty to be single." I just laugh in response because I find it ironic that though I've been single for almost four years, I have managed to be called Baby and to call someone Babe in less than a week. _What the heck has happened to my life?!_


	21. Chapter 21

While the rest of the people my age are probably partying the night away, I'm happily bundled in my duvet, drinking hot cocoa and listening to my vinyl records on a Friday night. You'd think that a K-Pop fan like me would be averse to Norah Jones or Ed Sheeran or Emma Pask, but I'd have you know that my record collection is the exact opposite of my iTunes library. The main reason I bought a vinyl player off a charity flea market in Itaewon was because I wanted a mellow option for days when my life just feels so restless and chaotic. I guess it's safe to say that I need this little me-time after all that happened.

Since coming back to Korea my life has gotten way more hectic. I have been ignoring my phone for days, focusing instead on catching up at work and working out at the gym. It's been almost a week of constant hiding from the world since the day the blog post surfaced. I don't know why or how long I'm doing this for but right now it's the only way I know how to cope.

*Flashback*

After our long talk about living in South Korea, Nawoon and I got separated at the immigration line in Incheon. I knew she didn't have a baggage to claim and I felt bad that I didn't get to say a proper goodbye because I wanted to get her number so we could at least talk some other time. Friends are a bit hard to find in Korea, especially for people like me, so the fact that we clicked so well in just a few hours made me want to see her again. Maybe I'll bump into her outside JYPE some other time?

Kako!

BamBam: Babe, eodiya? [Babe, where are you?] I'm on my way to pick you up, call me when you land.

 _Ah, so we're finally out of formalities now, are we?_ I couldn't help but smile while dialing BamBam's number. "Yeoboseo? Bammie, na yeogi wasseo." [Hello? Bammie, I'm here now.]

"Oh, Jinjja? [Oh, really?] I'm almost there, where exactly are you?"

"I'm just waiting for my bag, will you wait for me at the arrival area?"

"Okay! See you soon, Babe!"

"Yah, Ba—" I heard a click and the line went dead before I could even protest about the unwanted endearment. I stared at BamBam's selfie on my phone's contact ID wondering whether I should ask him to just keep calling me Noona despite the fact that I repeatedly asked him in the past not to bother with honorifics. _Is Babe better that Noona?_

Just as I was hauling my heavy baggage out of the carousel, two flustered young girls came up to me. "J-jamsimanyo, a-agassi!" [Excuse me, miss!] I turned to the girl with her hands tightly clasped around a Samsung phone.

"Ne?" [Yes?] I answered, smiling wearily.

"Are you the DJ in that viral video? The GOT7 DJ?" The other one asked boldly, stepping towards me with hopeful eyes. I felt my heart jump up to my throat.

"Ah, n-ne..." [Ah, yes...] I haven't checked my SNS since leaving Narita but Nawoon said the video had been circulating since after the event but the whole thing got blown out of proportion when Tyde got around to posting it.

"Do you mind if we take a selca with you?" Said the girl holding a phone. Her question left me in a momentary daze as I translated every word to English in my head. _A selfie?!_ I wasn't wearing any makeup then, nor was I wearing any fancy clothing. I wasn't even sure how they managed to identify me in my parka, loose shirt, white distressed jeans, and ballet flats. "Jebal... [Please...] We want to take a picture with you before you get very famous."

"A-araso..." [Okay...] I motioned for them to come forward and stand closely beside me. People started to look at us while we're taking the photo. At that point, I felt like I was floating outside of my body. "Kamsahamnida..." [Thank you...] I said, bowing before quickly turning around, my bag in stow. Suddenly other youngsters started flocking around me, asking for selfies. Some of them are already taking photos of me in different angles without even asking as I make my way past the customs area, past the doors, and into the arrival bay.

I saw a familiar black van and felt relief washing all over me. BamBam started calling again, his face prominently displayed on the background of my phone's caller ID. "Babe, is that you in all-white outfit?"

"Yeah, who's with you?" I said, huffing as I approach the black van. A few people are still tailing me and I didn't want them to see any of the boys picking me up at the airport like some sort of royalty.

"It's just me, everyone's busy today. Wait, I'll go down and—"

"Andwae, gwaenchana!" [Don't, I'm fine!] I quickly said, slowing down as I walk towards the van. "Stay where you are."

"Ah, wae?! [Why?!] Are those people following you?"

"Yeah, I'll explain later. Bye!"

Click. Click.

My heart was pounding as I drew nearer. _Were those camera flashes? Maybe it was the airport lights?_

Just then a guy in blue uniform came up to help me with my baggage. I recognized him as one of GOT7's designated drivers so I allowed him take my bag away, thanking him profusely as I rushed inside the van. Thankfully, BamBam is in the back seat, his face partially covered with a pair of huge sunglasses.

"Oh my god, you have fans already?!" BamBam said, pulling me beside him and hugging me as soon as I settled down.

"They're YOUR fans," I said, shaking my head. I remembered the sparkly star key chain Nawoon gave me before boarding and the stark difference between her and the other fans. "It's so weird, they said they wanted selfies with me before I got famous, and I'm not even close to that." I added as the van sped away.

"Daebak! [Awesome!] Your video went viral so fast!" BamBam said, a huge smile painted on his face. There was a look of pride in his eyes I've never seen before, and he seemed genuinely pleased about the fact that his friend is turning into a semi-celebrity, which I couldn't understand because I was personally feeling a little bit panicked.

On the way to my apartment he told me that he found out about the video because a fan tagged him in a tweet. I told him about that night in Perth, about Nawoon and why I suddenly called him Babe over the phone. He laughed and said he thought I was flirting with him, which earned him a slap on the arm.

Thank heavens our conversation halted when he asked about L.A. just when I had to get off. "I'll tell you some other time. Thank you so much for picking me up, Babe!" I hurriedly said, kissing him on the cheek to distract him from the topic. I don't think BamBam would buy my lies about not meeting up with Mark when we're in the same city for two days. After all, he knew that I talk to Mark the most. He was still visibly shocked up until I closed the door of the van.

I woke up the next day with a call from Mina, who scolded me for not telling her that I was back and informed me that I was going to be late on my first day back to work. I was all over the place trying to get out of the apartment as fast as I can that, in my haste, I forgot to bring my phone. To make things worse, everybody seemed to be on high alert when I got to the office. I felt eyes on me everywhere I went and I thought it was because I got my swimmer's tan back, until Mina caught up with me.

"Yah, there you are, my famous chingu [friend]," Mina said with the widest smile I've ever seen from her. "Your secret is out, everyone is going to know that you're filthy rich." She showed me her phone and on it was a blog post written in Hangul featuring my party photos from Perth.

"Oh my god," I said, sounding just like the naive Australian girl I was when I first came to South Korea.

"That was a Gucci dress, wasn't it?" Was Mina's follow up question. I couldn't answer her. I was reeling, weak in the knees at the realization that somebody figured out who I was and put it out there for everyone to feast on for a few hot minutes. The blog post detailed my arrival yesterday, how I seemed to have been picked up by the same black van that drove GOT7 around for their schedules, and how none of the fans knew that GOT7's behind-the-scene video producer was actually an "Australian Paris Hilton" who DJs during her free time. What the hell?!

The article contained high resolution close up shots of me walking out of the arrival area and getting in the car and photos of me in Perth which seemed to have been taken by someone in the mosh pit section. There was a screenshot from the GOT7 Amazing World DVD of the split second I was seen on screen when I took their photo from the stage with the sea of fans as their background. The comments section was ablaze with inquiries about me. Some Australian GOT7 fans even posted photos of the recent newspaper articles I dreaded seeing.

Thankfully, no one insinuated that I was dating anybody, let alone sleeping with anybody—which I am most definitely guilty of. People were more concerned about my looks, and JYPE's seemingly "high standards" for hiring employees. "Do you really have to be this fit and pretty to work at JYP?!" A Tweet said, accompanied by a photo of me and some other good-looking girls I've seen around the company.

I buried myself deep in overdue work and refused to talk to Mina about it and she understood because by the time I finished reading the blog post, she said I looked like I've seen ten ghosts. The fact that there were fans waiting outside JYPE that day didn't help my situation. They recognized me immediately and continued to follow me as I walked away, throwing questions left and right that I couldn't answer. I just smiled, apologized, and immediately hailed a taxi so I could lock myself up at home.

*Flashforward*

TydeLevi sent you a message

1 FaceTime call from Hope Kangjeon

2 FaceTime calls from Liv Moseley

3 missed calls from Mark Tuan

You have 45 messages in With Love, The Resthouse Caretaker

You have 5 messages from Markiepoo

You have 1 message from Bammie

mtuan93 sent you a message

You have 53 mentions

1 message from Mark Tuan

Oh, what the hell.

I finally open Mark's SMS, just because he rarely sends one. "I'm coming over" It reads. Just before I type my lame-ass lie about being contagiously sick, I hear the doorbell ringing downstairs. _Damn, why do I live so close to them?!_

I put on a fluffy dressing gown over my dark blue sleeping gown to cover my braless state as I hurry to the door. Mark hits the doorbell again. "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

Mark starts waving through the door monitor, his face covered with a mask and a hat. I open the door for him and he immediately takes his mask and cap off to reveal his devious grin. "I missed hearing that." He pushes the door wider with his strong arms and leans forward.

"Hey,"

"Hey,"

"Welcome back!" He pulls me into a tight hug with one arm and smells my damp, tangled hair.

"Thanks." I can't fight him, at least not physically. Worst of all, I can't fight the swelling warmth in my chest the moment our bodies make contact. He doesn't struggle when I pull away to invite him in and close the door. "What's in there?" I ask, gesturing to the bag he's carrying.

"I brought you ice cream in case you're missing LA too," He's smiling his wrinkly-eyed Markiepoo smile and suddenly I feel like melting.

"I just got here, why would I miss LA?" I take the bag from him anyway and walk towards the kitchen.

"I don't know, I miss LA..."

"It's your hometown, of course you'll miss it," I say, placing the can of ice cream on the kitchen counter and reaching for a bowl from the cabinets above me. I know where this is going, and I would very much like to beat around the bushes for as long as I could because I'm not really in the mood to discuss my love life—or the lack thereof—at the moment. "How are you?" I finally ask, hoping to find a safer conversation starter.

"I'm a bit sad actually..." His voice deepens as I set the bowl and two spoons on front of him. He settles on a bar stool across me.

"Why?" I ask, avoiding his eyes by busying myself with the vanilla ice cream he bought. I heave abundant scoops of it into the bowl while Mark stares at me, probably intent on breaking my concentration. He reaches for the other spoon and I freeze when our knuckles brush against each other in the process.

"...Because I think you're ignoring me." His voice is stern and sure.

"No, I'm not!" I chuckle nervously, desperate to change lanes.

"Then why were you not answering my calls and my messages?"

"I'm sorry, I was so busy! I left a lot of work before going on vacation." I let out a deep sigh, feverishly wishing that he would leave it at that.

"Then why do I feel like you're avoiding me?"

"Why would I do that?!" I snap, finally looking up at him with a challenging stare. He stares back bluntly at me, beautiful brown eyes going darker by the minute, and I realize there's no turning back now.


	22. Chapter 22 (M)

"Because we had sex and you feel awkward about it?"

Silence.

Mark and I have realized early on in our friendship that the reason we click so well is because we're both introverts. We don't mind being quiet together. We like silence. But this staring contest is just fucking ridiculous.

"Mark," I start without really knowing what to say. "What do you want from me?"

Silence.

He drops his gaze to the bowl between us. The ice cream is starting to melt and I can't help but think that maybe it's sensing the tension in the air. "I don't know what I want." He takes his spoon and starts eating the ice cream, his face unreadable. "But I don't want us to feel awkward around each other."

I sigh and lean against the counter top, taking the other spoon without raising my eyes to him. I know he's watching me intently as I eat and mull over his words. "I don't want that either."

"So you do feel awkward."

"Yeah, actually..."

"I don't." There's conviction in his voice as he takes in another scoop of ice cream. I watch him lick his lips and feel a rope in my gut uncoiling.

"Well that's you," I say before eating another scoop. I know I'm starting to sound like a brat but I can't help but become more and more frustrated with him. _Does he think I'm easy?_ I've only ever had sex with one guy my whole life and since the massive breakup that sent me packing to Seoul, I haven't dated anyone, let alone have sex with anybody. "I'm not used to this, I'm not a one-night-stand kind of girl."

"Who says it was just a one night stand?" Mark asks. He leans forward and touches my face with his finger before attempting to close the gap between us with a kiss.

"Mark..." I turn my face the other way. He sighs and sits back to distance himself. "I just don't want to get you in trouble," I say, remembering PD-nim's words at the sushi restaurant. I've always thought that a no-dating contract clause was a small price to pay for the international fame but now that I'm starting to fall victim to it's trap I'm beginning to question why I'm even working in this industry.

"We won't get in trouble unless we date." He says it like it's no big deal and I don't know whether to feel flustered or offended because it's finally clear why he's here in the first place. The cat is out of the bag and now we're both staring at it as it purrs around the table so casually.

I wonder if he realizes that he's literally asking me to be his fuck buddy. I wonder how many girls he's dated in the past and how many fuck buddies he's had. But then I remember that night in L.A. when we were cuddling after cleaning up and he said he has not had any decent sex in the last five years because they were so hellbent on debuting they just didn't have time.

"So you're saying we should just keep fucking around because we're not dating anyway?" I scoff and take another spoonful of ice cream. He watches me nervously as I lick my spoon. "Like fuck buddies?" I say outright. Mark purses his lips upon hearing my words.

"Maybe... Or something like that..." He answers reluctantly, placing his hand on top of mine. "Look, we both need the company and the sex," My eyes meet his seductive gaze as he starts drawing circles on my skin. "Five years without it was hard, and now that I've had it again, and it's with you, it's driving me insane. I keep replaying everything that happened in my head. I thought it's going to be a one-time thing too but when I saw your video I just—"

"Wait, you saw the video?!" I feel my jaw unhinging.

"Yeah, BamBam showed me."

"Damn, why does BamBam have to be on Twitter all the time?!" I cry out loud. He lets out a high-pitched laugh. I admit that I have downed one too many shots of tequila before Tyde invited me to dance and spin onstage during his infamous Korean-inspired set in Perth.

"Why didn't you tell us you're a DJ in Australia?" He asks, toying with my fingers now that we're both obviously more relaxed than when we started talking. I let him lace his fingers through mine.

"Because I'm not. I just tried it for fun, I never thought it would go viral..." I explain. He rises from his seat and comes around to my side of the counter, apparently to get a glass of water. I turn to him while recounting what happened in Australia, the gigs that I went to, the events and the media fest that my family shamelessly took advantage of.

"You should try doing it more," Mark says "You looked so sexy on stage," His gaze is burning a hole in my consciousness, making it harder for me focus on anything else other than him.

"You really think so?" I ask, watching his Adam's apple bob up and down in a hypnotizing rhythm as he sips his water.

"Mmhhhm..." He's standing so near me now that I can smell his familiar scent. Mark carefully places the glass of half-empty water on the counter while his other arm snakes around my waist. He looks down on me and I stare into the brown galaxies of his eyes, feeling almost dizzy and breathless. We fall into the kind of quiet we both like—and crave. His eyes seem to be telling me that he's just waiting for confirmation. It's the same inviting look he had given me when we were sitting on the shores of Santa Monica. Only this time I don't budge, so he does.

Mark presses his lips on mine, his kiss tender yet hesitant. I kiss him back in spite of myself, drunk off his scent and the feel of his hands on my waist as he pulls me closer to his body. We explore each other's mouths, tongues melting together so sweetly. My hands travel to his arms, up to his broad shoulders, and up to the back of his neck. I run my hands through his hair, my nails raking his scalp softly as I moan in his mouth.

"Fuck," All at once his hesitant kisses turn savage, his teeth grazing my lower lip. Mark hauls me upward and sits me on the kitchen counter. He spreads my legs, fingers gripping my inner thigh, and starts kissing and licking the sides of my neck. His name escapes from mouth and I hear him hiss in response. "Fuck, I missed you so much you have no idea..."

I laugh and he stops to watch me with confused eyes. "We've been out of touch for a week and you're a mess already? You sure you don't want to date?" I boldly ask. Where I'm getting this kind of courage, I really don't know. He grabs the bowl of ice cream behind me with a shit eating grin.

"Baby, that's exactly my point. If we date, I'll never let you out of my sight. I don't think you're ready for that." He says, winking at me. My line of sight drops to his deliciously pink lips and even without saying a word, I know that he can sense my need to take his face in my hands and savor him again. "So what do you say?"

We fall into contemplative silence again. In the grand scheme of things the only fitting answer to give is a resounding "No". I've always prided myself for being an upright and sensible person. Sure, I've had my fair share of stupid, crazy ass decisions. I've gone skinny dipping with a boy back in college, I've left everything behind in Australia, and just recently I have allowed myself to get piss-drunk in numerous parties. I'm in the middle of my 20s, I should have a better grip on my life but right now. But here I am, biting my lower lip so hard because frankly I'm finding it way too difficult to turn Mark down. I'm the adult here, I should know what's right.

No, we're both adults here. We both should know what we're doing.

"Fine," I finally say, looking at him straight in the eye. "Let's give it a try."

"Oh, really?!" He answers, eyes widening as he sets his spoon back into the bowl that he's holding steadily between us. I just nod at him with a smile before taking the spoon.

"But we need rules... And we're both making them."

"Okay, I'm listening," He says, a smile slowly spreading across his face as he leans closer to me. "You better not be making rules about not falling in love because we both know that's bullshit." We laugh and then we take turns eating the ice cream with one spoon.

"Okay, my number one rule is that we both ask permission before third base. If any of us says no, or hesitates, we stop."

"Of course," He says with a serious look of concern on his face, as if to say he'll never want to violate me in any way. I smile at him, glad that I'm sitting on the kitchen counter because now we're on the same level. "What's rule number two?"

"Protection?" I suggest, and he nods enthusiastically. "For the both of us, I mean... Just so we're sure." We really can't run the risk of having a baby right smack in the middle of his—and my—growing career.

"Good call. Can I give rule number three?" I nod at him to signal my interest. "I want us to be exclusive."

"Mwo?! [What?!]" I balk under his determined gaze.

"We may not be dating but I don't want you to fuck anyone else either."

"Ah, wae?! [Oh, why?!]" I say, trying to hold in my sarcastic laugh. It's not that I'm against having a monogamous relationship with him, I just want to know what's on his mind. "Are you worried about STD? Isn't this a bit too much? What if I want to date somebody and—"

"No." He takes the spoon and the empty bowl and turns his back to me as he walks toward the sink. "I just... I don't want to share you with anyone else."

I scoff at his childish remark until he turns to me with a serious look on his face. "Oh and rule number four is we're not allowed to call anyone else Baby." He comes up to me with a smirk, licks his lips as his arms snake around my waist again. "Can we do that? Can we call each other Baby?"

He's putting his puppy dog eyes once again and I can't help but think that he's projecting his dating frustrations at me. I sigh and say, "But you call your fans Baby all the time... Can't we just stick to our names?"

"I don't call our fans Baby—they're our Baby Birds, that's different."

"I can't believe we're fighting over a cheesy nickname,"

"I can't believe we're fighting because you won't call me Baby. It's so simple."

"Jesus, fine, I'll call you Baby!" I burst, rolling my eyes at him. How did we end up bickering on our first night as a couple? Are we even a couple? Is that something that could quantify this relationship? We are in a relationship, right? Like, fuck buddies are still—technically speaking—in a relationship, right?

Mark interrupts my train of thought by placing one hand at the back of my neck and pulling my face towards his, kissing me hard and long. "Thank you, Baby..." He whispers against my lips. It's as if he knew I was overthinking and didn't want me to stress. I sigh as his kisses reach my neck once more, my hands gripping the edge of the counter top I'm sitting on, my body arching towards his touch.

"Mmmhhhmmm, Baby, please don't tease..." I say, testing the waters. The words are foreign to my lips because I have never called anyone that way before and it feels strange and good all at the same time, just like the way his fingers are unraveling the knots of my robe and lightly touching the skin on my leg.

"Wow, that sounds so good coming from you," He snickers, lips still hovering around the sensitive spots on my neck. "Hey, you know what," He says, suddenly stopping to make me look at his face once again. "Let's make that our secret signal. From now on, if I say Baby on cam that means I'm talking only to you. Okay?" His smile is so dazzling I feel like my heart is doing mini somersaults.

"Okay..." I say before pulling his face towards me and giving him another deep kiss. I feel hands all over my body, our tongues dancing fiercely in a state of lust. He takes his shirt off and I let my hands map a trail down his toned muscles, my clothes pooling on the floor along with his. I watch his head lowering down and ending in between my legs, hear myself cry out his preferred nickname in ecstasy.

This isn't exactly how I envisioned my Friday night, but I have no complaints—not when I'm finally doing something exciting and new in Seoul. Fuck all the blog posts, it'll die soon enough. But this... This is so worth it.


	23. Chapter 23

"Are you sure I look okay?" Jihoo asks, anxiously wiping his round black-rimmed glasses with the hem of his pink button up shirt as we wait for the elevator. He's taken into bulking up lately with workouts and protein shakes, and though I'm not sure what kind of guy Amber's into anyway, I reassure him that my celebrity friend is excited to meet him as well.

"Trust me, Amber is so chill. Why else would she invite us to eat here?" I say, shifting my weight from one foot to another as I look around the crowded lobby of Lotte Hotel. _What the hell is taking this elevator so long?!_

"What exactly are we doing here anyway?" Jihoo asks again, his subtle satoori accent attracting the attention of several ladies waiting behind us. My cousin from Busan is speaking to me in English so fluently that even I couldn't believe it, but his provincial twang shows off a little and it's adorable as heck.

"It's a secret," I answer, looking left and right to make sure no one hears before whispering. "But it's got something to do with a collaboration." I tap my foot against the marble floor, my new booties starting to hurt because it's been a while since I wore heels. I've worn sneakers far more frequently than I have before and I'm afraid I'm starting to get used to athleisure outfits so I have decided to shake things up a bit and dress up.

We hear a 'ding' as the elevator doors open, and we see two tall security guards blocking our way. There's harsh whispering behind me as I crane my neck to see who's inside, until my eyes land on a familiar tall figure at the back. "Oh, Noona!" I hear him shout just as the elevator doors are closing. "Love, come on!"

I gasp upon realizing who the voice belongs to. "Namjoonie, annyeong!" [Hi Namjoon!] I say, waving at Rap Monster enthusiastically. The two towering guards finally decide to hold the door and step aside, allowing me and my bewildered cousin inside the elevator. We are immediately surrounded by the members of Bangtan Sonyeondan, some hotel staff, and three other people who I assume are BigHit Entertainment managers. I politely greet everyone in the lift as I make my way to Namjoon who's smiling at me, dimples and all. Jungkook stands beside him and watches with his wide puppy dog eyes as I squeeze in between Jin and J-Hope.

"Annyeong haseyo," [Hello,] Jin is the first to greet me back. _God, Jin looks so good up close. He must've been a prince in his past life._ I smile at him timidly, aware that everyone else seems to be gawking at me—the awkward outsider.

"Hey," I feel a light tap from behind me and I look back to Namjoon who seem to have gotten blonder than the last time I saw him. He hands his phone over my shoulder with a knowing smile. "I told you to call me but you never did. Leave your number so I can call you." His English, as always, is impressive. I hear Jungkook whispering a compliment to his leader for his smooth talk while I type in my number. Namjoon just laughs and shakes his head. I give his phone back and he introduces me briefly to the group, explaining how we met through Mark and what I do at JYP Entertainment.

"Oh, seolma?!" [Oh, really?!] says Taehyung who's peeking from behind Jin's broad shoulders with a surprised look. "Mark Hyung never mentioned they have a pretty PD-nim!"

"Yah, V, hajima [stop]. She might not look like it but she's older than both Mark and Jin," Namjoon warns, making the boys around me gape like fishes caught in a net. "Where are you headed?" He then asks, surprising everyone as he smoothly transitions from Korean to English.

"We're meeting Amber at the member's restaurant," I answer before glancing at my companion who's reaching past the guards to push the button for 107th floor. Jihoon is wide-eyed and looking like a sore thumb in between Suga and Jimin. He's probably more surprised of the fact that we're literally rubbing elbows with BTS than I am. "Oh, this is my cousin, Jihoo." Jihoo mutters some polite greeting that we can barely hear.

"You know Amber from F(x)?" Jin asks, also in English. His big eyes are so distracting and beautiful that I find myself stuttering while explaining how I met Amber and Henry on the same night I met their leader. The truth is, Namjoon, Amber, and Henry aren't the only ones I know personally. Since the blog post and the viral video, I have been introduced to many people in the industry. The boys followed through with their promise to introduce me to G. Soul who even gave me a signed CD when he was told I was his fan.

"Oh, jamsimanyo! [Oh, wait a minute!] I think I recognize you from somewhere," Jimin says, raising his finger. He tries to think, eyeing me curiously from head to foot while biting his lower lip, making me blush immediately. I've always thought that he's a pretty boy but right now, seeing him in person, I realize the word 'pretty' doesn't give justice to his stunning good looks.

"The viral video. You're the one who remixed GOT7 and One Direction." We all look at Suga, not expecting him to speak. He's leaning comfortably against the wall, cold eyes scanning me, making me fret in my shift dress. There's a collective sound of surprise inside the elevator as it dawns on everyone that I'm not entirely a stranger to them. Namjoon and Jihoo are exchanging smiles while I resort to looking down at my feet, my cheeks feeling hot at the attention I'm suddenly getting.

"Ahhh, you're the Australian Paris Hilton at JYP?" J-Hope asks, his smile blinding like the sun. "I've wanted to ask JB hyung to introduce us. I'm Jung Hoseok." He offers his hand out to me with a smile that's almost cocky, if not confident.

"Ara," [I know,] I answer, blushing all the more at the way he's staring at me. In my slightly shaking voice, I manage to explain that I've been a fan of BTS since debut days.

"Aigoo, Noona, you're making my heart flutter!" He answers dramatically, still not letting go of my hand. We all laugh at his attempt at flirting. Namjoon distracts everyone by declaring that I owe him a lot because I promised to call and never did. He softly demands a collaboration, to which the rest of the boys respond to with cheers.

"Okay, I'll be sure to call you this time," I finally say.

"Yagsog?" [Promise?] Rap Monster says, holding his pinkie finger up.

"Yagsog." [I promise.] I intertwine my pinkie with his.

BTS' manager informs us that we're fast approaching 79th floor and it spurs the members to stand up properly in preparation for their fansign event. "By the way, Love, you're coming to our concert next month, right?" Namjoon asks again.

"Oh, I'm not sure," I say, feeling guilty that I've been so busy lately, I didn't even know they're having a concert. "I don't have a ticket yet but I'll see what I can do." It's not a secret that BTS concerts sell out pretty quickly which makes me nervous about promising to come.

"Call me, I'll give you guys tickets to the second-day of the show." Namjoon says. Jihoo's eyes seem like they're going to pop out of their sockets. The elevator stops on the floor leading to the events hall and the group starts leaving the elevator one by one. "Oh and please bring Jackson, he's always complaining about me being busy," He adds, chuckling before stepping out and bidding us goodbye. I wave at them and wish them luck for their fansign, to which Taehyung answers with a cute wave and a wink before Jimin pulls him away.

"Bangabseubnida!" [Nice to meet you!] Jihoo shouts to them as the doors close. We each let out a long exhale the moment we're left alone. "Oh my god, was I dreaming?! That was BTS, right? And Rap Monster just invited us to their concert?!"

"I believe so..."

"Oh my god... Yah, how can you not tell me that you're friends with Rap Monster?!"

"Because I only met him once," I say in my defense. I did not want to seem too eager so I put off calling him but I got caught up in a lot of things and completely forgot about his calling card. "That's called an acquaintance, not a friend."

"Okay, well, you just promised to call him didn't you? Now, you're friends." Jihoo forcefully says, making me laugh. The elevator stops on the 85th floor and in comes Amber, surprised that we're in the elevator as much we are seeing her.

"Amber!" I call out before hugging her. "Hi, gosh, I saw Namjoon just now!"

"Oh really? Where is he?"

"They're having a fansign at the events hall. Oh by the way," I pull at Jihoo who's standing awkwardly, slack-jawed in front of his bias. I squeeze his arm a bit to spur him to action. _I just spoke to Jimin without fainting so he better ace this._ "This is my cousin Jihoo, he's from Busan."

"Annyeong haseyo, fan imnida." [Hello, I'm your fan.] Amber greets him back with a bow and a curt thank you. I try not to laugh seeing them being so adorably awkward around each other. We reach 107th floor and are whisked into a table at the far end of the restaurant, beside a huge glass wall with a view of the city. It's breathtaking, and I'm still not sure why I'm even here to experience all of this.

Three years ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of sitting in this fancy place with an idol. I also probably wouldn't think I'd wake up next to one—that person being Mark, who's made it a habit to "sleepover" at least once a week. Amber pulls me out of my reverie by asking me how I am

."Oh I'm great," I answer in English, despite the fact that she asked me in Korean. Somehow she gives me a look that questions the sincerity of my answer but I smile to reassure her. "I mean, I'm just a little bit tired from last night but other than that I'm cool."

"Oh yeah, I heard about your gig at Callabooze, how is it?" She asks, referring to the new club in Hongdae owned by one of earattack's friends. When the PD-nim found out about the viral video, he immediately introduced me to the music producers of JYP Studio, who suggested I try doing small gigs to enhance my connections and skills.

"I was there, she was really cool!" Jihoo pipes in, shocking Amber with his sudden switch to English. I explain briefly that Jihoo is studying literature and it so obviously impressed Amber. "Mark came too, he's nice but he's pretty quiet."

"Ah well, he's always been like that. I'm surprised he even came, he's not into clubbing. We used to force him physically to come!" Amber looks at me curiously as she talks about Mark and I just smile at her. The food comes just in time, distracting Amber for a bit as I try to get my wits together. Maybe her gut feel is telling her that something is different now. I try to banish the image of Mark laying spent on top of me last night, try to forget how he gripped my hips so hard when we did it on the kitchen counter, try to press my legs together as they go weak at just the thought of him.

"Does Mark know?" Amber asks when the servers take their leave.

"About what?" I ask, her question making my heart pound.

"About the collab. Does any of them know?"

"Oh, yeah, they all know about it." Amber nods, probably still thinking. When the video surfaced, Amber was one of the first people to contact me with a proposal to collaborate for SM Station. I had to ask permission from JYP, just out of courtesy. He's still my boss after all and though I'm not a talent in his company, I respect his opinion and decision, especially when opportunities as huge as this one comes along. "JYP is excited to hear it!"

"I actually have it. That's why we're here!"

"Really?!" Jihoo says, looking up from his plate.

"Yeah, let's do a first listen. It's good we have a fresh pair of ears. Let me know what you think!" Amber flashes him a smile and I swear I could almost hear Jihoo combusting in his seat. She plays the song loud enough for us to hear and places her phone in the middle of the table. This is probably why Amber chose to meet up at a very exclusive restaurant on a Sunday afternoon. It's almost empty except for a few businessmen busily typing on their laptops.

I'd be stupid not to say that I'm proud of what I'm hearing. Amber's voice is the perfect addition to the music I made. We took an old melody sheet from one if SM's producers and mixed it with the beats I made at JYP Studios. Amber and I wrote the lyrics, and SM is releasing the song as part of next month's Station releases. Jihoo is obviously impressed, Amber is visibly excited, and I am in a role coaster of emotions. I feel grateful and amazed and happy and scared all at the same time.

They start discussing the parts of the song that they like most and I listen intently, not wanting to miss out in their conversation until my phone starts vibrating in my pocket.

Mark: Where are you?

Mark: Baby?

Mark: Eodiya? [Where are you?]

Love: I'm with Amber and Jihoo, why?

Mark: I'm at your apartment.

Love: Why? Aren't you supposed to be practicing today?

Mark: We're done. I missed you...

I try not to sigh audibly. I shouldn't have told Mark my apartment's pass code. Whatever kind of relationship we have right now, it's starting to grow on me. I'm never the kind of girl to fuss and worry but here I am, wanting to bolt out of Lotte Hotel to be with him.

Love: Baby we just started dinner

Love: Do you want me to come back now?

Mark: No it's okay. I'll wait for you.

"Okay, you know what," It's Jihoo, his voice reverberating across the table. "I'm calling it. My cousin will get famous this year. This song will open a lot of doors for you, Love." I snap back into the conversation, hoping they don't notice how I'm starting to fret in my seat. I can imagine Mark lying in my bed, waiting for me to come home and the thought makes me a little jumpy.

"I agree," Amber says, smiling at me while eyeing how I'm anxiously playing with my phone in my hands. They say female intuition is never wrong and I guess that's exactly what's on Amber's mind right now. "Gosh, I'm so excited."

"Yeah, about that," I say, still fretful. "I know it's already been discussed with Park PD-nim but... Isn't it possible to just put me in the credits without featuring my name?" JYP requested to make the collaboration between two companies more apparent by placing my DJ name in the title of the song. I asked not to be included, preferring instead to see my name under the composers list, but Amber and the SM producers insisted.

"You wanna know why my producers want to put your DJ name on the title? It's not just because JYP asked for it." I gulp, waiting for her confirmation. I kind of already know what she's about to say but I wanted to push my luck because the last thing I need right now is to be associated with two companies and more idols—at least not when I'm banging one.

"Because she's Internet famous?" Jihoo timidly suggests.

"Yes, and we need digital sales," Amber answers, checking her phone. I see Mark's name flash briefly on her screen, his message coming thru just as she starts explaining how we're even going to have a photo shoot, a music video filming, and a few radio guestings to complete the song promotions. Our eyes meet the moment she stops talking and she gives me a knowing smirk while putting her phone down gently.

We finish dinner and though I initially planned to ask them both to go somewhere for coffee—just to give Jihoo some more time with his bias—I give in to the gnawing feeling in my stomach. I tell them I need to run an important errand, and Jihoo says that he's on his way to meet a friend anyway so he needs to go ahead too.

"Hey," Amber says, gently tugging on my arm as she lags behind me. Jihoo's anxiously waiting by the elevator, his feet fidgety, his eyes trying to catch my line of sight. "Mark messaged me just now, he's looking for you."

"Oh, he messaged me too, we're meeting up before I head home," I lie.

"Can I come along?"

"No!" Jihoo and I both answer hastily, my voice rising a bit. I look down on my feet, trying to gather my wits. "I mean, I just—it's not for long, I just need to give him something..."

There's a long pause between us and somehow I feel like Amber is telepathically asking me why I'm lying to her. "Okay..." She says slowly. "I'll tell him you're on your way then." The elevator comes and we all step inside. All the while, I can feel Amber's stare burning a hole at the back of my skull as I tap my foot impatiently. We all reach the ground floor and hurriedly bid our farewells. As I get into the train, my phone vibrates again with a message from Amber.

Amber: You guys better know what you're doing. You know they have a ban right?

Love: What?

Amber: I know Mark too well.

Love: We're not dating...

Amber: Not YET at least.

Love: It's way too early to tell anyway.

Amber: Don't worry. Secret's safe with me.

Love: Thank you Amber.

Amber: It's nothing. Please be safe, okay?

Love: *Laughing and crying emoji* Oh my God, Amber!

Amber: What?! You're both adults, don't tell me you're spending alone time just eating at your apartment!

Love: Can we not do that? We're just friends!

Amber: With benefits?

I stop, not knowing what to type. How do I answer this? And why is my heart beating this fast when I already know she's right?


	24. Chapter 24 (M)

"Aigoo, you're really a celebrity now, aren't you?!" Mina says the minute I step into our office.

"A-aniya!" [No!]

"Look at you? You wore a dress today because your music video came out, right?" She asks with a shit eating grin while eyeing my new skater dress suspiciously. She's not wrong, but I'm not about to admit to that.

"Aniya, [No,] I just haven't done my laundry yet so I don't have much clothes to wear." I lie, knowing full well that my other workmates don't have any idea that my wardrobe is literally the size of a room. Mina laughs in response, having seen my apartment and my dressing room. I glare at her as I take my seat.

"Yah, Sarang-ah, when are you going to invite us to your gigs?" Says Jenny who's been sitting beside one of the producers with an amused look on her face. Apparently, everyone at JYP knows that I DJ during weekends and some of them even show up at Callabooze from time to time to see me play. Fans are also coming in, hoping to see their favorite idols because Jackson and Mark got spotted three weeks ago. They dropped by to see how I was doing after a long music video shoot that ended past 5PM and had me rushing to my gig that night in full make up.

"You can always go, it's just in Hongdae." I answer, hoping Jenny won't ask me how I got the gig. "The name of the club is Callabooze, it's pretty easy to find."

"Okay," Mina exclaims, clapping her hands. "Jenny and I are going this Saturday night, who's coming with us?" A few hands shoot up in the air, making me giggle in disbelief.

"Yeoreobun, [Everyone,] drinks are on me when you come visit me this weekend, arachi? [Understand?]" I explain that I have a huge employee discount so in celebration of our new song, I'll treat them to a bottle of vodka. The group cheers and chatters in anticipation as I return to editing and sorting clips for GOT2Day. I smile when I see Mark's face frozen on my screen. Whatever luck this is that's keeping my work life and love life (or sex life, more like) busier than usual, I hope I never run out of it.

The day goes by slowly with colleagues congratulating me on the release of our music video. I get calls from abroad telling me they've heard my song, trainees bowing towards me with a wide smile, and even artists like Jae from Day6 and Mina from Twice telling me they enjoyed listening to the song I wrote with Amber. It's almost past 6PM now and I'm hoping the fans have left the building so I can go home in peace in a few more hours. Kang Mina taps me on the shoulder telling me she's leaving and reminds me to keep my promise of buying everyone drinks this weekend. My phone suddenly vibrates just as I'm waving her goodbye.

 **Mark:** Baby where are you?

 **Love:** Here at the office.

 **Mark:** At your desk?

 **Love:** Yes, why?

They're probably just a few floors beneath me. BamBam's been whining in our group chat since this morning about how he's too tired to practice. This GOT7 comeback is proving to be very difficult, what with a more complicated choreography and self-written songs in the upcoming album. The team is going through a lot of changes in terms of marketing, which means I also need to do a lot of graphic adjustments for the videos we're about to release. _What could Mark want from me at this hour?_

 **Mark:** Meet me at B1 in 5 minutes.

 **Love:** OK, but why?

 **Mark:** I want to show you something.

I've never been to the basement levels so I'm hesitant to meet up with Mark. But since it's already late and I do need to stop working, I decide it won't do much harm to explore the building with him. Anyway, I have only been here for almost a year and he has been walking these halls for over six years now. I shut my computer down, take my bag, and head over to the elevators.

 **Love:** I'm on my way.

 **Mark:** Good. See you, baby!

A part of me thinks it's too dangerous to be with Mark at work, especially with all the eyes and cameras around us. But the basement rarely gets visited. I have heard the bathrooms are haunted and the old dance studio is too small now for JYP's growing idol groups. Yugyeom seems to be a frequent visitor though because he likes practicing alone. _Maybe Yugyeom is coming along?_

Ding!

The elevator doors open to a very narrow hallway, the semi-darkness enveloping me so suddenly. Like a spotlight, the only light shines upon Mark who's leaning against the white wall in front of the elevator, his eyes fixed on his phone. I step out and look around. There is absolutely no one on this floor but us. Instinctively, I look up to find a red blinking light attached to the ceiling, a sign of life from other floors. _Am I even allowed to be here?_

He's smiling at me as he lifts his head up and when our eyes meet I could almost hear myself gasping. I know that look. I know that look all too well by now. "Hey," He says, getting off the wall to greet me. I smile at him as his eyes travel downwards, checking me out from head to foot. He licks his lips slowly as he walks towards me.

"So what do you want to show me?" I ask, voice growing quiet by the minute. He takes my hand and pulls me to his side.

"The old practice room. I don't think you've been there yet." He looks at me again, this time with a playful smile as he reaches to punch a code on the keypad beside a glass door. There's another narrow hallway behind it that seems to lead nowhere. My heart starts racing as we step in because I'm realizing more and more that we might be getting ourselves into trouble. Mark opens another door, a white one with a small glass pane and JYP's signature blue and gray dots stuck in front. The word 'Dance' floats on top of the circles ominously. The silence around us is so thick, yet strangely familiar. It feels just like all the nooks and crannies of the building.

All the lights are off except for the ones installed along the black walls under the JYPE logo, the bright LED bulbs looking a lot like stars in the dark sky. I see our reflection on the towering mirrors of the studio and I realize just how tall Mark is compared to me. I smile as I take in the sight of us, holding hands in the dark room he's been spending his nights and days in. He's looking down at me, watching me intently as my eyes scan my surroundings.

I let go of his hand and walk around, looking at the equipment, the handwriting on the small white board, the items of clothing and face towels littered on the floor. The place smells of polished pine wood and lavender. Oh, wait...

"I'll show you a secret, but you need to be quiet, okay?" Mark whispers in my ear. I can feel his warmth from behind me, the smell of his lavender-scented clothes clinging to my senses. I gently nod and he leads me to the back of the room separated from the dance area by a water dispenser and a bigger whiteboard with wheels. Behind it are white walls hidden by thick black curtains and an organized mess of chairs and tables and clothing racks. Mark takes me to the corner of the room and gropes the wall behind the curtain for something.

"What are you do—" I'm interrupted by the slight squeaking and the sly smile spreading across his face as he turns to me. He goes into the hidden room, pulls me with him, and shuts the door in one swift movement. "Mark!"

"Shhh!" He says, grabbing me in the dark and pinning me against a wall. He reaches for a light switch and a hazy yellow light comes on, illuminating his beautiful face. I strain to look around and find myself in a small dressing room that's bare save for a concrete ledge connected to the wall on my left and a full-length mirror to my right. "I missed you today," Mark says before kissing my lips forcefully.

I'm so caught up in his scent, the feel of his hand on my face, his lips crashing against mine, that it takes a full minute for me to react. "Mark, what are we doing?"

"Uh... We're making out?" He says, as if pointing out the obvious would help.

"I know that," I answer, rolling my eyes at him. "But we're still at work, what if someone catches us?" I ask, breathless and nervous as he pulls me towards him, his hands wrapping around my waist.

"Well if you stay quiet then no one would find us..." He kisses me again, this time harder and needier. He lets his right hand roam my backside, cupping my ass roughly to show me just how much he wants me.

"Baby, please..." I say, breathing in between kisses while I'm trying to pull away. "We can do this at home, let's go."

"No, we'll make it quick. I can't come over tonight, JB and I are working on something..."

"Mark..."

"Please?" His puppy dog eyes are back and they're killing me a little inside. He takes my hand and presses it to his crotch and my eyes go wide upon knowing that he's already hard through his jeans. "I need help, I'm writing lyrics and I can't keep you off my mind."

I bite my lip while palming him, my sanity and reasoning finally leaving my body when he starts kissing me again. _Is he writing a song about me?_ A breathy moan escapes me as his kisses leave my mouth to make trail from behind my ear down my neck. "Is that a yes?" He asks, his lips ghosting around my sensitive skin. I nod weakly in response. He knows exactly where to target me and it's getting a bit scary, albeit hot.

I pull on his belt buckle, willing it to just come off so we can get this—whatever this is—over with. He smirks as he works on his belt and his fly in swift succession. Then he puts a hand on my shoulder to push me down on my knees and I oblige, hoping no one would find us in this position. I feel his fingers running through my hair as I take him in between my lips, my hands resting on his hips. He takes a sharp breath when he hits the back of my throat and lets out a low, growling exhale when I finally release him. "Oh, baby that feels amazing." He whispers as I drag my tongue along the underside of his shaft. I look up to find him staring in the mirror, eyes looking sharp as he watches me bob my head for him. "You look so hot, baby," He bites his lower lip deliciously and I give his dick an appreciative lick before smacking my lips together.

He smiles wickedly and pulls me upward by the hand, guides me to one side of the dressing room and sits me on the ledge. My dress rides up, revealing more of my legs as we kiss. His hand slides down from my breasts to my thighs and in between them, his fingers lingering on the outside of my underwear. I open my legs more for him, sighing in surrender. "You're already wet for me..." Mark says, playing with my clit through the thin fabric. He starts pumping his cock with his other hand and pushes my panties aside with the other. Eyes fiery with hot desire, he aligns himself against my slit and enters me.

It feels different now that he isn't wearing a condom, his cock flush inside my pussy. I'm patting myself on the back silently for suggesting we both get protection. The pills were for extra precaution, but I didn't know I'd need them for unexpected trysts at work. "Oh my god, baby..." I whimper softly, fingers marking his skin. He kisses me hard to muffle the sound as he buries himself to the hilt. The feeling of fullness and tightness makes us both pant in pleasure. It might be because of the new sensations, the fact that we might get caught any second, or the heat inside this small cramped space, that I'm feeling as if we're being set on fire.

We kiss again, now more passionate than ever, tongues lapping up against each other as he pistons in and out of me. His hands travel to my thighs and he angles them upwards, pulling them apart, making me open up to him some more. He rarely closes his eyes because he wants to see my face as I come, but as we both tiptoe around our orgasms his eyelids finally fall shut. He drives his cock harder into my sopping heat and I had to bite my lip so as not to scream. Mark buries is face in the crook of my neck, the intense pleasure driving both of us to the edge.

"Baby, I'm coming..." I whisper, not wanting him to stop.

"Me too..." He breathes right into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "Fuck, I need to come inside you, baby. Can I?"

"Do it," I say, gripping his shoulders. "Fuck, yes..." He comes at my bidding, his hot seed gushing into me, sending me into a frenzy of silent gasps and pants. I come right after him, moaning loudly. Mark immediately shuts me up again with a kiss, hugging me tightly as I climb down from my high. We trade kisses and giggles as we pull ourselves away from each other. I smooth my dress, pick up my discarded bag from the floor, wipe the sweat off my forehead, and let Mark lead me out.

We get past the glass door again and Mark pushes the elevator button silently. We don't talk much. That's just how we are after sex. We just spoon or cuddle and whisper trivial things until we fall asleep. But with the CCTV cameras all around us, we can't really let ourselves get closer, so we settle for uneasy silence while we try to collect our wits together. I check my watch, it's almost 9PM.

The elevator doors open to reveal Jackson, who's as surprised as we are. "Oh—Hey! Mark, what are you doing here, I thought to you were at the studio?!" He asks, stepping out of the elevator. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest.

"I was going. But we bumped into each other on the way so I decided to tour her around." I realize then how efficient of a liar Mark is. I could not, for the life of me, make up a story as good as that in a short amount of time.

"Oh okay... I think I left my shirt here somewhere, I just wanted to check." I can hear the slight curiosity in Jackson's voice, but if he is in any way suspicious he didn't show it. He smiles warmly at me, and I feel all the more uneasy. "Love, are you playing again next weekend?"

"Yeah," I answer, trying to keep my energy up.

"Good, I'll see you there then! I'm bringing a couple of friends."

"Sure!" I answer, smiling wide. I can still feel Mark's cum seeping out of my panties and dripping slowly down my leg and I try not to panic. "I need to go, it's getting late. I'll see you around, okay?" I finally move from my spot to quickly hug Jackson before getting past the elevator doors that Mark have held open for us.

"See you!" Jackson says, waving at us. There's a different look in his eyes as the doors close. It's that really focused look I only see on him when he's practicing seriously. I try to shrug off weird feeling it's giving me. Mark presses two buttons, one for the ground floor, and one for the upper levels. He smiles at me and even winks, probably thinking that we succeeded. I smile back, but in my head I'm starting to tick off an invisible list.

Liv. Amber. Jihoo. And now, Jackson.


	25. Chapter 25

"Love, yeogie!" [Love, over here!] I hear a familiar loud voice in the crowd. Mina is waving at me from the VIP area and I wave back, winking with my heavy fake lashes. She stands beside Jenny, who I almost didn't recognize without her glasses on, and a few other people from my department. The dance floor is jam-packed with people moving rhythmically to the blaring sounds of the house beats I'm playing.

"Yo, Jun!" I call out to my favorite bouncer. The tall, dark-skinned man comes up to my booth to lend an ear. "Do you see those people at the VIP area? They're my friends, can you ask Ben to serve them a bottle of vodka under my tab?" I point to their table and he gives me an okay sign, his arm muscles flexing as he does. He saunters towards Ben and I watch the young bartender excitedly scan the VIP area to find my friends. They're obviously not the friends he expected. He snaps at me from the bar with such visible disappointment and points to the table.

"Where's Jackson?" He mouths. I shrug in response, hoping that Ben would forgive me if Jackson didn't come as promised. Last I heard, GOT7 is on a plane from Japan after their first concert in Tokyo so he must have been too tired to get up and party. Ben shakes his head at me while setting up the shot glasses and a bottle of Absolut on a tray. The bartender is attractive as heck with his lean body and pomade-fixed, jet black hair, but he's also as gay as can be. He once told me he only has eyes for Jackson ever since the group debuted so when I gave him the news that my celebrity friend promised to come, Ben took extra measures to look as dashing as possible. His white shirt is unbuttoned way lower than usual to show off his collarbones and pecs, his black pants tighter than ever, his hair extra neat.

Just as I'm blowing Ben a kiss to combat his nasty reaction, we hear gasps and whispers from the people near the entrance. The crowd starts to part as two men wearing black snapbacks swagger towards the VIP area. I decide to steal everyone's attention by transitioning to a remix of a Monsta X's All In. It elicits a collective sound of approval from the crowd, and earns me a thumbs up from the new addition to Jenny and Mina's table.

"This one's for all the Monbebes in the crowd," I say through the microphone, flaunting my Aussie accent. "Shout out to my friends back there with Jackson and Jooheon! Let's go!" I pump up the volume for the fresh wave of dancing crowd in front of my booth. Everyone—even the feisty-looking men on either side of Jackson and Jooheon—dances and bobs appreciatively to the music.

There's a sense of calm that washes through me as the party scene gets wilder, and it allows me to focus on prepping the next half of my set with my headphones on. I don't know why this energy seems to be enveloping me in a bubble. I'm a huge fan of silence, but the feeling of being in a huge crowd and yet being alone with your work all at the same time is so surprisingly addictive. From afar I can see Jackson watching me with a look of awe on his face. It's the first time he's seeing me in the spotlight, surrounded by people and in full clubbing attire. I remember the look on his face the last time we saw each other. I was in such a hurried, anxious, disheveled state and I felt like I reeked of sex but if he did notice he barely made it known.

I finish my set with a GOT7 and Monsta X mash up which prompts Jackson and Jooheon to do a mini dance off in the middle of the crowd, much to everyone's delight. They both cheer for me as I wrap my set up. "Oh my god, that was crazy!" Jackson says, taking my hand as I climb down the stairs by the side of the stage.

"Thank you! Wow, I didn't think you'd really come!"

"I told you I'll see you right?" He says, smiling proudly. I can't help but smile back gratefully.

"Annyeong haseyo!" [Hello!] Jooheon says with a curt bow from behind Jackson.

"Oh, Annyeong haseyo! DJ Love imnida, bangapsumnida!" [Oh, hello! I'm DJ Love, nice to meet you!] I answer, nodding despite feeling anxious of Jackson's hand on my lower back.

"It's amazing how you played our latest songs tonight! Kamsahamnida, Noona! [Thank you, Noona!]" He whisper shouts amidst the booming sounds as we walk away from the stage.

"Aigoo, Jooheonie, please feel free to talk casually with me. Jackson just calls me Love." I pat his back and wink at him, making his dimple pop as he smiles at me. _Aw, cute!_ They lead me to their table, praising me along the way.

Mina is absolutely wasted by the time I get there. Jenny and the rest of the people in my department promise to take her home safely and I thank them for dropping by and cheering for me. As they take their leave, Jooheon introduces me to his manager he calls Min Suk. The man also brought another friend with him, a tall guy with a kind-looking face.

"Oh, you look familiar. Have we met before?" I ask respectfully in Korean.

"Ne, [Yes,] I'm glad you remember. I'm one of Bangtan's managers from Big Hit. We met at the elevator." The man introduces himself as Lee Jonghan.

"Ah, majayo! [Ah, that's right!] We met at Lotte Hotel." I smile warmly at him as I shake his hand. We all drink our beers while discussing my collaboration with Amber. Both Jonghan and Jooheon express their interest in working with me for BTS and Monsta X. I happily agree, reminding myself for the nth time to call Namjoon in the morning. A few more minutes pass before I decide to take Jackson by the hand to introduce him to Ben at the bar.

They happily talk in English, with Jackson blabbering about his Americanized upbringing while Ben nods along, a look of utter fascination crossing his face. I excuse myself and head to the employee lounge upstairs so I can finally change out of my sweaty clothes.

I love working at Callabooze. Aside from the strange energy I get when I'm spinning here on weekends, I love everything it stands for as a company. Almost all of the staff here are expats and halfsies. People who love living in South Korea so much they decided to call it second home, and people who live here but never felt like they belonged. There's Ben who's 100% American yet his heart belongs to K-Dramas and K-Pop. Jun, who's born and raised in Daegu but whose father was an African-American soldier. The manager is a Filipino ex-seaman. The other bartender is Indian, and the other bouncer is British. The owner, a South Korean we call Boss Min Hoo, says he likes being around foreigners like us because we give him a different perspective in life. When we first met he was so surprised that I had dual citizenship because I was born here, but he insisted I talk to him with my Australian accent because it helps him practice—with what, I'm not sure. All I know is that since working here, I've managed to enjoy myself, meet people, and fatten my bank account.

I make my way back to the floor in a cropped hoodie and sweatpants combo, my bag hanging from my shoulders. Ben is obviously on cloud nine, judging from the fucked out look he's sporting. "So how was it?" I ask, watching him dry off a glass mindlessly.

"He can't be real. He's so fucking charming!" He complains loudly over the music, making me laugh and glance at Jackson who's back with Jooheon, Min Suk, and Jonghan at the table. I blink, surprised to see that he's been staring at me from where he stands. He's smiling, but there's a look in his eyes thats so off-putting. It's the same look he gave me when we parted at the basement elevators. "Do me a favor and drag his hot ass out of here?" Ben says, interrupting my thoughts. "I'm afraid I won't be able to restrain myself if he orders another fucking drink from me."

I laugh at the young man's boldness. I don't think I can ever be that straightforward with Mark—At least not when we're out and about. "Araso, [I understand,] I'll see you next week, okay?" I blow him a kiss before heading to back to the table where my friend stays, his eyes still glued on me.

"Guys, sorry to cut this short but I'm really tired so I'll go ahead, okay? Thank you so much for," I bow slightly to each of them, before shaking their hands. Jonghan seems to be really pleased to meet me outside of work. He lingers on the final hand shake and even leans forward for an awkward hug. Jackson drinks the rest of his beer and takes my bag, slinging it on his broad shoulder.

"I'll take her home. See you some other time, bro." He hugs his buddy Jooheon one last time, waves to the managers, takes my hand and pulls me away.

I hear a few whispers, see a few curious looks. Jun assists us to the back exit. "Yah, Jun," I say, grabbing his arm. "Don't forget Jooheon, eh? He's still inside with his managers. Make sure he won't leave piss drunk."

"Yeah, you and him gonna to be okay?" He asks, pointing at Jackson who's busy hailing a cab. There's a knowing look in Jun's friendly black eyes, a gleam in his pearly white smile.

"Oh we're just friends." _Shit._ It made Jun bark a laugh. "I just wanted to clarify that... In case you got any wrong ideas. Ben seems to be pretty determined to sasaeng the hell out of him so..." I'm speaking too fast and laughing way too awkwardly now. I hope I'm not sounding like a defensive liar because I'm really not. _Why am I feeling so conscious about this?_ The cab comes and Jackson opens the door for me like a true gentleman.

"Take care, Princess." He pinches my cheek fondly with his big hand and leads me to the taxi. Jackson follows me inside, a look of curiosity passing his face before telling the driver my address. I lean over Jackson and roll the window down to wave at Jun, feeling the wind from outside hitting my face and the exposed skin of my torso. The big man waves back which makes me smile as I sit back beside Jackson.

"Are you and that guy really close?"

"Yeah, he's assigned to me because I get mobbed by fans when I leave the club."

"What?!"

"Oh and Jun reminds me of my old nanny back in Australia." I say, not minding his question. "They both look really mean but they're warm and fuzzy inside." I settle for some silence and Jackson doesn't push his luck by asking me about my safety. He's seen Jun, the man is taller and bigger than him even with his solid muscles. He does taekwondo and jiu jitsu, and he's pretty good at blocking cameras.

Jackson seems to be in zen zone right now. I notice he's calmer when he drinks, and not the other way around like most people. He doesn't talk much, just smiles broadly and is even less touchy. I lean my head on his shoulder as fatigue befalls me. "Oh! That place!" Jackson suddenly says, my head jerking away in the process. He asks the driver to stop, pays him with cash, and pulls me out of the cab.

"Jackson, what the heck?!" I say, as we rush out of the taxi. "Where are we going?"

"I saw the restaurant Dong Wook hyung and I went to a few years ago!" He says excitedly, his hands firmly gripping my wrist as we run towards a non-descript building. There's a restaurant just around the corner that boasts of samgyupsal and samgyetang, both of which I start to crave the minute the delicious smell of meat hits me. We enter the restaurant and the owner, an old smiling lady who walks and talks slowly, greets us with such sweet giddiness. She recognizes Jackson from Roommate 2 and tells us he's been watching Jackson's TV appearances since then. I can't really blame her for fangirling, I would be combusting by now being with my former bias had we not been friends for over a year.

It still gets to me, somehow. The fangirling. I may be talking to chart-topping idols in elevators, or drinking with celebrities and their managers, but it still feels surreal. As we pose for some photos with the restaurant owner, I realize that my life took such a weird turn so suddenly and I wonder how it all even began. One of the waitresses recognizes me from my music video with Amber and points it out to the owner. "Ah, maja? [Ah, Is that right?] Are you guys dating?" The owner boldly asks.

"A-aniyo," [N-no] I whine, making Jackson laugh while he's busy cooking meat. "Nae namja chingu eobsoyo." [I don't have a boyfriend.]

"Ah, wae?! [Ah, why?] You're so pretty! Yah—" The eommoni slaps my arm playfully, a wistful look registering on her face. "You want to find a real handsome man? Yeogi! [He's right here!]" He points at Jackson whose eyes go instantly wide. "Don't you see him as a man?"

"Aigoo, eommoni. I can't, he's my dongsaeng." I explain that I'm older than Jackson by three years though I asked him to speak casually to me early on because I feel more comfortable that way. Saying I don't see him as a man would be a lie. Sometimes he's even more of a man than Mark in my eyes. But of course I won't say that. _Of course._ The old lady finally leaves us to eat in peace and Jackson happily chows down his Korean barbecue.

We settle into silence again, something I've never experienced with Jackson before. He seems tired but happy. It's amazing how he manages to keep quiet around me, who's often the quieter one. "You know I realize we never really get alone time, the two of us." I finally speak up.

"Yeah, I know. You get alone time with Bam and Mark, but you never talk to me," There's a pang of guilt that hits my chest the moment he mentions Mark's name. I keep quiet. Mark hasn't messaged me all day.

"What do you mean?! Of course I do."

"No you don't! You let BamBam call you Babe. You talk to Mark on k  
Kakao all the time and he talks about you non-stop, it's getting annoying!" Jackson complains while turning the meat on the grill. I stop eating, letting his words marinate in my head. _He talks about me. He talks about me to the rest of the boys._ Our eyes meet and we both stop, realizing we've stumbled upon something. "I mean, I don't hate that he talks about you, it's just weird. Like, you know Mark, he never talks..."

"I know." I stuff the lettuce into my mouth. _Please. Please don't make me talk._

"But then he suddenly tells me that you like vanilla ice cream, and that you met Troye Sivan. He thinks Troye's brother has a crush on you. He said Andrew has a crush on you too, that and that you—Oh, I remember he told me you guys met up in LA!" I just nod, stuffing more food into my mouth. I can feel my chest constricting. The wheels in my head are turning around so fast, I actually feel dizzy from thinking too hard. "How? Why?"

"Well," I say, trying to keep my food down. "My friend asked me to come with her to a business trip in L.A. and while she's busy I met up with Mark and Andrew and Jessica."

"What did you do?"

"They taught me how to skateboard, and we visited his old school, and we ate at their house—"

"Oh my god, their house is huge, right?"

"Yeah, it's huge. It's bigger than my house, Christ. I don't know why he's even working, he's filthy rich!"

"I don't know. So, what else did you do?" He casually asks before eating another piece of meat. He gazes at me curiously, obviously fishing for more information. Jackson is good at studying people and reacting based on his observations—that fact I noticed well while editing. He may be such a clown on camera but he's not stupid. In fact I'd say he's one of the smartest friends I have. Maybe that's why he and Rap Monster are such good friends.

I decide to play it fair and be honest. He's one of Mark's best friends after all, I'm sure he'll understand. "We drove around, we went to the beach and then we went back to my hotel."

"Your hotel?! What do you mean?" he further asks, eyebrows knit together.

"What do you mean what do I mean?" I hate that he's pretending not to get it.

"I mean, why did he—did you kiss, is that it?" He whispers, even if we're the only people in the restaurant at that hour.

"Ki—Jackson, are you seriously asking me that?" My cheeks feel hot, my voice is breaking, and I can't believe he's actually making me say it out loud.

"Yes, I just did!" His face registers confusion and I consider for a moment that maybe he really doesn't understand what "we" and "hotel" looks like together in one sentence.

"Okay," I put my chopsticks down and look at him straight in the eyes. I feel like I'm about to explain the birds and the bees to a child. "Yes. We did kiss... A lot... and more. Any more questions?!"

Silence.

"Oh my god..."

"Yup."

"You mean you..."

"Yup."

"Did you really?!"

Silence.

Jackson's aghast face makes me sigh so hard. "Yes," He doesn't answer so I take the opportunity to clarify my position. "Hey, he's an adult, okay. I may be older than him by a few years but he started getting really touchy, like, I swear he wanted me to kiss him first, so I did. I kissed him at the beach. Then he took me back to my hotel and we had sex... Twice."

"Oh my god..." Jackson desperately reaches for his glass of water and downs the remaining of it in one go. "I feel like I just ate something really spicy. Noona! Bul juseyo?" [Noona! Can I have water please?] He calls out to the waitress who immediately comes forward to refill his glass. I glance at my reflection in the window beside us and realize I'm blushing profusely.

"Jackson..." I softly say, my heart slamming in my chest. _Will he tell? Is he mad?_

"Wait..." He holds his hand up as he drinks more water and wipes the sweat on his forehead with a tissue. Then he looks at me with weary eyes, face almost pained. I'm finding it harder to keep eye contact because the shame is starting to sink in and I'm not liking it one bit.

"Jackson, please promise you won't say a word to anyone about this... Not even BamBam, or JB." I plead.

"Of course I won't, what are you thinking?! Our manager would kill me and Mark if anyone finds out." He sighs before going back to grilling meat. I shift in my seat uncomfortably.

Liv knew something was going to happen before I even texted her that we're claiming the hotel room. Jihoo saw Mark leave my apartment at 6AM the day he arrived from Busan, and of course I had to explain because I can't come up with a lie that would sound convincing enough. At least now he doesn't suspect me of being BamBam's girlfriend. Amber figured it out that same day. And now Jackson. Jackson is staring at me with wide eyes, shock and disbelief still visible on his face. I smile apologetically, hoping he's not judging me but knowing that deep inside he is a but disappointed in me. "To be clear, we're not dating. We're just friends."

"Thats the same thing you said to Jun and eommoni about us." He says, voice rising in a matter-of-factly tone, chopsticks pointing at me rudely.

"But it's true!"

"Yeah, us, we're just friends, that one's true. But you and Mark hyung... I don't know," It's the first time I'm hearing Jackson address Mark as his older brother. Sure I've heard it on tape a few times but in real life, the way he says "hyung" kind of reminds me how highly he respects Mark. "So every time he goes missing from the dorm, you and him..."

"Yeah, we've been doing it for months. But we're safe, don't worry." I affirm. Jackson shakes his head a bit and rolls his eyes the way I know he always does when he's upset. I've seen that so many times but I don't think I'll ever get used to it. It hurts knowing he's disappointed in me.

We end up in silence again. Everyone who knew about us told me to be absolutely careful, but Jackson is so far the only one who's disapproving. It's different for him, I guess. He's under the same contract. It's like reviewing so hard for an exam and getting average scores, and then finding out your classmates have higher scores when you know for a fact they cheated. He's probably hurt, and maybe even a tad bit jealous. "I'm sorry..."

"No, stop, don't be sorry. I'm not mad, I'm just shocked." He gives me an exhausted smile and puts more food on my plate. "Okay, let's stop talking about it. Let's NEVER talk about it. NEVER."


	26. Chapter 26

Growing up in Australia means I got to experience 104 sunny, cloudless days every year. You'd think that I'd adapt well to the beginnings of summer in Seoul but I'm sweating so much I just hate it. I wish I'm in Sydney where it's actually winter by now. That, or I wish I have a car so I don't have to walk along Gangnam-gu with all these freaking shopping bags, going from shop to shop to find the book Jihoo needs for school. I hear the tinkling of bells as I push another door. The person behind the counter seems preoccupied as heck so I saunter off to the classics section without asking for assistance. _Please. Please let them have it._

They have Dostoyevski and Hugo, Plath and Bronte, even Nabokov and Faulkner. My hope is building up as I scan the books in the aisle at the far end of the store, which is almost empty except for one guy who's busy reading, his head down and face covered by the huge ass book of what looks like a collection of James Mann's literary work. _Well if they have German authors, they should have Hermann Hesse, right?_ I move all my shopping bags to my left arm with much difficulty. There's five of them, because I can't escape Garuso-gil without buying new clothes and makeup and macaroons. Those macaroons are beaut and I have absolutely no regrets buying them.

"Hesse... Hesse... Hesse..." I whisper to myself, my eyes checking the spines. "Oh!" There's Hesse, stuck between two other Penguin Classics. I immediately pull the black and white book to see the cover. "Damn it!" I mutter, realizing that it's still not the book I'm looking for. _Will Jihoo need a copy of Siddhartha though? Maybe._ I decide to grab that, along with the limited edition orange collection series version of Lady Chatterly's Lover (not without audible gasping). After a few more attempts on the lower shelves and even changing aisles and then coming back again to the same aisle, I finally give up and take my iPhone out of my pastel pink leather bag.

"Yoboseo?" [Hello?] Namjoon's voice is way deeper when he's on the phone and though he's my last resort, I'm starting to actually like the fact that I can't find the damn book.

"Namjoonie, are you busy?"

"No, no, not really... What's up?" He asks pleasantly. Lies. I know BTS is busy with a V Live broadcast happening in a bit along with the preparations for their Bangkok concert. Still, I feel grateful that he wants me to think I'm not being a pain in the ass.

"Well, I went to all the bookstores you recommended here in Gangnam and I can't seem to find an abridged, English version of Demian. I was hoping you know where else to look?" I shuffle my feet, both arms starting to feel numb from the weight of my paper bags and books.

"Even at Ink & Feathers?"

"Yup, I'm here right now."

"Oh wow, they usually have all the English books you'll need. I guess they really did sell out?!" He's half-laughing, and I can't help but smile in amusement because I'm guessing his dimples are on full show right now though I can't see him.

"I am blaming you for this, by the way."

"Okay, why is it my fault again?"

"Because you were seen reading it backstage at MBC Music Bank, and now everybody's curious! Someone named Rap Monster shouldn't be seen reading an obscure classic, it's counter productive for your branding." I look around, hoping no one's eavesdropping. My eyes meet a pair of black almond eyes behind rectangular rimmed glasses. The guy is still there but he must have heard the idol's name and got curious. I dart across the next aisle for a little bit more privacy.

"Hey, to be fair, I was reading the Korean version. And I was caught off guard, I didn't know we'd be filming backstage." His dorkiness makes me smile all the more. _I think I'm biasing him now._

"Doesn't matter, mate. I still ran out of copies and my cousin needs it by next week for his finals." I feel eyes on me as I pace the store for more books.

"Okay, tell you what, I'll give you my English copy of Demian but..." I hold my breath, eager to know what price I had to pay for a book that Namjoon personally owned. _God, Jihoo will freak out when he finds out._ "You have to promise we'll go out for coffee next time. Call?"

"Call, but only of you sign the book too," I say, giggling softly. _Why is he being so nice?_

"Araso. I have to go we're starting broadcast in 10 minutes. Watch us if you can, okay? I'll text you later." We both say our goodbyes and I immediately end the call to text Jihoo the good news.

Just as I'm typing, I feel a nudge from my side that sends my books and my phone flying to the ground. "Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I hear a voice say in English as I stoop down to gather my books. I look around frantically, my phone is nowhere to be found. "Excuse me, here..." The voice is deep and familiar, and the hand in front if me—clutching my phone—looks familiar too. I take my phone without looking at the person, embarrassment creeping to my cheeks.

He offers his hand and helps me stand up awkwardly. I dust my knees before finally stealing a glance at the stranger. Only, he isn't a stranger. "Wah, Jinyoungie!"

"Noona, mianheyo! Apayo?" [Noone, I'm sorry! Are you hurt?] He asks, worry etched on his face. I should have recognized his eyes but he rarely puts his glasses on during broadcasts. He looks dashing and scholarly in his white cotton shirt, gray cardigan, dark jeans, and white sneakers while carrying two books in one arm.

"Ani, gwaenchana." [No, I'm fine.] I answer with a wide smile. I know that Jinyoung likes to read, his interest in my book collection was very apparent the minute he stepped into my apartment. What I didn't know is that there's a possibility of seeing him in a bookstore near our office in Cheongdam on a Thursday afternoon. "Why didn't you speak up a while ago, we were on the same aisle!" I ask as we make our way to the cashier.

"I wasn't sure if it was you until I heard you talking to Namjoon on the phone."

"Well they seem to have run out of Demian and my cousin needs a copy for school so I asked for help."

"I have free time today, let me help you find it!"

"It's okay! Namjoon said he'll give me his copy," I smile at him sweetly, touched by his offer. He turns to the cashier and puts his books down on the counter. The young lady looks visibly shocked upon realizing who her customer is. He pays for a copy of Homer and Iliad and it surprises me to see that he didn't buy the James Mann book he's been reading. He gives the cashier his signature smile, his laugh lines showing up cutely, his pretty lips spread out with no teeth showing. I swear the young lady almost fainted when their hands touched for a second as she hands him the paper bag. I put my books down and watch her struggle for composure while swiping my card. "Jinyoungie," I say loudly, more for the girl's benefit than mine. "You said you're free the whole afternoon right? Do you want to get coffee with me?"

"Okay," He answers with a nod, his adorable accent making me smile so wide that my cheeks actually hurt. He helps me carry my bags and we leave the store to find a nearby cafe.

Unlike Hongdae, Gangnam's cafes are often filled with young adults and working class men and women busily working on their laptops and iPads. No one bats an eyelash when we enter the new warehouse cafe and settle with our iced Americanos in a corner booth hidden behind a large bookshelf made of industrial steel and old planks. Everything around us is gray and black and I wonder if my lilac dress defeats the purpose of us hiding in a corner. "This is a cool place, I like their concept," Jinyoung says, impressing me with his English once again.

"I agree, I think it's a popular concept. I've been to, like, three or four cafes in Garuso-gil with the same edgy industrial look."

"You seem to like Garuso-gil," He says, eyeing my purchases and reminding me of the glorious macaroons.

"Oh yes, I like shopping in this part of town. Everything is so cute. Here," I open the box and his eyes go wide at the assorted colors in front of him.

"Oh, yeppeuda..." [Oh, they're pretty...] He gasps while taking a piece, its perfectly-made shell looks fragile yet pretty in his insanely girlish hands. I can't help myself. I snap a photo of him looking at the pastry curiously.

"Gosh, you're so cute, look!" I show him the photo and he instantly blushes, causing me to descend into a fit of giggles.

"I won't ask you to delete that because you gave me this, but do not show it to anybody, okay?"

"Fine..." I say keeping my phone. "I can't promise not to show it to Mark, though." The gentle slip up makes me bite my lower lip. I see Jinyoung's eyes twitching curiously at that statement.

"If it's Mark hyung then it's okay, but not Jackson," His comment makes me laugh.

"Araso! [Fine!] not Jackson, just Mark." My mind starts to wander as we eat and drink in peace. Maybe the reason Mark and Jinyoung are so close is because they're both really quiet people. They won't talk unless you talk to them first, or give them a reason to talk. The fans think they're boring, but I absolutely adore that about them. I watch Jinyoung inspect the books he purchased.

"So, why did you not buy the James Mann book you were reading?" I ask before sipping my coffee. I see a flicker in his eyes as he gazes back at me, it's something I've never seen on him before.

"It's... Too expensive," He laughs, eyes crinkling as he covers his mouth with his hand. "Also it's too big and heavy, I won't be able to read that in school or while I'm waiting." It makes a lot of sense, actually. _I still wish he bought that James Mann book though._ "So why did you still buy Siddhartha when it's not the one you need?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm hoping my cousin would still read it. I read it in college, it's pretty interesting."

"How?"

"Well," I prop my elbows on the table, holding a blue macaroon in between my fingers. "It's considered one of the best references for philosophy students even though it's a fictional work of art. Somehow, it became a perfect example of when art inspires spirituality, when it all began the other way around." Jinyoung's eyebrows are knit together, and I realize I may have been talking in English way too fast. "Mianhe, [Sorry,] is my English too fast? My accent can be confusing."

"No, no, I'm just thinking about what you said. Your accent is... Is nice, it's very..." He pauses and tries to think of a word that best describes what he has in mind. "Healing? Relax? Uhh—Jinjeong?"

"Calming?"

"C-Calming, yes! Your accent is calming." Jinyoung says. It's so out of the blue and so adorably enunciated that I can't help but blush.

"Thank you," I answer. "Your English is pretty good—but I'm not surprised, I'm just really impressed."

"Thank you but I am a bit slow, and I'm not confident yet,"

"Oh, why not?"

"I don't get to practice a lot."

"You have Mark,"

"But he doesn't talk much," His answer makes me laugh again. When we're not too busy eating each other up were mostly silent. We eat a lot (which also means I'm working out more these days), we watch movies, I read and he watches YouTube videos, we sleep. I feel like Jackson and I had a way longer conversation while eating barbecue than Mark and I ever had in person. Jinyoung suddenly sits up, an idea popping into his head. "Noona, do you think we do this again?"

"You mean you want to practice English with me?"

"Yes! I can come over to your house when I'm not busy and we can talk like this."

"Yeah, I'm okay with that. We can read books and talk about it, like a mini book club!" I say, suddenly giddy at the thought of spending more time with Jinyoung over books.

"Book club?"

"It's like a study group. We read books separately and when we meet we'll talk about what we read and what we like or don't like about it."

"That's exciting!" Jinyoung answers, a smile painted on his pretty face. He leans on the table with his arm. "Let's try it now!" _Oh gosh, he's eager._

"Okay... Uhm... So, let's talk about—" I leaf through the books he purchased, all of which have black and gold covers. "Greek mythology? You seem to like it. Who's your favorite among the gods?" It's a stupid question but I haven't read those books, I just sifted through them in college for exams. Then again Jinyoung probably haven't read them either anyway. Why else would he buy the books?

"Yes, uhhh... I like Greek mythology. I read these books in Korean but I want to read again in English." He explains. _Damn it._ I smile and ask him to continue talking. "My favorite god is Zeus."

"Is it because he's the greatest god in Olympus?"

"No. He is... I mean he has the greatest power, but his power is not... Uhm... Muhanhan? What is that in English?" He asks me. The question sends me into frenzy as I try to rack my brains for an answer. "It's like... Forever. Like, no end?"

"Oh, eternal? Limitless? Boundless!"

"Yes, boundless. Like, no restrictions? Yeah, Zeus is great but his power is not boundless." He smiles proudly after finishing the complicated sentence.

"So, if Zeus' power isn't absolute, why is he your favorite then?"

"I like that he has no control over Fate. Fate is... They are three gods that spin the wheels of destiny. They dictate our birth, our life, our death, and Zeus can't control them. But, he can give advice to mortals and immortals, or give them things to set their own wheels in motion." Jinyoung's concentrating so much on getting his point across, and the surprising thing is...so am I.

I try to remember the things I learn in my philosophy and world literature classes to contribute to the conversation. "I think I know what you mean. What story in the book do you associate with that?" I ask, hoping for a concrete example.

"Uhm... Like, the golden apple? Do you know that story?"

"You mean the apple for the most beautiful?"

"Yes, that apple. Three goddesses wanted that apple right? Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite." He counts off with his thin, perfectly long fingers which momentarily distracts me. I nod, asking him to tell the story the way he understood it. "Zeus did not want to be involved in deciding who is the most beautiful because he knows that if he chooses, there will be chaos. There will be war. So he gave the apple to Hermes to deliver to Paris."

"Oh, I know this. It's because he won a war and proved to Zeus that he is a fair god. But then the goddesses tried to bribe Paris by stripping in front of him and by promising him things."

"Eh, did they really strip?! I don't remember that," His says, laughing shyly.

"They did!" I say, smiling wide. "There's a painting based on it in Louvre and I've been there." We both laugh and I watch in awe as his face brightens with a carefree smile. He doesn't cover his mouth this time, and it almost makes me swoon. "Anyway, back to the story. Paris chose Aphrodite, which is why she's considered the goddess of beauty. She got the apple and Paris—well she helps Paris commit adultery." I stop, more because of the tinge of guilt hitting my gut than the look of confusion on Jinyoung's face.

"You know what adultery is, right?" I ask. He shakes his head with an apologetic smile. "Adultery is when you make a married person fall in love with you..."

 _Or like when you seduce an idol who's under a very strict contract. It's not very different._

Jinyoung nods, mulling over the meaning of the word. I seriously hope he can't read minds. He's not considered the mother of GOT7 for nothing. I begin to feel uncomfortable in my seat.

"Ah, I remember now. Helen of Troy is married to Menelaus and Paris asked Helen to... What's the word? Like, to go away?"

"Elope?" I reply, my stomach twisting. "Yeah, basically Paris and Helen eloped and that started the Trojan War—at least that's how it began based on the Greek divinities." I don't believe in those divinities. As a Christian I think of them as fiction, or art forms. But if they're real, they're probably already thinking about cutting my life thread, what with all the crazy things I've been doing lately.

"Yes. You see! Zeus could have destroyed the apple and prevented war, but that's not his decision. In Greek mythology, gods give mortals and immortals advice but they let them decide for their future. I read that they consider the future open, not empty. Everything that is happening now is a product of your choices in the past."

The sounds of cups hitting saucers, baristas pouring coffee, people talking animatedly, drowns our conversation. It even drowns out the fact that Jinyoung just explained to me an important pillar of Greek mythology in straight English. I nod and compliment him again.

Before I know it, the box of macaroons before us is empty and our coffee, long gone. The silence between us is broken by the sound of my phone ringing. I see Mark's name on the screen and immediately my heart starts to pound in my chest. I look at Jinyoung wearily, if not apologetically. "It's okay, answer him. I'm sure he's been waiting."

"What—Who?"

"Mark. I know, he told me. I told him on the way here that I'm with you."

I hold my breath before answering the phone. "Baby, are you and Jinyoung done? I'm free now, let's meet up."

"O-okay... Eodi? [Where?]" I look at Jinyoung who sips the rest of his coffee with a smile. He knew all along. Mark told him.

Liv, Amber, Jihoo, Jackson, and now Jinyoung.

Mark ends the call after telling me to meet him at my apartment. Jinyoung gathers his things and takes my bags too as I scramble to get my bearings. I don't know what to feel, or how to go about the fact that our secret isn't as controllable as I think it is. I am silent as we walk past the doors of the cafe and onto the street.

"Gwaenchana, jimaseyo. [It's okay, don't worry.] As long as Jaebum hyung and I can protect you, we will keep your secret." He looks at me with kind eyes and I seriously wish a taxi would come before I start crying on the streets of Gangnam. I hail a taxi, thank Jinyoung once again, and smile at him from the window as the car speeds away.

Liv, Amber, Jihoo, Jackson, Jinyoung, and Jaebum.

I finally understand what he meant when he said that the future is open but not empty.


	27. Chapter 27

***Flashback***

"I can't believe you, Love. You should've just taken one of the company cars to fetch your dad. You've had your driver's license for two years now, I don't understand why you still don't have a car." My mom was having her eyebrows fixed when she FaceTimed me and I couldn't help but laugh because she had the hardest time being angry at me.

"Yeobo, hajima. [Honey, stop.] I'm fine, the train is good. I want to take the train again to Busan." My dad said as he sipped his coffee. I placed a plate of toast with heart-shaped eggs on the table which earned me a half-moon smile from him. Even my mom, and her go-to salon artiste cooed at the gesture.

For the first time in forever, my dad decided to forgo a hotel in favor of my apartment. He went around to check all the nooks and crannies of my loft-style penthouse property, took note of my vinyl record and book preferences, and marveled at my new convertible sofa bed. The great Kyo Kangjeon, owner of the Corinthian Hotels, told me my new purchase felt just like a hotel bed—except that my sheets' thread count probably wasn't as good as the ones in his hotels.

"Aw, I miss you both already, I wish was there." My mom said as I sat beside my dad with my own plate of toast and runny eggs. His iPad was propped up in front of us. "Should I fly there? What do you think, Honey?"

"Ani, there's no need. We need our father-daughter bonding, it's been a while since—"

"Dad I am so not fishing with you."

"Oh, okay then..." We ate in silence. My mom took a break from her eyebrow threading session to laugh at our failed conversation. "Well, if you don't want to go fishing then we'll have to buy you a car." He winked at my mom, whose grin immediately faded when her artiste started threading again.

"That does not make sense at all." I said, shaking my head. They kept bugging me to get a car because they said it'll help me get around faster now that I have regular gig nights to get to. Most importantly, it's much more convenient for them to go around when they're in town if they had a car at their disposal.

"You either ride the train to Busan with me and then go fishing, or buy a car and drive me to Busan."

"I'll rent a car and drive you to Busan."

"Oh God, why are we doing this to ourselves?!" My mom complained, facing us again with cream on her eyebrows. I could not take her seriously even if I wanted to. "We worked all our lives so we never had to deal with this situation. Love, why are you being such a brute. We're willing to buy you a car. How is that so ridiculous?"

"Well, actually—" My dad was about to argue, so I had to butt in.

"Actually..." My parents looked at me expectantly, probably thinking I'd put up a bigger fight. "I have enough savings to buy a car." I explained that I wanted to buy and pay for the car myself. Granted I had to deal with a lot of paperwork and additional responsibilities but at least I could finally use my drivers license, which I obtained just so I could have a Korean valid ID other than my passport.

It took a full week before I finally got Andy, a brand new Kia Niro (my father didn't allow me to get a second-hand or later model). Dad stayed for a couple more days after his meetings because the processing took a bit longer than we expected due to my dual citizenship. We didn't get to fish or go on a road trip to Busan as promised, but going around Seoul to scout for new hotel locations and quirky cafes was fun enough. In hindsight, I realized my dad just wanted to see how good I was at driving so he'd feel at ease.

 ***Flashforward***

Now the good thing about owning a heavily tinted car and paying a monthly fee for a parking lot at the basement levels is that people don't notice you when you leave or enter your apartment complex, which makes it easier for you to spy on people spying on you. I've been sitting in my car for a good five minutes, peering at Nawoon Kim who's sitting all alone near the entrance of the park outside my building. She's wearing an oversized white shirt tucked inside a pair of faded jeans, and green slippers. A large camera hangs from her neck and her short brown hair is tied in a cute ponytail. _That macro lens... She's no joke._ I watch as she hits her kneecaps adorably with her fists. She must have been waiting for a long time. _Fine, I'll go first._

I put on my sun glasses and baseball cap before getting out of my car to approach Nawoon. She stands up with her back turned towards me, and she's stretching her arms and legs in a funny manner. I tap her shoulder lightly. "Nawoon-ah."

"Ah, kkamjjakya!" [Oh my goodness!] She shrieks as she turns to me with wide, fearful eyes. I smile, happy to see her but feeling anxious all at the same time. I take my sunglasses off and she takes a cautious step back.

"I see you found me..."

"I-I can explain..." She stutters. I look down at the camera dangling from her neck, her water bottle, her bag, and all the other equipment strewn carelessly on the park bench. The look on her face says it all. She's been waiting for me to appear, camping outside my apartment for a reason. I remember our conversation at the airport and on the plane. I remember how she told me that she's been a fan of GOT7 since debut. She knows all their songs by heart, she goes to all their performances and fansigns, she owns a fansite along with some friends. Everything fits like a puzzle piece now.

"Okay, well... Do you want to maybe come inside to do that?" I ask, still smiling, knowing full well that I shouldn't judge her immediately. Being defensive will only make things worse for me. I'm sure she has her reasons. I'm sure she doesn't know EVERYTHING yet.

"O-Okay..." She timidly takes her things and I lead her to my car, letting her dump her belongings in the backseat. We drive to the basement parking in awkward silence. She looks around curiously as we walk to the elevator, probably realizing how GOT7 manages to come and go without fans knowing. We make our way to my apartment and I partially fill her in on my life as if I didn't just catch her spying on me. I show her my home and her jaw unhinges at what she sees.

"Oh. My. God. You're... T-This is amazing!" She plops on the new sofa and touches the pink throw blanket that Mark likes so much.

"Feel free to look around, I'll fix us something to eat. How about a sandwich?" I ask, carrying my groceries to the kitchen counter.

"I'll have anything, really."

"Good, grilled cheese it is!" I set to work on the sandwiches while she looks around, inspecting photos, paintings, decors, and books scattered strategically around my apartment.

"Woah!" She notices my Korean copy of Demian which I especially displayed on the shelves beside a framed Polaroid of me, Jihoo, and BTS before their Epilogue concert. She takes the he frame in her hands. "You know BTS?!"

"You could say that..." I answer, laughing softly. She'd be surprised at how often I get to talk to Hoseok, Taehyung, and Namjoon on Kakao. "Check out the first page of the book." Nawoon does as I ask, carefully flipping to the title page.

To Love,

I promise not to show off reading on cam because I trust you when you say that it's 'counter-productive to my branding'. Here's to more coffee talk.

Rap Monster

"Holy shit!" She gasps after reading the dedication aloud. I remember how he almost spilled his coffee on the book the day we met after their promotions.

"There's another book in the upper shelves with Jinyoung's notes." I mention while taking the sandwiches out of the presser. My irrational need to buy unnecessary kitchen appliances is back with a vengeance. This time I have an espresso machine and a sandwich presser to show for it. My popcorn maker has long been forgotten because Mark, BamBam, and Jinyoung preferred the smell of espresso. For Jackson, it's best to have a box of organic green tea around because—and well, honestly—we'd rather have a relaxed Jackson than a hyperactive, over-caffeinated one. I set two plates of sandwiches on the table along with a pitcher of iced jasmine tea.

"This is so cool..." Nawoon sits at the dining table with me and flips through a Jane Austin classic with Jinyoung's handwriting on the margins.

"Jinyoung is busy with school and work these days so we barely get to talk. What we do is we exchange books and we write notes on the pages for each other. I write notes for him in English and he writes his notes for me in Korean so we both improve our vocabularies." I explain as I cut my sandwich in half.

"So it's true then," She says, setting the book down on the table and taking a sip of iced tea. "It's not just my imagination..." We stare at each other for a while and I see sincerity and curiosity in her deep brown eyes. The air is dense with unsaid words, but I feel no animosity between us and maybe that's all that matters.

"That depends..." I answer.

"On what?" She asks.

"Can I trust you?" I wait for a flicker of guilt, a tinge of excitement, any sign that might make me change my mind but all I see is uncertainty. She nods quietly and I smile. "Yes, I'm friends with all the boys." I finally say, grinning fondly at my sandwich. "I lied when I told you that we only work together. In fact, I'm friends with BTS too... And Amber, and some other celebrities, and you know what... I actually have you to thank for that."

"W-why me?" She stutters again, eyes wide.

"You wrote that blog post, right? After we met? Let's just say your post opened up a lot of doors for me." I tell her about my new connections, my collaborations, and my gigs. I even ask her to come and see me play next weekend. "If it wasn't for your blog post I won't even consider being a real DJ."

"You were so good, I legitimately thought you were a real DJ." She says, finally reaching for her sandwich.

"I am now," I answer laughing. We grow quiet for a while as we savor our moment of gratitude in between sandwich bites. I start to think that maybe Nawoon is the golden apple heaven sent to me. "So, Nawoon," I say, brushing breadcrumbs off my hands. "Why are you outside my apartment today?" I dare ask. There's another piece of the puzzle that won't fit and I hope to see the full picture as soon as possible.

The younger girl puts her sandwich down gently. She scurries to the sofa to take her laptop from her bag. "Unnie, Please don't think that I need money or anything. Believe me, I will never ever show or talk about this to anyone but you..."

"O-Okay..." I scoot beside her nervously and watch her open a series of hidden folders until we reach one that she ominously named "Ahgassi". In it were dozens and dozens of photos that I don't recognize, file names bearing dates and places. She goes to the beginning of the list and takes a sharp intake of breath before opening the file.

"Wait... That's..." Recognition stops my words from flowing out.

"August 2015. My friends and I were out partying when we saw Henry, Amber, and Rap Monster come out of an alley. We waited for a bit and that's when I first saw you. I noticed you right away because you looked so, so pretty." Nawoon taps another button revealing a blurred out, close up photo of BamBam. "See, BamBam even waved at us when we called him from across the street." Nawoon shows me more photos of GOT7 in various places and there I was in every picture, frozen candidly, always in a hurried and busy state.

"I've been following them around for three years and you just... This year you happened to be everywhere. I got so curious about you after we met at the airport!" It takes a full minute for me to snap out of the trance Mark's photo put me under. He looks amazing in a striped turtleneck and denim jacket, blonde hair tousled stylishly, eyes shining and focused in one direction. My direction.

"I was at that fansign, why didn't I see you?"

"There were a lot of fans that day, I really can't blame you. Besides, I'd be a mess too if Mark was staring at me like that the WHOLE time..." She giggles cutely and I almost spit my iced tea back into my glass.

"I-I didn't... I mean..." I try to form a complete sentence but ultimately fail when Nawoon zooms into Mark's glassy eyes. I can see myself behind a camera on a tripod, a huge staff ID dangling from my neck, my black shirt clinging to my body, a flannel shirt tied around my hips.

"I have macro lens, you know. I took this photo a few rows behind you. Are you guys—"

"We're not dating," I answer quickly, reeling from the feeling of (quite literally) seeing myself in Mark's eyes. "I'm not dating anyone of them—just so you know." I can hear my voice quivering so much that even I would have a hard time believing it.

"Then why does Mark come over all the time?" She asks before letting me sift through various photos of Mark leaving my apartment, and of me wearing Mark's hoodies in broad daylight. _What the hell was I thinking?!_

She explains that she found my apartment building by looking back to the controversial party photos last January. She had a gut feel that I might have been connected to all of it and on the day she decided to "casually walk by" she saw someone (who from her description seems to fit my muscle pig of a cousin Jihoo) calling Mark by his first name. Nawoon says Mark responded well to the stranger, even shaking his hand before boarding a taxi. _He's such a frickin' fanboy._

"Love?" Nawoon's voice shakes me out of my reverie.

"We're REALLY not dating." I say again, as if mentioning it twice would make it more believable. "He's just... W-We're really close."

"Is it because of the dating ban?" The other girl asks, looking concerned. I nod and she audibly sighs. "God, that sucks! He obviously likes you!"

"Its okay, we're still trying to get to know each other anyway." And oh, how well do I know him by now. The curve of his lips against my skin. The weight of his body on me. The natural scent of his skin. The smell of his clothes (I seriously need to find out what laundry detergent he's using). His high-pitched laughter, and the way he likes to cuddle with my face buried against his chest. I can die of asphyxia in my sleep but I'd still die happy in his arms. "Nawoon..." I say, finally coming back to my senses. "You won't tell anybody, right?"

"O-of course! of course, I'll never tell anyone. I promise." She holds our her pinky finger, eyes looking deep into my soul. For a minute I consider telling her everything. That night in L.A., the rules, the agreement. But I have to protect Nawoon too. She's done enough to learn this much.

"Thank you. I trust you and I really, really appreciate your honesty and your promise." I answer, linking my pinky finger with hers. Finally, I now have some semblance of control over my damned situation.

Liv, Jihoo, Amber, Jackson, Jinyoung, an JB. I guess we're ending the list right there.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28: Begging On My Knees**

 **Nawoon:** You've seen it right?

 **Love:** Yeah...

 **Nawoon:** Will JYPE issue a statement?

 **Love:** I honestly don't know. No one's talking about it.

 **Nawoon:** Is BamBam okay?

 **Love:** He seems fine. Says he'll visit me soon.

A sigh escapes me as I press send, eyes weary and tired from the previous sleepless nights. My weekly gigs have increased from the steady two-hours-in-one-night performance per week to what-the-heck-am-I-doing-with-my-life. Boss Min Hoo asked me—okay begged me—to spin regularly on at least one weekday because one of the DJs left. Now I play every Wednesdays and Saturdays, leaving me consistently tired. Mark is tired too. He's been out of my reach while touring in the U.S. and my only source of news were Twitter and Jackson and BamBam.

But this news... Well, this news caught every single one of us off guard. All of us.

I put my phone down and close my eyes, willing my brain to shut down for a few moments but those images of BamBam and Yugyeom are stuck in my head. And then there's Mark. Half-naked, the cross tattoo on his calf showing, his smile too bright to even look at. He was so happy. _Who would've thought he'd jump into cold water after all the fun they had?_

My eyes crack open when I feel the phone vibrating beside me. Jackson is calling and I don't even know why. "Yeoboseo?"

"Hey, are you home?" He doesn't even bother answering in Hangul anymore.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Nothing. I'm just bored. Can I come over?" Jackson asks. His voice sounds rougher than usual. I can tell the tour did a lot more than just tire him out completely and I wonder if I still have tea in the pantry for him.

"Of course, I'll be here. Is anyone else coming?" I am hoping against hope that Mark is coming along. I hear Jackson chuckling at the end of the line.

"No, it's just me. They're all sleeping."

"It's 6PM how can they all be sleeping already?"

"I just woke up. JB hadn't slept a wink. I guess it's the jet lag."

"Oh, okay... I'll wait for you then." We say our quick goodbyes and I get up from my bed to brew some coffee. _This is going to be a long night, I can tell._

Jackson rings the doorbell just as I'm done brewing my espresso cup. I open the door for him and he greets me with a long, warm hug. "Guess what I bought in L.A. for you?" He holds up a huge plastic bag from Disneyland with a wide smile.

"Is it happiness from Disneyland?!" I gasp dramatically, giddy with excitement. He nods, taking out a Minnie Mouse headband to place on my head before handing me the bag. It has chocolates of different shapes and sizes which instantly makes me smile. I ask him to sit on the new sofa while I keep myself busy in the kitchen. He instantly notices the pastel pink throw blanket draped over its arm.

"Why does this blanket smell like Mark?" His snarky comment makes me laugh.

"Because he likes it a lot—which I honestly didn't expect because it's so pink."

"Mark likes pink... and fluffy things. You should know this already! He's very picky about his hoodies and he has a fluffy dog." Jackson talks on and on about the things Mark likes and for a minute I start to think that maybe I'm the intruder in this MarkSon situation. Had I not known that Jackson is as straight as a ruler, I'd think he's jealous of me. I place his mug of green tea on the side table before settling down beside him with my own cup of coffee. "Thanks for the tea. You'll be a terrible girlfriend, by the way."

I know he's joking, but I still pretend to be hurt. "And you think you won't be a terrible boyfriend?"

"I am an EXCELLENT boyfriend, for your information," He declares, wagging his finger at me.

"And you know this because..."

"Because all my ex girlfriends say so—"

"Oh really now..." I say, raising an eyebrow at him.

"—Except for one, but that's because we had a really bad breakup." I laugh despite his apparent seriousness. "Oh, that girl—my first, like, long-term girlfriend—she's Australian too!"

"Really?!"

"Yeah, you kind of remind me of her because you have the same accent. She's Spanish-Australian-Filipina and she's really pretty."

"Why did you break up then?" I ask before sipping my coffee slowly.

"She cheated on me." He answers so casually, making me yelp, the hot drink burning my tongue. I put my coffee down before urging him to talk more, which he gladly does. He tells me about the girl who made him stop believing in 'forever love'. Then he goes into a long story of how he met and broke up with each of his exes before and after the Aussie-Spanish-Filipina girl.

Before we know it, our teas and coffee cups are empty and my legs are starting go numb the longer we sit on the couch. "I saw her, like, two years ago, and she still can't believe I'm an idol now because—oh, do your legs hurt?" He suddenly notices how I'm slowly stretching my legs.

"Uhh... Yeah, I think it's going numb..." I say, hitting my knee gently with closed fists. "Do you mind standing up really quickly?" He does as I ask and I stand with him to unravel the sofa bed, which earns a gasp from him.

"Woah, that's awesome!"

I crawl into the bed, cozying against the pillows and covering my legs with the pink throw blanket. _God, it does smell like Mark._

Jackson settles near the foot of the bed and pulls the end of the blanket away from my legs. "I'll massage your legs, tell me if it hurts." He doesn't even allow me to protest. He just hoists my right leg on top of his knee and starts massaging my foot, and then my ankle.

"Wait, Jacks—Oh wow." I stop the minute he presses on my ankle with such a gentle force, it almost makes me squirm. The way he traces the lines on my foot feels amazing everywhere and I can't help but sink back into the pillows with a soft sigh. "Wow you're good at this!"

"I used to give my mom leg massages. It helps with the pain," Jackson explains. I only nod in response. He tells me about his mom's sickness, which is the main reason why she can't travel to visit him. He started massaging her legs as a kid, hoping it would help. He knew it wasn't a proper massage but she responded very well, just because his touch was important to her. "Maybe that's why I'm touchy with everyone, you know?"

"Yeah, you are... Touchy, I mean."

"Does it bother you?" He asks, his hands smoothly gliding along my calf. I close my eyes, savoring the feel of his hands on my skin, and then I shake my head in response. Something... Something in my chest feels lighter. Maybe it's just me feeling super relaxed. _Yeah, maybe._ "Some people get bothered by it. JB used to hate it. When we were training he told me that he hates it when I touch him but pretty soon he warmed up to me, so now I get to tickle him all the time." He adds, smirking triumphantly.

"I know because I usually cut a lot of skinship footage." I say morosely from my grave of pillows.

"Oh really?! Why?"

"Because those are idle moments. We need JB to always be ready, and talking, and—well you know—just be the leader. When you two are together he's mostly giddy and relaxed and that's kind of..."

"Counter-productive to his branding?" Jackson suggests, chuckling like an idiot.

"What—How?!" I ask, mouth agape.

"Namjoon is my friend, remember?! He asked me about you. He said you're fascinating." I squirm and whine, making Jackson laugh so hard that he stops massaging me for a minute. This gives me a chance to lie back properly with my leg still on top of his. "So you two got coffee together?"

"Yeah..." I then explain why I needed an English copy of Demian, what happened at the bookstore with Jinyoung, what Namjoon and I talked about during the coffee date. _If that's what it's called._ "Then he gave me the tickets to their concert—which you didn't go to, you asshole."

"I said I'm sorry!" He protests, and I laugh. My laughter gets caught up in my throat when his hands make their way to my thighs. His warm palms and long fingers, kneading my muscles. "I messaged Joon and Tae too, I said I'm sorry I couldn't come but that you'll be there on my behalf." He turns to me with his knees on the bed and gives me a boyish grin before grabbing my calf, lifting it, and folding my knee gently against his muscular pecs. Then he pushes my leg towards my chest and hovers over me, stretching my muscles.

"Oh my go—Jackson!" I yelp, more out of surprise than the subtle pain it brought.

"Hey, will you relax?! It won't hurt if you stop fighting it." He straightens my leg again and repeats the action, this time gentler and longer than before. I watch his face contort with a look of utter concentration, lips pursed into a tight line. Our eyes meet and I see something in his that I've never seen before. He moves away from me before I can even think about it. "Okay, next leg." He drops my left limb gently to his other side and settles in between my legs.

It would have been weird being in this position with Jackson if we haven't gotten so close after our samgyupsal session. It would have been weirder if he didn't know that this isn't the first time I've had an idol in between my legs—literally and figuratively. Even so, I let him fix the throw blanket to cover me properly, before massaging my right leg. "How's BamBam?" I ask. We both fall silent.

The pool party at Mark's house should've been the best closing celebration. It was the main reason the U.S. tour was planned the way it was. They've been looking forward to it since day one and Mark can't stop talking about it weeks before they left. No one knew it would ignite a scandal the way it had.

"He's fine now. He spoke with his parents over Skype the other night. Of course we didn't understand a single thing because they're all speaking in Thai but he was crying and apologizing," Jackson shares, his hands busy with my right foot. It breaks my heart to hear about BamBam crying. He's such a good-natured, happy boy that I can't imagine him shedding tears. I've seen it before on tape and in music shows, when their wins finally came week by week—a proof that they're stepping up to the ranks of the best idol groups in the world. "And Yugyeom... Well Yugyeommie is just moping around, not talking much."

"I feel bad for them. This whole thing just got blown out of proportion," I say, remembering what it was like being 19 and trying out all sorts of new things that have gotten me in trouble once or twice.

"Yeah, well... We're idols. Every little thing we do, every little decision we make, affects a lot of people." I bite my lower lip at his remark and watch him work on my calf. Maybe that's why Mark had been silent since their arrival. "Mark's in the worst mood these days," Jackson adds, as if reading my thoughts.

"Why?"

"Because his friends started it!" He answers indignantly. If it wasn't for the Snapchat posts, the party happenings would have stayed private and maybe now we would be laughing about it instead. But Yugyeom was shown in a compromising state and BamBam was caught saying something really offensive without knowing exactly what it means. "Can you do me a favor?" Jackson asks.

"What is it?"

"Can you please not speak to Andrew again?! Or any of Mark's friends," He continues, hands traveling to my thigh. "Jessica is okay, you can still talk to Jessica. But I forbid you to talk to Andrew—especially Andrew."

"I'm only friends on SNS with Jessica and Andrew but it's not like I talk to them a lot." I roll my eyes at him. I don't think they even know what kind of relationship Mark and I have. "And where were you in all of this? You should have been there to control BamBam, you know what he's like when he's drunk." I try to say it softly, hoping it won't hurt, but Jackson flinches. The Hyungs must be feeling bad and partially responsible for all this.

"I was talking to Tammy and playing with her kids. Have you met them?" I shake my head. Tammy was busy when I came over so I didn't get to meet her and Mark's nieces. "They're so cute, they call me Uncle Jackson. JB was chilling with Grace and Joey and Uncle Raymond. Youngjae was inside, playing with the dogs. Jinyoung... Well, he's busy with his love life."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh he was with Jessica all day long. They're basically inseparable whenever we're in L.A."

"What?! I didn't know this!"

"Well, now you do. I'm like 100% sure Jessica's in love with Jinyoung. I just don't know if he feels the same." Jackson's hand lingers on my thigh for a bit but I don't mind. I'm busy thinking about Jinyoung and Jessica. Maybe we should read more romance books so I can get him to tell me about his love life.

"Oww!" I flinch when Jackson starts his leg bending routine again. He chuckles as he hovers over me, eyes focused on my face.

"I told you to relax, right? Why the heck are you so tense?" He does it again, this time gentler but heavier, his face inches away from mine, chest muscles solid against my calf. "I didn't know you were this flexible," He whispers, his breath fanning my face.

"I was an athlete too," I confidently answer, which makes his eyes go wide. _Ah, he doesn't know about that part yet._ I push him away with my foot, his face still aghast. I sit up and explain how I manage to save my parents a ton of money in college by getting an athletic scholarship. "Liv—my best friend in Australia—she urged me to join the swimming team in my junior year. It's not like I need it, I was just really bored."

"Wow, is there anything else I don't know about you?" He asks, moving towards the space beside me.

"A lot..." I say, smiling and wiggling my legs and my toes. They feel so light, I could probably swim two straight laps. I miss swimming. I miss the weightless, thoughtless feeling of moving underwater.

"I have time," He says, fixing the blanket for it to cover both our legs. I watch him twiddle his thumbs like a kid, his lips pouting thoughtfully. "I'll listen..."

"I know you would. That's what I like about you..." The words tumble out of my mouth before I can even stop myself. It makes him grin. I tell him that he used to be my bias because of his good communication skills, that I watch his variety shows because I admire his ability to take cues and respond to people well. "You're eloquent and you're a really good listener, which is why you react so well. That's why TV people love you."

"I don't think Jinyoung would agree," He says, making me laugh.

"You can be a bit stubborn, yes, but—"

"—But you still like me, right?" He peers at me, and smiles sweetly. I feel like my heart is missing from my chest now. "You just told me you like me, you can't take that back!"

The realization hits me hard. _I DID just tell Jackson I like him._ "You know what I mean, Jackson." I say, trying to distract myself by picking on the frays of the blanket. Jackson leans back, huffing as if in disappointment.

"Yeah, I know. You don't like me like you like Mark, right?"

"I like you like I like you, okay. Stop talking about Mark, we're... We're different." I sigh, scrunching the soft material in my palms. _Damn, why is this so soft?!_

"Do you love him?" Jackson's question came out of nowhere. No one has ever asked me that question. Not even Nawoon. It had always been "do you like him" or "are you dating" and are both not hard to answer. We may have established that we are not dating but there's nothing not to like about Mark. He's nice. He looks good—insanely good. I still don't know how in the heck I got involved in his personal matters because, frankly, he's so out of my league.

"I don't know..." I say. How is it possible that I'm finding it easier to say that I like Jackson, than to figure out if I have feelings—real feelings—for his best friend?

"I like Mark. I really like him. But if you're asking me if I love him... I—" Everything is so silent, I swear I could hear the air conditioning unit whirring in the background. "I know what love feels like... What falling in love feels like... And this isn't it. I don't think Mark loves me anyway."

"How can you say that?!" Jackson's voice rises a notch, his hand gesture makes me retreat back into the pillows. "Mark doesn't go out of his way to be with someone but he risks himself every time he comes here. Maybe sometimes he thinks with his dick, and I haven't asked him yet, but I DO think he loves you."

"We're FUCK BUDDIES, Jackson. The sex is good, but falling in love is out of the equation."

"Why?!"

"Because it'll complicate things... Because he can't date me anyway and that... That fact alone hurts me already." I give out a heavy sigh after letting the words fall out of my mouth. Jackson doesn't argue and goes silent. All this time, I've been feeling like I'm holding my breath underwater—something I'm really good at, by the way. But this conversation is like a breather. I know he understands, what with the way he takes my hand in his to ease it from the long time I've clenched the soft fabric in my palms. Maybe he knows what it feels like to be trapped in the middle of everything.

"You know what our relationship is like?" I say, watching as Jackson laces his fingers in between mine. "It's like asking permission to pet or walk someone else's dog instead of getting your own because you can't bring pets to your building."

He lets me ease into the silence around us, lets me breathe out another long sigh, lets me settle my head on his shoulder. Talking about feelings exhausts me and his presence is the next best thing I have for comfort. We stay like that for a few minutes. It's amazing how Jackson is doing so well in this kind of quietness. He's never quiet, and if he is he's probably thinking. "What are you thinking?" I finally ask.

"I'm wondering if I should kiss you now." He says it so casually, and so out of the blue, it makes me sit up in surprise.

"What?!"

"You know that thing about petting someone else's dog? Well, I've always wanted a dog." I gape at him as he stares at me with the weirdest look on his face. This is different. I swear this look is different. His brows are slightly knit together, not in concentration but in utter helplessness. His eyes are needy. His lips are slightly open and he licks them as if he's dying of dehydration. "I mean... I miss having a girlfriend, and I miss all the things I used to do with them like going on dates and making out. That's why Mark likes this whole fuck buddy situation. He gets to do those things without literally breaking the rules. He never breaks the rules, he's a very orderly person. But this—this 'petting the dog' thing—I have to admit it's genius." He stops for a while and we both let the realizations sink in, like water being poured into a cup. Then he sighs and turns to me. His eyes look sad, almost desperate. The sight makes me gnaw at my lower lip anxiously.

"Would it be too much if I ask for a kiss?" He asks.

Silence.

"It would be too much for me to say yes, just because I don't think it's fair for your fans that I get to kiss both you and Mark," I answer, a hearty laughter escaping from my mouth. He's still not talking, so I shrug off the looming feeling of uncertainty. "But if it helps make you feel better, I'll say yes." I hear his breath hitch as he slowly sits up from his lazy position, his reaction making me laugh all the more.

"But how about Mark?"

"Our rule is that we can't have sex with anyone else... You're not going to ask me if you can 'walk my dog', right?" We stare at each other for a long time, both of us mulling over the idea of trying it out and possibly getting away with it. "Don't think about it too much because I might change my mind."

Without a word, Jackson pulls me by the back of my neck, leans in and starts kissing me hard. Then his kiss grows softer, lips melding with mine. Our lips are moving to their own accord, naturally, smoothly, until it all starts to feel familiar. My hands move to cup his cheek and his arms circle my waist, and we move closer to each other.

I'd be lying if I say I'm not enjoying every bit of this. I'd be lying if I say I'm not getting turned on by the taste of his lips, the sound of his low, muffled moans, the heat emanating from him, and the feel of his hands gripping my sides eagerly to close the gap between our bodies as we lie down on the bed. I'd be lying if I say I don't want more. More of his lips. More of his touch. More of Jackson. We break our kiss apart and the sound seems to slice across the thick, dense air around us.

"Damn..." His breathy remark gets caught up in my mouth, making me smile as he rests his forehead against mine. "Can't really blame Mark now, can I?" We both laugh before moving away from each other, settling back into our original position before temptation reels us in for something more than just a kiss. Jackson consciously touches his lip while I check if my heart is still in the right place.

"So?" I ask, trying not to make things awkward.

"That was great. That felt amazing." I can tell that the kiss left a really good impression and I try not to blush at the thought that he actually liked it. "But let's never talk about this, okay? NEVER." He insists, making me laugh once again.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29: Homeboy**

Out of all the concerts our company produce, the biggest one has got to be JYPNation. The event aims to bring all artists and employees together for a huge collaboration so we're all expected to help one way or another. Today, our task is to take videos and photos and make sure our assigned groups go on V Live before the show, which is why we're on our way to the dressing rooms.

Mina smooths the front of the frilly black Zara blouse I gave her before knocking on the door. I look down at my own black Zara miniskirt, black Armani silk shirt, and my black heeled boots as we wait. A makeup Noona opens the door for us and even she is dressed impressively in all-black. I don't think there's a memo on employee outfits but we've been in the business long enough to know that it's a heinous crime to dress in wild colors during live events because it might steal the attention away from the idols. Mina seems extra wary of me making this mistake especially now that I've become recognizable to fans since working at Callabooze.

We come in and find ourselves in the middle of orderly chaos. Youngjae is warming up his vocals while someone works on his hair. JB sits calmly on a makeup chair, waiting for his turn beside Brian. Jinyoung is talking to Wonpil animatedly. Jackson is on the phone with someone but he waves at me with a bright smile the minute our eyes meet. _It's like nothing really happened..._ Yugyeom and the other DAY6 members are nowhere to be found. BamBam and Mark are busy talking to the stylist. I guess Jackson notices the lingering look I'm throwing Mark so he covers his phone's mouthpiece to call his friend's attention before pointing to me.

Mark turns to my direction and I feel my heart constrict at the sight of him in a white tank top, ripped jeans, and wet hair. "Noona!" He exclaims, flashing his perfectly white teeth at me which sends my heart into frenzy.

"Noona, what do you think of this outfit for Mark Hyung?" BamBam asks, holding up a striped long sleeve top and a white tee on a hanger. Mina and I make our way to them to take a closer look at Mark's outfit.

"Oh joha," [Oh I like it,] I say nodding and smiling at the appreciative stylist who puts a tag on the hanger the moment BamBam hands it to her. "Which performance are you wearing that to?" I even ask, still in Korean. Mina listens curiously beside me, surprisingly silent.

"I'm wearing it for Ooh Aah," Mark answers in English to which I nod to. "Oh, and here's what I'm wearing for the Japan leg..." Without warning, Mark pulls up another set, this time featuring a black, see-through mesh top and a denim vest with lots of embroidered patches. "What do you think?" Suddenly, I'm wishing I could go back to Narita next month so I can witness him dance in all this mesh top glory. He sees the glint in my eyes and smirks when I gnaw at my lower lip. _I can't believe you're doing this to me at work, Mark, damn._

"I'm sure your fans are going to love it," I say, still staring at the outfit before me. He winks at me shamelessly and puts the hanger back into the rack.

From behind us, we hear Nikhun calling out to BamBam in Thai. The maknae excuses himself to approach his sunbae and as soon as he turns his back on us, Mark leans down to whisper in my ear. "Keep your eyes on me later, Baby." His lavender scent lingers when he moves past me and I try to act as if nothing happened. Thankfully, Mina seems distracted as heck. I let her lead me towards JB who's finally replacing Brian in the makeup chair.

"You still haven't answered my invite, JB-yah." I say poking his shoulder. He gives me a shy grin that brightens up his beautifully bare face, his eyes turning into tiny crescents.

"We went to her gig with Jackson. You should come too, JB!" Mina bravely adds. She recently revealed that she's older than JB by a year and when the idol discovered it he immediately resorted to calling her Noona and thus she stopped calling him JB-ssi.

"Ah mianheyo, bappayo. [Ah sorry, I'm busy.] I don't have anyone to go with anyway,"

"I'll come with you," I see hints of pink on Mina's cheeks as she consciously pushes her round glasses up the bridge of her nose. _Does JB not notice the way my friend is blushing because of him?_

"Geuleohseyo," [Yes please,] He says, closing his eyes to let the makeup artist dab CC cream generously all over his face. "Ulineun Mark gati gasseumyeon johgesseoyo." [I hope we go together with Mark.] He opens one eye and looks directly at me through the mirror, his playful yet calm smile says all that needs to be said. I give him a friendly grin in response, remembering Jackson's opinion on Mark's real feelings just a few nights ago. I wonder if JB and Jinyoung have the same thoughts as Jackson. _Maybe that's why they're not against this weird set-up._

"Dangyeonhaji [Of course]. How about Jackson and Jinyoung?" Mina asks, probably getting excited at the thought of being with GOT7's Hyung line outside of work.

"Jackson's flying out to China soon for his schedules and Jinyoungie doesn't really like going to clubs," I snicker at JB's comments and so does Mina. He knows his members all too well that he's able to speak on their behalf. "We'll see what we can do, I'll let you guys know when we're free from the studio. The new album is taking up a lot of our time." He adds, hands gesturing lazily while the makeup Noona does his eyes. We talk briefly about the upcoming album, and the possibility of having one of his songs released as GOT7's next title track. Then we decide to leave him alone for a bit to ask Jinyoung to do the V Live since he's just waiting for their stage calls.

We help him and Wonpil with the broadcast set-up with both Mina and I feeling ecstatic that the two idols seem to have natural chemistry because they are both 94-liners. In the middle of the broadcast Mark comes in eating a burrito and both Jinyoung and Wonpil decide to include him despite the fact that he's not a 94-liner, earning a lot of delighted comments from the fans. I immediately hand an extra phone to Wonpil so they could read the comments in real time while Mark leaves to dispose of the burrito that fell from his hands. After a while, the older boy settles beside them again with a plate of food and I giggle soundlessly when one fan comments that the show is turning into another mukbang, thanks to him. "Can I eat here while they broadcast? Is that okay?" He asks me and Mina off frame, to which we nod.

I stand quietly by the right corner of the room, my eyes watching Mark down a spoonful after another. I try not to stare at his well-sculpted arm muscles and the veins running beautifully across his forearm. He's bulking up so well and I don't think I'll recover soon enough from the sudden hot flushes this sight is giving me. He catches my eye and smiles fondly. I hope for the life of me that Jinyoung's camera doesn't catch it.

Nikhun and Yugyeom drops by for a bit, accidentally revealing their costumes which got us flailing our hands in panic. Yugyeom approaches me immediately when he realizes what I mean. "Noona, mianheyo..." He whispers cutely, scrunching up his face before hugging me. I hug the giant maknae back and ruffle his tousled hair a bit before shooing him away. As he waves goodbye I catch Mark's eye again which seems to be warning me off for treating Yugyeom like a baby. For a minute there I start to think that's he's getting jealous but I brush it off quickly.

As soon as the broadcast ends Mina and I are instructed to proceed to our designated areas in the arena. We're supposed to take photos of the performances for the marketing team's archive and PR collaterals which is why we're situated right on the forefront, just a few steps away from the stage. I'm starting to regret wearing heeled boots for this occasion. When the concert starts, Mina and I take turns snapping photos of JYP's biggest stars, making sure we get enough material for the team.

At one point, I get a glimpse of Mark through my camera's eyepiece staring directly at me while he dances, his mouth forming the word "Baby". It sends me reeling so hard, I almost forget to press the capture button. He winks, blows kisses, and even waves at my general direction, making the people behind me scream.

They don't know who it's for.

At the end of the day, no one really does.

I wipe the sweat off my forehead as I leave the restricted area, silk shirt sticking to my body in the most unattractive way imaginable. The aftermath of the concert also means we need to back up all the photos we took and drop them off at the office before finally heading home. "Aishhh, jichyeo! [Aishhh, I'm exhausted!] I don't know if I should rejoice over the fact that my job involves being in a concert and standing around all day in an arena as big as this," Mina mutters after a long stretch of silence. We are slumped like stacks of hay in the bleachers, legs spread out before us as we watch people clean the stage for Day 2 of JYPNation. Beside me, Mina is aimlessly playing with the hem of her shirt while I'm transferring the files to our team's hard drive through my MacBook Air. Jenny and the other members of our team were assigned to cover tomorrow so we can get some rest. The ones who won't be resting for a day are the idols. Then again, they're the ones who are paid in millions and millions of won so I guess it's just fair, right? My phone starts buzzing in my skirt's pocket and I don't even have to check the display name to see who it is.

 _Wow. This man is always on cue._

 **Mark:** Did you leave already?

 **Love:** Nope, still here.

 **Mark:** Come by my dressing room.

 **Love:** Sorry Baby we're leaving as soon as I finish copying the files. I brought Andy with me...

I lock my phone screen before Mina gets a glimpse of it. "Done!" I announce closing my Macbook in a hurry. For some reason, I'm suddenly feeling antsy to come home.


	30. Chapter 30 (M)

**Chapter 30: Homegirl**

"Yah, Mina-yah," I nudge my companion who's slowly falling asleep on the seat beside me. "Are you riding back to the office with me or do you want me to drop you off somewhere?" I ask.

"Ani, you don't have to drive me. I'm taking a cab. We have transport reimbursements anyway."

"It's really fine with me. I just have to drop off these files and—"

"Aishhh, gwaenchanha. Your loaded ass lives in Cheongdam. It'll be so out of way."

"Are you sure you'll be fine?"

"Ye... I'm so tired I just don't want to go back to the office." I nod and let her rest for a bit before nudging her again when the files are finally copied into our team's drive. We stand up, head towards the stage team to say goodbye, and make our way out the huge doors of Jamsil Indoor Stadium. The cold August air whips against our faces as we hug one last time before parting. I walk towards the parking lot, pulling my coat tightly around me, my camera and laptop bag hanging securely from each shoulder. Andy comes to life when I hit the remote key and I proceed open the trunk to deposit all my gadgets. I raise my leg to untie my boots, resting one foot after another on the edge of the car's spacious trunk.

Just as I'm about to take them off to change into a pair of ballet flats, I feel a strong arm snaking around my waist, a hand cupping my ass from under my short coat. "Baby, I missed you..." He whispers. I spin around to face a familiar figure bundled in a black coat, face covered by a mask. It's his eyes that give him away instantly and the wisps of blonde hair peeking through the sides of his baseball cap. I break into a wide smile as I wrap my arms around him.

Mark tugs his face mask off and pulls me in closer for a kiss that's needy and urgent and definitely something we shouldn't be doing out in the open. But I let him kiss me. I let his lips melt my resolve like the snow in winter. I let his fingers untie my coat and his cold hands grab my waist despite the freezing wind around us. I even moan a little as we part which makes him smile.

"Baby, maybe we shouldn't be doing this here," I say coyly, pushing him away. He giggles in response. I finally take my boots off in favor of a simpler pair of shoes, close the trunk of my car, and make my way to the driver's side. He follows me and takes my hand before I even get to open the door. He opens the backseat, pulls me inside with him, and I oblige because—really what else can I do?

We take off our coats in the dark and before I know it we're back at kissing, back at holding each other close, back at groping. He stops to steal a glance of what I'm wearing. "You look so good tonight." He says cupping my chin and planting another kiss on my lips.

"Not as good as you on stage. Do you want to see the photos? You were so good, I really liked your Ooh Ahh dance with Jinyoung and Nikhun Oppa," My word vomit is unstoppable. I've been wanting to praise him, pet him, tell him about all the feelings I repressed as I stood a few steps away from the stage some hours ago. He takes his cap off, shakes his head and smiles so sweetly before kissing me again.

"I'll look at it some other time..."

"Wait, why are you here?! You're supposed to be in the company van like everyone else." I suddenly remember who he is—or what he is. It's next to impossible to move stealthily away from the members, the security, and the fans waiting by the stage door.

"I told JB I'm taking a detour. I wanted you to hear something." He takes his phone out of his pocket and it lights up his face. I move across the car to put the key in the ignition so we can use the Bluetooth speakers. The warm lights on the dashboard illuminates my surroundings and even makes his pretty face glow in the dark. His eyes dart towards me and I see pride in them as the beat and melody starts pouring out of the car's surround speakers.

"Is this the song you wrote?" I ask, trying to distract myself away from Jackson's husky voice.

"It's the song I wrote, composed, and co-produced." He emphasizes the words with a cool smirk. We haven't talked much in the past few weeks and I guess this is how he stresses the fact that he's been MIA for a reason. Jackson had reported that Mark's been cooped up in the studio, producing music, and this is the result of all those busy nights and days.

 _Baby what you know, I love you girl. You make me feel like home._

The line makes me pause. _Is this..._ I hold my breath and turn my head slowly to Mark who's watching me intently, the realization slowly dawning on me. There's a nice, almost hazy, filter that fills his dark brown eyes which gives me the affirmation I need as Jinyoung and Yugyeom sings the refrain. He licks his lips anxiously when JB and Youngjae goes on with the pre-chorus. By the time I'm hearing Jinyoung's voice in the beginning of the hook, Mark's basically beaming with his wicked canines because I can't help but bop my head spontaneously to the beat of the track he helped compose. "This is REALLY good." I say, finally leaning back into my seat.

 _You're my one and only homegirl, I'll be your one and only homeboy..._

"I'm glad you like it," He comments, sultry eyes excavating a dark, dark hole into my subconsciousness. He scoots and rests his right arm behind me, leans closer and tucks the loose strands of my hair behind my ear before whispering. "It's for you..."

I feel my cheeks heat up as he presses a kiss against my temple, my cheek, my jaw. He licks the skin of the junction where my jaw and my neck meets and I willingly move my head sideways, giving him more access along with a soft moan. His hands slink from my thighs, to my waist, fingers playing with the hem of my shirt. My eyes flutter open when he sneaks a hand inside my shirt to cup my breast which reminds of the fact that my car maybe heavily tinted but the possibility of getting caught is still ever present. "Mark,"

"Baby, I want you right now." He whispers on my skin, drowning out the song as his fingers expertly play underneath my shirt. I nod while unbuttoning my silk shirt. "Good girl. Sit on my lap, Baby..." He moves away and sits back comfortably.

I take my shirt off completely, remove my shoes, and tousle my hair before swinging my leg over both of his. We waste no time, kissing brashly, lips crashing like waves to the shore. Mark's hands travel in between my thighs, thumbing my soaked-up underwear and moaning deliciously against my mouth. "I guess you missed me too."

 _I go straight to you under my favorites..._

"Mmmhhh... Baby, yes..."

"Then take your panties off for me," He dirty talks. I sit up and hover over him, doing my best to discard my underwear while he hurriedly unbuttons and lowers his jeans from underneath me. I'm left with my black bra and leather skirt, sinking back on his lap and watching him stroke his impressionable length. "You really want this?" He ask, eyes almost unrecognizable with the devilish gaze.

"Yeah, you?" I say, grabbing the tip of his penis and thumbing the slit as pre-cum oozes from him.

"Aaahhh, yes..." His hands move to touch both of my boobs, kissing the exposed tops and even leaving a mark that threatens to transform into a telling bruise.

"Do you have a condom with you?" I ask, still trying to listen to the song.

"Yeah, of course," He reaches for his wallet, hands the foil to me, and I busy myself with fitting it on his hard length. I'm a sopping mess by the time the second chorus comes in.

 _You are atop my bed, together we are cozy. You are glamorous like the inside of my closet._

I sit up again to ready myself, knees pressing against the seats. Mark takes this as an opportunity to swipe a finger against my wet slit, fingering me so suddenly it makes me yelp. "Oh my g—"

"Baby, not too loud." He inserts another finger which makes me lean towards him, hands grabbing the backrest for support. I meet his hungry stare as he finger fucks me and I fight the urge scream in ecstasy. "Yeah, that's it Baby. Come for me..." His words, his fingers, his deep, dark voice takes me to my tipping point. Mark pulls his fingers out and puts it in his mouth to taste me. "You taste good, Baby." He lets the rest of my cream coat the condom as he pumps himself again.

My hand travels to the back of his head, fingers running through his soft, blonde hair. I pull him in for a hard kiss while he's busy aligning his cock with my entrance. I sit on him, wanting more contact, wanting a bigger release. "Fuck..." Mark shudders beneath me.

"Holy sh—" I pant as I take him in, hands splayed on his hard chest. "Mark, Oohhh..."

"Fuck, Baby..." He kisses me again with closed eyes, his fingers digging on my hips. "You're so tight, it feels so good..."

"I have to go slow, okay? We can't be caught here." I roll my hips towards him experimentally. His voice comes in and I start feeling like I'm holding on for dear life as I savor his length inside me.

 _You take the weight off my shoulders, when I see you..._

"Take all the time you want," He comments before kissing my neck again. I hold him close as I move slowly, hoping my car is stable enough not to bounce as we fuck. Every pant, every breath, every touch feels like an eternity with every buck of my hips against his.

 _You are the vitamin of my life, my girl! I want to show you off to the whole world..._

"Oh my god, I take it back. This is torture!" I tighten when he whisper screams the words in my ear and it makes him moan all the more.

"You don't like it?" I ask playfully, going slower and tightening my walls once again. He winces in utter pleasure.

"No, no I like it. Fuck, you feel so good but you're making me really horny. Aahhhh..." He starts moaning louder as I drive him deeper into me. He looks so good with his eyes screwed shut, his head thrown back, his face almost pained.

"Shhh, Baby..." The song finishes and my voice vibrates all around us. I pant, hips continuously moving in a steady, slow pace.

"Does this mean you won't scream my name when you come?" He looks at me again with lust-filled eyes, and then touches my lips before inserting his long fingers into my open mouth, taunting me. He often tells me during cuddle sessions that he loves the muffled sounds I make when I scream his name into my pillows as he plows me from behind.

"I'll try..." I answer, licking and sucking his digits like I would if it were his cock. I roll my hips a bit faster than before and stare into his eyes, fighting the urge to moan my adoration for his beautiful fucked out face. I take both of his hands, his saliva-coated fingers making a trail down my body, and I place them on my breasts. I will myself to tighten all around him again.

"Oh shit!" The act sends Mark into a fit of pleasure. He throws his head back again, shuts his eyes and bucks his hips upward. I angle myself better and give him room to move underneath me—something he seems to appreciate because right then he starts meeting my thrusts in a fast, uncontrollable phase. "Baby come for me again..."

"Aaahhh..." I hold onto his shoulders to steady myself, hoping no fan walks by, praying so hard that my car doesn't give us away to the guards standing outside of the concert venue. "Mark..."

"I'm coming right now, Baby. Are you?" I nod despite the fact that I'm a mile away from it. I clench, and squeeze, wishing it would take me to another orgasm. But I'm too distracted by the fact that my car is virtually the only one left in the parking lot. My heart is pounding at the possibility of a security personnel rapping on my window, mind spinning at the realization that Mark hid his feelings for his fuck buddy in a GOT7 song.

"Come with me, baby" Mark breathes out sharply. He comes undone beneath me, and on instinct I moan as if I'm climaxing along with him. I kiss his lips and hug him tight as he rides his pleasure. _When I fuck him, does he remember the waves of Santa Monica? When we kiss, does he think about the shore and the bright lights? When he comes does he forget, even for a second, that he's in South Korea?_ I rest my head where his neck meets his shoulder, the heavy thoughts exhausting me way more than the sex ever could.

"Can you drive me back to the dorm, Baby?" He asks after a while. I can feel him softening inside me. "Sorry I can't cuddle with you, I need to get home, they might be looking for me." I swear I could almost hear a hint of sadness in the midst of all the sexual relief washing through his whole body.

"Of course," I say with a smile. For the record I didn't come after the first one, and this is the first time I've ever had to fake an orgasm for Mark. I get off his lap, unable to look him in the eye while collecting my shirt, my underwear, my shoes. I fix my hair before getting out of the car and scanning the area. It's a miracle no one came up in the middle of it all. I get into the driver's side, put my seat belt on, and wait for Mark to get on the seat beside me. His face mask and cap are back on and it reminds me, as I maneuver my way out of the parking lot, that when the fucking is over and the lights are back on, we're back to where we started—just friends.

 _Damn you, Jackson Wang. He doesn't love me._


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31: An Off-Roading Four Wheeler**

"Guess who..." The voice behind me says. _Definitely not Jinyoung._ I grope the hands covering my eyes and feel rings on each finger. "Bam?" There's animated chuckling as the lights blind me momentarily. Apparently Jinyoung and I won't be having a quiet book discussion while eating take-out fast food at my place. I rub my itchy dry eyes while they check the progress of my edit. "How many GOT2Day episodes have you finished?" BamBam asks, staring at Youngjae's laughing face frozen on my screen.

"Uh... Honestly, I've lost count already." Editing GOT2Day is like putting my well-versed muscle memory to work. We don't have storyboards or scripts to follow, no massive coloring or effects. The writers and producers let the boys decide where to take their conversations, giving the fans a glimpse of their personal relationships—something I've become more familiar with recently.

"Da kkeutnaesseoyo? [Are you done?] We could just buy dinner and eat here if you're not done yet." Jinyoung suggests, a kind smile wrinkling the sides of his pretty eyes.

"Ani, gwaenchanha! It's just a rough draft anyway. I can finish this tomorrow, let me just save this file before I shut down." I do my final arm stretch, take my earphones off, and tap several commands on my keyboard. The two idols watch me with fascination as I close window after window, eyes moving from one screen to another.

"Wah, how do you work so fast?" BamBam asks while I'm typing on my keyboard to shoot Mina an email update.

"She's probably used to it already, she's been with us for over a year now. Right, Noona?" Jinyoung intercepts, to which I nod to.

"Has it really been a year?! Wow, time flies by so fast." My screen goes black as I gather my things. "What were we doing this time around last year?" BamBam continues.

"This time around last year we were finishing up on RealGOT7, and starting on GOT7ing, and planning Flight Log." I answer. With the amount of work they have, these two probably don't even remember details like that anymore. But I do. I remember each and every episode, each and every shoot, each and every meeting. These days it's becoming more and more difficult to forget about work, especially since my work had so suddenly shadowed my personal life. My mind starts drifting towards Mark again.

"How are you liking it so far? We've been in this company for a long time but we've only been officially working for four years. What's one year like for you?" Jinyoung questions, offering to carry my bag for me. I oblige, knowing full well that he's being polite as usual. We enter the elevators, which reminds me again of Mark. I try to shake off the image of us in this lift as I wave goodbye to Jackson that one fateful night.

"Its different for me because I have to rely on you to create something. In a sense, your work is my work so even if I stay here for four or five years I'll always feel like a hoobae next to you guys." I explain as we reach the parking lot and make our way to Andy. We strap ourselves in and I start to drive with Jinyoung sitting in the passenger's seat and BamBam settling at the back. They marvel at my driving ability, at the brand-new feel of my car, and at the cool surround sound feature that highlights their new songs.

When Flight Log: Departure came out, I decided to buy all their physical albums even though I can technically burn their songs in a blank CD (because all of those—including the unreleased ones—are stored in my computer for editing purposes). Some fans even came up to me inquiring about my purchases and I explained that I wanted to support my friends just like how fans would support them. Nawoon—being the reporter that she is—even wrote an article about it and included tweets with paparazzi photos of me at the record store buying GOT7 CDs. The boys found out about it and teased me for over a week, telling me I've finally become an Ahgase.

"Oh, we haven't signed your CDs yet!" BamBam points out with a wide smile. He asks for a pen and I immediately reach for the compartment.

"Here let me find it," Says the ever reliable Jinyoung. My heart stops for a second.

"Ah jamkkanman—" [Wait a minute—] I stop and change gears upon approaching a traffic light, allowing Jinyoung to open my car's compartment despite my protest. The pen is right there, alright, but so are a bunch of other things like wet tissues and lip balms and a tube of lube and condoms. Lots of condoms. I can feel my face getting hotter by the minute. Jinyoung purses his lips and tries to hide his reaction in case BamBam, who's busy checking my CD collection, notices anything different. He hands the pen to the maknae wordlessly and closes the compartment with a smirk, his eyes focusing on the road ahead of us. I try to do the same but we both can't help but steal laughing glances at each other like idiots.

"Hyung, ne chalye ya!" [Hyung, it's your turn] BamBam hands the CDs to Jinyoung and the older idol takes them with a look of utter amusement. He puts a smiley after every signature to remind me of his latest discovery that yes, we do have sex in this car. _Damn it. I should hide those stuff somewhere else._

My apartment is in chaos and I'm not even ashamed of it because I am not the sole reason things are messy in this place. Jackson keeps taking his shirt off in favor of tank tops and so his shirts and hoodies are everywhere in my living room. There are used cups and plates in the sink from today's breakfast with Mark and JB. Youngjae's English textbooks are hidden somewhere in my shelves. Yugyeom's school stuff are still on my dining table along with the empty bottles of banana milk left by his friend Jungkook who tagged along to help—or aimlessly watch. Sometimes I forget that these kids are still in school. Even Jinyoung is in college and my bookshelf now mirrors his penchant for books as more and more Korean titles appear in its crannies. The only members who do not leave their belongings behind are BamBam and JB, because they're all relatively organized with their own stuff.

Mark is the worst. He's taken into co-habiting with me, buying his own set of toothbrush and toiletries, and insisting to keep his clothes and undergarments folded neatly in a box on top of my dresser. There's a box of his condoms in the bedside table, two more bottles of lube, and a sex toy (a.k.a., the horrendously yellow vibrator) that he claims a fan anonymously gifted him. One day, after a fan meeting, he came over with a box filled with plushie Pikachus that are now taking up space on the sofa bed—his new favorite spot. "You and Mark both like Pikachu, I don't get it." BamBam comments which earns another smirk from Jinyoung.

"Mark gave them to me, he said you have a lot of Pikachus at home already..." I explain while cleaning up the mess on the dining table so we have space to eat our McDonald's take-out.

"Oh, that's why. I should probably tell Jackson that you like Squirtle. We've got tons of those at home too." He answers mockingly to which I respond with an annoyed eye roll. He laughs before taking his seat. I place all of Gyeommie's supplies on top of Youngjae's English mastery textbooks. Youngjae likes to read out loud to me during his free time and I'd just listen or teach him how to pronounce difficult words. Whenever I ask why they like spending time in my apartment, they always end up with the same answer: It's quiet here and it helps that I'm quiet too.

"Ah, maldo andwaeyo. [Ah, that's ridiculous.] He won't part with those. Jackson keeps all the fan gifts, even the letters. In China, their attic is basically a storage of gifts from the past three years." Jinyoung's story makes me laugh. "By the way, I didn't tell you BamBam's coming. Mianheyo. He asked to tag along while I was leaving the practice room." He adds.

"I miss my Babe!" BamBam says in full English, mouth half-full with burger.

"That's disgusting." Jinyoung retorts, also in English. BamBam rolls his eyes at the older boy before downing his burger with soda.

"She won't mind, right Babe?" Bam asks, his wide smile too malicious to brush off. I just laugh. _Babe is definitely a thing now._ I wonder how Mark feels about that. He asked about it, but didn't comment afterwards. "What are you two up to anyways? Why are you guys always having coffee without us?!" He questions with an accusatory tone. I roll my eyes at him as I sip my drink. "Oh my go—Are you guys having an affair?! If you are, it's totally fine. I mean, I'm a bit jealous but I swear I won't tell—"

"We are NOT dating! Can you calm down?" I immediately say, putting my food down. Jinyoung is laughing uncontrollably with his hand on his mouth, tears almost forming in the corners of his eye. He looks at me with an incredulous expression as if saying "Do you see this reaction? He would freak out if he finds out!" and I just shake my head helplessly.

"Then what are you doing?" Bam asks again.

"We read books," I answer, picking up a fry. BamBam shakes his head in disbelief.

"Ah, wae?!" Jinyoung says when his mouth is finally free of food. "In case you forget, we're not allowed to date and Jinyoung Hyung's already told Noona about that."

"Geu yeppeun yeoja ya. Jalsaeng gyeosseoyo! [She's a pretty woman. You are handsome!] It's impossible not to like each other." BamBam says, pointing to me and then to his Hyung. "If I were old enough, I'd date her secretly," The boy seems absolutely confident about his answer.

"Who says I'd date you even if you're older?" I manage to say before barking out a laugh. BamBam clutches at his heart in mock pain. "I'm not dating anyone, Bammie, just so you know. We just like talking about books."

"And for the record," Jinyoung pipes in, suddenly looking at me. "I do find Noona pretty, but I'm afraid I'm not his type so I'll just settle for coffee and books." The statement makes me laugh again. If BamBam was sitting in my chair he'd see the glint of mischief in the older member's eye. "Oh by the way, I've been wanting to ask you something."

"Mwo?"

"I was thinking about Lady Chatterly's Lover," I watch Jinyoung neatly folding the wax paper of his now-gone burger as he talks. "I just finished it but I'm still trying to collect my thoughts about the ending. What do you think of it?" He asks politely in Hangul, as if he's talking to his professor. BamBam falls silent, watching our thinking faces across the table. I guess he's finally getting the gist of our book discussions. I explain that I haven't read the Hangul version yet but I had to read the English abridged version for a literature class in college so I know how the ending goes.

"It's bittersweet, but hopeful and I like that. I like that it doesn't end where it's supposed to end. In general, I like books that end that way."

"But how about the closure? Do you think Lady Chatterly and Oliver Mellors ended up together?" His sudden switch to English takes BamBam by surprise but he doesn't speak up. He just watches his Hyung in fascination, his legs crossed fabulously, back slack against the chair.

"No, I don't think so. There are signs that point towards that, but I honestly wish they don't." I finish my sandwich, crumple up the wax paper, and drop it aimlessly on the table. It makes a soft thump that somehow sounds satisfying to my ears.

"Why?" Jinyoung asks, eyebrows knit closely together.

"Well, first of all, they were never meant to be together. Lady Chatterly is married. Though it was arranged and she felt unsatisfied and trapped, her sexual relations with the gamekeeper was wrong on so many levels." I can see the knot on Jinyoung's face unraveling, his serious face turning into a thoughtful pout. I restrain myself from leaning across the table to pinch his cheeks. "You see, when you first read the book you would think that it mostly just tackles marital struggles, sexual awakening, and even feminism in the face of a patriarchal society. But underneath the layers of social and intellectual discussions, you'll see that at its very core the book is also about temptations and causalities."

"What the heck?!" BamBam speaks up while putting down his coke can on the table, taking us both by surprise. "What is causality? I've never heard that term before." He remarks. Even Jinyoung seems confused by the word.

"Do you know Newton's Third Law?"

"For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction?" It's BamBam who answers, making his Hyung turn his way with an impressed look on his face.

"That's right. That's one easy way to explain causality. Everything we do in life, all the actions and all the decisions we make, set a chain of reactions in motion. We may take different paths along the way but whatever we do, it affects our destiny and other people's destinies." They're both gaping at me now like fishes out of the ocean and I struggle to keep the conversation serious just for the sake of it. "Okay, think about it. Jinyoung, if you didn't meet BamBam, you probably wouldn't be here because GOT7 would have been an entirely different group. We probably wouldn't even be friends because it was BamBam who bought me a drink at the bar one night that caused Mark to come over and invite me to their table, which started this whole... Thing..." I say, gesturing mid-air.

This thing. This my-apartment-is-GOT7's-treehouse thing is all because BamBam decided to buy me a Sunset Tequila. I look at the maknae whose eyes are wide with deep realizations. I can vaguely remember our literature class. I loved it so much because our teacher—an old, small lady with round glasses and a passion for wearing colorful suits to class—often pored into books the way you'd swim in a pool, diving deep without hesitations and gliding smoothly from one point to another like freestyle strokes.

"If Lady Chatterly's father didn't marry her too soon, she would've found her sexuality in a more natural, more dignified way, instead of fucking with a stranger on the forest floor." BamBam snickers at the vulgarity of my words. For a second, I regret the fact that I said such a dirty word in front of boys who were so obviously ripped off their own rights to sexual endeavors because of a piece of paper—just like Lady Chatterly.

"Can you say that word again just one more time," BamBam leans forward, his voice dripping with lewd intentions. Jinyoung slaps him in the arm, his eyes wide in shock.

"What? You mean fuck?!" I say with an almost too innocent look. Jinyoung looks like he's about to burst an artery, much to my amusement. "Fuck."

"Damn," BamBam leans back into his chair laughing. If he could he probably would ask me to record it for him so he can play it over and over. "The only person allowed to say that in our dorm is Mark Hyung, and he doesn't even say it often." I raise an eyebrow to the other boy for validation and he just nods at me. I find that fact fascinating because if there's a list of expletives I've ever heard from Mark, that word must be on top of the list.

"Speaking of Mark, has he contacted you yet?" Jinyoung asks, his expression suddenly sullen.

"No, not really. He says he's really busy," I've gotten used to Mark's hot and cold personality. The more we're getting to know each other, the more I realize how different we are as people. He proves one position works best for both of us and he'll stick with it forever, but the explorer in me somehow wants more. When the team needs him, there is absolutely no way to persuade him to come over, or stay a little longer in bed. When he's working on something, you can be pretty damn sure he won't talk to you—unless he needs you to "clear his mind" when he's writing lyrics. I try reel myself back into the conversation.

"Did he tell you anything about Jackson, Babe?" Bam asks.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Well, we're not sure if it's just us but they haven't been talking a lot." Jinyoung informs me.

"Again, Hyung, they don't always talk. When they hang out Jackson just lets Mark do nothing." BamBam comments.

"But it feels weird these days. Jackson suddenly goes silent when Mark talks and Mark is not addressing Jackson by his name," Jinyoung scratches the back of his neck absent-mindedly. "It's almost as if they're having a cold war."

"I'll ask Jackson, I'm sure he'll talk," I say, and the boys exchange glances but I'm not entirely sure what decides to change the subject by asking me more about causalities.

When the clock strikes twelve, we're almost all out of conversations. The theories I explained seem to be pulling all of us into deeper and deeper thoughts and I can sense that the boys are starting to think things differently. There is no way one can discuss literary theories like that without ending up with sentimental or existential thoughts. I tell them to go home and rest. The next comeback is just around the corner and I can tell it's going to be a pretty explosive and exhaustive phase for all of us working at JYPE.

We say our goodbyes and goodnights, with BamBam lingering on the hug until Jinyoung pinches his side. "Ah, apa!" [Ah, that hurts!] He complains and I laugh.

"Keep your hands off her, she's still your Noona," Jinyoung orders.

"I know and I hate it. See you, Babe!" He winks at me before finally following Jinyoung out the door.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32: So Sick**

I don't think I'm dying, but I'm pretty sure if I am, this is a pretty scary way to go. I'm all alone in my apartment in nothing but a gray hoodie and red gym shorts with a sore throat and a slight fever. I feel like a mess, my place is a mess, and I don't want to die like this. So I haul myself out of bed to clean the bathroom, change the sheets, and pick up all the mess in the living room that I have been too tired to put away since last week.

 ***Flashback***

Last night's gig was wild as heck. Jonghan Oppa, the BTS manager I met before, came with Bang PD-nim himself. It inspired me to play BTS songs all night and I was dancing the whole time, sweating because of the heat and the pressure of having the producer's presence in the club. I was screaming back to hardcore ARMYs in front of my booth. Apparently Hongdae is teeming with young, energetic kids and the songs I played unleashed the fan beasts in them. Jonghan approached me after my set and introduced me to his boss who was clad in all-black and was fashionably nursing a glass of whisky. We shook hands and he asked about my real name just like how Park PD-nim did.

In hindsight, I could tell why the man was so successful at turning his small time company into a Big Three contender. From what I gleaned during our conversation about working at JYPE (apparently he once worked as a music producer in my company), the man has all it takes to take the Korean music industry by the balls. He's got the talent sourcing chops of YG, the marketing smarts of SM, and the artistic passion of JYP. By the end of the night, as he was leaving, he handed me his card and told me to contact him if I ever had the time to discuss underground spin battles, something which I've only ever heard of but never had the guts to try. The act reminded me of Namjoon, so I immediately texted him after meeting his boss and I was surprised that he answered at 2AM.

 **Love:** Your boss is so cool!

 **Namjoon:** You met him?

 **Love:** Yes, I just did! He gave me his card.

 **Namjoon:** Oh, that's a good sign.

 **Love:** Why?

 **Namjoon:** He did that to me too.

 **Namjoon:** Does this mean we're we going to be labelmates soon?

 **Love:** No, no, there wasn't anything like that. He just told me about underground spin battles but I don't think I'm good enough for that so...

 **Love:** Should I even ask why you're awake at this hour?

 **Namjoon:** I think you're just being humble, but I'd love to witness you perform for once.

 **Namjoon:** Hahah, Yeah, I'm at Suga's Studio. We're just composing stuff.

 **Love:** LOL Perform is too huge of a word. I don't think it's for me. I'm not like you guys.

 **Namjoon:** I used to think like that too...

 **Namjoon:** Think about it, Love. Real talent shouldn't be doubted.

 **Love:** Okay I will.

 **Love:** I'm about to drive home now, you guys keep up the awesome work.

 **Namjoon:** Drive safely. Oh and thanks for playing our songs tonight, saw videos on Twitter.

 **Love:** No problem, it was fun!

 ***Flashfoward***

It WAS fun.

And exhausting. So exhausting I can't even lift my arms properly now. I try to continue vacuuming though, because if there's anything I learned about living on my own it's that nobody's going to do the dirty work for me. I fix the stuffed Pikachus and line them up neatly on the sofa, take the throw blanket, and toss it into the laundry basket. The loud whirring of the vacuum cleaner drowns out the sound of the door opening. "What the are you doing?!" Mark's voice makes me jump out of my skin.

"Oh my god!" I clutch my chest, feeling faint. I turn the vacuum off and just stand there, staring up at him as he comes near me. "Mark? What— Why—" He places a hand on my forehead and my cheek, dark brown eyes peering at me worriedly.

"You weren't at the fansign so I asked Mina about you and she said you're sick. So why the hell are you cleaning?!" He asks, face just a few inches away from mine. My heart starts beating wildly again.

"I—I don't have any other time to clean up so I..."

"Sit down and don't move." He orders harshly after a long sigh. I follow meekly, taking my place beside the fluffy Pikachus on the sofa. He goes straight to the kitchen with a massive paper bag, takes out a container filled with soup and pours some of it into a bowl. He heats it up in the microwave, takes a spoon, and sets the bowl with it on the side table. "Eat. There are meds on the kitchen counter."

"T-Thank you..." I stutter.

"You're not allowed to work anymore." He tells me. I watch Mark pick up the vacuum nozzle to continue the task, his eyebrows straight in utter concentration. His face is hard and stoic, like a perfectly carved marble incapable of feeling. We don't talk. We just steal glances at each other, making quick eye contact just to know that the other is doing fine. I don't know why he took the time to feed me and bring me medicines even after a long day at work. I don't know how he's cleaning my house with the same precision as I would even though he never stayed long enough to see me clean up. All I know is that he's mad.

Mark is a very hard puzzle to figure. He is sweet as heck to the people he cares for, and his patience makes it almost impossible to make him angry. But if he's mad, you'll know it. His bright eyes are suddenly dark, and brooding, sometimes even sad. His blinding smile is nowhere to be seen.

Whatever BamBam and Jinyoung told me a few weeks ago about Mark and Jackson possibly fighting, Youngjae somehow confirmed for me. One afternoon, while helping him on his English essay, I asked how the two are doing and Youngjae went silent. Instead of telling me directly what happened he let me picture what Mark's like when he's mad. "I've seen him angry many times. You wouldn't want to get to know that side of him, Noona" He said, eyes solemnly fixed on the worksheet before him. He said Mark won't talk about the issue if he can avoid it, but even his short arguments can break the toughest person in the room. He's physical. VERY physical. Youngjae said he once broke the company van's AC when he punched the ceiling after a fight with JB. It was the first time I've ever seen Youngjae so serious. He's a ball of bright sunshine but when it comes to Mark, he's often calmer, more serious, even sweeter.

Even Jackson is different when he's with this man. On good days, Jackson and Mark are inseparable. He was the first person Jackson confided in, trusted, befriended on his first day in South Korea. He remembered every single detail about that night and he told me that story with such a passion that it now breaks my heart to realize I've caused a rift between them. I have been talking constantly to Jackson and after prodding several times he finally confessed that he told Mark about the kiss and the man almost punched him in the gut, if Youngjae and JB didn't stop him.

The fact that Mark came for me even though he's obviously mad is still a mystery. There he is, vacuuming a spot I forgot to clean when I started, as if it's the most important thing in the world. I stand up, walk barefoot to the kitchen, and cringed at the feeling of the cold tiles under my feet. I feel like everything around me is frozen, cold to the touch. Maybe it's my fever. Maybe it's Mark and his angry glare. I take a look inside the paper bag to find a bunch of pills and tablets. He bought some paracetamol, painkillers, vitamins, and even herbal supplements. I take a paracetamol with a glass of water, then moved towards the sink to wash the pile of dishes from the last two days.

Not even halfway through the task, Mark holds my wrist to stop me from soaping the dishes. "I told you you're not allowed to work. How hard is it to listen?!" He says, voice hard as steel as he pushes his sleeves upwards, taking the dish and scrubber from my hands. "Go to bed and wait for me there," He adds.

I try not to hiss audibly, to not give in to the temptation of letting out a snarky reply. I move away from him to wipe my hands on the kitchen towel and sit on the bar stool to watch him work. He feels my presence looming behind him still and he stops, sighing heavily. "If you're not gonna listen to me, I'll leave the minute I'm done with this ."

I stay silent for the most part, just because I'm getting scared of the spiteful tone in his voice. But the feeling of not knowing what he's thinking is suffocating me more than anything else so I speak up. "Why are you even here if you're mad at me?" I ask as softly as I can, hoping it would change his foul mood.

"Oh I don't know, probably because I'm not an who doesn't give a about other people's feelings?" He answers, all snarky and fake. I must admit that hurt a bit. Okay, a lot. I want to lash out but I know I shouldn't, at least not when he's acting like this.

"Mark..." I say, almost a whisper. "I get that you're hurt but isn't this a bit too much?"

"Too much?!" He lets out a short, bitter laugh and turns the water off despite the fact that he's not done rinsing the glass in his hand. "Is it too much to ask of you not to fool around with Jackson? Because in case you missed it he's actually MY ING BEST FRIEND!" Without warning Mark throws the glass to the wall before him and it smashes into pieces, falling into the sink. The sound makes my knees feel weak.

I stand as he turns to me with hooded eyes, his white shirt wet with water. I notice red dots and lines painting his hand. "Oh my god, you're bleeding!" Still feeling dizzy, I make my way to him, checking the floor carefully for shards of glass. "Mark," I try to hold his hand but he pulls away.

"I'm fine." His voice is deeper. Quieter. His shoulders are slumped lower than they were a minute ago and his eyes are downcast.

"Can you please just let me..." I say forcefully, taking his hand in mine to inspect the damage. A few tiny shards of glass are stuck in his wounds and his knuckles are paling with the way he clenches his fist. I swear I feel like fainting. He sees the color slowly draining from my face so he moves away from me to pull the shards out by himself and wash the blood from his hands. "I-I'll go get the first aid kit upstairs, just wait here, okay?"

"I'll come with you." He says drying his hand and inspecting it, making sure no shards are left on his skin. As we walk away from the kitchen, I throw one last look towards the sink, the broken glass still sitting there, forlorn.

We make our way upstairs, him padding behind me in his pink socks. He sits on my bed with a huff and lies down, his long limbs dangling off the end of the bed, his eyes cast towards the ceiling. I sit beside him, take his hand gently and pull the red speckled fabric of his shirt upwards to put medicine on his cuts. "I hope you're feeling a bit better now that you've taken your anger on something else."

"I'm sorry, I'll get you a new glass."

"And I'm sorry but this is going to hurt too." I pour hydrogen peroxide on his wounds and he cries out in pain so I blow air onto his hand, cooing to him like a baby. "Oh, mian, mian, mianhe aegi-yah..." I gently clean up his wounds, apply some ointment on the cuts, and put colorful Band-Aids on each of them. I kiss each plastered wound tenderly, hoping it'll make him feel better—not just from the glass cuts, but also from the jealousy rage. He stares at me with his brown eyes and pulls me down to lie beside him.


	33. Chapter 33 (M)

**Chapter 33: Mayday**

"Are you still mad at me?" I finally ask.

"I don't know..."

"Well, then I don't know what else to do." I say, finally giving up. I let silence drown us, our guilt palpable in the thick air. "What do you want from me?" I ask, trying to get a better grasp of the situation. At this point, I've lost all sense of time and urgency. Everything stops when I'm with Mark.

Suddenly he's towering over me, elbows on each side of my face as he presses his lips against mine. I let him kiss me until I'm breathless and dizzy. When he stops to gaze at me, I'm left with very little words. "Mark..."

"I want you..." He looks at me with so much tenderness I feel like transforming into a puddle underneath him. "I want you all for myself..." We kiss again, this time more urgent and needy and touchy. His fingers are tangled in my hair, his eyes are shut, and his tongue is driving all the words I want to say out of my mind. We kiss some more until my head clears up a bit.

"Mark, wait..." I plead, pushing him a little. "You know I want you too. But I'm not a thing you can keep all for yourself, I'm a person. I have my own decisions to make. Jackson and I..." He flinches upon hearing the other guy's name and ultimately moves away from me, sitting up so his back is against me. I sit up too and touch his shoulders, rubbing the tension away before whispering into his ear. "Hey... Hey, listen. It was nothing, okay? We just wanted to try it out because... Because..."

"Because what?" He asks, voice sounding sad and broken. I peer at his face and see tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"I'm not your girlfriend, Mark..." I let my hands fall down before sitting beside him on the edge of the bed. "I'm nobody's girlfriend." I'm surprised by the tear traveling down my own cheek. _Why am I crying? Why are we crying?_ We sit in silence side by side, slowly realizing that more than anything we're both just feeling really stuck.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" He suddenly asks, turning to me after dabbing the tears off his own eyes. I give him a puzzled look, unable to answer immediately. "I'm serious. I mean, like, probably not now but in... like... February? That's our anniversary, right? We've been friends for a year now and we can go on actual dates already because then my ban will be lifted and—"

"Mark..."

"It's gonna be fine, I'll explain it to PD-nim and—"

"We don't have to."

"But—"

"We can't..." It's almost a murmur. Almost a whisper. On this bed, and in this room, we both know that we're safe from everything—except from heartaches, apparently. Though it breaks my heart, I decide to go ahead and just let the truth out. "For as long as you're an idol, I can't be your girlfriend... And it hurts so much right now to know that I'll never stand a chance but out of all the people, I should be the one to understand, right? I should know... I make a living out of this... Out of you." The statement leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

We settle in our blanket of solitude, knowing full well that while it hurts the admission of defeat somehow feels lighter on our consciences now. Mark crawls on the bed, sits behind me, enveloping me in a warm hug just like what he did back in L.A. and I find myself smiling. He takes his phone out of his pocket and opens the camera app. "Let's take couple selcas anyway," Mark says, sniffing like a kid as he closes the gap between my back and his chest, his left hand circling my waist. He positions his phone in front of us, the look of our puffy, red eyes making me laugh.

He takes photos of us, of him kissing my cheek and resting his chin on my shoulder. I turn to stare at his pretty face, gauging his feelings. _Is he still angry? Doesn't seem like it. What a petulant child._ Our lips meet again and as the kiss deepens, the hand holding his phone up automatically lowers. We both forget about the selcas as we savor each other's taste. "Can I make you feel like my girlfriend at least?" He asks, smiling against my lips.

"Wow, that took a turn" I say, laughing at the feeling of his hands traveling underneath my hoodie. They feel cold against my burning, feverish skin. I moan when he grabs my breasts, shiver when he starts licking the shell of my ear.

"I'm asking for permission to fuck you, will you please just say yes?" He whispers, breath tickling my ear. There's a sudden change in his voice while his hands roam my body. A chill runs down my spine when he orders me again. "Answer me."

"Yes..." I mutter, breathless and writhing when his hand starts to creep inside my gym shorts, inside my wet panties, to touch my clit and finger me while kissing my neck. "Oh yes... Faster baby... Fuck!" I come undone in a matter of minutes and he snickers as I slump against his body. Still feeling weak, I let Mark take all my clothes off for me and flip me over so I'm on my hands and knees. He gets off the bed to strip off his clothes and rummage for a condom from the bedside table. I crawl towards him, like a cat approaching her meal.

"That's right, come here..." He mutters in his deep, sultry voice. He positions himself in front of my face, gathers my hair into a ponytail and slaps his semi-hard cock against my lips. "Open your mouth." I part my lips for him, teasing him with my tongue. "Damn you look so fucking sexy when you do that." He caresses my cheek and lifts my chin up with his finger. I watch him lick his lips as he stares at me with hooded eyes. The way he's looking at me signals something different. Mark has always been dominant, but our fight seems to have unleashed a different side of him that I've never seen before. "Suck me hard, Baby Girl..."

I'm taken aback by the new pet name but I follow his instruction anyway, making my way down to the base of his beautiful cock. "Mmmmm... That's it, that's my good girl." Mark fucks my mouth roughly, gagging me as he hits my throat. I feel tears springing from my eyes again while I take all of him in, his member hardening inside my mouth, making me moan. The vibrations hit him to the core and I watch his eyes roll back. "Careful, baby, you don't want to make come too soon." He pulls himself out of my mouth and pats my head before putting the condom on. I grab the sheets, watching him as my juices run deliciously down my legs. I can't believe he's making me feel like this without even having to fuck me.

"Move," He orders yet again, pointing at the headboard. I crawl towards the middle of the bed, and feel the mattress dip as Mark positions himself behind me. He reaches for my hand before anything else. "Grab the headboard, Baby Girl. Daddy wants to play rough this time." I gasp as he places both of my hands on the headboard and shows me exactly how he wants me to grip the white wood of my bed frame for support. Then he trails wet kisses down my back before spreading my legs a little bit more and inserting two fingers into my wet pussy. "I guess you're ready..."

"Are you?" I dare ask, trying to lighten up the sexual tension all around us.

"Baby, you have no fucking idea how many times I've fantasized about you since we did it in the car..." He rubs himself against my slit and rams his cock inside me, making me scream.

"Aaaahhhhhh, Mark!"

"Fuck, bitch." He says harshly, his hips rocking against mine, once, twice, thrice. He goes into a steady rhythm, nails digging on the flesh of my waist. I try to hold off my screams but the moment he slaps my right butt cheek, I let out a long, loud moan.

"Ow, Mark, that hurts..." I say, still feeling the sting of his hand on my skin.

"I thought I made myself clear. I want you to call me Daddy..." Slap! This time he hits my left butt cheek, making me yelp again.

"Daddy it hurts... Please..."

"Sorry, baby, I have to do it. You've been a bad girl..." Slap! His voice is evil. His dark laughter is driving me insane. Slap! "Oohhh, baby girl, you're starting to like this, aren't you? You're getting tighter every time I slap your ass." He starts fucking me harder and it's getting more and more difficult to hold on to the headboard. "Daddy is going make you so sore in the morning..." I've never heard the bed creak this loud before, never felt this good before, never been this wet before. It's like falling off a cliff and landing into cold water over and over and over again.

"Daddy, I'm coming..." I moan, ready to let it all go. But Mark stops and pulls out of me, panting hard. "Fuck!" I turn my head around to meet his eyes.

He's smirking as he catches his breath, hands still on my hips. Then he observes my pussy from behind as it glistens with so much wetness. He licks his lips and swipes his tongue on my pussy.

It takes me by surprise when Mark opens me up to tongue fuck me. I don't always expect him to offer oral sex. My ex—who's my first and last sexual partner before Mark—didn't like it one bit. But I have to admit it's something I've always wanted. It's a whole new level of sensation that's so foreign to me, it makes me weak.

"Oh Daddy, yes..." I let go of the headboard and sink down into the pillows, my ass still up in the air. I look back again and see him smacking his lips in appreciation, wiping my juices off his face with the back of his hand.

"You taste delicious, Baby Girl." He smiles at me while stroking himself. "Spread your legs for Daddy a bit more. I'm gonna make you come so hard." I do as he asks, positioning my body the way he wants it and letting him guide me. Then he enters me again, hitting me at just the right spot.

"Fuck! Ohhh, Mark..." I moan loudly, not even caring about pet names anymore. My desire feels so raw, so carnal, so deep in my bones that I momentarily forget who I am as he ruts into my sopping sex.

"That's right Baby, say my name..." He switches from dominant to needy as he runs his hand from the bottom of my spine up to my neck.

"Mark..." I say softly, breathing into the pillows until he grabs a fistful of my hair and yanks my head back.

"Say it louder, Love." He orders between his teeth, moaning louder than the usual.

"Mark! Oohhh... Mark, please." He spanks me again, this time sloppier than before. I hear the sounds of skin slapping against skin, labored breathing turning me on all the more. "More. Harder. Please..."

"Are you coming?"

" Yes... I'm... I'm so close..."

"I can't hear you Baby Girl. Say it loud and say my name."

"Mark, please. Daddy, I need to come..." A few more thrusts and I start teetering on the edge. I let out a long, loud, shameless moan and he starts fucking me deeper and and deeper as I close in all around him. He pulls me towards his body harshly and holds me from behind while thrusting upwards. I'm on my knees, trying to keep steady as I melt in his arms, coming down from my high.

"Fuck, I'm coming..." He growls. His deep moans are making me feel tighter than ever and as he releases, he bites my shoulder hard.

"Ow! Mark!" I scream when his sharp canines make contact with my skin. A few more thrusts and we both fall back to the bed. He lets out and audible sigh before getting up to dispose his used condom.

He doesn't bother dressing up when he comes back from his quick clean up. He just slips under the covers fully naked and watches me walk to the bathroom in my robe. "Come back soon, Baby. Cuddle time."

Just like that we're back to our routine.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror trying to figure out how I can hide the bruise he left on my shoulder. My ass is red from the slapping and his fingermarks are still on my skin. I still feel weak from the fever and it's surprising that I didn't collapse halfway through.

My eyes start to focus on my plain face and I start feeling a bit of dread. It's like I'm seeing an old friend I dont ever want to run into again. It surprises and saddens me that I've become this person—the kind I didn't even want to meet.

 _Maybe, I just need a shower._


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34: Dreamin'**

 ***Flashback***

I was told in private that Jenny and I got listed in the JYPE MAMA delegation because they needed people from the marketing and the video team for documentation purposes. I asked if Mina was coming, and if we're allowed to bring at least one camera man. It was reiterated that it would only be me and Jenny—no one else. Flying people out was costly and inefficient to operations and because Jenny and I were "all-rounders" the management "chose" to send us instead. I didn't know what to tell Mina when she asked what the meeting was all about. However, I did confirm that it was about MAMA, and I let her in on the news that aside from managing the GOT7 Official and JYP Entertainment pages, we also have to handle GOT7 Global pages. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that she wasn't going to Hong Kong, but she heard anyway and never said a word about it.

I just really wish I didn't find out that my company basically used me to get free hotel accommodations. The moment our car stopped in front of the Corinthians Hotel in Hong Kong, I had a bad feeling. I thought Jenny and I were riding the presidential car because they had nowhere to put us in, but I was mistaken. People started bowing to me the moment we stepped in and I was shocked because Hope and I were never introduced to the staff here, or anywhere.

"Do tell your father that we appreciate his hospitality towards our company. I was afraid he wouldn't grant my request to sponsor our accommodations but he graciously did!" Chairman Wook whispered to me as we walked side by side with Jenny tailing behind. There were no messy check-ins, no chaotic rooming assignments, no bills to settle. Everything went smoothly for our delegation. There were security personnel and staff escorting everyone to their rooms. They even closed off two whole floors for JYPE to the public.

Jenny was dead silent and we were exchanging cautious glances throughout the whole ordeal. I wasn't brought there as a staff, it wasn't work. I was brought to be a collateral—to be the heiress I've always been trying NOT to be, which explains the suite.

My suite is bigger than CEO Wook's or JYP's hotel room, even bigger than the rooms dedicated to the idols. I was my Dad's princess again and as always I felt grateful yet embarrassed. I called my dad the minute I settled down to ask for an explanation, but his secretary said he's busy. So I called Mark instead because if there's anyone from JYP I wasn't ashamed to see at that time, it was him.

He was obviously impressed when he entered the hotel suite, but not in the very least surprised. He knew what it was like living in a world of extravagance and entitlement. He grew up in a house with a pool, and a garage that was big enough to fit five cars. But the Tuan household is humble. I have seen that for myself. It reminded me of our own house and my own family in Sydney where though it wasn't such a luxury to sleep in hotel suites, it was still too much to ask for money to buy concert tickets because I was told I needed to work for the things I want.

Basically, I was prepared to sleep in a thousand-dollar-per-night hotel suite. What I wasn't so prepared for was the fact that Mark found it fascinating to see me in such a different light. I wasn't a lowly video producer, I wasn't his staff. Out of Korea and out of my cozy apartment, I was a whole different person. I was Love, a part-time DJ and a full-time heiress who's used to sleeping in expensive silk nighties and robes. We ate dinner and drank some wine. Then we had sex in the jacuzzi, against the marble walls of the shower, on the plush couch, and on the bed with excellent white sheets. For some reason Mark was extra sweet and caring, even gentle when I asked him to slow down. He must have felt my need, my sadness, throughout the night. For the first time in a long time, we fell asleep in a spooning position and it felt foreign and different, but not at all bad.

 ***Flashforward***

For some reason I'm already wide awake at 6AM wanting to break away from Mark's heavy arms. Thankfully he decides to shuffle in his sleep so I creep out of bed and tiptoe out of the room. I head to the snack bar, desperate for a drink. I finish one small bottle of water while looking around for the wine we left somewhere last night. _Ah yes, I remember._

I open the door to the massive hotel bathroom and there it is, the half-full bottle of Pinot Noir standing beside two empty gold-rimmed Bordeaux wine glasses by the jacuzzi. I can imagine the scandal it would create if a sasaeng fan decides to break into my hotel suite only to find evidences of a crazy first night in Hong Kong.

 _Stop it, Love._

I shake my head to drive the cynic away before taking the glasses and the wine bottle. I wash one of the glasses with ice cold water from the fridge and put it back to its original place at the bar as if it's never been used. All these elements paint a picture that would make the nosy cleaning ladies gossip. Then I take the other glass and pour more wine in its deep bowl so I'll have something to take with me as I pick out my outfit.

It's impulsive and stupid to be drinking so early in the morning but, well... So is calling the hotel room he's supposed to be staying in with Jackson just a few floors below. It was a bad idea to finish half a bottle of expensive wine together when one of us was itching to "fuck on every flat surface available" and the other one was in dire need of validation. Then again all we are was a bad idea to begin with, so why stop now?

I walk barefoot into the bedroom wearing light blue linen pants and a pink off-shoulder top. My hair is still wet from the early morning shower and my moisturized face is naturally blushing from the wine. I had to apply layers and layers of serums and essences to hide my sleepless, slightly drunk state but that still doesn't compare to Mark's naturally pretty face.

I kneel on the floor beside the bed, watching him sleep. He looks so peaceful and beautiful, he'd put Princess Aurora to shame. This isn't the first time I get to stare at him in deep slumber but I'm still floored by how gracefully his dark brown hair flops over his forehead, covering his brows. His eyelashes are so long and pretty, I couldn't help but trace them carefully with my finger just to check if they're real. His nose is perfectly shaped, his plump lower lip jutting out just a little. They always draw me in, those lips. But I don't want to disturb him so I sit still. _Just a bit more. Just a few more minutes._

As I watch him, I can't help but think that it would probably hurt a like a bitch to part ways. We won't always stay like this, floating in the middle. I knew from the moment I came back to Korea that somehow, at some point, we would have to quit this game. Things are getting messier the longer we stay together. It's so hard to focus at work when you're always around somebody who knows all your secrets, all your deep desires. The worst part is that it's getting harder for the both of us not to want more.

I let the back of my hand graze his smooth cheek gently. His eyes flutter open and a smile creeps in when he sees me. "Hey pretty girl," His greeting makes me blush. It's not so often that he praises me in the morning, mostly because he's always on a rush to go back to their dorm so people wouldn'tvnotice he was gone. "What time is it?"

"It's 8AM"

"Okay..." He says, yawning and stretching in bed before tucking his arms under the covers again.

"Baby, you need to go, they might be looking for you and I have breakfast with PD-nim and Jenny in an hour." I say, standing up. Mark catches my wrist and pulls me back.

"Can we stay here for a few more minutes?" He smiles at me and I balk at the sight. He makes room for me and I sit on the edge of the bed just staring at his fluttering eyelids. He looks at me too and reaches for my face with his long, dainty fingers.

We're perfect. Liv says that a lot when we Skype, sometimes while Mark and I are hanging out. She says we're perfect for each other. We're both introverted, artistic, and chill. We're both pretty—at least that's what they say. Liv joked that we'd make great babies, but I can't bear to think about kids when I'm not even sure we can call ourselves adults in the first place.

Mark sits up and the comforter falls on his lap to reveal his toned torso as he stretches so casually. He knows exactly what this does to me. I try not to stare too hard at his arms, his neck, his small, hard nipples. His abs are well-sculpted due to constant workouts and liters of protein shakes consumed in the last few months. Suddenly he pulls me by the back of the neck and kisses me tenderly, his other hand pulling my body closer. I grip the sheets. "Let's do another round before I go..."

"Baby, no," I manage to say in between harsh kisses. I put my hand on his chest to push him away. "We're both going to be really late. You need to rehearse and I—" I stop. I don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing today.

"It won't take long, I promise." He's doing the aegyo puppy eyes again, his lower lip jutting out in a pretend pout. "Please?" He takes my hand and makes me feel his morning wood under the comforter, my fingers wrap around his length out of habit. I lick my lips while stroking him, making him moan loudly. _Oh no. No._

"Sorry, Baby," I peck him on the cheek one last time before standing up and heading to the dresser to do my makeup. He sighs loudly before grabbing the robe by the bedside and shuffling out of bed. "Tomorrow, maybe?" I say, still staring at my reflection. The bruise he left on my shoulder is still a little bit visible so I dab some concealer on that area.

"Maybe," He answers before shutting the bathroom door. Then he opens the door again and sticks his head out. "If we win tonight will you finally date me?"

I stare at him slack-jawed and he laughs hysterically. I shake my head and smirk. _This guy, jinjja! "_ No, but I'm in on the celebratory sex if that's what you mean." I answer, winking conspiratorially. He laughs again in response and closes the door.

"Wae ileohge neujeosseo?" [What took you so long?] Jenny asks the minute I sit down with my buffet plate. She's on her second plate of bacon already and JYP PD-nim is still nowhere in sight.

"Oh, uh... The boys said they wanted to see me." I answer, which isn't a lie. BamBam is particularly excited to talk to me because he wants to know what I think of his MAMA Red Carpet outfit.

"Well, of course they would want to see the owner of the hotel first thing in the morning!" She answers with a sarcastic grin. That's what I like about Jenny. She is unapologetically frank.

"I am not the owner of this hotel."

"You will be, though," She says, half laughing before stuffing more bacon in her mouth.

"I'd rather not be if it means my parents need to die." I answer back with a smile. I've said those words so many times but it's the first time I'm saying it in Korean. "Also, I did not know we're staying here. My dad has not answered my calls. I'll probably FaceTime my mom later."

"I noticed that. You looked intense yesterday I was so worried about you. But you're okay with it, right? I mean, there are a lot of people in this delegation—a lot more than last year. I'm not surprised they went this far." Jenny is speaking in full English now and I appreciate her more for it. She studied in Thailand for a bit which trained her to speak in fluent English.

"It's fine, I just... I wish they didn't pretend like they took me here to work, you know? Because on our way here I was literally thinking that I must have done something right for me to merit something like this. And then we get here and... I just... I feel like everyone is expecting me to suddenly be a princess, like, you know I'm not like that." I was on full-on rant mode now. Jenny nods and pats my hand to comfort me. She tells me that if there's any consolation at least we get to go to MAMA.

JYP PD-nim then appears with a breakfast tray. He's in such a colorful mood in his white turtleneck and gray cotton pants. At his age it's a rare gift to look classy in that outfit but he manages to pull it off gracefully. "Ladies, good morning!" PD-nim says setting his coffee down on our table. "I want you to meet a really good friend of mine."

A tall thin girl with long straight hair steps out from behind him. She's wearing the warmest smile I've ever seen all day and it goes very well with her purple fitted shirt, her acid-wash jeans, and lace up flats. She shakes my hand first, and introduces herself. "I'm Sheen Park nice to finally meet you, Love." She knows me. That fact takes both me and Jenny by surprise. She introduces herself to Jenny as well and we all sit down again to eat breakfast.

"Girls, Sheen is from JYP Hong Kong. She manages Jackson's schedules," JYP starts. We nod dutifully, realizing belatedy that we're all from the same company. Maybe that's why she knows me. Jackson probably already babbled about me.

"Oh, it reminds me, where is Jackson? I visited their floor a while ago and Mark said he didn't sleep here." That's a lie. Mark already told me last night that he'd be sleeping alone anyway so he'd rather be with me."

"He prefers to go home to his parents when he's here. You know, he always misses his mom." Sheen answers. We all nod, knowing that Jackson feels homesick the most. "He will return after the rehearsals though, because he needs to glam up with the boys for the red carpet."

"Oh okay, I should probably film some B-rolls for that then." The PD-nim nods and I smile, glad that I now have actual work to do. I should probably change my shirt later. Off-shoulders are not very conducive to filming—especially for GOT7. The boys are I need to be alert and extra flexible when changing framings and angles. Jenny also seems pleased that I've got something better to do now. She's in charge of writing the PR articles for the event. I probably just have to follow the boys all day just like her.

"Oh, so you're still working as a video producer today?" Sheen says, turning to me. I give her a confused look. _What does she think I'm her for? Does she expect me to just sit and be pretty?_

"Oh, she's still here for work... And I hope she'll continue to work for us in the future." JYP gives me another puzzling smile before drinking his coffee.

"I'm sorry, what are we talking about?" I'm just glad this whole conversation is in English because I'm already having a hard time trying to understand what's happening. Meanwhile, Jenny's bacon seems long forgotten.

"She doesn't know yet?" Sheen asks our boss.

"No, but she will now," JYP answers with an amused smile.

"What exactly is there to know?" I interject, desperate for some explanation. The man moves his coffee and plate away. He puts his arm on the table and leans towards the center before smiling excitedly, eyes disappearing into tiny crescents.

"I have news for both of you," His long pointing finger moves in between Jenny and me. We hold our breaths for his secret announcement. "Jenny is getting an offer to transfer to JYP Thailand to head the marketing team." I gasp, eyes wide with disbelief. Jenny just nods professionally, as if being sent abroad isn't a huge ass deal for her career. "And you..." The PD-nim points at me with a slightly less happy face. My heart starts to pound. "You just got an offer from Big Hit."

That's when Jenny's cool facade falls apart. She's been a fan of BTS since their debut. It's funny how she doesn't stan any of the artists from our agency, but freaks out whenever a new Bangtan Bomb comes out. "PD-nim, what do you mean?" Jenny spells the question out for me because I'm obviously too shell-shocked to speak. Namjoon was right. The card was a real invitation, not a polite gesture.

"Bang called me and told me that he met Love at a gig. He's interested in training and managing her." The seriousness in my boss' face is disorienting to say the least. I let go of my utensils, speechless and weak, not knowing what to feel or what to say. "They want to set a meeting with you when we get back. Unless..." The look on his face seems rather unperplexed and confident, as if talent trading is a daily work nuance to him. Maybe it is.

Thankfully Jenny is there to answer for me, seeing as how I seem to have lost my ability to talk. "Unless what?" I clench my fists, waiting for a bigger bomb to drop.

"Unless she accepts my counter offer." The man starts eating casually again. "Sheen here will go back to Korea next year to help jumpstart your media activities and your trainings. She'll set up some meetings and collaborations on the side. Oh, and gigs. Lots of gigs. Maybe even local and international music festivals. You will slowly transition from editing and producing videos for GOT7 to mixing, editing, even producing your own songs, or for other JYP artists, under JYP Studios. That's my proposal."

"B-but PD-nim..." I start, not really knowing how to phrase my thoughts.

"You can still talk to BigHit of course. Bang has a different course in mind, he says wants to see you do underground scratch battles. But honestly I think he's more interested in making you an idol or a solo artist. I'm sure he doesn't have details yet." The man goes on and on about his prodigy-turned-competitor and we're all just listening intently. He seems proud that a man such as Bang came from his watch. The whole industry knows of this success story—of the way Bang respects JYP higher than any other producer in the field, and of how JYP says that the man is better than him in many aspects. Their relationship is fascinating.

"Love," Sheen finally speaks up, hand on my shoulder. She stops for a second before taking her hand away and speaking to me softly. "You still have time to think. I have to fix a lot of things here but I'll be in Korea by March so maybe then we could talk? I can help set up the meeting with BigHit but PD-nim is open to your final decision." Sheen pats me on the shoulder again and I nod with a smile. The producer gives me his signature grin which warms my heart.

We all proceed to eat. I'm still not talking. Jenny is lost in her own little world, probably realizing that she'll be back in Bangkok soon.

"You know what, she's the total package, she won't be hard to handle." Sheen tells the man with a big smile. Then she turns to me again with a smile. "Oh and in case you didn't know, JYP doesn't make counter offers all the time." I think back on all the artists and trainees that came and left JYP. Hyolyn left even after a successful TV show. Shownu left to join a reality show that landed him his place in Monsta X. JYP is known for its humanist approach to management which is why PD-nim is so well-loved in an industry full of politicking and hate. It's fascinating to know that I have the kind of boss who would let me pursue my dreams on my own terms, but if he knows he can help me better than anyone else, he'll fight for me, and I appreciate that.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35: This Star**

The day passes by quickly when you're following GOT7 around with a camera. It's quite amazing to watch them prepare for an awards night. Sheen is there too, watching my every move, which is why I'm extra careful not to come too close to Mark. There are moments, though, when he'd deliberately seek me out to feed me whatever it is he's eating, or brush against my back while checking the camera screen, or be silly on cam, or just mess around when I focus on the other boys.

For some reason, Jackson is mostly silent, keeping his distance from me whenever he can despite the fact that Mark says they're fine now. Sheen keeps talking to Jackson in Chinese and Mark turns to them every once in a while to join in.

Later that afternoon, JYP PD-nim tells me not to work at the awards show because we will have access to press and Mnet materials anyway. _I really didn't need to be here, did I?_ I give up asking people if there's anything I can help with and decide to hide in my suite.

When I step out of the elevator, though, I suddenly find my mom's glam team waiting for me by the door. "What the—what are you guys doing here?!" I exclaim as I hug the stylists and makeup artists who have been with my mom through hundreds of events and shows. They hand me a phone, informing me that my parents flew them in specially for this event.

"Mom, seriously, this is way too much."

"I know, honey, but I'm really worried. You didn't have enough time to prepare for your business trip and this is HUGE. This is MAMA, who are you even kidding?!" My mother maybe a little bit controlling but she does have a point. I was about to don a simple black dress and ballet flats because that's all I had time to pack. "Your father's worried that people would think we've abandoned you or something."

"Mom, there's a line between abandonment and independence. I can do this on my own..." I try to explain as I herd everyone into my suite. Even this room contradicts my opinion.

"No, dear, you don't. Not when you have very little time between the awards show and the after-party—"

"Who says I'm going to the after-party? I wasn't even invited!"

"Hmmm... Check your bed." I hurry to my bedroom only to find two invites to the MAMA after-party. One is for Jenny, and the other one is for me, yet both of them bears my name.

"I'm the DJ?!"

"Yeah, well, it's kind of... Part of the sponsorship deal with Mnet..." She says guiltily.

"MOM!"

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. It took a while for our deal to be finalized. I would've told you sooner but I can't spoil the details. But that's why I sent Charles and his team." I sigh heavily, finally admitting defeat. This isn't the first time my parents took matters into their own hands. I hate that my opinion still comes second after their business ventures but more than anything, I am my parents' daughter.

"Okay... Can I call in Jenny? I don't want to be overdressed alone." My mother approves with a happy laugh and tells me to call her after the show. I thank her before handing the phone back to my stylists and taking my seat in the makeup chair. In the short period of time that I was on the phone with my mother, the team managed to set up camp in the living room while the hotel manager personally sets up an appetizer spread for everyone. A sexy black jumpsuit hangs beautifully on a rack along with other dresses. There are rows and rows of expensive jewelry on the sofa which mom designed herself. I call Jenny before pouring myself a glass of wine. If I'm going to be socializing tonight, I might as well start drinking now.

 **Love:** Guess what, I'm at Hong Kong for MAMA and my parents are making me play at the after-party.  
 **Liv:** Wait, what?! You're the DJ at the MAMA after-party?  
 **Love:** Apparently...  
 **Liv:** Ah, let me guess. No one told you beforehand, right?  
 **Love:** How am I even supposed to do this?! I didn't prepare my set because I was thinking I'd be here for work—JYP work.  
 **Liv:** Hey, calm down. Your dad probably thought he was doing what's best for your career and your family's business. It's MAMA. It's a huge opportunity and you're right in the middle of it.

After two hours, Jenny and I reach the lobby to meet Sheen, our heels clacking against the marble floors. I feel all eyes on me as I walk. The staff bows to me as I pass them by, startling some of the guests. The whispers and the hushes and the stares do not leave us even as we get into the expensive car my dad sent for me.

 **Hope:** Heard what dad did. You okay?  
 **Love:** I'm overdressed for work and sitting in a limo. Why should I not be okay?  
 **Love:** I miss you, I wish you were here.  
 **Hope:** I miss you too, sis. Cheer up. It'll be over soon.

The cool facade melts just a little when we get off the car. Seeing GOT7 at the red carpet in Hong Kong is a whole different experience. It's amazing how these boys transform in front of people. Their fun side is still there, but when the cameras flash there's this all-swag switch that goes off in their little heads. I couldn't help but sneak out my smaller mirrorless camera to take several pictures of the boys. When my eyes land on Mark, I catch him staring right at me, sharp eyes sneakily piercing through my smaller lens, lips turning up to form a hot smirk. I feel my face blush. "Hey, Mark is looking over here!" Jenny says nudging me. She waves at him and Mark waves back nicely before leaving me with a sly look, as if reminding me of our morning conversation.

Jenny is right about the fact that we're lucky to be in MAMA. Liv says the tickets are horrendously pricey but here we are, sitting just a few paces from the stage at the VIP area along with other important people in the industry. "Isn't she the viral DJ?" I hear some of them ask. "Your hotels are amazing! I always stay at Corinthians everywhere I go." One lady says. I limit my response to a nod and a polite thank you. Then I try not to squirm in my seat and make an embarrassing fangirl squeak as I watch the performances unfold.

When GOT7 comes out, everyone is in awe. Not only is their collaboration with Monsta X and NCT 127 thrilling down to the very last detail, but their latest choreography is also so complex that it leaves them breathless by the time they're done. I can see Mark staring right at me the moment they go down the stage, heaving dangerously for oxygen amidst the screaming crowd. He waves at me and I smile, hoping they get the award the deserve tonight.

And they do. I'm almost crying the moment they take center stage to get their worldwide act award. Jenny is holding my hand through it all. Sheen, who's sitting to my right and also sobbing softly, strokes my bare back tenderly while I dab at my tears. Their success feels so good, so real, so well-deserved. There's a flurry of excitement and chitchat and emotions as they climb down the stairs.

We leave the VIP area before the ending stage so we can meet the boys backstage. Jenny is giddy as heck. It's not every day that we get to see idols fresh from the main stage. V and Rap Monster passes by us and they immediately stop the minute they spot me amongst the waiting crowd. "Noona!" Taehyung calls, wearing his familiar boxy grin.

"Oh, Taehyungie chukahe!" [Oh, congratulations!] I say, hugging him tight. Namjoon is also beaming as he hugs me the moment V and I part. "Congratulations, wow! Artist Of The Year?! That's amazing!" I say, making him blush a deep crimson, his dimples threatening to melt me. I remember when Jackson told me that he's fascinated by me. What that encompasses, I really don't know.

"I know, I can't believe it. Thank you, Love. You're coming later, right? To the after-party at the Corinthians Ballroom?" He asks. I nod, informing him that I was invited just hours ago to perform as a guest DJ at the after-party hosted by our own hotel. "Oh my god, I'll finally see you play!" He motions excitedly, before translating what I said in Korean and making Taehyung giddy as well. Then we hear Jin calling out to both members as other idols rush to their own waiting rooms. "Okay, we'll go pack our stuff real quick. I'll see you there." He drags Taehyung away, leaving me standing with a wide smile. I turn to my left to see Jenny's aghast, gaping face.

"Oh shit, I totally forgot to introduce you!" I say, realizing belatedly that I never confirmed my friendship with BTS—or with any other celebrity—to my work friends. It takes her a few minutes to respond by shaking me like a doll until I promise to introduce her to the boys later on.

I enter the ballroom in a black Moschino shirt dress, black thigh-high lace-up boots, and a ditzy ponytail, Even Jenny got surprised by how I look. "You look like you raided 2ne1's closet."

"Trust me, I did my best not to look like them too," I say, rolling my eyes. I look more like a cross between Ariana Grande and CL, to be more honest. I literally had to argue with my makeup artist to keep my face bare save for a neutral lip color and just a bit of blush and contour because I'm in a hurry to prepare my set for the after-party.

It's not news that you have to look extravagantly sexy when you're with people who look good for a living. In fact, only a few people turn to wave at me as I make my way to the stage for my set. They announce my stage name and the spotlight hits my face. I smile and wave before putting my headphones on. _Just pretend you're alone. You're fine._ I start with my standard house beats, and remember that JYP promised to help me make cleaner versions of it at the JYP Studios next year. _Now that's a good New Year's Resolution._

I groove, feeling the familiar glossy excitement rushing through my body. Being a DJ is terrifying and crazy for an introvert like me, but it's not something I'm not willing to try. If anything, I feel flattered that JYP thinks I can make a career our of this. The beat starts to slow down, a crash sound effect, a wind down sound effect, and then I beat-match EXO's Monster to it, fixing the speed to fit the song. The crowd goes crazy, most probably because the group just won Album Of The Year. Suho, who's standing from a distance beside a laughing Baekhyun, raises his glass to me and I give him a thumbs up in response as if to say, "I got you."

My eyes scan the crowd before me. There are so many famous faces, so many familiar industry people, and a few high-society fixtures in the Asian music and party scene. I get tons of fleeting glances, waves from friends and strangers, call outs, and requests in the first hour. I entertain most of them, even blowing kisses their way. And then there's Mark.

Mark and his idol facade.

His blinding smile never leaves his face as he flies from corner to corner with JB, and BamBam, greeting fellow idols. I watch them seek the members of BTS, who seem to have gotten their own spotlight in the sea of beautiful people. It inspires me to play the GOT7 and BTS mash-up I've been keeping for the longest time.

"Okay, I want you all to raise your bottles to my mates from BTS and GOT7..." I say, my distinct Australian accent ringing everywhere. I pump the volume up as GOT7's distinct "Hard Carry, Hey" catch phrase kicks into the beat of BTS' Fire. Everyone starts to groove, even the boys. By the end of the mash-up, everyone's sweaty and smiling. I get a surge of confidence as I transition to my next surprise.

There's a collective gasp as I start my next mash-up with BTS' Blood Sweat And Tears music bed, EXO's vocal intro from Lotto, and GOT7's Hard Carry bars. I see Namjoon's mouth forming an O and Chanyeol making his way to the two groups, followed by the other EXO members. All three groups approach the foot of my booth to dance with the other guests. The act of support fuels me to dance as well, in between stabs and tips.

Every once in a while I get to glance at Namjoon, who's merely bobbing along with everyone. He seems to be in a trance-like state, maintaining eye contact with me despite the flurry of activity around him. Something about his stare triggers me to wink flirtatiously and as I do Namjoon breaks out into a wide smile, hand flying to cover his face. When he recovers, I blow him a kiss which he catches with his drink-free hand up in the air. We both laugh despite the short distance between us and as I finish my set I see him making his way to assist me down the short flight of stairs.

"That... Was amazing!" He says over the loud music when I reach the dance floor landing. "You were amazing,"

"Hey, all I did was a mash-up of the stems you and Suga gave me so thank you," I answer, squeezing his hand. I watch him bite his lower lip before speaking up again, but he gets interrupted by the voice behind me.

"There you are!" It's Mark, I'd know his voice anywhere. I know it's him because of the distinct sound of his swaggy Cali boy accent, the strength of his arm as he snakes it around my waist, the smell of lavender mixed with imported beer and sweat. I'd know the scent of his skin anywhere and with the way he's looking at me, I can tell he wouldn't let me off easily for flirting with the young rapper before us. "Isn't she awesome?" He pokes at Namjoon with a friendly smile.

"She's so good!" Namjoon answers, still not letting go of my hand. He turns to me again, speaking loudly against the music. "How did you learn all that?"

"A friend taught me, it's no big deal."

"It IS a big deal. Your boss offered her a contract." Mark is beaming proudly, his grip on my waist getting loose as he takes a swig of his beer. I'm just really glad we're being hidden by the giant speakers because his hands are starting to travel down my ass.

"See, I told you you're gonna get it. Are we going to be labelmates now?" Namjoon asks, still oblivious to Mark's ministrations. I feel fingers at the back of my thighs, brushing against the skin just above my boots.

"I REALLY don't know yet..." I answer, shifting my feet anxiously. "How did you know that?" I ask, turning to Mark with eyes that scream what-the-fuck-are-you-doing before letting go of Namjoon's hand.

"Sheen told us." He smirks at me before grabbing my wrist with his free hand. Then he turns to Namjoon again. "Hey, we gotta go, her manager's looking for her. We'll see you later, okay?"

"Right. See you around, hey—" Namjoon steps forward to hug me one last time and I pull away from Mark to hug him back. "Call me when you're free, okay?" Namjoon whispers before letting me go. The two idols bid their goodbyes to each other with a fist bump. Then he pulls me away and Mark hands his beer to Jinyoung as we pass by. Apparently he's watching us from the sidelines, his back flat against a wall, and his smile all-knowing.

Before I know it I'm being whisked out of the ballroom and into an empty elevator. There is no sign of Sheen anywhere so I take it we're not really leaving to discuss business matters. Mark looks up to stare at the CCTV cameras in the lift before letting go of me. "Don't worry, those cameras can't record sounds so fire away," I say, rubbing my wrist.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Mark says with a smirk, muscular arms folded against his chest.

"Enjoying what, exactly?" I cross my arms in front of me, mirroring him.

"Making me jealous."

"I am not—"

"That eyefuck moment with Namjoon, I saw that."

"Eyefuck?! really?" I repeat, my snarky voice adding insult to injury. "You know, slut shaming your fuck buddy kind of defeats the whole purpose of having one." We stop at his floor and he gestures for me to get out first. I do as he asks, my eyes rolling in disbelief at this man who, despite the fatigue and the long evening we've both had, seems to still be in the mood for angry sex.

He lends his hand out to me with his head tilted to the side, his left eyebrow raised. I give him my hand and he pulls me along until we reach door number 715. Mark pulls up the key card from his jeans pocket and opens the door hurriedly, accidentally revealing a half-naked Jackson standing at the foot of a messy single bed, his abs on full display. "Fucking hell," I breathe before closing my eyes and turning to face the wall.

"Out," Mark orders, his hand still holding the door open.

"Oh my god, why are you back so soon?!" Jackson exclaims while he's putting on a new shirt. "Is the party over?" He further asks. I can't get myself to look at him in the eye, not when I know I'm blushing so profusely with his half-naked image burning behind my eyelids.

"No, aren't you going back home?"

"I'm taking my mom home and then I'm coming back here so don't do it on my bed. I swear, if my sheets smell like sex I'll KILL both of you."

"Jackson, just go..." I murmur, still facing the wall. I hear him huffing as he steps out of the room.

"Don't fuck on my bed!" He reminds us one last time before Mark closes the door on his face, effectively caging me in between his two arms. Mark locks the door, pins me against it with one arm, and takes my face in his hand.

"What are you doing to me?" He whispers while touching my lip with the pad of of his thumb. I feel like melting under his half-lidded stare. "I know I'm not supposed to stop you from dating anybody but I can't bear the thought of you kissing anyone other than me," He adds before planting his lips on mine, stealing my breath away. The hand holding my wrist above my head becomes lighter as he laces his fingers with mine. His other hand travels down my sides, taking my leg and raising it to angle me better. I feel him hardening as his kisses become more urgent, his breath hot and heavy on my lips, his tongue grazing my neck, and my ear. "Just say yes, Baby, I promise I'll be good to you."

"Mmmhhh... Baby, you've always been a good fuck," I say, panting as I yield to his touch. Silence. Mark stops kissing me and breathes hard onto the skin of my neck now damp with his saliva.

"Damn, you just ruined it." He lets go of me and retreats to the bed. His hard-on is still very visible against his black skinny jeans as he leans back to the bed with his arms for support, the outlines of his muscles visible through the soft, black fabric of his shirt. I sit on the bed beside him and take my boots off, carefully loosening the ties that secure it. Mark watches in fascination as I reveal more of my leg.

"Please stop asking me if we can date, you know that's impossible." I say.

"Why because it's inconvenient? You went out with Namjoon at a public cafe," He debates calmly while watching me untie my other boot. "Baby, you can do so much better than him..."

"Actually, that wasn't a date. We had coffee, we were with his manager, and it was an errand. Also, his IQ is probably higher than the combined IQs of all the guys I've ever dated in my life." I joke, smirking at the memory of all the boys I've been with in the past who are all hot and athletic, but also definitely dumb. My high school and college dating life was a mess.

"Do you think he'll be a good fuck?"

"Is that all that matters?"

"Then why don't you tell me what really matters to you?" His sharp glower goes soft, and his voice drops a notch as he scoots even closer. I'm so wrong. Even my adult dating life is a mess and the proof is right here before my eyes. "I really wanna know..."

"Does that mean we're not having sex tonight?" I ask.

"We can if you want to, and then let's talk like real people afterwards. Call?" He answers.

Silence.

We stare at each other, finally getting accustomed to sitting closely without having to touch or kiss or moan. I smile at him sweetly before leaving a chaste kiss on his lips. "Let's just go upstairs and talk while eating dinner, I'm starving." I take my boots and walk out of the room barefoot. He follows me as I pad along the hallways aimlessly. We enter my suite in silence, scared that any amount of noise might break the spell we're currently in.

"Hey, can you help me with my dress?" I say, turning my back to him as I remove my earrings. He unzips the back of my dress, slowly peeling my clothes off to reveal my new Moschino lingerie. I turn to him with the most flirtatious look I can muster but he just stares at me wordlessly. Damn it. I walk back and forth from the bathroom to my bedroom, showing off bits and pieces of skin to push him further, but he makes no effort to leave the sofa while I'm cleaning up.

We eat leftovers of the room service that I didn't get to finish before the event and as we talk about his pre-debut memories I can't help but feel like something's changed. There's a certain kind of zen that settles between us, a certain careless glint in his eye that reminds me of the boy I once met up with in California.

Before me I see the boy who taught me skateboard tricks, the boy who asked me for a Polaroid picture, the boy who once used his dog as an excuse to talk to me. This boy is far from the towering, shining star I saw just hours ago on one of the biggest stages in Asia, and yet somehow I like being with this boy better.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36: Skyway**

"What is Sheen like? Is she pretty? Is she strict? Is she coming here any time soon?" Mina is in rapid-fire Q&A mode. Meanwhile, I've been focusing more on making the perfect vegetable wrap because I don't want to give away anything that might get me in trouble. PD-nim gave me express instructions to NOT talk to anyone about the fact that I'm mulling over an offer from BigHit and from my own company. So I let Jenny answer all of Mina's questions about meeting Jackson's Chinese manager despite the glare she's giving me across the table.

"She is pretty—the normal kind of pretty." Jenny says. "She dresses nicely and she's model-thin. She's not strict at all, it's almost like she's been friends with Jackson for a long time—"

"But that's Jackson, we all know what Jackson's like..." Mina argues.

"No, but she's the same with Mark. She's really friendly toward him and we all know Mark. He's cold and detached and totally not someone you'd easily be friends with," Jenny observes while flipping the meat on the grill. Mina nods in agreement. The three of us have been working with GOT7 way too long now, we could almost write a tell-all on each member's personality.

"That's true, but then again Love and Mark hit it off pretty easily so maybe there are exceptions to the rule." Mina's statement makes me choke on my vegetable wrap. "Aigoo... Cheoncheonhi hae?!" [Oh no... Will you slow down?!] She hands me a glass of water which I immediately drink. "So how did you do it?" Mina suddenly asks again.

"Mwo?"

"How did you manage to get close to Mark?"

"Ani! I'm more close to Jackson and BamBam, actually," I answer in haste. It isn't fully a lie. These days I talk to them more than anyone else.

"Yah... Geojismal hajima! [Hey... Stop lying!] I remember that night at the resort very clearly," Her voice is stern and the look on her face is resolute. It's the same look she gave me when we got back into the room and she asked why Mark was up and about in the dead of night with Coco. She was right all along. She was right about how weird it was that Mark went out that night to walk his beloved dog and chanced upon me. I wonder what she'd say if I tell her...

But I dont. I won't.

Despite the fact that I consider Mina and Jenny and Nawoon my friends, I would much rather keep the truth from them if it means I get to save them from the burden of carrying my secret. Besides, they'll be greatly disappointed in me, I just know it.

Even I had no idea that Mark and I are very different people until we got to talk after the MAMA after-party. Maybe it's the physical attraction. Maybe it's the crazy hormones. Maybe it's the thrill of our secret arrangement that drove both of us nuts. But after sitting down with him that night I learned that we're opposites in almost everything. Where I do things for fun sometimes even without a plan, Mark has always been about rules and planning. And while we both know that what we're doing is wrong on so many levels, he revealed that he wanted to date me officially because he wants to "make things right for us". I refused to talk about the future in the same manner he did, but I did tell him that I really just don't want to make things more complicated than it is now. By the end of it all we just gave up and decided to give ourselves time to think—which is why we haven't spoken or met at all since coming back to Korea.

"It's just because of Coco, it was an accident," I reiterate, earning me an eye roll from Mina. I wish it really was an accident. I wish we both didn't act on a whim. I wish I didn't swim in the first place. When it comes right down to it, I realize that night changed the course of the past year big time. Now I'm suddenly finding myself scared of making any big decisions, delaying my career path further. "Besides, he's younger than me."

"Namjoon is younger than you too but you two went out for coffee," Jenny grumbles. That's when my chopsticks drop. Twitter is faster than my wit could ever be. "Not that I'm saying it's wrong, I'm just surprised. I saw you two at MAMA, you know..."

"Are you mad because I didn't get to introduce you to Taehyung? I already said sorry..." I whine. Jenny shrugs, looking defeated. Mina watches us with a gobsmacked look on her face.

"Can you please explain yourself?!" She finally interrupts. "Are you dating Rap Monster?"

"No, I met up with him and his manager over coffee twice. It wasn't a date, it was an errand." I say, still unsure as to how I could paraphrase my explanation so I don't give anything away accidentally.

"What did you talk about? AND WHAT HAPPENED AT MAMA?!" Mina is restless now, perhaps even angry because she didn't get to go. I'm listlessly fidgeting with the lettuce and Jenny is nervously shifting her gaze between me and Mina. The atmosphere is getting thicker and it's not just because of the after-work samgyupsal.

"Well, the first one was because he gave me tickets to see their show and the second one was about my DJ gigs. He asked me how I learned to DJ at MAMA so I explained it to him and we talked a bit about a possible collab this year..." I answer. That one's true, but we did also talk about BigHit's offer. I was at their agency that morning for a private meeting with Bang PD-nim and JYP was right, they still don't have a solid framework. They do know that they want new talents like me. It doesn't matter that I'm past my early twenties, he says I look 24 anyway. He asked me if I'm interested in becoming an idol as he's working on building a girl group but I refused. _No, not that route. Absolutely not._ Surprisingly, Namjoon's advice is to not take the offer if it doesn't align with what I have in mind for the future. Somehow his maturity impressed me more than his straight English did.

"Wow, you're going big..." Mina says, sounding unimpressed. I still don't know what her problem is. It's not like I begged to come to MAMA. If anything the whole experience sapped all of my energy, what with all the socializing and all the ass-kissing I had to.

Jenny decides to clear the air up by telling Mina the lowdown of what happened backstage with Taehyung, what he looked like in person, how cute and giggly he is. Mina's face is growing more and more palid as she talks. "FYI, I'm not mad you didn't introduce us. It's enough that I got to see him up close." Jenny grins at me before placing more meat on my plate. I throw her a grateful smile. It's a good thing she's here because it would've been so awkward if it was just me and Mina's damp mood.

Jenny goes on excitedly about the glam team my mother sent us, saying she's never been dolled up like that before EVER in her life. She shows Mina pictures of the event, pictures of the day after MAMA when we finally got to explore Hong Kong on our own, videos of the fans waiting at the airport for our delegation, videos of GOT7 at the dressing room huddling together in celebration of their first ever MAMA award. Mina's face softens a little upon seeing that. "I saw the performance on TV, they were daebak," She says and both Jenny and I nod. It was an emotional night for everyone. In hindsight, Mark probably felt all the pressure of his idol career leaving him, which finally allowed him to open up to me. Meanwhile, I was in such a chaotic, emotional state since coming to Hong Kong that being with someone I trust finally allowed me to break and breathe. It was like that for us—a breather. It's like coming for air after a long sprint in an Olympic-size pool.

I insist to drive both Jenny and Mina home, owing it to the large amount of soju shots they both took. Jenny looks fine, she doesn't get drunk as easily. But Mina is already slumped in the backseat, her eyeglasses askew. It's a good thing Jenny knows her address and was able to put it in my GPS.

"Hey," Jenny slurs in perfect English while taking her seat belt off. "Be patient with Mina. It's not her fault she's in the dark. And one more thing..." Jenny raises a finger at me, her black eyes narrowing into tiny slits. "Just... For the record. I am Team Namjoon, not Team Mark. Araso?" My eyes go wide and she chuckles as she takes her leave. I stare at her disappearing figure as she enters the apartment complex.

"I heard that," Mina grumbles in her solidly drunk state. I've never seen her this drunk before, probably because we've only been drinking together in my apartment and she never lets her guard down when JB is in the vicinity. "I heard that... You, and Mark, and Rap Monsh—" She hiccups and laughs and sighs.

"Jenny's drunk she doesn't know what she's saying," I say backing out carefully into the main street.

"Aisshhh... Baboga anieyo! [I'm not stupid!] I've been trying not to show my feelings for JB for a year now... Because we're colleagues... Because I need to be a professional... We're at work. We're—"

"Mina, hajima... Uli ssaujimalja..." [Mina, stop... Let's not fight...] I sigh while looking cautiously at my drunk passenger through the rear-view mirror.

"No, I'm not done speaking. I don't hate you..." She answers sorrowfully. Her eyes are closed and her arms are flailing around while she speaks weakly. "I just hate it... I hate that you're so close with the boys, and that you and Mark—I mean, there's obviously something there! I hate that I had to pick up your slack when you left for Hong Kong, and I hate that I was alone... And I was sad... And I was tired. And I thought maybe I wasn't good enough and..." Then she starts crying, bawling her eyes out. MAMA was more than a month ago but we were all so busy preparing for the next comeback that we had to let our feelings take a step back.

"We're just friends, you know that. I'm sorry, I didn't want to be at MAMA, I know you deserved to be there more than I did and believe me I tried..." I explain in English, knowing she understands anyway. "They sent me there as a collateral, not as an employee. I felt like I was being held for ransom—do you know what that feels like?!"

"Well then why am I still getting all the dirty work? You... You're getting less and less work now. Is that still part of the kidnap? What does the company need from you anyway?" She asks, almost screaming now while attempting to wipe her tears away.

"I don't know! I really don't know..." It's partly true. By now I know that our bosses are giving me less editing work because I need to transition to music production somehow and that's one thing I can't discuss with Mina—even in her drunken state.

"Well it's unfair!" She spits in bitter English, making me bite my lower lip. I don't talk back, I just let her roll into a ball in the backseat as I drive. She's right. It's unfair. Everything I've done so far has been to my advantage and it's unfair for everyone— for Mina, for Mark, for Jackson, even for JB and the rest of the members. It's unfair for JYP PD-nim who trusts me. It's unfair for Sheen who I barely got to know but is now reportedly working on my DJ training framework. It's unfair for Jenny who's suddenly about to be shipped to Bangkok. It's unfair, even for me.

I didn't even plan for all of this to happen. All I wanted at 22 was to live in Seoul with Liv and work with K-Pop idols and now we're both doing what we've always wanted to do but this... This is the price I have to pay for a few nights of fun. I found potential. I found a new dream, but it's costly and it's unfair. For the first time in my life I suddenly feel like I haven't earned my place and it took one drunken bout with a work friend to make me realize that.

I wipe my tears as I pull up before Mina's apartment. It's small and shabby and definitely not as conducive for comfortable living, nor is it close to where we work. How lucky am I that I get to live in a fucking penthouse using my parents' money as downpayment? How lucky am I that I get to pay for my sky-high rent with the gig money I earned because of my parents' influence. I probably wouldn't be a DJ if my last name didn't matter. Mina collects her things and leaves the car wordlessly.

I finally let my guard down when I step into my apartment. Everything around me looks clean and pretty and orderly but my life, as I know it, is in chaos. I wish I could keep on vacuuming all the bad feelings but I can't.

 **Mark:** Baby, odiya?

I don't answer his message. I don't even pick up the phone when he calls. I sit on the sofa, still in my jeans, plain black shirt and pink socks, feeling a hundred times emptier than when I first slept in this apartment with just one mattress.

 **Jackson:** Where are you?

 **Jackson:** Answer your phone please, Mark is worried

Mina's tear-streaked face haunts me again, and I can't help but hate myself for all the crazy ass decisions that brought me here. The door opens without me even noticing because my head is buried in my arms, arms hugging my knees.

"Hey... Baby... Hey, come on... What's wrong? What happened?" Mark's voice is strained and low, his hand gently patting my head. He sits beside me on the sofa and rubs my back as I sob before pulling me closer to him, placing my head against his chest.

Thankfully he doesn't talk. All he does is console me and hug me as I heave and sob wordlessly. When my tears finally stop he takes my hand and guides me to the bathroom. He fills the tub with warm soapy water and helps me out of my clothes and into the bath tub. "Talk when you feel like talking. Okay, Baby? Do you want anything?" He asks while his fingers make tiny circles in my bath water. "Wine?"

"Yeah..." I answer weakly. Maybe that's all I need. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight without some help. Mark leaves me, and while he's gone I can't help but wonder if we'll end up naked under the sheets again. Frankly, I'm not in the mood. But if it helps put me to sleep soundly, then maybe I'll be fine with it...

But we don't.

After talking about my heated discussion with Mina, finishing three glasses of wine, and cleaning up, Mark waits for me to dress in a pair of comfy pajamas and tucks me into bed silently with a kiss on my forehead. He's still there when I wake up, wearing fresh clothes and making pancakes and coffee, the sofa bed in the living room unraveled and slept on.


	37. Chapter 37 (M)

**Chapter 37: WOLO**

Mina rarely talks to me now and there's very little I can do to repair the damage in our relationship. This is especially true now that our executive producers and other bosses are so obviously giving me less editing work and more time out of the office. For example, today I'm supposed to help out with the edits for the Flight Log: Departure Concert DVD, but here I am, waiting for Jackson at the airport because his manager got sick and no one's around to pick him up after his event in China. I can't really say no when the other person at the end of the line is in bed with a really scratchy throat and high fever.

I didn't anticipate the amount of people waiting along with me at the airport. Jackson just won an award and everyone including their mothers are excited to see him back in Korea. I'm extra fidgety by the time I hear screams near the arrival area. I roll my windows back up and drive forward, careful not to run over anyone as the airport martials signal people to make way for the idol. It takes 25 minutes for Jackson to finish waving to his fans, reach my car, open the passenger door, toss his bag to the back seat, and strap himself in. It takes a few seconds for me to snap back and start driving. "Where's your manager hyung?" I ask. I was expecting Jackson to sit behind because passenger seats are mostly reserved for managers.

"He's taking a taxi home. His wife is about to give birth," Jackson answers while reclining his seat to a more comfortable position.

"Oh my God, really?!"

"Yeah, I told him to go home directly. He's so excited and anxious all through out the flight." He says, smiling fondly. "Sorry to bother you today, I know you're supposed to be at work." Jackson adds, taking his black cap off and running his fingers through his hair before putting it back on. It amazes me that after a sleepless night and an early flight, he's still looking out for people.

"Well, this IS work. You're part of my work so..."

"No, I mean, aren't you supposed to be editing videos or something? Like, I didn't think you'd actually be driving me around like this, you're a video producer not a driver, or a manager." I can tell that he's a bit flustered by the way he shifts his body towards me, his hands gesturing wildly. Everytime I glance I see the worried look on his face.

"Yeah, well... Mina's there..." I answer, smiling sadly. She doesn't even eat lunch with me and Jenny anymore. "And your manager sounded really sick over the phone so I offered to help. I don't have much editing to do anyway, they're taking all of my projects away."

"Does that mean you're signing Hyung's offer?" Jackson asks, his smile getting bigger.

"Yeah... Did Sheen tell you?" I ask, curiosity getting the better of me."She told us at MAMA, remember? You were there! But she said it in Chinese so only Mark and I understood." Jackson casually says, reminding me of the after party and that moment at the hotel where I was busy trying to film B-rolls and dodge Mark's efforts at flirting. I decide to steer the conversation away from the details of the contract by asking him about the Weibo awards night. He's obviously still reeling about his award so I let him blab about his winning speech and his new celebrity acquaintances until we reach GOT7's new dorms in Cheongdam-dong.

I stop by the front doors of the building expecting Jackson to hop off and get some well-deserved rest. "The parking is over there," He suddenly says, pointing me towards the side of the building. I drive to the given direction, park, and wait without much thought. Jackson gets out of my car, takes his bag from the back seat and goes, "What are you still doing there? Aren't you coming up with me?"

"Huh, I thought you're not allowed to have guests inside?" I ask, knowing that JB forbade the boys to invite people over. No one, other than JYP and their managers, know the exact address of their new dorms because we've had problems with security and privacy way too many times before."Yeah, but you're my manager today, remember?" He wiggles his eyebrows at me and I laugh, finally switching off the engine.

I've never been to their old dorm but based on the archived video clips, I can tell that the new dorm is bigger and better than the old one. For one thing they already have individual rooms, except for BamBam and Yugyeom who refuse to part ways. The place is littered with clothes and dog toys, which I assume were Coco's though she's nowhere to be found. "Where's everyone?" I ask, taking my green bomber jacket off.

"Oh, I don't know. I think they all went home. BamBam and Yugyeom are probably hanging out with Jungkook." Jackson says, taking his own black moto jacket off and tossing his bag and his shoes aside."Has Jungkook been here?" I ask. The boy is literally the sweetest, cutest, most shy thing I've ever met. Namjoon calls him a beagle which somehow made me expect that he's been here at least once already because knowing the older boys, they're often soft for kids like Jungkook.

"Yeah, they hang out here. But I think they're with the Seventeen boys right now. You know... Normal people stuff..." His statement makes my heart constrict a bit. It's as if it's become a luxury for people like them to be normal. Jackson plops onto the black sofa that's big enough to fit the whole of Seventeen, his heavy sigh reaffirming his contentment at being at home. "That's Mark's room, he's probably there..." He adds, pointing towards a plain white door behind me before closing his eyes.

I walk towards it and knock softly, stealing glances at Jackson from time to time. When Mark doesn't answer, I open the door gently and peek inside. "Mark?"

Mark looks up from his phone and our eyes lock. I smile at him as I open the door wider, allowing half of my body to show. He takes his earphones off with a faint smile, his eyes bigger than it was a while ago. "Can I come in?" I ask.

"Y-yeah... Come on." He answers putting his phone down. I timidly enter, closing the door gently as I survey the room. I know Mark is a very organized guy but I still didn't expect that his room would be so much cleaner than mine. His things are sorted out in boxes, tucked neatly in the corner of the room beside a white built-in closet. There's an alcove with a huge shelf filled with fan gifts next to a simple white dresser. The gray walls are bare save for a massive television mounted on the space beside the door. "Where's Jackson?" He asks, taking my focus away from the sole picture of his family in a frame on the shelf.

"Oh, he's outside..." I answer, pointing to the general direction of the living room.

"Have you been on Twitter?" He asks out of the blue.

"Huh?" Mark moves to the edge of his bed and signals me to come closer. He hands me his phone and I immediately check what's on his screen. GOT7's Twitter hashtag feed is littered with photos of Jackson at the airport, and of me sitting in my car looking bored as heck. "Oh my God..."

"I hope for your sake that the fans didn't follow you here," He says, worry etched on his face.

"I-I didn't think..."

"You didn't think this would start a dating rumor because you thought it wasn't a big deal, right?" I feel so small right now even as I tower over him. The master-nim who tweeted the photos didn't even really assume that we're dating. They just pointed out that it was me who picked Jackson up from the airport. Most of those who saw the tweet, however, reacted by citing instances of seeing how close we are in person especially during fan events. Out of all the members, I'm most comfortable with Jackson, probably even more comfortable than when I am in public with Mark. With Mark, I often feel conflicted, guilty beyond belief and scared that even the littlest touch, the shortest talk, the most intermittent gaze, could give away the details behind closed doors.

"I-I'm sure it will go away soon," I say, still feeling unsure. I watch Mark scroll aimlessly down the feed, silently seething. He stops on one of the posts and taps on a photo of me standing on front of Jackson with my back to him, his two hands gripping my arm. I don't know where the heck the fans got that photo, or how they even manage to take sneaky photos like that, but it was enough to piss me off. I take Mark's phone from his hand and lock it.

"What if it doesn't go away?" He asks.

"It will." I confidently say, putting his phone on the side table and making a mental note to talk to Nawoon later. I'm sure we can do something to turn this around. Mark sighs deeply before leaning back against his pillows.

"Wait..." I say, sitting down on the bed. He looks at me with his tired, puppy dog eyes. "Is this making you jealous again?" He just shrugs in response.

"I mean, I know it's nothing and I don't really have a say in it because I'm not your boyfriend bute—" The bed tips as I lean towards him. I take his face with both hands and kiss him deeply while his hands move instinctively to my waist to hold me closer. When we part, the sound of our kiss breaks the silence in the room. "What was that for?" He asks.

"So you'd stop overthinking..." I answer, smiling slyly. He pulls me closer and kisses me again, harder and more urgent than the first, our tongues fighting for dominance until he lets me breakaway, panting a little. "What was that for?" It's my turn to ask.

"So you'd know I'm overthinking because I missed you so bad..." Mark starts kissing me again, his lips crashing against mine in lust. I whimper as he captures my lips, my tongue, my whole being, his hands gripping my waist tightly as he pulls me and guides me to straddle him. It's only been a few weeks since we stopped talking and yet here we are, replacing words with push and pull all over again. I wrap my arms around his neck, desperate for more.

"Mark..." My breathy call makes him hiss as he makes his way down my neck. "Oh baby..."

"You like this? Does it feel good?" He asks me, trailing wet kisses down the sides of my neck, hands traveling to my breasts. I feel him sucking on the skin near my collarbone and it makes me moan softly as I arch my back."Fuck, baby, please don't tell me you just left a bruise for everyone to see..."

"I'm just marking my territory." He says chuckling against my skin before creating another bruise along my neck. I bite my lower lip, desperate not to show that I'm enjoying every bit of it. Somehow it feels really good to be owned by him, even if it's just a bruise, even for just a minute. He licks the bruises he created and stops to look at them with pride in his eyes. "My hickeys look great on you."

"Oh you're such an asshole, how am I going to cover this up for work?!" I ask, playfully hitting his chest.

"Wear the choker Bam gave you, you look hot wearing that." reminding me of the one time BamBam made me wear the choker that his fan gave him. He even helped me wear it and I remember seeing Mark's dark stare at the boy who's obviously enjoying standing so close behind me, and at the thick material of the choker on my skin.

"Mmmhhh... Is this your daddy kink talking?" I say seductively as his fingers gently move the stray hairs that frame my face. Then he wraps his hands around my ponytail, testing me, kissing me again. I remember how angry sex with Mark unleashed a different side of hime—and of me.

"Yup... So be a good girl and call me daddy." He says before kissing me harshly his fingers still tangled in my hair.

"Daddy..." A breathy moan escapes me again when we part and the sound makes him smile.

"Yeah, that's it. Grind on me baby girl..." His two hands move down my hips and he guides me to a slow and steady dry hump. His member is getting harder as I hold on to his shoulders, our lips meeting for hungry kisses every once in a while. Suddenly we hear the door open.

"Uhm, guys..." Jackson's voice immediately makes me stop. "Sorry to interrupt your mini-party but I just wanna let you know that I can hear everything through the wall in my room next door so..."

"Shit." I mutter, burying my face on the space where Mark's shoulder meets his neck. Mark puts his arm around me protectively.

"Jackson get out!" Mark shouts before throwing a pillow at him with his other arm.

"Fine, I'll just put my headphones on." The younger man says, sounding defeated as he closes the door.

"God, okay, let's just stop," I say, attempting to move away from Mark's grip.

"No, hey, please..." Holding me still, and even more closer. His breath tickles me when he whispers in my ear. "Can you feel that? I want you so bad now, Baby..." He makes me grind on him again and true enough his dick got even harder inside his cotton shorts. I want to refuse, but his shining eyes and evil smirk makes it unbelievably impossible to get away.

"Let's just keep it quiet..." He says before taking my white shirt off. "You're going to try not to moan too loud, right?" Mark then takes his own tank top off, his muscles rippling, hypnotising me.

"Yes Daddy..." I answer. He then hauls me off his lap and lays me on his bed gently, his eyes scanning my body hungrily.

"Good girl..." He kisses my neck again and his tongue travels down to my breasts, expertly removing my bra before creating obscene-looking hickeys all over my chest. He kisses me down my stomach and licks at my hipbone as he opens up my jeans. Slowly but surely, he rids me of my clothes, and when I'm finally fully naked he slithers out of the bed to strip and put on a condom. I hear him shuffling around, looking for a few things. Then there's a loud click as he locks the door, probably so that Jackson won't interrupt us again.

"Give me your hands," Be orders, kneeling on the bed. I hold my hands out to him and he gathers my wrists with a necktie."Jesus, Mark, I didn't think you'd really dig this 50 Shades concept..." I quietly sneer. He responds with a high-pitched laugh while attemptinge—and failinge—to make a decent knot. He ties my wrists with his navy blue necktie anyway, his half-assed job making me laugh as well. Then he produces a black sock and forms a ball out of it. Mark asks me to open my mouth wide. "Are you serious?!"

"I'm so fucking serious. I know you, you'll scream, you can't help it." His eyes tell me he's not giving Jackson, or anybody for that matter, the satisfaction of hearing my loud sex sounds emanating from his bedroom. I obey him, opening my mouth wide for gagging. He places the sock in between my lips, makes me bite on it hard, taunting me not to make a sound or he'll never make me come. For some reason, my heart starts beating wildly and my whole body seems on fire. Then he spreads my legs a bit more eagerly than usual, his fingers grazing my inner thighs, making me close my eyes.

Mark's fingers trace the folds of my pussy, spreading my wetness all around before swiping his tongue on it. My legs start to quiver as he fingers me, licks me, tastes me, saying: "Oh, Baby, you're so wet for me." He doesn't even wait long enough for me to come. He just kneels on the bed again and strokes his sheathed dick with wet fingers, his brown eyes getting darker as he towers over me.

Then he positions himself on top of me, rubbing his hard-on against my hole. He licks his lips and kisses my neck again before penetrating me. I close my eyes in pain, he feels bigger than ever before. Mark groans in pleasure as he buries his length deep inside me, breath burning on my neck, eyes closed in concentration, hands gripping the dark blue sheets underneath us.

I try to reach out to him with bound hands when he straightens his back to thrust in and out of me, my fingers touching his face. He smiles and kisses the tips of my fingers gently before taking my wrists and pinning them on top of my head aggressively. He ruts into me harder, his grip on my wrist getting tighter as I try to angle myself better so he'd hit me at just the right place. I arch my back when he hits my g-spot, close my eyes the more he reaches deeper, listen to his labored breathing and intermittent groans. The more sounds he produce, the closer I get to falling. "Are you coming?" He asks, to which I desperately nod. "You haven't asked me for permission yet..." He whispers, voice dropping low as he leans closer to me, his thrusts getting slower and harder.

How the fuck am I supposed to ask permission when I have a gag?! I try to plead with my eyes, try to break away from his restraint, try to make frustrated muffled moans. He grins devilishly in response, baring canine teeth that frighten me all the more. "That's not gonna work on me, Baby..." He continues to thrust, bringing me closer and closer to the edge. I try to scream, tears finally falling from the sides of my eyes. His breathing steadies and his face registers a look of concern when he sees me cry. "Do you want to stop?" He asks. I nod once, trying my best to breathe easy through my nose.

Mark pulls out of me and assists me as I attempt to get up from my position, wrists still bound, body aching with the abuse and the sudden deprivation. He helps me sit up, wipes my tears with the back of his hand, fixes my hair, and kisses my sweat-laden forehead. "Are you okay, Baby?" He asks, his voice like honey. I nod slowly, willing my heart to slow down. "Do you want more?" I nod again eagerly, hoping to get release sooner. He smiles at me, fingers brushing my face before he tilts my chin upwards so my teary eyes could meet his. "I'll take off your gag if you let me fuck your pretty mouth..."

One sentence. One fucking sentence.

How on earth he manages to reduce me to a writhing, moaning, wanting mess in just one sentence, I still don't know.

He guides me to the foot of the bed and stands in front of me, his eyes watching my every movement, his smirk ever present. My stupid, crazy heart starts beating wildly again as I sit with my ass on my heels, hands folded on my lap like an obedient little girl. If a stranger sees us from this vantage point, they'd think I'm the younger one.

Mark gently takes my gag off, flings it somewhere behind him, and kisses me deeply, his tongue wetting my dried out lips. He sucks on my tongue for a bit and tugs at my hair before kissing my neck again. I whimper, bound hands touching his chest, his abs, every cut of his muscle that's often hidden from the public by his huge shirts and long sleeves. He straightens up and brings his cock up to my mouth. "Open wide, Baby Girl..."My jaw hurts after being gagged for what feels like an eternity but I let them unhinge again as I open my mouth for him, lowering my head to take him in. "Aaaahhh... Oh baby, yes...

Take it all in..." He pushes my head down, using my ponytail as leverage. I hollow my cheeks for him, letting his girth pass through my plump lips. The longer I please him, the further I get from being my sane self. Mark's moans get longer every time I deep-throat him. His ragged breaths, his tight grip on my hair, his dark, scintillating gaze, everything about him is taking my mind to all the unknown places. "Baby I think I'm coming..." He says through gritted teeth. "Do you want to come with me?"

I take his pulsing cock out of my mouth. "Yes, Daddy, please..."

"Turn around." He says, positioning himself behind me. Smack! I feel the unmistakable sting on my ass. He has a way of grabbing and slapping that almost always leaves me dizzy. He enters me again, this time sloppier and harder and faster, his fingers digging deep into the flesh of my bottom.

Smack! Smack!

"Ow, fuck. Mark!"

"Mark? Really?!" Smack!

"Sorry Daddy..."

"Harder?"

"Yes Daddy..." I say, biting my lower lip to prevent myself from saying that louder than necessary. My mind strays to Jackson and his sudden appearance a while ago. I wonder what he saw and what he thought and if he's hearing us from the other side of the wall. Smack!

"Mmmh... Baby Girl, you're getting tighter..."

"Daddy please..." I am a whimpering mess as I try to shake Jackson's image from my head and focus on the sensation of Mark pistoning in and out of me. My breasts are bouncing as he pounds me from behind, and I'm fisting the sheets with eyes screwed shut in controlled pleasure.

"Come with me, Love." He finally growls in between gritted teeth as he leans closer to me.

Just like that, I feel my knees giving out, my whole body melting, all my senses numbing as darkness enveloped me. I don't even realize how loudly I'm screaming until Mark puts his hand on my mouth, and I'm reduced to hearing nothing but his ragged breathing in my ear. He thrusts a few more times before collapsing after a long, low groan.

Then there's another groan... But based on the fucked out look on Mark's face when he rolls on the bed beside me, I'm pretty sure it isn't coming from him. His eyes suddenly flutter open when we hear sounds of chatter coming from outside, then sounds of laughter, and then the sound of a closing door..

It took me a year to realize that doors could talk after all.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38: Higher**

I'm used to dressing up pretty quickly because back in college my tight schedule required me to run the distance between two buildings to reach my classes after swimming practice. So by the time Mark has finally found a place to keep his dirty condom (he doesn't have a trash bin in his beautifully curated room so he just bunches them in a wad of tissue and throws them under his bed), I'm back in my faded ripped jeans and white shirt, squirming at the feeling of having to wear wet panties again. I toss his clothes to him and he gets dressed as quickly as he can before leading the way out of the room. I close the door gently and suddenly every single person in the dorm shuts up. The chatter dies down, the sounds of shuffling footsteps stop, and every single one of my senses start to tingle. "Hi," I say timidly, throat aching from the intense blowjob session. JB clears his throat and then smiles upon seeing me.

"Ah, Sarang-ah! I knew it was you, I love your shoes!" He says, pointing at the pair of limited edition The Simpsons sneakers by the door. I grin at him in appreciation because I'm 98% sure he knows exactly what we just did but he's choosing to overlook it.

"But Hyung, you were just saying it might be Mark Hyung's because they're expensive..." Yugyeommie reveals innocently, making the older boys snicker as JB purses his lips.

"Babe, what are you doing here?" BamBam, who's holding a huge plastic bag in one hand, asks. JB gives BamBam the stink-eye for calling me Babe yet again. Just then Jackson decides to come out of his room, still in his airport garb.

"Manager Noona is sick and Manager Hyung's wife is in labor so they asked her to pick me up from the airport and take me here." Jackson answers for me, his face almost emotionless. He walks to the fridge to get a glass of water and Mark comes up beside him to get me something to drink too. Youngjae is just staring at me open-mouthed, unblinking like a fish. Mark hands me the glass of water and I thank him before drinking it, grateful for the soothing feeling in my throat and in my whole body. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I stare at Mark whose eyes are settling on anywhere but mine.

"Yah, Noona, you look good today!" Jinyoung remarks, making me almost choke in my water. Mark takes the glass from me and rubs my back as a I cough violently. BamBam and Jinyoung are elbowing each other not far from us and I give them both a deathly stare.

"Ani... I was actually rushing to get to the airport so I didn't have much time to fix myself." I answer when I finally stop heaving for air.

"Aaahhh... Is that why your shirt is inside out?" Yugyeom asks, pointing at me.

"Oh shit," I mutter, looking down to see the linings of my shirt's hemline. "Oh, wow I didn't notice that," I try to let out a nervous laugh while shooting BamBam and Jinyoung daggers through my eyes when they start snickering again. Frankly, I didn't even look in the mirror before stepping out of Mark's room and that proved to be a really bad idea because now JB is having a staring contest with Mark, and Youngjae looks all the more uncomfortable as he continues to gape at me.

"Come on, I'll show you the bathroom." BamBam says, finally deciding to give my pink face the break it deserves. He leads me down the hallway to the bathroom and even hands me a towel before leaning close and whispering to my ear. "You should untie your hair, okay?" He winks at me and closes the bathroom door, leaving me standing there, confused as fuck. I turn around to face the mirror and what I see is more horrifying than I thought. The reason Youngjae was staring wordlessly at me was because the hickeys Mark gave me are now bright red and all the marks on my neck and my collarbones and my cleavage are showing in broad daylight. _Fuck my life._ Mark's probably still too fucked out and nervous of JB's reaction to even notice how I look in my messy ponytail, inside-out shirt, streaky eyeliner, and neck area that looks more like a battery assault case waiting to happen. I suppress a groan of despair before taking my shirt off and cleaning up.

I find Mark standing by the door of the bathroom, waiting for me. He comes up to me with a guilty grin before whispering, "Hey, are you okay?" He takes my face with both hands and peers at me sweetly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I should go..." I whisper back with a smile.

"Call me when you get home, okay, Baby?" I nod and smile to assure him. We're going to have to deal with the 'marking my territory' habit some other time. He then leans down to kiss me deeply, hands sneakily cupping my ass. "I'll cuddle with you next time," His naughty smile catches me off guard so I push him gently, scared someone would catch us.

The boys are gathered in the living room with boxes of fried chicken spread out on the coffee table before them, the TV providing momentary distraction in the awkward silence. "Noona, meogja!" [Noona, let's eat!] Yugyeom says while pouring soda on glasses.

"A-ani, gwaenchanha. I need to go now," I answer with an uneasy smile. I wave at the boys as I head to the door with BamBam, who refuses to let me go without a hug—something that earned him really bad stares from both the leader and the jealous oldest Hyung. Jackson takes his keys and hat from the counter.

"I'll walk with her to the parking lot, save chicken for me!" JB waves him away and as Jackson closes that door I catch Mark sending us off with a cautious glare. I wish the earth would swallow me whole and just get this over with.

Jackson and I walk to the elevators side by side in silence. I run my fingers through my hair, hoping I look more decent now than when I stepped out of Mark's room just a while ago. I still feel uncomfortable in my wet panties and I swear I can smell the scent of sex effusing from within me—either that or my perfume's just coming off really strong because my pulse is still racing. I get chills from the cold January air. _Shit! I forgot my jacket!_ I contemplate whether to go back for it and face more humiliation or freeze my ass to death. I choose the latter. Jackson shamelessly surveys me from head to toe as we wait for the lift, arms crossed in front of his chest, eyes focusing on the visible marks on my neck and my collarbone. I'm flushing and I'm not entirely sure if it's because of the humiliating episode I've just been into or because Jackson's just staring at me with the most unreadable expression ever. "What?" I ask, bothered and irritated now.

"After-sex looks great on you." The elevator suddenly open and I'm left standing slack-jawed as he steps in and holds the door for me. I seriously want to just throw myself off the ledge. "What?! I'm just telling the truth."

"This is seriously not the time for joking, Jackson." I whine as I step into the lift with him.

"Well that wasn't the time for loud sex either, it's supposed to be a relaxing time but you thought otherwise." He nags, eyes looking sharper than usual. I roll my eyes at him in defiance, wanting to scold him for talking like that to his Noona. But we both know I'm guilty about it anyway so I keep my mouth shut until after a minute later.

"Were we really loud, though?"

"I had noise canceling headphones on and I could hear you!"

"Oh my God..." I turn away from him to rest my head against the wall of the elevator, hiding my face with a curtain of hair. Jackson laughs at my predicament. "I mean it wasn't really _that_ bad when I left Mark's room, you were obviously holding back the whole time. But the last part was... Uhm." He stops and scratches the back of his neck, thinking of a word to describe what he heard. "...Graphic."

"Graphic?!"

"Yeah, it was basically like listening to porn."

"Oh my god..." I groan, my face heating up again as I lean weakly against the wall.

"Yeah, that was my reaction too when I heard you screaming from the other side of the wall. Why did you do that?! You already know I was there, I told you I can hear you through the walls!" Jackson complains. I just stare at him in defeat, knowing he had a valid point. We really shouldn't have done that.

"I-I dont know... It's a heat of the moment thing..." I say quietly, guilty beyond belief. I remember how I tightened when I thought of Jackson and suddenly I can't get myself to look him in the eye.

"Oh my goodness, I didn't know you were such a pervert!" Jackson jokes, laughing hysterically now.

"Me?! Really?! YOU listened in on us!"

"I can't help it, I was trying to sleep while listening to music and then I heard him spanking you and you seem to like it because you keep moaning so loudly!" He's most definitely amused, but I'm not. I turn away from him, wanting so much to bang my head against the wall. "Oh and this... this look you have here," Jackson adds gesturing to me. "It's so obvious you two just had sex and poor baby Yugyeom was so confused. Youngjae was having such a hard time hiding his ha—"

"Yah, hajima!" I finally shout, my voice ringing in the confined space we're in. The elevator suddenly stops and the doors open. We both step out quietly, our eyes downcast as several people get into the lift after we alight. The awkward silence followed us to the parking lot. "Okay, I'll stop teasing you about it. But I just want to remind you that JB and I haven't had girlfriends in forever so what you did back there wasn't good for our mental health." I remember the night Jackson and I kissed. I remember what he said about missing being in a relationship so badly. I realize how JB so desperately tried to ignore the fact that Mark and I still reeked of sex when we came out. _Wait... Does he mean... That he and JB aren't virgins?!_

I stop dead in my tracks. I can't help but wince at thought of Jackson jolting in bed like a kid having nightmares just because his friend and I couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. I can now imagine the torture of having to listen to all that and now I feel like such an insensitive idiot. "Hey," I tug at Jackson's arm and he stops too. He turns to me with such a sad expression I almost want to smack myself.

"I'm sorry." I say, sighing deeply.

"No, it's okay, it's not your fault."

"It is! It's my fault. _I_ kissed him first because he was starting to get jealous of you again and then we just started making out and one thing lead to another and—"

"It's okay..." Jackson says, patting my head gently, his lips thinning into a cute smile. He steps closer to me and lifts my chin up and suddenly I think I'm missing my heart again. "Hey, you know if I was Mark I don't think I'll be able to control myself either." He gazes at me and then breaks into a fit of giggles upon seeing the surprise on my face. I fidget with my car keys in my pocket. "Oh let me just..." He pulls up one side of my loose shirt because my bra strap is showing. Then he fixes my long hair strategically so it would cover all my bruises. It's strangely comforting how his fingers are lightly brushing against my neck and my collarbones. "The fans might see you again and they have telephoto lenses. If they see this they're going to think it's from me."

 _Ah, so he's seen the tweets from this morning._ He takes off his jacket and puts it over my shoulders, double checks my appearance before taking off his cap and putting it on my head. "There. Come on, you should go home and rest." He takes me by the hand and leads me to my car, even waving goodbye as I drive away.

I stop at the office on my way home to drop off some of the things Jackson left. I don't bother talking to Mina when I get back to my desk, I don't even feel bad for shutting down my desktop and taking my bag with me though I'm two hours away from the actual time off. My boss just waves me away when I ask him if I can leave early because I need to prepare for my lengthened gig hours at Callabooze. He's been told about the offer and is now treating me like I don't even belong to the team anymore. The only one who says goodbye to me is Jenny.

Jackson was right about the fans. There were lots of them waiting in front of the building when I step out. I had to force my way into Dunkin Donuts for a second cup of coffee before I head home. I realize belatedly that I'm being photographed without consent and I should be getting mad but frankly I couldn't get myself to care. Because at this point I feel so fucking lost and exhausted all at the same time. It also doesn't help that my head is now littered with obscene images of Mark and Jackson and JB, all pleasing themselves furiously in the dark as a silent rebellion to the industry we all chose to work on. What could be more inhumane than a career that feeds off your energy and your youth and forces you to lock your emotions and feelings and desires in a secret room of shame, all out of your own volition?! The more I think about it the more uncomfortable I get.

I cant wait to come to Callabooze and lose myself in the music.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39: Home Run**

It's quite ridiculous that I'm driving to Busan just to attend a frickin' birthday party. What's even more ridiculous is that I'm driving with a sleeping Amber Liu beside me. She tried to keep her eyes open but an hour into the journey she's already apologizing for being so tired from her schedules and needing some nap time. I let her doze off, cranking up the volume of G. Soul's crooning for past love and girls with boyfriends. As we move past the beautiful countryside, I start to wonder what Jihoo would do when he finds my birthday surprise for him.

My favorite cousin is throwing a small party at Nana Kyung's house and I promised to Skype before the festivities. I called Amber to invite her over for dinner so she can wish him a happy birthday too over Skype but she suggested we drive to Busan instead to surprise him, FOR REAL. I couldn't say no because Amber is persistent like that. It's baffling how people like them—like Amber and Jackson—manage to keep up with everything that's happening in their lives. They're always on stage or on TV, performing and talking in front of so many people. They fly from one country to another but they also make time for friends, collaborations, workouts, and quiet walks along Han River. For instance, Amber just came back from an awards show in Singapore and yet here she is, going on a four-hour drive at 9AM on a Saturday to surprise the only Korean relative I've managed to build strong connections with—aside from Nana Kyung, of course. Between my full-time job and gigs, I'm usually left feeling like a sack of potatoes. Amber laughed when I told her that. She said, "Hey, potatoes are good. You can't make French fries without potatoes."

Speaking of French fries, I'm getting hungry. I decide to make a detour at a gasoline station by the side of the road to grab some food. As if on cue, Amber wakes up as soon as I stop to fill up my tank. "Hey are you hungry?" I ask.

"I'm fine. I just need coffee, I think." She answers, stretching like a cat in the passenger's seat.

"Okay, do you mind filling the tank? I'll go grab us food and coffee. Iced, right?" She nods as I get off the car. I head to the store, mind swirling with so many thoughts until my phone starts vibrating.

Jackson: Love?

Love: Yeah?

Jackson: Where are you?

Love: Uhm... I'm with Amber... Going to Busan.

Jackson: What?!

Love: *sweat smile emoji*

Jackson: Why?

Love: We're visiting my family.

Jackson: Why didn't you tell me? I could've gone with you!

Love: Jackson you need to rest.

Jackson: I'm fine, I've rested.

Love: Please, you've been very busy, you need to stay at home.

Love: Besides, I don't think it's wise for us to be seen together, even if we're with Amber.

There's a long pause before I see Jackson typing a reply again, giving me enough time to pay for the coffee and the truckload of snacks in my basket.

Jackson: Did Jinyoung Hyung talk to you about it?

Love: No, no one's really talking about it. It's fine, I don't really care.

Jackson: Well that kinda hurts because I do.

I stop dead in my tracks, arms full with the iced coffee and the plastic bag filled with snacks. For some reason I start feeling nervous, perhaps even worried. I decide to stall and pocket my phone, my mind whirring with a million questions and regrets. I get in the car, hand one of the cups to Amber and take my incessantly vibrating phone out of my pocket again to see Jackson's messages.

"What's wrong? Who's messaging you?" Amber asks, seeing the knot on my forehead.

Jackson: How can you not care?!

Jackson: I care because my career is on the line...

Jackson: But I care about you more.

Jackson: I don't want to ruin your career or your image with a pesky dating rumor.

Jackson: Hey...

Jackson: Are you mad at me?

Jackson: Please talk to me.

I shake my head, put my phone on the dashboard and start the car again. "Nothing... It's just... It's Jackson, you know what he's like." I say, easing back into the road. I explain that Jackson asked where I was and that he wanted to join us, omitting the other parts. We both agree that he needs some rest. I let Amber babble about the fact that Jackson is kind of a workaholic, and I argue that she's basically the same.

"Hey, to be fair, I need to work extra hard. My company does nothing for me. You guys are lucky to be working at JYP." There's a slight bitterness in her tone that I've never heard before. I fix my eyes in front, keeping quiet to give her the space to rant. She starts talking about the many thing she wished she knew before flying to South Korea to pursue a far-fetched dream. To this, I nod incessantly, knowing all about the what ifs, what should've beens, and what could've beens that you get the moment after your first year living in a foreign country. My phone starts vibrating again, this time more aggressively than before. I hesitantly take a peek at the caller ID. Still Jackson. "You should probably take this," Amber says, taking my phone and sliding to the answer button for me.

"Jackson?" I shout.

"Are you mad at me? Why aren't you answering me?!" He says, voice reverberating against the walls of my car because my phone is still connected to the Bluetooth speakers.

"Because I'm driving! We have two more hours to go, can't you wait until then?" The line goes silent. If it wasn't for Amber speaking up, I'd look to see if he's still there.

"Jackson it's Amber."

"Amber where are you? Why the heck are you guys traveling?"

"I have no idea but we're in the... uhh... freeway right now. We're going to Busan to surprise Love's cousin."

"I wanted to come along but—"

"No, are you kidding me?! You can't be seen together!" I'm momentarily frightened by the fact that Amber knows what's going on. What was I thinking?! Of course she knows. She's one of the very few idols with social media presence worth taking note of and since most of the buzz is happening on Twitter I realize she would have easily seen it on her timeline. "You need to let the issue fizzle down. Until then try not to meet in person, not even in the company. There's like a 90% chance even the people in your company are observing you guys. You have to prove it's not true."

Jackson sighs audibly in frustration and I grip the steering wheel harder as I wait for his reply. He's way too altruistic to consent to this madness. Why do we have to explain ourselves when we're not even guilty of anything? Besides, I didn't think that wearing his jacket and his cap would fan the flames of the dating rumor. "Fine, I won't push it. But promise to call me when you get there." He asks after a few seconds of dead air.

"I promise." I answer promptly. I feel like we have loads to talk about, Jackson and I.

"So you're not mad at me right?"

"Mhmmm..."

"Please just say no. If you don't I'll probably overthink this within the next two hours."

"Oh my god, Jackson!" I blurt, sighing in exasperation. "No, I'm not mad. I'm BUSY." I'm getting more and more agitated. Here I am, trying my best to ignore the gnawing feeling of confusion and guilt and worry and hurt after reading all the scathing comments of angry fangirls all over the world, and there's Jackson being annoying as always. "I'll call you, okay. Just chill the fuck out and let me drive in peace."

"Okay, but like—" Jackson starts again, making Amber sigh.

"She said she'll call you. Bye, Jackson!" My friend says before dropping the call amidst Jackson's protests. "God, that's... You have a LOT of messages..." Amber trails, staring at the notifications on my lockscreen.

"It's nothing..." I answer tentatively, hoping to get a free pass from having to vomit out explanations because that's not exactly a safe thing to do while driving.

"Oh come on, I know what it's about. Mark told me what happened at the dorm."

"What?! Oh my god, does he think it's a funny story I like telling all of my friends? It's so embarrassing!"

"Did you know that they even had a meeting after you left?!"

"No!" I feel like I'm being suffocated by an airbag.

"Jackson told Mark off for being so loud and Jinyoung had to calm Mark down because he said Jackson was being petty and JB said he's reinforcing the no guests rule so yeah... Consider that your last home visit."

"And no one even bothered to tell me this?!"

"Maybe they didn't want you think it's your fault."

"It IS my fault, Amber. It's all my fault." I say defeatedly. I'm just glad there are nicer, older fans holding on the defense end for our sake because without JYP's acknowledgement, we can't move. Jackson can't talk, and all I can do is keep a low profile and wait for things to settle down. I was stupid. I should've never left work early that day. I should've went straight home and brewed my own coffee like always instead of buying one at a place where lots of fans are waiting. I should've stopped Mark. I should've never said yes to picking up Jackson at the airport. I should have never kissed Jackson, because if I didn't I wouldnt feel weird about him telling me he cares for me.

"Wait..." She goes silent for a full minute before gently placing my phone back on the dashboard. G. Soul starts playing again in the background. "Why is it your fault? Is there something I should know? I mean, I know people are talking about how you guys might be dating because of the jacket and the cap and the hickeys—which I'm sure came from Mark—but I feel like I'm missing out on something here..." She says.

God, why is she so smart?! I let out a long, deep sigh. I can't hold it in anymore. "We kissed." I blurt out.

"Who? You and Jackson?!" She asks, voice blaring across the small distance between us. Even without looking at her, I can tell she's shell-shocked. I nod gently, praying she won't tell that I've made a terrible mistake because that's one thing I already know. "Does Mark know about it?" I nod again, in the brink of tears at being reminded that the two boys fought because of me. I try to hold back my emotions in as much as I can because even though I want nothing but to let it all out of my chest, I can't deal with the fact that I really don't have the right to it. I may have been sleeping with Mark and I may have kissed Jackson and they may have fought over it, but I still have no rightful place in any of this. Amber asks me to explain what happened and I finally spill all the details that even Liv didn't know about.

"Fuck, why am I so stupid?! Why did I even agree to that?! How did we even get there?! One minute we're talking about dogs and the next minute we're kissing." Amber just stares at the winding road before us. I wonder if she's judging and hating me in her head right now. Franky, I don't think she can hate me more than I hate myself for getting into this sticky situation.

"So that's why Mark said that..." I turn my head towards Amber momentarily, my eyes leaving the road for a split-second. She seems to be analyzing something.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he asked for advice..."

"About what?"

"About you."

"What about me?" Amber contemplates for a bit before speaking up again. "Mark really likes you, but he's worried."

"Why?"

"Honestly? We both think that Jackson is starting to like you too."

"But you know Jackson, that's just how he is."

"Yeah, I know Jackson very well and he's a really sweet kid but he's not the kind who'd go around kissing his Noonas. Tell me, did he act differently after the kiss? Does he message more often? Is he way more annoying than before? Does he compliment you more? Is he extra nice and funny?" Amber stares and waits for an answer but it doesn't come. I gnaw at my lower lip, thinking back on the past few months and realizing bit by bit that Jackson has indeed done everything she just said. "Trust me, I've known Jackson for years. I've known him since his trainee days. I've seen him struggle like this before and Mark is convinced that Jackson's just holding back because of him. And of course he hates seeing his friend like that but he likes you. No, scratch that, I think Mark loves you now."

A bitter laughter escapes me. "No he doesn't." I say, suddenly quieting Amber. She waits for me to speak up again as I make a turn towards Busan's entry road. We see the pretty sea glinting like diamonds in the distance. "He's not in love, Amber, he's probably just confused."

"Where is the denial coming from, Love?"

"I am not in denial, okay. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe all we have is just... Attachment?! He's the first guy I've been involved with physically since living here and I'm the first girl he's had since... I don't know, trainee days?! Don't you get it? We've had a lot of firsts and we've shown each other parts of ourselves that we've never shown to other people and that's hard to let go so we just go around thinking we're in love when clearly we are not."

The silence drowns us as I drive along the beach lined road. For a moment all we can hear are the sounds of waves crashing. I can tell that what I said got Amber thinking. Is it love when the only thing keeping us together is physical attraction? Is it love when all we do is think of ways to get away with lying and hiding? Is it love when I literally can't look at myself in the mirror because I don't even recognize myself anymore?

"I've been in love before Amber." I add, my voice calm despite the emotions crashing down on me like giant waves. "It didn't end so nicely but I did learn that when you're in love you want to be better. You want the other person to be better too and that's... That's not how it is with us... We support each other, and we care for each other, sure. But at the end of the day I'm still no good for him."

"You need to be nicer to yourself, you know?" Amber says before sipping her coffee again.

"I don't even like who I'm turning out to be. I never thought I'd be the kind of person who would have the capacity to make or break someone's future." We both fall silent. I roll the windows down to let the cold breeze in. Hopefully the wind would do a better job at drying the tears that have made their way down my face. Amber hands me some tissues from the compartment.

"Well... At least you have each othet. He said you've gotten more personal after MAMA—Oh my god, Love, this is a shit ton of condoms! Is this why your car is so heavily tinted?!" She comments upon opening the pouch in my compartment. I bark out a laugh, clearly feeling better now. I joke about how Mark seems to like the backseat a lot—like a frickin high schooler. Amber closes the compartment, shaking her head in mock disgust. "Okay, I get what you're saying and maybe you're right. But I think you still need to talk to Mark. He's thinking about dating you for real."

"He wants to date me for real because it's the only way to get out of the guilt trip we're both in."

"Are you sure there's no other way?"

"There is another way and that's if we let each other go." I say, sadness enveloping me again. These days I've been thinking about what it would be like to look at Mark in the same way I did over a year ago—like an idol too far, too popular to reach. When the agreements are done, when we're finally tired of hiding and trying to realize feelings that aren't really there yet, I wonder what it would be like to see him at work. Will I be able to smile? My ex and I haven't reached that level of being "okay" yet, probably because I decided to escape to South Korea right after the break-up. I tell Amber all these thoughts and she just listens intently, asking questions every once in a while. By the time we reach the city, I've given Amber an overview of my past relationships, from my petty high school sweethearts to my first long-term relationship that ended tragically before graduation. I miss Liv.

We get to Nana Kyung's house two hours after a short walk on the nearby beach and an early dinner at a quaint cafe. Nana's house is shining way more brightly than I've ever seen it before. The huge property is filled with cars of different types and there are loud sounds coming from the yard. We find Nana being escorted out of the house to spend a relaxing evening at my dad's hotel. I introduce her to Amber and she kisses my friend in both cheeks fondly before waving goodbye and getting into the car with her assistant. All my cousins are half-wasted by the time we reach the yard. The whole place is lit with fairy lights. A DJ booth was set up near the pool and Jihoo is busy greeting his guests to even notice me as I make my way to the DJ booth to set up my equipment. I switch places with my cousin's DJ friend who seem flustered as heck to be sharing the same stage as me. I take the mic after the first mix, ready to take everyone's attention. The previous DJ leaves a massive beat drop. I start with a few stabs on f(X)'s Electric Shock which makes a few heads turn and a few people audibly gasp.

"Okay, mates, hear me out." I say, my accent effectively making people stop whatever they're doing. "Jihoo, odiya?!"

"Oh my fucking god, what are you doing here?!" He screams from a few meters away.

"I have a really awesome gift for your 23rd birthday. Are you ready?" Jihoo takes his place near the booth, people making way for him to see me clearly. "ARE YOU ALL READY?!" I scream, hyping the crowd of college kids who are all starting to pull out their phones. My heart starts beating wildly so I turn to look at Amber who's hiding by the side of the stage. She nods at me in encouragement so I start to out with some gain on the stem of the song Amber and I collaborated on. Then I mix in a bit of Amber's backing vocals which makes the people start screaming and dancing. I signal to Amber and she runs to the stage, blazing with energy as she starts to sing the first verse of the song. Jihoo is standing slack-jawed as his friends shake him in excitement, the surprise almost making him teary. I blow him a kiss and he shows me a heart before screaming an inaudible "thank you".

I finish an entire set filled with SM Town and JYPE songs in between English hit songs all while the other DJ busies himself with Snapchatting everything I do. He even asks for a selfie with me, arms unnecessarily snaking around my waist, face too close with mine. This isn't something I'm used to because I have Jun to protect me from pervs at Callabooze but I let it pass, thinking it's nothing compared to the amount of people now flocking to Amber for a photo. I signal to the other DJ so that we can switch again as I end my set. I run up to Jihoo as soon as I'm out of the booth and my cousin envelopes me in a warm hug with his muscular arms. I pull Amber from the hordes of fans that surround her and push the two of them towards the house for some sense of quiet.

"Oh my God, I can't believe you two traveled all the way here for me! Thank you, wow!" He says when we reach the balcony at the front side of the house, his eyes looking a bit glassy.

"Hey, I can't let Love pass up on a family affair like this. She's been here too long, she needs to make more time for family." Amber says, her friendly grin never leaving her face. I am in awe of this girl, really. Jihoo's face is red from the alcohol and the Amber-induced fluster so I decide to aggravate that by excusing myself from their conversation to finally call Jackson. He's left me two voicemails and a few more messages in the past five hours. It's 11PM, and I'm not entirely sure if he's going to pick up but I dial his number anyway, hoping he's still awake.

"Hey, are you okay?" Jackson says, two rings in.

"I—Yeah, I'm... Well I'm okay. Sorry it took a while, we did the surprise right away and I did a full set on the spot so..."

"Oh... Okay. You're not drunk, are you?"

"No alcohol yet, I was too busy."

"Good! Good... Uh..."

"Are you... Okay?"

"Yeah... Yeah... I'm just... I was just worried about you."

"Wae?"

"Well... Just..."

"Jackson?"

"Ne?"

"Maeum sseuji mala." [Don't think about it.] I try to soften my voice, try to give him the space to talk. I'm really not used to Jackson being quiet. "We're gonna be alright."

"Maja..." His voice grows soft too. It's a low toned whisper and for some reason I feel like I've heard it before somewhere. Probably an old video clip.

"Okay. Good. Now talk, Im not used to you being quiet like this." My remark makes him laugh and just like that, the old Jackson is back.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40: Red Lipstick Day**

"Yoboseo?" I answer without looking at the caller ID. These days the only calls I get are either from Jackson, who's too tired or lazy to text, or from Sheen, who's busy finalizing the details of my new JYPE contract. She understands basic Korean anyway so I don't bother changing my phone call greeting especially since I'm way too focused on perfecting my lip liner more than anything else.

"Yah, Sarang-ah odiya?" [Hey, Love where are you?] _Huh, that's weird._ The voice sounded like Mina and she barely talks to me now. I finally check the caller ID and to my surprise, it is Mina.

"Uh... I'm still at home but I'm on my way to the office. Wae?"

"Aigoo, ppalliwa! [Come quickly!] We have a lot of things to do today and I need you here ASAP." I assume she finally got crazy halfway through doing the concert DVD on her own. Last week she started eating lunch with us again and though we haven't been speaking as much as we used to, I'm glad she's finally talking to me again.

"Ne, I'm heading out now." We say our goodbyes and I put the phone down. I glance at my reflection once more, hoping my nude wrap-around dress looks okay with casual white sneakers and deep red lipstick. I rarely wear red but when I do, I make sure I do it right. My hair is up in a messy ponytail, the ends of it curled nicely to resemble a natural wave. I may not admit it but I keep thinking that if I dress up nicely something will turn up and my birthday might actually be more eventful than what I'm envisioning thus far.

I'm never one to plan out birthdays, and this birthday is no exception. Despite living far away from home in the past couple of years, I was lucky that my family actually have been traveling South Korea for my birthday. This year, however, they simple can't. My dad's hotel business has been booming since the MAMA affair. My mom had been collaborating with lots of Australian millennial stars so she's busy too. Hope had been promoted in the architecture firm he's working at.

Meanwhile, I've been so busy juggling two gigs a week, a full-time job, and a few controversies on the side. Jackson and I never confirmed or denied anything and though the rumors have been dying down steadily, several fans have noticed that I'm now more often seen at GOT7 events. A few months ago they only ever saw me leaving the JYPE building or popping by at events and leaving early. A lot of of the fansite masters are convinced we're romantically involved and have declared their support. Sheen said all we could do now is wait and stay low. I've been thinking about so many things in the past few weeks that I actually forgot that I'm turning 26. _Heck, I'm 26. What now?_

It's quite gloomy outside the JYPE building as I walk to the door. I wrap my coat tighter around me and lower my head, shivering in the cold and hoping not to attract curious stares from fans loitering outside the building. I come in as soon as the doors open and race to the elevator to reach my floor. When I get to my desk, however, there is absolutely no one in the room. I check my watch, it's just 9:45 AM. People should be here. I check my phone for calls. Nothing. I look around me as I take my coat off. Everything seems to be in its normal place except for the people who are supposed to be working here right now. _Are they having a meeting? Did I miss an email?_ I open my PC monitor to check my email but the screen is filled with a huge window of a video player. _Huh?_ I press the spacebar button to play the video, my chest constricting a bit.

"Love Noona, please edit that out..." It's that clip of Mark acknowledging my existence for the first time after our meeting. In quick succession, I see clips of all the boys and all the other JYP artists we've ever worked with saying my name for various requests. Delete that part, please make me handsome, don't cut this out, please make me pretty, animate this, connect this to the next destination, make this magic trick happen. In the span of a year and a half, I have been saving all these little clips of people asking me to make them look cooler in front of their fans because these were my little joys. It's one thing to be working in one of the biggest companies in the South Korean entertainment industry, but it's a bigger jot to be working as a behind-the-scenes person and seeing musical history happening before your very eyes. Suddenly the screen goes black and words appear on the screen in pastel colors. _Happy Birthday Love!_ Then there's a montage of me working behind-the-scenes at meetings, events, music videos, teaser videos, and reality shows. I'm always in the corner, always quietly checking the footage, always asking if people needed help, always observing. They included photos of dinner outs, lunch outs, and rare clips of me accidentally getting in front of the camera to stand in for the talents or to hand over a prop or to take photos. I start to feel tears falling from the sides of my eyes.

Suddenly I hear voices, but it's not coming from the computer screen. "Sengil chukahamnida!" I turn around and find Jackson carrying a cake, BamBam holding red balloons, both of them singing Happy Birthday with Jenny and Mina. I laugh and wipe my tears as they come closer. No one else seems to be in on the surprise other than my friends, probably because they don't want to run the risk of validating a false rumor. Jackson's eyes are pinned on me the whole time. I blow the candle and place the cake on my desk before hugging each of them.

"Babe, Happy Valentines Day too! This is from me and Jackson Hyung." BamBam says before handing me a big box and kissing me on the cheek.

"Yah, Bammie, you sneaky brat." I say ruffling his hair, much to his annoyance. "Thank you so much," I add, my Aussie accent making them giggle. I open the box to find a pair of beautiful camel-colored heels.

"Oh wow, it matches your outfit! Wear it now!" Mina says, a giant grin plastered on her face. I want to crush her in another hug because it feels so good to see her smile again. Jackson takes my swivel chair and makes me sit on it while BamBam kneels on the floor before me. Both Jenny and Mina raise their phones while BamBam carefully unties my shoe, takes my sock off, and replaces it with the shoe from the box. I am blushing furiously, and BamBam's ears are going red in the most adorable manner. We're all laughing by the time I'm wearing both shoes.

We sit in a circle with forks, eating the cake directly from the box. I learn that Jenny have strategically set up a preproduction meeting to get everyone out of the room. They left the meeting quickly when the guards of the building, who are friends with almost all of the employees, alerted them of my appearance. Bam and Jackson have decided to sneak out of practice for a bit. I didn't ask where Mark is because I'm pretty sure he's either trying not piss JB off or he didn't know it's my birthday—the latter being the most plausible because although we've talked about our families before, I never told him when my birthday was, whereas Jackson just asks the most random questions on Katalk. "Thank you guys, it's so sweet of you." I say. I know we don't have much time now because they all have to go back to the meeting and practice, so I ask if they have time later for dinner at my place.

"I'm not sure but we'll let you know on KaTalk, okay?" Jackson answers, explaining that they don't know how long their practice would take. Jenny says she can't go because she needs to go to the embassy after the meeting to process her work papers for Bangkok. Mina, on the other hand, says she'll let me know via KaTalk too, which is intriguing because she rarely talks to me there anyway. We all disperse before people start to wonder where we are.

I decide to join the meeting for the next album's marketing efforts. The mini album completes the trilogy we started on last year and we're all looking for ways to tie things up as best as we can before moving on to a new concept. I look around the table to observe. Come to think of it, this might just be the last meeting I'll ever be in for GOT7. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I never met Tyde or never went to Troye Sivan's party, and never discovered jockeying. Would I still be looking around wondering if I'll ever get to work with these people again? I may always be quiet and shy but I am very much thankful for my job. _Ah, I'm getting sappy. Maybe it's because it's my birthday._ I decide to distract myself by messaging Mina, who's seated at the other end of the room.

 **Love:** Yah, where are you going later?

 **Mina:** Nowhere.

 **Love:** Stop lying, I know you're dating someone

I look up to send a pointed look at Mina, hoping she sees that I'm not at all sarcastic about my statement. Mina pretends not to notice and acts as if she's listening intently to the marketing head.

 **Love:** You're wearing eyeliner today. Wae?!

 **Mina:** I'm just meeting up with a friend. *grin emoji*

 **Love:** You wouldn't dress up for nothing.

 **Mina:** *huffing emoji* Fine...

 **Mina:** I have a Tinder date later.

This time, she looks at me first and catches me with jaws unhinged. I try to remember all our conversations and never once did she mention that she uses Tinder, or that she's dating in general. I got so used to her pining for JB in silence that it never occurred to me that she has conquests outside of work too. _What was I thinking?! She's a normal, functioning adult, of course she'll have a date on Valentine's Day._ Mina sends me a photo of her date, a tall lanky guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. I try not to audibly gasp.

 **Love:** *heart eyes emoji*

 **Mina:** Seriously?! You already have Namjoon right?!

 **Love:** I was kidding, jeez! Will you relax?! LOL

 **Mina:** I feel so anxious, I don't know why!

 **Love:** It's because you like him.

 **Mina:** I do, actually. He's really nice and this is the first time we're meeting in person!

 **Love:** Aigoo, I'm so excited for you!

 **Love:** Do you want to get ready at my place?

 **Mina:** No, I don't want to go overboard. I think this is enough.

 **Love:** Are you kidding me?! No, I will not let you wear a denim skirt to a Valentine's Day dinner. I have something better.

 **Mina:** Don't you have a date tonight? How about Namjoon?

 **Love:** He's on tour and WE'RE NOT DATING! Come on, you'll be my V-Day Project.

 **Mina:** Fine, I'll let you dress me up for later.

 **Mina:** Maybe you should try Tinder too.

 **Love:** I'll pass. *tears of joy emoji*

If Mina ever doubted my capability to do impromptu makeovers, she clearly doesn't now. Her usually-braided curly hair is now tamed into beautiful waves after careful ironing. Her denim skirt lay forgotten after trying out a black fluted pencil skirt which complimented her navy blue blouse perfectly. Her long neck is accentuated by a black choker. Her lips the color of dark red wine. Her feet ensconced in a pair of expensive mules I never got to wear. "See, this is how you should look for a date!" I say.

"I wish I can look good like this every day." She says, looking at her full-length reflection. I hand over her purse and smile.

"You're pretty as you are. We just added a bit of twist for tonight but trust me, you look good everyday anyway." Mina pulls me into a long, tight hug without saying much.

"Happy Birthday," She says.

"Happy Valentines Day" I answer. Somehow, I am comforted by the fact that she will be having the fun she deserves tonight. "Call me if you need me to pick you up, okay?" I add. It's a Tinder date, a hundred things can go wrong no matter where you are in the world.

"Ne, gomabta!" [Yes, thanks!] I lead her downstairs and out the door, and then the whole apartment is silent again, except for the music coming out of the speakers upstairs. The dread starts coming in again and I fight it off by reminding myself that I used to be cocooned in this place for three years without seeing anyone. I stand up again, pad to the kitchen, and pour myself a tall glass of wine. I'm still in my dress and new shoes, still made up, still looking okay for a night out. _It's been a while, maybe I should go out and drink on my own again?_ My thoughts are interrupted by a faint buzzing.

 **Jackson:** Sorry we can't party with you tonight *sad emoji*

 **Jackson:** Everyone's tired and a bit uptight.

 **Jackson:** You know how it is when we have upcoming albums.

 **Love:** It's okay, no worries! *grin emoji*

And really it is. I take my new shoes off, admiring it's simplicity, belatedly realizing that it's a pair of Jimmy Choos. _How can I complain when I've been gifted a pair of shoes that's worth a month of my JYPE salary?!_ I open the TV and scan my Netflix for old movies. For the first time today I'm starting to feel like an idiot. I've gotten a long way since my freelance days, earning more than I expected to earn because of my side jobs, all while meeting people I never thought I'd be friends with, Yet here I am, alone on my birthday.

To be fair this day isn't exactly the worst birthday ever. Amber messaged me though she's in America. My parents promised to make up for their busy schedules by visiting me next week. Liv managed to leave me a voicemail despite her busy schedule. No one at Callabooze knows my birthday, and they'd probably think I'm joking if I say my birthday is on Valentine's Day but at least I get to see them tomorrow. Jihoo had flowers delivered to my apartment and the pretty pink carnations are now housed in a tall glass vase on my bedside.

I finish half the bottle of wine just mindlessly watching the movie before me. My chest feels so heavy, my brain is torn in a hurricane of thoughts. Maybe it's because I'm feeling old that I can't help but be super sentimental. Maybe it's because I'm completely alone again and I haven't been used to being on my own all the time since my thing with Mark happened. _Oh, there's Mark. I should probably call him._ I pause before dialing his number, realizing that it's late already and that he's probably tired. I feel my heart ache for a second at the thought of his pretty face. I'm so fond of him, so attracted to him. My whole body feels weak when I think of him and I can't explain it and that frustrates the heck out of me. I take a huge swig of wine before dialing his number.

"Hey, Baby, sorry I was busy today." Mark answers his phone with a voice that sounds so weak and soft. I lean back and close my eyes, savoring the sound of it.

"Ara..." [I know...] For some reason I sound weaker than Mark though I didn't really do anything tiring the whole day. "It's okay to say no, but I'd love it if you come over..." I add, and it comes out as a whisper, a soft request as I shift into a more comfortable position.

"What are we gonna do?" He asks.

"I don't know... Have a good time and a good fuck?" I chuckle as I finish another glass of wine. He drops the call after a hurried "okay." _Ah, this boy, jinjja._ It takes over an hour before he walks through the door wearing an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. His hair is wet, face makeup-free, eyes burning a hole through me as I put my wine glass down and walk towards him. I meet him by the door and before I know it he's pinning me to the nearest wall and attacking me with breathless kisses that make me dizzy. We stumble towards the couch, lips interlocking in between heated sighs.

Mark turns his head to the TV. A steamy scene is paused between Sarah Michelle Gellar and some random guy. "You're watching porn?"

"No, that's Cruel Intentions. It's an old movie."

"It looks steamy."

"It is steamy." I say, moving away and sitting properly to reach for my wine glass again.

"Is that why you called me? Because you're horny and drunk?" He says, nuzzling the skin behind my ear, warm breath tickling my whole body. I hold the glass tighter, my body automatically responding to his touches.

"No, I'm not even drunk yet." I giggle, taking a careful sip of my wine. The liquid tastes sweet and bitter on my tongue. "It's because it's my birthday, asshole." The joke drips of sarcasm. Mark stops and just stares at me, unsure if I'm serious or not. "My birthday is on Valentine's Day, yes."

"Shit, baby, I'm sorry I didn't know..." He murmurs. I turn my head towards him, his face registering shock and sadness and regret all at the same time. I just stare back, my heart feeling empty. I shake my head, lips thinning to a small smile. I touch his face and kiss him again, leaving the empty wine glass on the floor. He leans back and I straddle him. Finding my place on his lap has always been that easy.

"You can make it up to me with good sex..." I mutter seductively, biting my lip. He just nods and kisses me back, hands roaming all over my body. He starts necking me, groping my sides to find what ties my dress together, whispering dirty things in my ear to keep me going as I grind on him. Things escalate quickly. The next thing I know I'm lying naked on the sofa, Mark hovering over me in a half-naked state, and I'm coming with his long, thin fingers buried deep inside me. "Oh, fuck, Baby!" I scream.

I feel Mark standing up to take his sweatpants off. The Pikachu plushies start disappearing from all around me as I climb down from my high. It doesn't take much for us to move into a familiar position within the next few minutes. My legs are wrapped around his waist, his unprotected dick rutting me and hitting me in all the right places. His litany of expletives are getting longer, his breathing more erratic, his face looking darker than I've ever seen it. "Mark..."

"Yeah, Baby?" He asks with a look of concentration on his face.

"Can I go on top?" I say weakly, holding onto my senses before I come again. He smiles before helping me get up. We quickly unravel the sofa bed for more space, kicking the Pikachus from the floor like soccer balls while alternately drinking wine straight from the bottle. We're laughing at the realization that it would be the weirdest thing to fuck with a dozen Pikachus staring at us with huge, plastic eyes. I take the empty wine glass and bottle to the kitchen while Mark rummages for his pants. He takes a condom out of his wallet, and puts it in place before lying down, making himself ready for me. _How did we end up like this?_

I take my time as I ride him, feeling the delicious stretch and moaning out my adoration for his full perfection. I fill the gaps between his fingers with mine, watching his face contort in pleasure, his eyes shut, mouth open, lips glistening, body lithe and pliant beneath me. I move slowly, angling myself so our bodies would touch more intimately. For the first time I notice how his eyelids flutter when my movement feels just right for him. I notice the tiny mole on his left waterline and the laugh lines that are barely visible on camera because his face is almost always stoic. I notice the plumpness of his lips, the impossible whiteness of his teeth. I notice the way his collarbones are sloping gracefully, going deeper every time his breath hitches. I notice now that his body has grown so well in the past couple of months, his pectorals have broadened, his biceps have shaped up into something closer to Jackson's.

"Fuck, Baby, you're so tight!" He suddenly blurts out. He throbs inside me, making me groan. It's that moment when I stop to savor his throbbing member that he opens his eyes. He lets go of my hand, pulls me closer by the back of the neck, locks me in his strong arms, and kisses me so passionately that I feel the air being sucked out of my lungs. I pant when he finally stops kissing me. "Sorry I couldn't help myself... You look so fucking good right now."

"I think I get the idea."

"How in the fucking hell did I get so lucky?!" He mutters onto my hair, still hugging me, his manhood getting soft inside me. I lick a stripe on his neck which makes him moan, so I start kissing his neck again, alternately licking on his sensitive skin. "Oh, wow..." His arms loosen around me, his body starts reacting differently.

"You like that, Baby? You got hard..." I tease before making a wet trail from his ear to his jawline, to his neck, tracing the protruding veins with my tongue. I plant tiny kisses on his collarbone, move down to lick his pink nipples and suck on his fair skin, leaving tiny kiss marks all over his chest before getting up again and finally bouncing in top of him.

"Ahhh, shit!" I feel Mark's strong hands on my hips, gripping as I ride him hard. "Fuck, Baby, faster." He guides me to match the speed he wants, leaning back to appreciate the view in front of him. I've gotten heavier and curvier because of my gigs come with constant beer drinking and my work turnovers leave me with less time to workout. Still, he praises my body before throwing his head back in pleasure, eyes shutting close as I clamp down on him. "Oh my God, Love, don't stop!" His nails dig deep into my flesh, his voice getting hoarse with the way he calls out my name. _I bet it would hurt so much to hear him say Love without meaning it to be me._

I shut my eyes and let myself get lost in the sensations, moaning as I angle myself lower, deeper, harder. "I'm coming, Baby..." I grip the sheets as I hover over him and drive myself to the edge. "Ahhh, Mark!" I cry out loud the moment I feel his violent throbbing, knowing that he's finally letting himself go inside of me.

"Fuck, I can't stop coming..." I hear him mumbling, feel him throbbing inside me still. I feel like free falling into nothingness, my breath and sanity escaping me, my mind going blank as my body completely drowns in the riptides of his touch. "Oh, Love... Oh fuck..." I open my eyes as I ride off my orgasm, moving slowly and staring at Mark's face, now calm as Busan's sea in the winter. He opens his eyes too and stares at me earnestly. "I love you..."

His statement makes me stop and sigh. I lean down to kiss his lips, sealing them tenderly, hoping he doesn't say anything that would make my resolve fall apart when it's already hanging at the seams as it is. I climb off him and lay on the bed with a huff. _Jeez, I'm getting old._ Mark fusses with his soaked up condom, unsure where to put it. "You wanna shower and get into bed?" I ask.

"I wanna know what you have to say but yeah... Sure, let's go shower and cuddle as always." He stands up with the knotted up condom in his hand and doesn't even bother to look back at me on his way to the bathroom. Now I'm the one who's left feeling like an asshole. Don't get me wrong, I do wish I could say it back. I did want to say it back. But if I did I probably wouldn't know if it was real or sincere, especially since I'm still on a sex high. My fear and indecisiveness got the better of me and I now I have to deal with the petulant, passive-aggressive man all night long. I fix the bed on my own, restoring all the Pikachus in their rightful place while muttering a small "sorry" for every single one of them, and for every single emotion Mark must have felt in the few seconds that it took him to confess his feelings. I pick up our clothes, and check my phone as I pass the bathroom where the shower's already running. I realize Jackson sent a couple of messages from almost two hours ago.

 **Jackson:** Hey, one second thought, maybe we can do a quick tea run?

 **Jackson:** Are you awake?

 **Jackson:** Hey!

 **Jackson:** Oh, jago isseo? [Oh, are you sleeping?] Okay, good night. Happy Birthday! *kiss emoji*


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41: If You're Okay**

"G. Soul is in there, are you sure you're not coming in today?" Sheen says in her big girl voice.

"Sheen, it's really fine." I say, balancing a cup of coffee in one hand and a huge ass bag of groceries in another while walking, phone lodged in between my shoulder and my ear. "It's no big deal. Besides, I'm technically unemployed anyway so it shouldn't matter." Early this week managed to empty my desk and backup all the important files from my work computer. I heard they're looking for a new editor now and the thought of being replaced somehow saddens me. I have two months left on my Callabooze gig before the official start of my new JYP contract.

These days the most productive part of my work day at JYPE is producer shadowing, which means I get to hang around the studio all day to see how JYP does music production from the ground up. Every once in a while they also ask me to work as a behind-the-scenes or "making" camera person when they can't spare people to leave the office what with the video team being so understaffed. I'm a floating employee and on a normal day I would care heavily about the fact that I don't belong anywhere, but I'd really rather focus on other important matters. That important matter being Jackson, who's locked up in their dorm all alone while the rest of the group is out for their comeback activities. Sheen asks me to be careful on my way to the dorm so as not to attract any unwanted sightings. "I promise I'll be a good girl. I have to go now, Sheen. Thank you, I'll see you soon!" I put my phone down before opening the car door and settling in to drive back to the dorm.

Jackson's favorite manager Noona asked me to look after him and I can't possibly say no especially when the whole department is busy as it is for the last leg of the Flight Log Trilogy. So I've been going around driving from my apartment to the office to the pharmacy to the supermarket, and taking Jackson to his doctor and back to the dorms. After what happened at the fan event it didn't take much to convince JB (and Mark) to let me take care of their friend despite the stringent house rules.

 ***Flashback***

I didn't think I could have enough coffee to power through the whole day—much less a long ass fanmeet. But I did. And while I was at it, I couldn't complain. Not when Mark's face was stretched to the limit from smiling all day. Jackson looked grim from start to finish. JB was trying really hard to keep the pace for everybody while Jinyoung kept checking in on other members. The three maknaes did their best to keep their energy up all through out, to keep their smiles contagious and bright. I might have ran on nothing but coffee and three hours of sleep after my Callabooze gig but I still didn't feel as pitiful as the idols I've been filming. There's certainly something to be said about people who have to smile despite their sadness or pain or fatigue.

Then I saw it.

There's a switch that people don't often see because it's all in someone's head, but if you pay close attention you'll see it in every action, and every word, and every motion. Maybe it's because Jackson and I have gotten so much closer in the past few months that I immediately noticed that something was off halfway through the fan event. It was in his eyes, the way his line of sight seemed to be fixed on his feet the whole time. It showed in the way he gripped his microphone tightly, and the way his shoulders slumped carelessly. I saw it in the way he looked at me and his brown orbs seemed sullen and lost and not as bright as I remembered them to be.

He was sitting at the far end of the table, face pallid and stoic while signing albums and merch for the fans when I realized something was about to go terribly wrong. I waved to Mina who's standing by the backstage. Mina ran towards me, and I brisk walked to meet her halfway, leaving my post behind the wide shot camera set up. "Mina-yah. Something's wrong with Jackson, I need to go backstage. Cover for me, ne?" I whispered quickly, lest I attract the attention of the fans who already seem worried about Jackson. Mina went to my post while I slipped into the backstage, making my way beside his manager.

"Unnie, there's something wrong with Ja—"

"Omo! Jackson-ah!" A fan, who's standing onstage, shouted. He was slumped on the table, motionless. I held my breath, eyes wide in horror. Mark stood up immediately to check on his friend while Jinyoung, who was sitting just beside Jackson, tried to shake him awake. The managers and one of the organizers helped Jackson up and I stood there, frozen by the backstage. Jackson apologized as he stood on his feet and made his way backstage slowly. I saw that Mark wanted to come after him but I shook my head when our eyes met. _Don't leave the stage. Your fans are worried enough, you need to stay calm._ He slowly took his seat, his intense glare fading away as he distractedly faced the crowd again.

Jackson staggered towards me, swaying dangerously, eyes half closed. "Joesong hamnida..." He muttered as he made his way down the steep steps with our help. But his manager couldn't keep up with his weight and before we knew it, Jackson was already falling down the last step. Luckily I got to him before he fell face-first and I wrapped my arms around him, supporting his weight with my body as he fainted.

"Oh my go—Jackson! Jackson!" He didn't move, even as I dragged him to the side where the organizers provided a huge chair for him. We sat him on the chair and asked for paramedics. I held his face to keep it from lolling to the side, tapping his cheeks a gently. "Jackson, wake up, jebal." He opened his eyes slowly, consciousness seemingly fleeting. "Jackson, look at me. Hey, look at me." With his brown eyes focused on me, his head steadying, I held both his hands and squeezed them.

"Love, I'm... I think I'm gonna throw up..." He weakly whispered. I asked for a bin from the staff and they immediately handed me an empty trash can. It took all my willpower not to cry while watching Jackson retch into the bin, the sound of his sickness drowned out by Shopping Mall blasting through the speakers. Jackson managed to collect himself a few minutes later with me and the managers comforting him before he was whisked away by an ambulance.

*Flashforward*

Truth be told, we're all still rattled, especially Mark and JB. We've always been confident of the fact that Jackson is the healthiest out of all the boys so seeing him faint like that in front of all his fans made us constantly anxious for him. Even the fans are worried sick that the scandal about me and Jackson from a few months ago seemed to have been completely forgotten when they trended their warm wishes on Twitter. I did very little to hide my identity these past few days as I walk in and out of the building. It's not like people would have time to create rumors about me when their favorite member is sick, right?

I open the door to GOT7's dorm, knowing the password by heart now. "Jackson?" I call out while removing my shoes. A weak answer comes out of the bedroom. I take the groceries to the kitchen before popping into Jackson's open room. His eyes gently flutter open as I come closer. "Hey," I softly say, leaning down to touch his forehead. "Is samgyetang okay for lunch?" I ask. He nods with a weak smile and I feel my heart constrict a little. Jackson's probably the most hyper kid I've ever met so seeing him like this breaks my heart into tiny pieces. I smile back at him before tucking him in and walking back to the kitchen to make lunch.

These days it's often just me and Jackson here. When the boys are home I either go home or we take turns feeding Jackson and bringing him his medicines. When he falls asleep again, Mark whisks me to his bedroom to spend quality time which, for some reason, everyone, including JB, seems to be just fine with. We make love silently and we talk for a bit like normal couples do, but ever since my birthday Mark has become more emotionally distant than ever before. He never said "I love you" again and when he orgasms he keeps his eyes open and tells me to look at him just like before. I try not to think too much about it, try to sweep it under the rug. It's not like I'm in the position to wonder, anyway.

I come back to Jackson's room with a tray of hot soup and rice. He's already in a sitting position, his back propped up against huge pillows while he's texting on his phone. Mark said their phones wouldn't stop ringing since news of Jackson collapsing on stage went out. His friends in the entertainment industry, both in Korea and China, kept calling and texting to see how he is. "Yah, Mr. Popular, you need to stop chatting, it's time for lunch." I set the tray in front of him, the bowl of ginseng chicken soup placed neatly beside a small bowl of rice, and a spoon. I bring in his water and his medications, then order him to eat before taking a seat on the couch beside his bed with a rice bowl I made for myself. "How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Better... Though I think I should start working out again soon."

"God, Jackson, can you stop thinking of stupid things for a minute? You don't need to be reminded that you're sick, that's why I'm here after all." I shake my head at him, watching his reaction to my cooking. He seems to like it so damn much. He nods while chewing happily. The weird thing is that the doctors didn't even find anything wrong with him other than his fever—which apparently had been left untreated since the night before—and his high blood pressure. However, he's been weak for days prior to the event and was told to rest because it might have been fatigue that caused him to collapse.

"I don't know, I just feel like I'm starting to lose a lot of muscle already because I'm always lying down. I mean, like, Mark's getting more toned than me now!"

"No one's competing against you, sir." I say. He laughs at that comment. His phone buzzes again and the message he sees makes him chuckle. Then he takes a candid photo if me while digging through my bowl. "Jackson!" I warn shooting him a killer look.

"What?! Namjoon wanted to see you so I sent him a photo." He answers, giggling like a teenager.

"Aish, Jackson jinjja!"

"Wae? Geuleul neo joh-ahae?" [Why? Do you like him?"

"Ani!"

"Then why the violent reaction?! He said it's just a crush!"

"Stop, it's so embarrassing!" I whine, feeling my cheeks heat up. The other day we Facetimed Rap Monster who was in Mexico and Jackson made him confess about his little crush. It was adorable as heck, especially coming from him, and I was flattered but I was also super flustered, which made Jackson laugh. "We are never gonna date. Never. I already told him that."

"Why?"

"Because... Have you seen how his fans are like online?! There are so many of them!" I answer without thinking too much, my spoon digging into yummy rice while I'm talking. "I've had enough bullying from your fans, thank you very much." I add, downing another spoonful of rice.

"Do they still message you?" He asks, worry suddenly visible on his face.

"Yeah, but lately they're just asking me to tell you to rest and get better." I say. Jackson's face softens. _It's heartwarming, really_. My social media accounts are filled with well wishes for Jackson. Every once in a while someone would ask if I'm taking care of him, what the diagnosis is, or who's with him, but I don't answer. Sheen told me I should start considering my social media accounts as public forum pages where I can post every once in a while but don't get a say on the comments I get.

"Do they miss me?" He asks.

"Very much so. So you need to get better soon, araso?" I say, leaning a bit towards him with a smile. He smiles back and nods like an obedient boy before finishing his lunch. "Good, drink your medicines. I'll be right outside if you need me." I take the tray of empty food before him and head towards the kitchen. I tie my hair up in a ponytail and start washing the dishes. While I'm at it Jackson comes out of his room bearing his towel.

"Love, I'm taking a shower!" He calls out.

"Make sure you heat up the water first."

"Ne eomeoni!" He jokes, making me roll my eyes. I sit on the couch after finishing the dishes, checking my phone for new messages from people asking me how Jackson's doing. One of them is Nawoon.

 **Nawoon:** Unnie, is Jackson feeling better now?

 **Love:** He is, but he's still resting. It was just fatigue and fever—nothing too serious!

 **Nawoon:** I cried when I saw the news...

 **Love:** Aigooo, he'll be better soon, don't worry! *grinning emoji*

I walk back to the kitchen to get a glass of water while typing on my Katalk, updating Amber, who's in L.A., and BamBam and Mark, who are busy with Never Ever activities, regarding Jackson's whereabouts. JYP PD-nim is also asking for updates via SMS. Even my brother—who finally gave in to my K-Pop recommendations—had been asking about his health condition. All the reporting and the messages remind me that though all the boys of GOT7 are sweet and nice, Jackson's still one of the most loved. It's not that he's the favorite, it's just that he's the most outspoken kid in this bunch of misfits.

More than being a charming little puppy, he's really good at making people feel comfortable, even loved. He always tells people to be healthy, is always smiling, always energetic—sometimes to a fault. If Jackson goes out of his way to make the people around him feel important, it's not surprising that they check up on him when things like these happen. I put my phone back into my pocket and pour myself a tall glass of water. I didn't even notice Jackson coming into the kitchen until I turn around while sipping from my drink. I cough, almost spilling the contents of my glass.

Jackson's freshly showered, his wet, dark brown hair slicked back and he's... Well he's mostly naked, save for the towel that's haphazardly clinging for dear life around his hips. I immediately turn my back to him, my face growing hotter by the minute. "What?! It's not like you haven't seen me half naked." I can hear him getting his own glass of water, hear ice and water sloshing around. I'm suddenly so sensitive, I can even hear him gulping down liquids.

"You're ALMOST naked Jackson, not half naked. Can you put some clothes on please?!" _Jesus, it's not like I wanted to see his half naked photos and videos._ I've edited most of those footage out of GOT7 videos through out the past year and if there's anything negative I can come up with about Jackson it's that the boy is definitely obsessed with showing his athletic body to the world. _Great. Just great._

"Are you not going to turn around?" He asks, after what feels like an eternity of drinking water. I freeze, suddenly remembering that line from somewhere.

"N-No..."

"Why?" I can sense him stepping closer to me, feel him right behind me. I attempt to put some space between us by inching closer to the kitchen counter to put my glass down, hands trembling a little. "Oh I know... It's because you know I'm going to kiss you and you wouldn't want that for my sake, right?" His hand touches my hip, his breath hits my ear and my neck, sending shivers down my spine and making me moan audibly. I put a hand against my mouth when the realization hits me. It's him.

I turn around slowly to face his wide, muscular chest and then look up to meet his gaze. He's smiling devilishly as he traps me in between two arms. My back softly hits the kitchen counter. For the first time since I met him I'm actually afraid. "It was you?"

"Oh..." He smirks and then lets out a small laugh. "I knew it, you didn't know it was me..."

"I though it was Mark,"

"Pretty sure our voices sound differently."

"I was drunk."

"I like you when you're drunk, you're such a tease..." His smile is almost unrecognizable and there's this dark, hazy filter in his eyes as he leans closer to me, licking his lips sensuously. I think I'm forgetting how to breathe. Then he steps away from me and drinks his water again. "Oh, and a hardworking one, too. You're the only person I know who would rather wash the dishes when they're drunk than flirt around with people." He chuckles when he sees my face. I'm speechless and I'm heaving so hard as I grip the edge of the counter top. "Relax, I'm not gonna kiss you again. We wouldn't want to start World War 2 now, would we?" He says, leaving his glass on the counter and slinking away from the kitchen. I finally I get to breathe when he finally closes the door behind him.

 _Holy fuck, what was that?!_


	42. Chapter 42 (M)

**Chapter 42: Paradise (M)**

"Baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you seen my white shirt?"

"Maybe?!" I tease, biting my lower lip. The bacon sizzles on the pan before me. I don't always wake up early to make breakfast, but after last night, I'm now too amped to sleep longer. I scrape the bacon off the pan and onto a plate, turn the stove off before setting our breakfast on the table. As I take my seat, Mark comes bouncing down the stairs, his footsteps heavy as he makes his way to the kitchen. I watch his smile grow wider upon seeing me. "I think I'm keeping this one, thanks!" I shrug. I found the shirt he wore for the fansign in Yeouido in the laundry basket and immediately tried it on. It stills smells like him. Like body spray and lavender. I like the way his shirt falls halfway down my ass, my boyshorts peeking slightly under the hem. It fits so well on me that I definitely think I can get away with wearing it to the studio under a cute sweater and a pair of tights.

"Sorry, Baby, I can't give you that. You have to take it off," Mark throws me a suggestive grin before sitting down, his hair still wet from the morning shower.

"I can't."

"Why?" He asks. I purse my lips and shake my head.

"I just can't right now but I'll give it back when I'm done showering, I promise. Now eat." I command, pushing strands of wild hair behind my ear. Mark needs to be out two hours from now because they still have plenty of schedules to go to before the end of Flight Log: Arrival promotions. Usually, when he's bound by call times and secrecy, Mark leaves immediately after his quick naps. But he woke me up with kisses today and told me he wished he could stay a bit longer for breakfast so I suggested to cook for him early because who am I to disagree when he's been nothing but good to me lately?!

"What are your plans today?" He asks in between bites of toast and bacon.

"I don't know, I'm probably gonna be at the studio later." I answer, smiling sweetly. He asks me if he should drop by and say hi, and I argue that people would think it's weird that he's visiting. Frankly, I just don't think it's wise to be seen with anyone from the group.

These days we almost always talk like normal couples do. We bicker lightly, constantly teasing each other. We have more photos together now, more selfies, more kisses, more traces of a relationship we're not supposed to have. I know we're being reckless—stupid, even. But the way he smiles every time we pretend like we're something more than friends with benefits kind of warms my heart. He's changed a lot in the past year. People have seen the shift in his attitude, from being the shy, quiet guy to being super confident on camera and on stage. It's like he finally found his groove.

Meanwhile, Jackson is starting to show a different side. Where Mark gets brighter, Jackson's energy mostly just dwindles down. It's like he's burning out and I'm guessing it's because he kept jetting around for work. More importantly, I'm amazed that he has been showing more of his serious side. It's like he wanted to prove he's so much more than just a smiley face, a funny voice. I remember that awkward moment we had about a week ago. Actually, I haven't been able to forget that. _Who, in her right mind would even forget a seduction like that?!_

Of course Mark doesn't know, and I feel guilty about it but I'd rather keep all that to myself than let them fight like kids in a playground again. The discovery that Jackson's interested too worries me. Had I known it was him and had I turned around things would have been very different. _Maybe._

I try to shake it off. No use knowing that Jackson's the mystery voice from the New Year's Day party, especially when Mark's becoming more and more possessive of me. Judging by the way he's staring as I finish my toast, and the way he's licking his lips while watching me drinking my water, it seems that his desire to have me all for himself—like I'm a tub of ice cream and not a person—is still there.

He finishes his food quickly. I take his plate along with mine and head to the sink, the shirt rising a little as I go about. I know he's watching, and I know for a fact that he would want another round after last night. I wash the dishes silently and as soon as I'm done I feel hands cupping my ass. There's very little effort on my end as I arch to his touch and close my eyes. "Baby, I'm gonna need my shirt back... Now..." He says, voice commanding as his fingers dig deeper on the flesh of my hips. He starts grinding against me and I let out a deep moan. I try to shake off Jackson's image in my head while Mark envelopes me in a backhug.

"Take it off for me then," I answer, turning to him. Mark kisses me, pulls me away from the sink and sits me on the cleared out dining table. I immediately open my legs for him, like it's the most natural thing in the world. It's like muscle memory, the way he makes a path of wet kisses down my neck. Slowly, he starts taking the white shirt off me, kissing every inch of skin that opens up to him as he removes the buttons one by one.

I'm naked underneath his shirt save for the black underwear. I writhe as his hands and lips roam my body, the fabric dangling halfway off my shoulders, down my arms, my fingers hidden by the shirt's long sleeves as I run them through his hair. Mark looks down at his handiwork, a constellation of hickeys from the valley in between my breasts down to my navel. Then he takes my nipples in his mouth. I cry out in pleasure when he starts playing with my mounds using his tongue and his lips. I'm so lost in his touches that I don't even feel my phone vibrating on the dining table a few inches above my head. Mark reaches out for it and stops to check the image on the screen.

 _Jackson. Fuck. Why the heck is he calling in so early?!_

 ***Flashback***

 **Love:** What's taking you forever?

 **Jackson:** Wait, one sec I'll be right there

 **Jackson:** WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE WE'RE GOING?! JEEZ!

 **Love:** LOL Just come down already!

It took Jackson five more minutes to reach my car in their building's parking lot. He was wearing a black fuzzy sweater with tiny hearts near the neckline, a pair of black skinny jeans that showcased his toned thighs, and a pair of black army boots. He his perfume occupied my car and my head. "Wow, that's a LOT of perfume."

"You like it? It's Calvin Klein," Jackson said, beaming at me while fixing his seat belt. It smells a lot softer than his usual manly musk so I knew it was new. Why he had to bathe in perfume though, I really don't know.

"Yeah, sure," I answered as I back out of the parking lot. I drive in silence and listened to Jackson ramble on and on about upcoming activities. He was being eased back into their schedules again since his doctor finally gave him the go signal to work. I nodded and smiled, happy that he was healthy and obviously happy. Jackson cleared his throat suddenly and I did my best not laugh because I already knew what was coming.

"So, what's your birthday gift for me?" He asked, pretending to be nonchalant about it.

"You'll see..." I answered briefly as the car rounded the corner. It wasn't just my birthday gift, it was ours. It was my idea, sure, but Sheen and JYP and the six other boys were all on board with it. So to say that it was MY birthday present would be a bit too much.

I drove up to the cul de sac that separated Corinthians Hotel from the usual curbs of Agpujeong. Unlike the Busan hotel, this one's a bit smaller, but classy nonetheless. It showed my father's taste in design, like all of the other hotels we have across the globe. He married South Korea's wood accents and hanok-style floor plans with Australian white marble floors and huge glass windows. The result was a distinguishable black, white, and brown color palette that works so well with any kind of aesthetic, earning him the respect of hundreds of designers and architects all over the world. My father didn't even go to design school. He was a carpenter from Busan who happened to have an artistic eye and a lot of trustworthy business and creative partners. I'm actually glad I inherited that eye for design from him because it gave me the opportunity to work in an industry that thrived through creativity.

I stepped out of the car all bundled in my black coat and politely left my car keys to the valet. Jackson trailed behind me wearing a pair of huge sunglasses that dominated his now chiseled face, a byproduct of his incessant dieting and the sickness that followed. We entered the elevators, both quiet and a little wary. I pressed the top level floor, where the most expensive suites were located. Then I decided to take my coat off, revealing a nude colored wrap dress that fell just above my knees. Jackson took off his sunglasses and stared, consciously nibbling the sides of his lower lip. I looked back at him, doe eyes blinking like an innocent child, fingers crossed that he wouldn't figure out the surprise for his 23rd birthday.

"Okay, what are we doing here?" He finally asked after a few moments of silence.

"Well..." I said, thinking of a way to explain things without spoiling anything. "We're here because you are going to get your birthday present..." I preceded the short and vague statement with a smile. It wasn't meant to be flirty, nor was it meant to give him other ideas. But the moment I smiled and spoke about an unknown birthday gift, Jackson's eyes went wide. Then he started laughing hysterically, his face tilted upwards. It's like he just got punk'd in the most fascinating way.

"Oh my god, I can't believe this!"

"You can't believe what?" I asked incredulously, wondering what he was thinking. He looked at me again with a deep, dark gaze and a dangerous smirk that somehow made my heart stop. Just as he was stepping towards me the elevator halted and the doors opened. I walked out of the lift as fast as my heeled feet could carry me, maintaining a safe distance from Jackson. _Dear god, please don't let him get his hopes up._ I rounded the corner and waited for him in a dark hallway that led to a door. He was taking his sweet time coming up to me, and he didn't even bother to wipe the naughty grin off his face.

"Uhm... Okay..." I said tentatively, melting slowly with the way he's staring at me. Like a prey in the middle of a goddamn forest. I'm supposed to be laughing my ass off by now. "Jackson... I-I need you to compose yourself before we enter that room because—"

"Because I'm getting my birthday present in there?" He asked, licking his lips and smiling devilishly as he stepped closer to me.

"Uhhh... Yeah... So..." I fidget with my fingers, walking closer to the door. I knew they were ready and I wasn't supposed to be feeling nervous about the surprise because Sheen said she already took care of everything. For some reason, though, I started feeling lightheaded as Jackson stepped closer, his face inches away from mine, his perfume hitting my nose, his breath grazing my skin, his black sweater blocking my vision as he towered over me.

"Good... I kinda like that you bothered wrapping my gift, it's really pretty..." He whispered, grinning as his fingers trailed the ties of my dress on the side, his other hand gripping my hip gently. I faked a laugh. He's CLEARLY not getting what he wanted for his birthday.

"Okay... well..." I backed up slowly and knocked on the door thrice. The door opened with a loud creak, revealing Jackson's parents, fresh from China. "Surprise!" I muttered softly with a hesitant smile. This wasn't how I imagined things would turn out.

There was a split-second glint of confusion in Jackson's eyes when he saw his beaming parents and then he looked back at me and smiled. He smiled so wide, I thought his face would break. It was the most beautiful smile I've seen from him. "Mommy!" He cried out, running to his mom with open arms. I bowed to his parents and stepped inside the room. Sheen was there by the door, smiling as well. She took Jackson's parents with her when she flew in yesterday. Their tickets were paid for by JYP himself, another extravagant gift for his favorite boy. The simple dinner for three and the cute white cake that had colorful letter candles blazing across it was Mark's idea. The fancy suite and the balloons, well, that was my birthday gift. And whatever it was Jackson thought was part of the package had been forgotten when we started singing him a Happy Birthday song, in three languages.

Sheen and I left the family to spend Jackson's birthday privately. We all knew that more than anything else what Jackson needed was quality time with his parents. So we headed to the hotel restaurant to wine and dine on our own and after a few glasses of wine I was finally able to tell Sheen what happened between the moment we stepped inside the hotel elevators and the time we entered the hotel room his parents were staying in. She laughed, I did too. Though I didn't spill any other detail that might give her a full understanding of my real relationship with Jackson—or with Mark—I'm pretty sure she got the gist of it, and she didn't judge, she didn't ask any other question. To be honest, it felt as if a heavy brick was removed from the invisible bag I've been carrying around for the past year. It may not have been the whole cat that's out of the bag now, but surely it felt lighter.

 ***Flashforward***

His eyes did not go dark, but there's a spark in there. I can see it. Mark cancels the call and puts my phone in his jeans pocket. "Mark, wait..." Before I even get to ask for my phone back, Mark pulls me by the back of the neck and kisses me hard until I'm out of breath. He pushes the shirt roughly down my arms and almost rips my underwear off, stripping me naked in a rush. Then he kisses me again, invading my mouth with his tongue while he's holding me so close. So close.

"I know you want this. Say yes, Baby..." He growls, pleads, panting in my mouth as his hands roam every inch of my skin.

"Mark, I—"

"Just say yes... Please..." He starts removing his black shirt and unbuckling his belt and taking his pants off. It's like we're in another hidden nook in the company and not in my apartment. "I want you so bad..." He adds, stroking his member almost angrily, eyes turning into the color of ash. _Why is he like this?_

"Yes," I finally whisper despite my confusion. Our lips crash, this time more passionately than before. He pulls me closer to the edge of the table, towards him, rests his forehead against mine and breathes before entering me slowly. Then he plows into me with his familiar push and pull. I spread my legs more for him. Lay down on the table for him. Moan out in ecstasy for him. All for him. "Yes, Baby..."

"Fuck, Love, you feel so good..." He groans as his hands take my legs to angle them better. "Oh, you're so tight... Oh, fuck!" His eyes are glazed over as he ruts, eyebrows knotted in concentration. I watch him intently, wondering how we ended up having rough sex and dirty talking when we started out so sweetly. But the view isn't so bad from where I lay. While we fuck, I get to stare at his muscular arms, his beautifully sculpted abs, his toned chest. He looks so, so different from the boy I had sex with in Los Angeles City, and yet the lust and the seduction feels exactly the same. I'm still weak. I'm still powerless. And hell I'm still enjoying every bit of it.

"Fuck me harder, Baby!" I shout. My request makes him cackle and I see fire in his eyes as he stops for a bit to help me wrap my legs tightly around his hips. Then he leans onto the table, hands on each side of my face, hovering over me.

"Your wish is my command, Princess..." He whispers, lips almost brushing against mine. Then he starts banging into me, pounding my pussy in a way that's almost foreign. I put both of my hands on his sides, holding on for dear life as he fucks the living daylights out of me. I arch my back so my hips would meet his trusts. He hits my g-spot right then, sending me on a cursing frenzy.

"Fuck, shit, Mark! Oh... My... Oh God, right there! Fuck me right there! Yes, Baby, fuck!"

"You like that? You like it when I fuck you like this, huh?" He snaps his hips so fiercely I'm afraid we might actually break the table. I hear faint buzzing from the floor again. _Jackson?_

"Baby, you're getting tighter, are you coming?" Mark pants. I nod and close my eyes to concentrate on the growing need gnawing at the pit of my stomach. I'm so close, and I will myself not to think of anything else other than the man who's been making me feel all sorts of amazing. "Open your eyes, Baby. Look at me and say please." He slows a little to put me off and I slowly open my eyes.

Necking. Rough sex. Begging. This boy keeps surprising me every single time with his kinks. I bat my lashes at him, lick my lip seductively and say, "Please, Daddy..."

"Please what, Princess?" He touches my cheek tenderly with long fingers, hips moving slowly, cock driving into me. In and out.

"Mark, please make me come... I need to come..." He smirks when I let the words out sweetly, pleased with the way he had me putty under his touch. He grabs my neck, choking me just right, and starts pounding mercilessly into me, making me moan so loud until my throat feels raw. "Damn, Mark! Aaaahhh!"

"Keep your eyes open, Baby." He demands. It takes a lot for me to follow, mainly because the harder be fucks, the more I wish to shut my eyes and feel it. But the way he's looking right at me with a devilish grin sends me off into oblivion while I stare back and before I even know it I'm coming so hard that I can barely feel my body. Mark pulls out of me abruptly and masturbates as I climb down from my high.

"I'm coming on you, Baby..." His words toe the line between a demand and a request for permission. I nod weakly, reeling from my climax and still excited to watch him come from my point of view. It's not every day you get to see an idol jerking off your splayed body on a dining table anyway. He moans as he comes, thick white threads landing on my pussy and my belly and my breasts. It makes me moan too when the hot liquid lands on my body and I can't help but lick my lips at the sight of Mark coming undone like this, his skin flushed, his eyes fucked out, his natural scent all over me.

"Well, that was hot." I say, panting as I'm sitting up. Mark smirks and then hands me paper towels from the kitchen counter. He dresses up again while I clean up and fixes his hair which I have managed to sex up during foreplay.

"It is, huh? You seem to like it rough..."

"Just me?" I say, running my fingers through my hair. He just laughs in response. "Baby can I have my phone back?" I ask carefully. His face turns serious as he finishes buckling his belt. I try my best not to roll my eyes at him as I climb down the table. This jealousy nonsense has got to stop. Mark takes my phone from his back pocket and checks the screen. Then he lets out a high-pitched sarcastic laugh before handing the phone to me.

"Wow, he's so eager to talk to you, huh? And here I thought he was busy. Don't worry, I'll tell him his timing is still shitty. Do you want me to tell him how I good I was fucking you on the dining table while he's trying to reach you?"

"Mark, can you stop this jealous rage for a second and relax?! Jesus!" I spit back, throwing him a nasty glare before checking my phone. He turns his back to me and busies himself with a glass of water. I look down, irritated now. The first thing I see are Jackson's missed calls. Then I find dozens of Twitter notifications. Immediately, my mind goes to the night Jackson and I drove out for his birthday surprise. _Shit, please don't tell me this is another scandal._

Then there's a text from Nawoon, and an email from an unknown sender. I open the email first out of curiosity.

 **To:** LoveKJ .au

 **From:** youdontknowme

 **Message:**

It's not Jackson, isn't it? I have proof.

[photo attached]

[photo attached]

[photo attached]

I check the attached files, fingers trembling. I suddenly feel so exposed and vulnerable that I'm shivering in my nakedness. Mark senses my discomfort and comes to me while the files are downloading.

"Hey... Hey, Baby, what's wrong." He asks, taking his white shirt again and putting it over my shoulders. I don't look at him. I just wait and wait until the images pop out. There's an image of me and Mark on our way into my apartment building, and of me and him wearing the same hoodie on the same dates. These were the same photos I saw on Nawoon's computer.

"Oh my god..." I feel weak in the knees. I sit on the nearest chair, tears about to fall from my eyes. Mark takes my phone to read the email and check the photos. We both fall silent. I wear Mark's shirt properly again and take my phone from him. He's too stunned to protest, too speechless to offer a solution. I check Nawoon's text next.

 **Nawoon:** Unnie...

 **Nawoon:** I broke my laptop and I took it to a shop in Myeongdong... And I lost all my files.

 **Nawoon:** Did you get an email?

 **Love:** Yes.

 **Nawoon:** Na do...

 **Nawoon:** You said you're just friends, right? We shouldn't have to worry...

 **Love:** Yes, we're just friends. Nawoon, listen, we need to get your files back. Or find out whoever this person is. It's bad enough that I got Jackson in trouble today.

 **Nawoon:** Araso... Mianheyo... *crying emoji*

 **Nawoon:** Oh my god, I feel so shitty right now.

 **Love:** No, it's going to be fine. Meet with me today, okay?

 **Nawoon:** Ne...


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43: If You Do**

I didn't think I'd be back at JYPE so soon, especially after the scandal and the email threat, both of which came in on the same damn day. I met with Nawoon that day and she informed me that she got her laptop fixed and was told they needed to reformat the whole thing so she thought all her files were gone. But when she received the email she immediately went back to the IT person who fixed her laptop but he was nowhere to be found.

I ended up spilling the beans about my upcoming career and why it's absolutely important for me to find whoever was behind it. Nawoon and I agreed to alert each other for any kind of development. Mark left for New Zealand, Jackson's in China, and Amber's in America. So now I'm basically trying not go crazy over the fact that somewhere in South Korea there are paparazzi photos of me that might just ruin what I'm just about to build, and take away what little dignity I have left.

But this morning, Sheen called to tell me to drop the sick act and come to the office because I have a meeting with JYP himself. I'm reeking of anxiety as I step out of my car so I spritz my vanilla perfume all over me, hoping it would mask my fear. I walk along the familiar hallways towards the office and there I see Sheen talking to some people. She stops when she sees me approaching. "Hey!" She says, striding towards me in expensive-looking heels. Her style is so commanding, it makes people listen, makes heads turn. "There you are! You look great!" Sheen adds, complimenting my romper and blazer jacket ensemble. She smiles as if I haven't been dodging her calls for days with lame excuses.

There's a sparkle of excitement in her eyes while she's introducing me to several marketing people. The tone of her voice is so uppity as she leads us into JYP's office. "Here's our new project!" Sheen announces as we enter the room. I bow to the PD-nim before cautiously taking a seat in one of the chairs in the middle of the room, along with everyone else. JYP's snobbish secretary comes in with several folders and hands it out to everyone in the room, including me. She even gives me a tepid smile and I try not to look too shocked because more than a year ago she wouldn't even acknowledge my presence when I walked in to present the changes I made to GOT7's reality show staples.

"I hope you don't mind that we're all done with the introductions a while ago," Sheen tells the producer in a hushed tone. It appears that the whole conversation is about to transpire in English. "Everyone, I know you've all met Love, she's been with JYP for over a year now as a video producer. But now that she's had several..." Sheen pauses dramatically and smiles widely. "Uhm... media exposure... we're planning on helping her debut as a DJ under the JYPE label." My manager continues to explain the ins and outs of my new job description, and details the transition I've done from editing videos to learning the processes in the studio. She enumerates all my current gigs and upcoming gigs and while she talks I find myself wondering whether she knows about the photos or not, and whether I should tell her or not.

"Now, if you turn to page seven, I have a chart of timelines for DJ Love's career trajectory and we've also laid the groundwork for her DJ and media training which would all start in about a month or two in Hong Kong." Her words made me stir in my seat as I flip through the pages on my lap. True enough phases 1.2 to 2.3 included addresses and names of people in Hong Kong.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't told I'll be transferring to Hong Kong. I... Just..." My mind is racing, heart pounding in my chest. They've mentioned the possibility of being trained overseas before but I haven't really decided whether to take it or not. I guess I don't really have a choice anyway. "I mean... I just think it's too soon. I don't have anywhere to stay in Hong Kong, I haven't packed any of my belongings or have given my current landlord the notice—"

"Oh don't worry, those are all done. I told you I was fixing things for your debut didn't I? Of course it's part of that." Sheen says, holding my hand. She informs me that there is no need to talk to my landlord other than to request weekly cleaning.

"Oh really? Am I not supposed to pay him additional for things like that?" I ask, a bit confused.

"Well, not really. We found out your parents already arranged for those when they bought the apartment. Now, on to our timelines..." Sheen continues to explain parts of the documents before us. Meanwhile, I'm slack-jawed. I've always thought that I lucked out when we found my apartment because it had a cheaper rate compared to other properties in Gangnam. I should have fucking known my parents were behind it all along.

I stare at the paper before me, silently seething. I don't talk much through out the meeting, I just nod and sign wherever they wanted me to sign. I don't even bother reading the contract because I'm too consumed by the gnawing feeling in my stomach that maybe there is nothing about my life that I can actually control apart perhaps from my food intake or my workout routine or my sex life. When all is done and over with, I stand up with the rest of the people in the room, bowing as they take their leave. I stay behind and so does Sheen. "Oh, by the way, do you still want to go home to Australia before your training starts? The boys are going there soon for the tour so you might as well tag along." The producer says, sitting back into his swivel chair.

"I-I don't think that's a good idea at the moment, PD-nim."

"Wae?"

"I... Well..." I struggle to think of a way to remind him subtly that people on social media still think Jackson and I are still a thing. "I just... I think I need to stay here and prepare for my move to Hong Kong. There's a lot I need to pack and, like, papers I need to finish and stuff. I'm sure you can send someone else..." I answer. The producer shrugs and goes back to work.

I stand there like an idiot, waiting for the right timing to say what it is I've been meaning to say. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?" JYP asks. He's dressed far too casually for a company executive. Then again, he's mostly expected to produce music and mentor artists, not do major paperwork or manage a crisis.

"Yes, actually. There's... See, there's this thing..." I fidget with my fingers while approaching the producer's massive desk. Sheen follows me cautiously, unsure about what I was planning to stay. "We... Well, I... I have a problem." I sit on the plush, black chair as I launch into a practiced explanation. I even typed my speech on my phone, rehearsing the lines over and over in the car on my way to the office. It's brief and quick and straight to the point but I'm hoping, as I tell my story, that it'll help communicate what I need without sounding so defensive. I bite my lower lip and wait for the tirade of expletives and questions but nothing comes.

Silence.

My heart is still pounding in my chest when Sheen comes over to JYP's side attempting to offer her solutions. JYP hushes her and I brace myself for something worse. "I expect you would answer me honestly, Love. Are there uncompromising photos of you and Mark TOGETHER?"

"I... Well... No, I don't think so." I have seen all of Nawoon's photos and I was sure there weren't photos of me and Mark in the same frame or place. Mark's phone, however, is a different story altogether—but of course I'm not telling them that.

"Good! That's good. Are you two dating?" JYP asks, his gaze intense and challenging.

"No." I answer with a stony face, relieved that I did not have to lie about that.

"Good." The producer speaks with finality before taking the folders from Sheen's arms. "That's the only thing I need to know. Now, if this anonymous person blackmails you, let me know. Chances are they don't know exactly what they can get from you so they probably won't do that. If he's just threatening to leak the photos with no clear motive or distribution plan, we shall consider it nothing but a rumor." He adds while signing the documents before him. He waves his hand at me to signal that we're done and that we should leave him alone now.

I freeze. _That's it?_ I would really rather be reprimanded, or even fired, than be told that I should just let my problems solve itself. Seeing my reaction, Sheen walks to my side, taps me on the shoulder, and bids the producer goodbye. She leads me out the room by the hand and as I walk I can literally feel my face burning, my eyes stinging because of unshed tears. She takes me to one of the conference rooms and locks the door. That's when I breakdown.

I cry as quietly as I can, letting the tension of the past few days go. Sheen sits me down on one of the swivel chairs and pulls another chair to sit directly in front of me. "You should have seen it coming, Love..." She says, handing me a packet of tissues from the pocket of her navy blue dress. "He has a point. It's not practical to make enemies when you don't even know who's attacking you, or why."

"I'm... I just..." I sniffle and cry some more. I can't even think straight. I have so many words but I can't organize them into a proper sentence or make any sense of the emotions I'm feeling at the moment, "I am not asking for protection, Sheen. All I need is an assurance that they won't leave Mark or Jackson hanging if something worse happens. I don't care about debuting or whatever, all I care about right now is them." I say, wondering if I even make sense. In all honesty, I wasn't even sure if I deserved the contract I just signed after everything that I have allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure JYP would not have handed over a contract if he knew exactly what was going on between me and Mark.

"I know... I know you're scared for your friends, and I know you just don't want to get them in trouble but there's very little we can do from here. Unless..." Sheen stops and straightens her back. I can see the wheels in her head turning, the look of determination apparent on her face. "I have a plan, but it has to be a secret. If the company can't, then WE'LL make a way." She smiles warmly at me and takes her phone from her pocket. She dials a number and talks to the person on the other end of the line in English. She asks the person to meet up with us at a nearby café along with a certain specialist. Then she turns to me and asks me to bring Nawoon to the café she mentioned as well.

In about half an hour, I find myself sitting around a crisis management team of some sorts. There's coffee for everyone, grilled cheese sandwiches, and all sorts of sweets while everyone's busy with their laptops. I'm sitting beside Jenny who's been checking all the recovered photos in the hard drive for the ones we do NOT want anyone to see. Jenny nudges me to show a whole folder filled with just me in various designer outfits at gigs. I know Nawoon is often present at my Callabooze performances but I never thought she would be taking photos and I would have been angry if not for the fact that all her candid photos of me looked amazing.

Sheen is calling up people, and Nawoon is sitting beside Bam Eun, Jenny's younger sister who, by some stroke of luck, is apparently an ethical hacker for start-up tech companies in Gangnam. The kid is smart, and even looks smart in a pair of round glasses, white shirt, denim skirt, and Oxford shoes. She's happily tracking down the cookie crumbs that will lead us to the man we could only identify as Mr. Chun. Nawoon says the fat, nerdy guy who fixed her laptop and had it shipped to her house was now nowhere to be found. The shop she went to in Myeongdong was closed when she came back the day we got the email and she learned that the building it was in got foreclosed so Mr. Chun had no choice but to close shop.

"If we find Mr. Chun, are we... uhm... are we setting up a lawsuit against... him?" Nawoon fearfully asks. I know what's on her mind. Of course if this gets to that level she'll be seen as guilty too. She took photos of us without our permission and that's clearly a violation of our privacy. I reach out across the table to pat her hand before Sheen can even answer.

"No, we won't. We just need to secure the files and delete them all." "

Oh, but... but..." Nawoon's eyes flicker and move between me and Sheen. "As for YOUR files, I'd have to apologize now because we need to destroy those, one way or another," Sheen's voice is so stern, even I am stunned. "I know you treasure all of your photos but we have to take all of them... You know, to keep them safe and to keep YOU safe." She adds. Nawoon throws me a wary look before nodding. Meanwhile, all I can do is stare at my drink in silence.

It takes a few minutes of silence for Bam Eun to speak up. "I got him." She says in perfect English. Thank God all the people in our group were raised in foreign land for some time. "His name isn't really Chun. It's Cheong. Cheong Min Suk." She turns her heavy looking laptop towards us and lets us read the decrypted IP information she found. She explains that she's managed to trace all these information through the Naver email he used and the licenses used in Nawoon's newly fixed laptop. "All programs have user licenses which can be traced back to a specific name and this idiot used his real name for that so I only had to do some slight poking to find his information. His email gave away his IP address so I managed to find his exact location." Bam switches the tab into a map of Seoul with an X mark on a cheap condominium building. "It's funny because he's actually near my school." She snickers.

"You're still in school?!" I remark, impressed by her sleuthing skills. She smirks while typing on her laptop.

"She's 20 and she just graduated from SeoulTech," Jenny informs us proudly. We all gape at the two of them as Jenny ruffles her sister's head, which the latter complains about loudly in Korean. "She got accelerated so she started early. MENSA and all that stuff. Hey, don't be too cocky and just send them the damn email." Jenny adds, poking her sister's temple. I haven't even picked up my jaw from the floor before our phones beeped with an email and a text message.

TOP SECRET: Project Bird7

This message is encrypted. Click here and input password to decrypt.

"The password is Mark's birthday in MMDDYYYY" She shuts her laptop down and puts it back into her backpack, her victorious smile tinged with a bit of evil. I seriously hope she continues to be an "ethical" hacker and not an evil one because this sort of genius can be a bit alarming. "I have to go, my shift at the computer lab is happening in an hour and I still need to battle it out at the train station." Bam Eun says before kissing her sister's cheek and standing up from her seat.

"Wait," Sheen says, standing up as well. She hands her card to Nawoon and winks at her. "Here, just in case you're looking for more side projects. Also, our company car is waiting for you outside, it'll take you back to school. Just look for the little JYPE flags." She smiles dazzlingly at the girl and waves her goodbye.

"Are we even allowed to do that?!" I ask Sheen, feeling nervous about using company resources for our secret operations. Sheen just snickers.

"Of course. That's the only thing JYPE can do for you at the moment." She starts typing on her phone the minute she sits down, obviously dialing the number Bam sent all of us. "I'm going to talk to this guy in private. Meanwhile, I need you two," Sheen says pointing at Nawoon and Jenny, "to go back to your regular schedules and forget this all happened. Do you understand?" Nawoon nods slowly, perhaps relieved that her involvement has come to an end. I see the black circles under her eyes and they're enough proof that she spent as much time as I have thinking of a solution and worrying quietly. I rise form my seat to hug her tight, muttering my apologies.

"Aniyo... Thank you. I'm sorry for putting you through this, I... I only wanted to be close to you." She says, smiling sadly. I feel a trickle of tear falling down my cheek. _This day is proving to be a very emotional one._ "I heard you're leaving for China soon?" She asks, smiling nicely still. She must have heard Sheen over the phone and I can't help but smile at how observant she is.

"Yeah... it's for my DJ career..." I say, finally realizing that I only have a month to prepare for my training. "I will miss you. If you ever come to Hong Kong, let me know, araso? And if I need a photographer or a videographer, I hope you'll be available for me," I wink at her and giggle. We say our goodbyes and I watch her leave, the skip in her step apparent as she walks out of the little café we're in. "As for you..." I say turning to Jenny. Her smile looks so nice, I feel like melting. I can't even begin to fathom my gratefulness towards her. I feel so indebted that I'm starting my eyes start stinging again. "Thank you. Neomu neomu kamsahamnida..." I sit beside her and hold her hand as I say the words. In a way, I somehow feel like she's the older sister I never had.

"No worries, I told you I'm Team Mark-Love, right?"

"Shut up, there is no team-up here."

"Right, well..." She hands me the hard drive containing all of the photos that Bam Eun managed to retrieve from the recesses of Nawoon's laptop. "Have fun going through this and deleting every single one. I enjoyed looking through photos of your BIZARRELY identical wardrobes. You guys have got to stop with the hoodies, really—It's sickening," Her comment makes me chuckle despite the heavy feeling in my chest. She hugs me and takes her leave as well, reminding me to call her anytime I need her. "I'm going to miss you. Skype me when you get to Bangkok, okay?" I say. I appreciate that, the fact that she wants to be needed by me. I never would have imagined that I'll be this close to her. Jenny takes her leave as well.

Sheen and I are left in silence. I run my fingers though my hair and bury my face in my hands while leaning on the table for support. It's been a long ass day for me and I'm starting to feel really, really tired. _Of everything._ I can feel my shoulders and my chest drooping, heavy with hidden despair. "I hope you learned your lesson now." Sheen mutters, putting her phone down on the table and leaning closer to me. I look at her and blink, knowing now that Sheen knows more than I think she does... More than even I think I do. "I know it's inescapable. Believe me, I was in your place too... Some years ago..." She says. Her revelation perks me up a little and I start to wonder why she said that, or who she's referring to. The sad smile on her face betrays her. She must have fallen for an idol too at some point in her career.

"I never had the help you just had and so I hope you now know your place. This is work. I know the lines could get blurred every once in a while but at the end of the day we need food in our mouths and on our tables. We can't always eat our feelings." The statement obviously leaves a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. She starts packing her stuff, eyes flitting from me, to the people in the café around us, to the task at hand. I just nod in response before picking up my bag, following her meekly out the door. We ride a taxi back to JYPE building and despite Sheen's request I refuse to come into the building, opting instead to walk around the perimeter to get to my car.

"It's okay, I'll be fine..." I tell her, waving as she enters the building. I walk to my car in silence, barely feeling my feet as my heels hit the pavement. The clacking sounds awaken a sordid thought inside my psyche.

 _I am not fine._


	44. Chapter 44 (M)

**Chapter 44: Before The Full Moon Rises (M)**

 **Chapter 44: Before The Full Moon Rises (M)**

There's a certain kind of chill that runs down my spine as my eyes open. I have no idea how long I've been asleep but I DO know that it absolutely makes no sense that I'm sleeping on the carpeted floor of my living room, facedown, in expensive silk nighties that I know I have been wearing for the past two nights already. My back hurts, my face is numb, and I feel so parched that I could barely breathe through my mouth.

I sit up and try to make sense of whatever it is that's happening to me. I see an empty hi-ball glass on the coffee table, a half empty bottle of whiskey, a bag of Cheetos, and my laptop. The screen's frozen on Mark Tuan's most beautiful photo—at least in my opinion. I sigh and wobble as I attempt to stand on my feet, realizing belatedly that I fell asleep while packing my carry on luggage, which lay open on the sofa bed. _Why the fuck am I sleeping on the floor then?!_

I stretch and shiver as I make my way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. No headaches, for sure, but my body definitely ached from sleeping on the hard floor. My smart refrigerator tells me it's past 5AM, which only means I have slept on the damn floor for more or less four hours. I remember this distinctly because I know I drunk called Jackson and his answer was, "Love, it's 1AM. Can you please let me get some fucking sleep before you start crying again?"

I fill my glass with more water and lean against the kitchen counter. Whisky can be a bitch sometimes. The right bottle of whisky can make you feel so, so good. But after five to six glasses on the rocks, your face will start to numb. On your seventh glass you'll find yourself laughing with tears streaming down your eyes because you'll lose all control of your emotions and you'll have whisky to thank for that.

When the thirst and the dizzy spell that accompanied it are both gone, I put my glass down, turn the lights off in the kitchen and the living room, and walk up to my room guided by the early morning light streaming through my windows. It's getting harder to be alone these days and it's also getting hard to imagine how I have managed to live in Seoul all on my own, shut off from the world, for years before working at JYPE.

In a span of a year and a half, I have learned that working in the music industry—especially in South Korea—could change you and shape you in unimaginable ways. I've learned how to socialize, learned the value of ass-kissing, and kissing your workmates, and stepping on their egos (intentionally or unintentionally) to reach for the stars. I have learned that money makes connections, and that connections are pricier than clothes or cars or careers. That's because more often than not, connections could cost you your dignity, and your peace of mind. I close my eyes again, wrap myself in a warm blanket, and try to erase the images from the other night.

 ***Flashback***

I spoke to my parents about the apartment situation a day after the meeting with JYPE. We were on a Skype conference because my dad was in Japan and my mom was in San Francisco when I called. I wasn't angry, not really. How can I when I've basically been living under their roof without actually knowing it. All I said was that I wasn't happy to have found out about the nuances of my living situation during a meeting. They could've just told me about it, it's not like I could afford to be a rebellious asshole and turn down any form of help. They apologized about lying to my face the past few years and told me the rent I paid every year went back to my trust fund anyway, which kind of made me angrier about the whole damn situation. But I kept my mouth shut and wished them well and said goodbye. I've always known that they did what they thought was good for me. I just wish they'd treat me and talk to me like an adult, like a human being.

That call and the weightlessness I felt that day compelled me to leave my apartment. I needed to be anywhere but home. Somehow, I was feeling out of sorts. I should be happy because all of my problems were gone. The scandal with Jackson was short-lived and insubstantial. The potential scandal with Mark did not see the light of day. All of our photos were safe at home. I still have a roof over my head along with a growing trust fund that would probably allow me three years of jobless living in Hong Kong. Mark was coming back from New Zealand. Jackson just came back from China. I have a new job at JYPE and everything I needed have been arranged for me. I should be celebrating, but there was a hollow feeling in my chest that numbed my whole being.

Liv told me that I should go shopping, so I did, hoping some retail therapy at Myeongdong or Gangnam or Hongdae would cheer me up. It didn't. The next day, I wore my new workout gear and went to the gym. Then I went grocery shopping, my cart consisted mainly of veggies, fruits and lots of yogurt. I wanted so badly to get a bar of chocolate but I needed to watch my weight now that I'm under a five-year contract. The day after that I went biking at Han River on my own and got a text from Namjoon, who was apparently looking to kill time.

 **Namjoon:** Hey, are you busy?

 **Love:** No, actually.

 **Namjoon:** Do you wanna maybe hang out?

 **Love:** Are you sure that's a smart thing to do though?

 **Namjoon:** Scared of the fans?

 **Love:** Why wouldn't I be?

It took him a while to answer, the dots on our KaTalk chat moving and disappearing and moving again. I stretched my legs and looked towards the horizon, wondering whether Namjoon was coming or not. It had been a while since we last talked, what with his crazy schedule. I have been trying to avoiding any other social contact, especially with idols. I guess the scandals and almost-scandals took a toll on me. My phone vibrated again a minute later with another message from him.

 **Namjoon:** I understand. I hope you're doing okay though. I haven't heard from you in a while.

 **Love:** I'm sorry. I'm a mess right now. But I have good news...

 **Namjoon:** Really? What is it?

 **Love:** I signed up with JYPE. I'm going to be away for a while, training at Hong Kong.

 **Love:** But PLEASE don't tell anyone that. I mean it.

 **Namjoon:** Oh congratulations!

 **Namjoon:** I hope you're not leaving without seeing me at least? If you don't want fans to see then maybe we could meet somewhere more nondescript?

 **Love:** There's a secret VIP room at Callabooze. I know it's not really your scene but that's the only place I know where you can slip in without being noticed.

 **Namjoon:** Okay, let's meet up there then. I'll probably have to leave early but what's important is that I get to see you before you leave.

I immediately called Boss Min Hoo to ask about the VIP room and inform him who I was going to be with that night. He enthusiastically agreed to let me borrow the room and I texted Jun and Ben to let them know I was coming to Callabooze. On my way to the club I used to work to, I also told Sheen where I was going and who I was with just in case something happened.

Though I knew that Boss Min Hoo made changes to the layout of the bar to let VIP guests come and go without drawing any attention to themselves, I couldn't help but be anxious. It was Namjoon, after all, and aside from the fact that his group has gotten more popular internationally, he's also not some random guy from my own company. If word got out, no matter how innocent our actions or motivations may have been, I knew we're both going to be in so much trouble.

I came to the club wearing distressed black jeans, a navy blue off shoulder sweater top, and platform heels, my hair swept up in a messy half pony. Ben immediately left his post behind the bar when he saw Jun escorting me through the doors. "There's my main bitch! How have you been? I missed you so much!" He said, hugging me tight. For the first time that week, I got myself to laugh. Ben had always been a ray of sunshine and it helped that he kept complimenting me about my outfit and my makeup.

Jun nudged me and whispered that the guests have arrived and so I had to part with Ben to come down to the basement area where the VIP rooms were located. When Jun opened the door for me I found Rap Monster and Suga hanging out with Manager Jonghan and Manager Sejin, my former boss, and an under-dressed chick that Boss Min Hoo introduced as his daughter Sang Min. Apparently she now worked as Callabooze's PR manager and I never even got to meet her while working there because I started when the bar club was pretty new and so their PR work may have only started after I quit.

There were bottles of draft beer on the table, plates of random food, plates of lime, a small salt shaker, shot glasses, and two tall bottles of tequila roaming around the posh-looking room. My heart pounded in my chest and I wondered if it was because I was sitting next to Namjoon who kept staring at me, or because of my anxiety over being found out yet again. "You look great, as always. Cheers?" Namjoon said, raising his bottle to me. Manager Sejin, seeing that I was empty-handed, passed me a beer and we all clinked our bottles before settling down for small talk.

Suga was mostly silent, smiling at me every once in a while. He was busy with his phone, though every once in a while he would talk or joke around with Namjoon. They made me talk about my career plans, my JYPE contract (or what I was allowed to disclose of it so far), and my dream gigs. "I'm excited for you, jinjja." Namjoon said, smiling warmly at me, his dimples looking aggressively beautiful up close. I thanked him before finishing my bottle.

A few minutes later, Manager Jonghan started pouring tequila shots again for everyone. I'd like to think that I've gotten so familiar with the hard drink in question since my own brother taught me how to drink it. I placed a small amount of salt at the back of my hand where my thumb and my index finger meet. Then I took a piece of lime and held the shot glass with my right hand. "Okay, I hate tequila, but I'm taking this shot for BTS. Cheers!" I announced, downing the tequila shot, licking the salt off my hand and then immediately sucking on the lime. A few more shots and I was sure I'd be regretting everything the next morning.

"Are you alright?" Namjoon asked, seeing me grimace after the shot.

"Ugh, I hate it." I said, laughing despite the aftertaste. "But I did it for you, okay? So don't forget me when I'm gone."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that," He muttered, shaking his head slightly. I threw my head back laughing. I didn't mean for that to look so seductive, let alone memorable. But it had been a while since we've seen each other in an intoxicated state and frankly I'm more than glad that I finally got to let loose after such a long time of being locked up on my own volition. "So, when are you leaving?" He asked.

"You're leaving?!" Suga interjected, which got me and Namjoon to finally look at him.

"Yeah, I'm leaving for Hong Kong soon."

"Wae?"

"I'm... Well let's just say I'm going to DJ School." I answered, smiling brightly at him. He nodded, lips formed into a cute pout. I spoke to him while I was starting out with my DJ career and though those conversations were mostly online and few and far in between, I somehow felt that he'd be sad to know that I will be gone for a while. Suga nudged Namjoon and whispered something in his ear. They talked quietly for a bit, and I couldn't overhear them because the managers were talking loudly to me. Manager Jonghan was obviously too drunk already, what with the random touches to my back and my shoulders. I felt a light tap on my shoulder. "Ne?" I asked, turning to Namjoon.

He motioned for me to come closer so I scooted beside him. He wrapped his arm around me casually. _Really smooth._ "Love, can I tell you something?" Namjoon asked, a hesitant smile painted on his makeup-free face.

"What is it?" I smiled at him. Even when we're sitting down, Namjoon seemed way taller than me, and his lean torso looked strangely sexier in black.

"In case we don't see each other again, or in case it takes a while for us to meet again, I just want you to know that I have a major crush on you. I'm not saying that for anything, I just..." He was gesticulating so badly with his left hand, and his eyes were flitting from me to his hand, and his cheeks were so awkwardly red. All of these, combined with my repressed emotions, made me laugh so hard. He just looked at me with a fond smile.

"I know. Jackson made you say it remember?" I felt a pang of pain in my chest when his name slipped from my lips. It had been a while since I've seen him too. "Thanks for the honesty, I really appreciate it. But I don't think it's right for us to... You know... Whatever..."

"No, I totally know. But, like, Suga here... He just told me that I might need to be honest now because I might never get to say it at all... He knows me well, I'm a coward like that." He scratched at the invisible itch at the back of his head and bit his lower lip shyly after that.

"Well it's not like we'll never see each other again!" I took a swig of my beer, licked my lips and sighed. "I mean, I'm sure you'll still go to Hong Kong for MAMA and for concerts and stuff like that. I promise I'll watch every single one of those and since I'm an ARMY, I insist on paying for my own tickets now." Namjoon laughed when I said that and I did too though I was totally serious. Actually, it was their fans who concluded that I'm part of the fandom because they noticed that I liked using BTS songs for my gigs. I couldn't really tell them that at least 40% of the music stems I have came from Rap Monster and Suga themselves, along with some Big Hit producers who I became friends with throughout the year. I do like their music though, more than I'd ever care to admit.

"Okay, then does that mean you're willing to go out on a date with me in Hong Kong?" He asked, both eyebrows raised. His shy smile transformed into a determined grin, and the transition from Namjoon to Rap Monster surprised me so much that it got me blinking.

"Don't... Don't push it," I chuckled. "I still think it's a bad idea."

"Dating me?"

"No, dating idols in general." I clarified with a slight scoff. Just then Manager Jonghan, whose face was getting redder as time passed, proposed another round of tequila shots. He slammed his shot glass in front of me, spilling most of its contents. "Ne, oppa?" I asked as he offered his hand to me.

"Sarang-ah, since you're leaving us soon, would you give us the honor of a body shot?! Just let all of us lick salt off your skin, just this once." He said while helping me stand up, raising one finger to me, and coming closer dangerously. My heart started beating fast and my eyes flickered from his to Manager Sejin to Namjoon to Suga. They all seemed so unsure as they received their shots from Sang Min.

"Hanbeon man. Jinjja hanbeon man." [Just this once. Really, just this once.] He added, grinning. I felt the air in the room thinning, and it took me longer to answer.

"Hyung—" Namjoon was about to say something but Manager Jonghan held out his hand rudely to stop the other man from talking. Suga was eyeing me questioningly, perhaps wondering what I was thinking, or feeling. If I had been scared, I probably didn't show it enough, because Manager Sejin started snickering as if we were all in a gag show. I looked around and found everyone else in the room, except for Suga, smiling as they waited for my answer. _I'm safe, right? This is a safe place after all..._

"A-araso, araso..." I said, laughing nervously as I took my tequila shot straight up, not bothering to chase it with salt or lime. I felt like I needed liquid courage as I took the salt shaker. Sang Min, Boss Min Hoo's daughter who I only met now, volunteered to go first. We were both giggling as she pointed to my wrist and I willingly sprinkled salt on that area.

The managers howled when Sang Min's tongue made contact with my skin after taking her shot. Rap Monster shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Suga was just so out of it, busy looking at his phone while the other men watched Sang Min suck on the lime. Manager Jonghan stood not long after, and had taken his position in front of me. He pushed my hair back and held my chin, tilted my head sideways, sprinkled salt liberally on my shoulder and on the base of my neck. My heart pounded in my chest as my eyes locked with Namjoon's. Deep inside I was silently asking for help. _I don't want this. I don't want this._

"Ah—Jam ka man yo... [Wait a second...]" Namjoon interrupted.

"No, this will be quick. Let me just—"

"Eh! Namjoonie, long time no see!" A booming voice made all of us freeze. It was the unmistakable Cali Boy tone that stirred me to action. I spun around to face Mark as he entered the room with JB, Sheen, and Jun tailing behind him. I felt salt falling down the cracks of my shirt as Mark came closer. He went straight to Namjoon who stood up to give the man a hug, a look of relief flashing on his face. Mark gave Suga a quick brofist before turning to me and Manager Jonghan. "Oh! Are we doing body shots?!" He said, wrapping his arm protectively around my waist. I threw a fretful look at the older man and despite their age difference I saw the fear in the manager's eyes. He took a step back and offered the shot to Mark with fake rousing and a hesitant smile before taking his seat beside Manager Sejin. Frankly, my heart has not stopped beating fast. Mark held me securely as he surveyed my neck, flecks of salt still on my skin. "Well, I guess I'll have to take this body shot then, yeah?" He said.

There was a fire in Mark's eyes that seemed familiar. Perhaps it was jealousy, or anger because I managed to put myself into this situation. Perhaps it was sadness, or even worry. I nodded at him. "Yeah, sure..." I answered, loud enough for the people in the room to hear, loud enough for them to understand that I trusted Mark more.

Mark took the shot in one swig and grimaced when the alcohol glided down his throat, his fingers gripping my side harder. Then he went straight to the side of my neck and swiped a flat tongue expertly from the base of my neck upwards. Just the way I like it. I sighed heavily against his ear, eyelashes fluttering. I bit my lower lip to prevent a moan from escaping. He started leaving wet kisses from my neck down to my chest, stopping just below my collarbone. He finished by placing the slice of lime in between my teeth, making a show of him sucking on it, our lips brushing as my fingers travel to his shoulder. I pushed him away a few seconds later.

The room fell silent.

Mark's eyes roamed around the room, sharp gaze meeting everyone else's, as if they needed reminding that they should never cross his territory. Our eyes met and we started laughing, the two of us. Thankfully everyone laughed along and spoke over each other to mask the awkwardness that permeated. As if to prove his point further, Mark sat beside Namjoon as the laughter died down. Then he pulled me along and demanded that I sit on his lap. The force of his grip and the strength of his fingers around my wrist assaulted my senses, jolting me from my drunken, lost state. As soon as I fell on Mark's lap, I pushed him a little and moved away, sitting beside him instead. "I didn't know you guys were meeting up, I should've come sooner! It's a good thing Sheen and Suga told me about it!" Mark said confidently in a language he knew Rap Monster would understand anyway.

"Yeah, it was kind of a last minute thing." Namjoon answered, waving a hand dismissively before addressing me in my awkward position. "So how long have you guys been dating?" He casually inquired, a dark shade filtering his once fond gaze.

"We're not dating," I clarified, despite Mark's arm snaking around my waist. "We're..."

"Friends." Mark finished, staring so hard I felt like I was going to break. When he spoke a fresh wave of passive-aggressiveness seeped through the cracks of his voice. "We're just really, REALLY close, you know? Because she's like... She's like my sister. She's such a strong woman but I'm just... I can't help but feel like I need to be very protective of her. You know what I mean?" He turned to Namjoon just as he said those last words. "She's all alone here in Seoul... Like me... I know she doesn't like it most of the time but she needs OUR protection... Especially from people who want to take advantage of her." The younger rapper nodded slightly, choosing to take a sip of his drink instead of answering Mark directly.

I knew that the managers didn't really understand what he said and judging from the commotion at the other end of the table it seemed that Sang Min and Boss Min Hoo didn't understand a thing too. But Sheen listened intently from her seat in between JB and Suga. Suga had been staring blankly at his drink but I did notice that his grip got tighter. Jun eyed us warily from the door. I felt so small as I sat there, fingers shaking as I held onto my bottle of beer. I felt the cold air blowing against the patch of wet skin that Mark licked and I shivered. I wished I could disappear into thin air. Because it would've been a fun sight without me in the picture.

"Okay, well... I'm not gonna pretend like I'm here to party. I'm just here to pick up Love. She has a shoot scheduled tomorrow and she's way past her bedtime." Sheen said, smiling brightly. She shook hands with the people in the room as Mark and I stood up with him instinctively taking my hand. I bowed to everyone politely and left the room without looking at anyone in the eye except for Namjoon. _I'm sorry, Namjoon._ Sheen and Jun followed quietly behind us. JB decided to stay with Namjoon and Suga for a bit to clean up the mess we made, possibly to clarify a thing or two.

Mark didn't let go even as we got into the backseat and bid goodbye to Jun. He didn't let go even as Sheen drove my car in silence. He didn't let go even after we got off the elevator. The only time he decided to let go of my hand was when he was finally undressing me, finally taking his stuffy clothes off, finally fumbling for a condom from the bedside table.

We didn't talk much. But we fucked in all the ways we both liked. Every thrust felt foreign and familiar all at the same time. Every labored breath and every moan sent a dull pain into my heart. He didn't call me Baby. Called me by my name. And I called him by his name too. We came like animals, rutting breathless with eyes open, both of us.

Then we both ended up lying on our backs, wide-eyed and staring at the ceiling for God knows how long. The pillows got wet at some point. The soiled sheets felt stiffer. The skins we lived in felt raw. He was gone before daybreak, and he took a lot of things with him, including my peace of mind.

 ***Flashforward***

"So that's it?! You had crazy passionate sex and you both felt nothing afterwards and when you woke up his clothes were gone, his toothbrush went missing, and he texted to tell you that you should change your door's pass code? That was how he said goodbye?!" Liv growls as she forcefully closes my second luggage. She came in last night from her San Francisco business trip to help me with my "major move" and today she decided to repack all of the things I'm bringing to Hong Kong in the "Marie Kondo fashion" while I lay weakly in bed with fresh clothes and wet hair.

"Yeah..."

"Well, I can't believe I'm about to say this but damn... Mark Tuan is a jerk!"

"He's a fine-looking jerk, though."

"Oh, fuck off, will you?!"

"Wish I could."

"Christ, Love, you sound so pathetic. I want to slap your face and tell you to move on but I'm too jetlagged to do that." Liv angrily zips the bag close. I laugh in spite of myself. I've been crying and drinking for days since that night and yet here I am, laughing sardonically. "You're gonna be fine. He's a good fuck, and maybe a good friend too, but you BOTH decided to end it, right? And now you have a cool job that allows you to party at some random part of the earth. That's enough of a consolation, eh?" She huffs while moving my well-packed, securely-locked suitcase to the corner of the room. I'm leaving South Korea in a few weeks but I still have a shit ton of prepping to do. I sit up and Liv sits on the bed beside me. "You're going to be okay. Maybe someday, you two can be friends again. Like, real friends." She adds before kissing the top of my head.

I lay my head on Olivia's thigh. She's my best friend in the whole world. She rubs my back as tears start streaming down my face again, creating a pool on Liv's denim jeans. "I'm sorry I'm crying again. I promise this will be the last of it. I promise." I sob. It's a lot more painful knowing that I just lost a friend. It's the worst kind of break-up anyone could ever go through. I still remember every single detail.

 _We got back from Callabooze and we fucked. And Mark came inside me, and kissed me hard, and laid beside me, and he said, "Tell me we're going to be okay. It's okay if you say you don't love me back, I can take it. But at least tell me we're going to be okay... Even as friends..."_

 _At that point I started crying, but he didn't make a move to comfort me. He just laid there, looking at the ceiling, naked except for the blanket that he covered both of us with, the same damn blanket I cocooned myself in a few days after. The only things I said were, "You will be okay, and I will be okay."_

We never spoke after that.

I woke up with a half-empty bed after that.

"I'll be okay..." I repeat, more to myself than to Liv. I dry my tears with my sleeves, sniff, and fix my hair before standing up. "Now help me wash these dirty sheets. Have I told you we both came on that spot you're sitting on?!"

"Eww!" Liv screeches, and I laugh. We scramble off the bed to finally... finally wash the linens.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45: One Day Without You**

From cold to nothing.

Somewhere between springing from the ledge and plunging into the water I find myself shivering and then not. I release the longest breath I have in my lungs, come up for air and continue doing freestyle strokes ahead. Halfway through I'm starting to feel my leg muscles ache and the once welcome feeling of being submerged in water now feels heavy, tiring. Maybe sitting in front of a computer all day long decreased my buoyancy. Maybe dancing at gigs don't burn enough calories. I reach the end of the Olympic-sized swimming pool huffing and Sheen is sitting there, feet dangling off the ledge, her phone in hand. "3.7" She says.

"What?! God, I've become a turtle. Jesus, fuck."

"Shhh, stop swearing! It won't make you faster."

"I'm used to finishing between 1.9 and 2.2, Sheen. That was only four years ago." I swim to and climb up the side stairs, plopping down on the edge of the pool with my towel. My old swimsuits don't fit me anymore. I should sue South Korea for their delicious food because I've gotten to a point where three banchans just don't cut it. _Oh well._

"Then let's practice again until you get your swimming juju back." Sheen's advice makes me laugh.

"Do you think I can do that in Hong Kong?"

"The place I got you has an Olympic-size pool on the roof deck, and it's just a few steps away from your flat. I live three floors beneath you, I can help you train..."

"Thank you," I say as I dry my hair. I didn't even tell her what I wanted in terms of living conditions and yet she's already fixed it for me—just like how she has fixed all the other problems I've been through recently. "I don't want to trouble you though, I'm sure you have more work to do than just, like, train me."

"Well then we can get you a hot, athletic trainer with to-die-for abs, how about that?" Sheen wiggles her eyebrows at me.

"Ha! No thank you, I think I've had enough of that." I joke, images of abs from both Mark and Jackson flashing behind my eyelids. At least now I don't end up with an intense Asian flush every time I remember it. Sheen is right, I just need to practice.

I'm so fucking excited for Hong Kong.

 ***Flashback***

I looked around my flat one last time.

I spent the whole day cleaning up and covering each piece of furniture in my apartment, except for my bed and everything else in the kitchen. I've also packed my other clothes and belongings in a box to be shipped to the new address in Hong Kong. Mina was nice enough to help me pack a while ago. Most of the clothes I couldn't pack and don't fit anymore went to her. Sheen's been helping me out with my residence papers, which apparently wasn't so hard to process considering that my parents have properties in Hong Kong too. Jenny left for Thailand already. Liv had been nagging me through KaTalk to keep myself busy so I can finally move on from Mark. I only have a week before my flight to China and so far things have been pretty... quiet, to say the least.

 _Maybe it'll work. Maybe._

That's what I thought until the doorbell rang.

I checked my phone. No one messaged me about coming over and it was already 11:30PM so the fact that my doorbell was ringing at this hour definitely surprised me. I hesitantly opened the door and my shoulders feeling heavy. "Jackson?" I said, unsure because his face was covered with a face mask. He looked sideways, making sure the hallway was empty before taking his mask off and turning to me with the weirdest face I've ever seen on him. "What are you doing here?" I still dared to ask as I block the door with my body.

"Oh me? Nothing, I just wanted to make sure I get to say goodbye before you leave because... you know... that's what FRIENDS do." He said, leaning forward and raising an arm against the doorway, his face almost too close for comfort. "You letting me in or what?" I could see the shadows under his eyes, the traces of growing facial hair which somehow made him look older than he actually is.

"Yah! I'm still your Noona," I said, crossing my arms in front of me in defiance. "And how the hell did you find out I'm leaving?!"

"I annoyed the crap out of Sheen..." He shrugged, as if to say he wasn't at all sorry for harassing my—our—agent. "Let me in, we need to talk." There a certain edge to his voice that threatened to wreak havoc to my already shattered feelings. Frankly, I didn't want to let him in. I didn't want to let ANYONE in. But I knew I had to. I knew that it would be so much harder for me to move on and sort things out if I didn't let Sheen help me, if I didn't bond with Mina one last time, if I didn't call Liv and Jenny before they boarded their planes, or if I didn't let Jackson in when he took the risk of going out in public in the middle of the night to see me. I sighed and opened the door wider to let him in.

As expected of Jackson, he took his cap and his hoodie off the moment he stepped inside and he was about to toss it to the sofa when he noticed that all my furniture were covered up already save for the seats in front of the kitchen counter. "Wow. That fast, huh?" He scoffed as he walked the short distance to my kitchen. His back muscles were very visible underneath the black tank top he was wearing. I tried not to stare. He placed his clothes on top of the kitchen counter and took it upon himself to check my fridge, which was also empty apart from a few cans of beer. I've been saving those up for my last night in Seoul. "Oh, maegju!" [Oh, beer!]

"Hey, I'm—" I flinched upon hearing the loud pop of the tab being opened, the sound of beer fizzing hitting my senses. Jackson took a sip and let out a happy moan.

"Oh, joha! [Oh, I like this!] What is this?" He asked as soon as he finished gulping. I sighed as I took out the rest of the 6-pack beer Liv sent to me from her friends at Modus Operandi Brewing Company. _Might as well drink now, it's not like I could escape Jackson anyway._ "Former Tenant..." He said, reading off the can before chuckling animatedly. "Well this is very fitting!" I couldn't help but smile at that comment.

"I know. It's a gift, it's not like I asked for it. Want some popcorn? I still have some kernels, I think." I reached up to get the jar from the cabinet, my crop top hiking up in the process. I went to work on our snack with the very same popcorn maker that started it all while Jackson recounted how we met. I smiled at the memory. It felt like ages ago.

A few minutes later, I finally got to sit on the bar stool beside Jackson, my beer can half-gone. I felt lighter than I was a few weeks ago, and definitely better than that night at Callabooze with Mark. I have to admit that our last night together wasn't the best way to end a relationship—even if it was just a "sort of" relationship. I remember how he lectured me on the way home about the fact that I didn't say no when I was so obviously being taken advantage of, but the minute we got into my apartment we started making out so fast and so hard that it was a miracle we didn't end up fucking on the stairs.

It's funny how something that started so impulsively ended like that. Small talk. Empty bedside. Missing toothbrush. But who was I to ask? _We're just friends anyway._

Jackson and I stayed quiet like that, just drinking our beers and looking at the night sky through the kitchen window. Jackson was the first to break the silence, of course. "Mark's been awfully quiet these days..." I sigh in response. It was as if he could read my mind. "You don't have to say it you know... I woke up early for a schedule that day and I saw him come in with a shit ton of Pikachus in his arms and a bag of clothes and toiletries. He looked like shit..."

"I didn't throw him out, in case you were wondering..."

Silence.

"So you really broke up, huh?" He asked, turning to me with a concerned, almost sad look on his face.

"It's not like we're dating, we were FUCK BUDDIES..." I scoffed, stressing the last words with a bitterness that was meant to spite myself instead of Jackson, or Mark. It's my fault, obviously. I was the stupid one who labeled it that from the very beginning. That's the thing about us humans. We always need labels on everything because we're THAT linear. We're all simple species and we always need to make things simpler. But sometimes, in the process, it complicates things all the more. I took a handful of popcorn and stuffed them into my mouth. I'm just glad the tears weren't falling anymore. I didn't even feel entitled for all the tears I have shed. "We're friends... That's it."

I guess Jackson felt the finality of my words because he didn't answer until much later. "But WE'RE still friends, right? You're not moving away to avoid me, right?" He asked. I finished my first can of beer and turned my bar stool towards his direction so that I'm leaning sideways against the kitchen counter, my elbow propped on the marble counter, cheek pressed against my palm.

"I'm going to be living in YOUR city, Jackson. We have the same agent. I think that hardly constitutes as avoidance." I smiled at him fondly. He smiled too and nodded before showing me his adorable aegyo face. I laughed, finally... After weeks and weeks of crying. It actually felt nice. "Thank you... I'm sorry if I didn't tell you. I didn't wanna... I didn't want to drag you into this whole mess. You've had enough and you're stressed as it is and—"

"—Go on—" He said as he opened a fresh can for both me and him. He moved his bar stool sideways too, knees knocking against mine. I continued talking about the last few weeks while watching him move into a more comfortable position, his right leg in between mine, the other resting on the floor, his body leaning against the counter, his beer in one hand while the other reached for the popcorn. I told him about my plans... my "sort of" plans. I've always been like that. I always move around and act with some semblance of a plan, but it isn't as detailed as other people would plan things out so I tend to miss out on a lot of details—like oh, I don't know, maybe consequences?! I told him I'll be studying at a DJ school and it made his jaw drop. "Woah, jinjja?! That's so exciting!"

"It is, yeah... I'm really excited. I mean I've been playing at gigs for half a year or so but I need some sort of formal training to make a living out of this, right? Otherwise, I'm gonna be stuck with you guys, editing your goofy antics out and being the insider girlfrie—"

"Stop." The deep, commanding voice almost made my heart, and other organs, pause.

"What?!"

"Stop it. Stop being so mean to yourself." He said, pushing my beer across, as if telling me I should probably just shut up and drink. I did just that, letting the bitter liquid wash away the remnants of guilt, cancelling out the bitter aftertaste of my sardonic statement. He's right. What's past is past now, and I have decided to set things right already. I needed to stop dwelling into it so much and move on.

I sighed after the long gulp which made me feel lightheaded and warm. The beer had a nice buzz to it. I had to remind myself to send Liv's friends a word of thanks. Jackson started on his second can of beer and looked around, surveying my living room. He eyed the box of my belongings and my luggages. He sighed and shook his head. "I can't believe I won't be hanging around here anymore. Remember when all the insects came into our room and you let me live here for like a week because I have nowhere to sleep in at the dorm?"

"Two weeks," I corrected him, snickering at the memory. "That lasted for almost two weeks because the bugs died on your bed and you needed to change mattresses." I said in a matter-of-factly tone. Jackson was hysterical. It was his idea and JB had been way too tired from the Mad promotions to argue. Mark and I weren't sexually involved yet then, but we had been talking regularly at that time. I was too busy at work to even really notice the fact that Jackson lived with me. He was mostly out at night, meeting up with friends, working on songs, or sleeping at the guest room that had never been used until, and after, he asked to stay. On days when we were both at home we basically just watched Netflix and talked. I guess that was why I'm closest to him than to anyone else.

"Promise me one thing?" Jackson said suddenly after a long stretch of quietness.

"What?"

"That you'll still talk to me. That we could meet up somewhere in Hong Kong and just talk and drink like this." He placed his hand on my arm, his voice so smooth and sweet it almost tasted like honey. "Please?" I wiped my mouth and looked back at him with an apologetic smile.

"I can't promise that, Jackson, I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

"Because it defeats the purpose of moving away. I know I said that I could't really run away from you but if Mark find out that I'm leaving like this... " I couldn't continue my sentence because it struck me then and there that maybe Mark wouldn't ask. Maybe Mark wouldn't care. "Besides, I know I'll be busy studying and working. It's not like you'll have the time, too. You're like the next big thing in China so you can't always be hanging around drinking beer and eating popcorn." I gave him a cute smirk which made him giggle. We fell silent again. It's amazing when Jackson decides to quiet down. You can clearly see him thinking when he's quiet. I could almost see the wheels in his head moving. "What are you thinking?" I asked.

"I'm trying to figure out if you said no because you know it's unrealistic, or because you're scared that we're going to end up like that too..."

"Like what?"

"Like you and Mark?" I stopped drinking. We both stopped talking. I knew it was a slip of the tongue. I also knew then and there that the beer was working well. Jackson finished his second can quickly, averting his gaze. He reached for a new can and popped the lid loudly. I sighed heavily.

"Okay, let me just... Let me get this straight. We're not like that." I said, gesticulating within the space that kept us apart. "Mark and I, we started off with mutual physical attraction and that just grew into one bad decision after another." I rambled. There was another stretch of silence. I finished what's left of my beer before reaching for the sixth, and last, can. "I said what I said because I need space. I need time to think..." These were the same things I told myself when I left Sydney. I looked out the window and marveled at the beautiful sight.

Seoul is amazing. It hadn't been anything but kind to me. I've managed to live a life of learnings and then comfort and I've made a lot of mistakes but there I was leaving for another city again, unscathed. I felt lost. All the things that had happened took a toll on me mentally and it would be pretty much an entitlement to complain because things worked out to my advantage in the end anyway. So I shut everything out, scared I'll never be able to see myself as anything other than what I've already become. Spineless, prideless, broken.

As usual, all I could do was to run away.

"Hmm... Algess-eo." [Hmm... I got it.] Jackson muttered before drinking again. I did the same, tipping the cold can to my lips and feeling the liquid running down my throat. And now it tasted like good ale and comfort and home and hope. "Try to come to our concerts, though, okay?" He asked, to which I nodded enthusiastically. I told him I wouldn't miss it for the world. "I've got lots of things lined up in Beijing and Hong Kong In the next couple of months. I know you said you need space but you're going to my home country so you'll probably see my face everywhere." He chuckled lightly when he said that. I couldn't help but laugh as well.

"At least the billboards and the standees wouldn't talk as much as the real one." I joked, which illicited another round of laughter. The popcorn was going stale. "Cheers to your new projects," I said, offering my can for a toast.

"Cheers to your new career," He clunked his can against mine and we both drank our beers straight finishing it to the last drop. I slammed my can against the counter, burping rather disgracefully. We laughed at that too, realizing we've gotten so comfortable with each other that we've basically thrown our manners out of the window. We talked some more, commenting on random things and deep thoughts and fleeting regrets. Jackson was probably the only guy who could make me talk this long, and this much.

I stood up to get us water, swaying a little on my feet. Jackson immediately held my hips to keep me steady. "It's alright, I got it. I got it." I said with a smile, patting the back of his hands which was enough signal for him to remove it. I took two glasses from the cupboard and filled them with ice cold water. I placed the glass in front of Jackson and smiled. "You alright?" I asked, before taking a sip of water. He was half-lidded already, seemingly sleepy. He was blushing just a little too, and he kept licking his lips in the most distracting way possible. He didn't answer so I pushed the glass of water closer to him. "Drink up, Jackson. You need to stay awake, I can't keep you here."

"Why not? I can sleep in the guest room." He said, blinking at me before finally taking a sip of water.

"I took out all the linens in the guest room this morning."

"Well then I'll sleep next to you," He said, leaning forward from across the counter, eyes suddenly dark. There it was again. Brooding, and promising, and scary. I attempted to put some distance, feeling lightheaded as I moved back to my seat. Before I even got to the bar stool Jackson turned his chair around, reached out for me. He pulled me against him, face flushing, lower lip caught in between his teeth, muscular arms wrapping around my waist.

"Jackson..." I muttered. His fingers were tickling the bare skin of my torso. Somehow I felt the full effect of the alcohol running through my veins, making me giggle when his hands started moving to the back of my neck.

"I think I know what you can promise me instead..." His voice dropped an octave deeper.

"What?" My giggles died down.

"If you need time to think, you can have it all..." He whispered. He pulled my face closer until we're forehead to forehead. "...But be sure to think of me, okay? Promise me that, at least..." He placed his hands on my hips, spreading his legs a bit more so I could come closer, so much closer than we've ever been. Ever.

"Hmmm... Okay... But why?" I asked, putting my arms around his neck. _Why am I doing this?_

"Because I don't want you to forget me..." Silence. I closed my eyes just to savor the moment because I know I might never be able to come this close to Jackson ever again. I might never feel like this again, like I was suffocating in his scent and breathing easy all at the same damn time. It had been such a peaceful moment up until Jackson spoke again.

"Naega joha... Jinjja... [I like you... Really...] I always have..." I was afraid to open my eyes. I was afraid to look at his beautiful, brown orbs and see exactly what he meant by that. Then I felt his head moving to the side as I tightened my arms around his neck, bracing myself. I felt his lips pressing against mine and right then and there I felt my chest caving in. I let him kiss me, let him hold me tighter. I moaned into the kiss as it deepened, hardened, heightened. We didn't have to speak to affirm the fact that yes... I will be thinking of him. A lot.

I felt the tremors of his body as he pulled me closer, closing in all the possible gaps between us. Unlike when I was with Mark, my heart didn't race. I only felt some sense of lightness, a floating sensation that made me forget where I was at the moment. "Love," Jackson breathed in between kisses, and it warmed my whole being. My hands traveled the wide expanse of his shoulders, his nicely toned chest. My fingers trailed his stomach, feeling the outline of his abs. "Love..."

His hand moved to my arms, squeezing me a bit and preventing my hands from moving further. Frankly, I've lost control of my limbs before I even realized it. I kept attacking him with harsh kisses and the more he pulled me to him the more I felt the tenting in his pants against my stomach. I managed to capture his tongue and suck it, making him groan audibly. And then his hands tightened around my arm as our lips crashed again. "Love, I... I think... I think we need to stop."

That was when my senses woke me. I stopped nibbling his lip and broke away from the kiss gasping. I didn't even know I had been holding my breath. "I'm sorry. I really want to continue but—"

"No! No. I-It's okay. I'm okay." I pulled away from him, still panting heavily. There I was, escaping one problem successfully and diving head-first into another one. _Jesus Christ, I'm such an idiot._ I paced towards the living room, running my fingers through my hair. Jackson stood up but didn't move from his spot. I looked back at him and found him watching me pace around while nibbling the corner of his lower lip anxiously, hands in his pockets. "I... I just..." I exhaled sharply, grappling for the right words in my head before giving up and turning my back to him again. I was furiously blushing, I know, and I couldn't look at him in shame.

"Hey..." Jackson said, voice getting clearer as he stepped closer to me again. He hugged me from behind and whispered. "Mianhe... Jinjja mianhe..."

"No, please, don't say sorry..."

"I AM sorry." He said, owning up solely to the mistake we both obviously made. But it didn't feel wrong. I have no guilty feelings about that kiss at all though it definitely felt like a misstep. "I shouldn't have done that, not when you're about to leave. It's just... I know it's awkward now but I just didn't want to regret not doing it before you leave." He sounded sad as he placed his chin on my shoulder, arms wrapping around me tighter. _Well wouldn't you look at that. Now I know why he and Namjoon are good friends._

"Yeah, no, I know..." I answered before shaking my head at the jumbled contradictions that came out of my mouth. "I mean, I agree. Completely. It's awkward. It's definitely awkward, but I understand. And I—I actually don't feel bad about it..." I stammered, my cheeks warming up again as I tilted my head to the side. "I really liked it..."

"What?" He said, looking at me.

"I—It was nice." I said, looking back at him, our faces so close now. From this angle, I could clearly see the confusion in his face. "Kissing you, I mean" I clarified, biting my lower lip. We stared at each other for a while before I finally decided to avert my gaze. I could still clearly feel his hard on from this position. He let go of me and sighed, his breath hitting the back of my neck deliciously.

"I think I should go..." Jackson muttered helplessly. I watched as he went back to the kitchen, drank his water, and put on his cap and his hoodie. I stood there like an idiot, waiting for something to happen. My eyes followed him around, chest constricting as he neared me again. "I'm sorry, Love, I—"

"No! No, please don't apologize. We're friends. We still are." I said, hastily touching his arm. I took his hand and led him to the door, knowing full well that it would take a long while before I see him again. I had no regrets. None at all. "You take care now. Don't overwork yourself, okay? And listen to your Noonas and Hyungs." I smiled and hugged him one last time, commiting it to memory. "I'll keep my promise..."

 ***Flashforward***

It had been quite a while since I found myself sitting on the benches at the airport's boarding gate, mindlessly staring at the sky before me. Incheon is so pretty. South Korea, in general, looked really pretty. There's a lot of commotion around me but I'm too busy listening to new music to pay attention. If it isn't for Sheen tapping me on the shoulder and pointing towards a specific direction, I probably wouldn't even notice that someone's calling me from the throngs of people. "Sarang-ssi!" Says a deep, loud voice. I turn around to find Taehyung and Namjoon waving at me, dozens of people following them around as they pass the boarding gate I'm in. I wave back at them, my phone in hand. I know they won't be able to stop by and chat because from what I heard they're on their way to Manila for their Philippine concert. I could probably follow them to the lounges but I decide not to because I didn't want to attract too much attention. So instead I type a message to the both of them, wishing them a safe flight.

As I'm chatting, I get interrupted by a call from a new number. I hesitantly answer, pressing my phone against my ear. _What if it's Mark? What if it's the blackmailing computer whiz?_ "Yoboseo?"

"Yah, Noona, why did you not tell me you're leaving?!" The voice says, whiny and sweet.

"Oh... Nugusoyo?" [Oh... Who are you?]

"Noona, you don't even recognize my voice. Aigooo..." I hear an exasperated sigh from the other end of the line. "This is Jinyoungie, I have a new phone. Now why are you leaving?" A little laugh escapes me. _Jinyoung is so dramatic._

"Oh, mianhe Jinyoungie. Noona is going overseas for training. I'm sorry if I didn't get to tell you but how did you know?"

"I overheard JB Hyung asking Jackson if he's coming to the airport to see you." The statement makes me stop and think. The thing about JB is that he doesn't ask about things he doesn't really care about. He barely even talks unless he's truly comfortable with someone. This must mean JB knows that something's up. I'm reminded of my last meeting with Jackson and it leaves a bittersweet aftertaste in my mouth. Like dark chocolates, or aptly-named beers.

"Ahhh, maja... Jinyoungie, Mark doesn't know about it, does he? JB said that to Jackson in private, right?"

"Ne. Waeyo? You didn't tell him?"

"He... He shouldn't know." I answer, sighing heavily. It sucks that we parted the way we had, but I'd like to think that we will have the right timing for a proper closure someday... Maybe. "Jinyoungie, I can count on you to keep this a secret, right?"

"Ne, I promise." I hear him clear his throat from the other side as doors open and close behind him. I can tell he's hiding at the dorm so as not to be overheard. His voice goes deeper, much more mature and serious as he continued. "But Noona, you have to know that he will find out anyway. One of us is going to have a slip-up soon. Besides, it's not like Jackson can hold off his tongue that well."

 _Jackson's tongue. Great. Here it goes again._ I shake the image out of my head before responding. "Ara... I just... I don't want him to think about me anymore." There's silence on the line. I'm just thankful that Jinyoungie is used to it. We used to read side by side for an hour without talking much. At some point the book sessions stopped because he got so busy, what with the prospect of JJ Project making a comeback.

"Please take care of him for me, Jinyoungie..." I mutter, clutching my chest. There's a little bit of pain there, and maybe a dash of regret. What I didn't feel, however, was remorse. I've always wondered what it would feel like when it's all done and over with, but I didn't think it would be this easy to cut ties. One plane ticket, a boarding pass and a passport. It's like an encore to my previous relationship.

It takes a few minutes for Jinyoung to answer. "He's doing fine, Noona. He's actually smiling nicely and laughing a lot these past few days." He adds, his fondness for his Hyung apparent in his tone. I'm just really glad Mark has his friends with him for comfort. I may not have loved him the way he wanted to be loved back but I cared for him deeply, and I know that I have hurt him. It's nice knowing that he's surrounded by good people, like Jackson who never once caved in on their friendship. "I promise to look out for him though, since you asked me to." I chuckle at that, like I begged him to do it.

"Aigoo, I don't think I had to ask you. I know you'll take care of him anyway because you love him." I answer without much thought. My smile fades as thoughts run around in my head. "Oh and one more thing... I—Can you please tell JB that I'm really sorry?" I say in English.

"For what?" Jinyoung asked, also in English, which surprises me a bit.

"For everything." I answer. "And tell him I said thank you... For everything." The boarding announcement suddenly comes in. "Jinyoungie, I have to go now!" I hurriedly say, bidding our goodbyes as I stand up from my seat and gather my things. Unlike when I was leaving Sydney, this particular goodbye didn't feel like a dead end. This feels like a crossroad. Like a long, winding, fork in the road. "I'll miss you!" I say, both to him and to Seoul.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46: Face**

This is the worst idea.

I tried convincing Sheen that sending me to the World DJ Festival might be a huge risk. I've only been DJ-ing for two years and it hasn't even been a year since my formal training at the DJ Academy. How can you trust a rookie to hype up a beast of a crowd, and in Jamsil Stadium no less? Even now, as I take my face mask off while entering the same apartment building I left empty in Cheongdam about a year ago, I can feel a nauseating wave of anxiety. It's not just the idea of facing thousands of people that bothers me, it's also the fact that that I'm back in South Korea and I'm not entirely sure what's waiting for me... Or if anyone—or anything—is waiting for me. No one knows that I'm back. Even my bosses at JYPE didn't know I'd fly in this early. But I wanted to practice on my own, acclimatize myself, and make new stuff in silence. The moment I landed however, people were already looking at me like they just saw an apparition coming out of the arrival gates. Thus, the face mask.

 ***Flashback***

Hong Kong's November weather weirdly reminded me of Seoul. It was hot but also sort of cold. But the cold doesn't warrant a coat so I'm basically sweating in my black oversized shirt dress. The slip dress I wore underneath just in case it gets chilly outside is sticking to my body like second skin. I walked hurriedly towards the check-in counters, my heeled boots clacking against the airport's concrete floor, sweat beading on my forehead. Yes, I decided to wear an all-black outfit. That's quite an understated fashion choice considering that it was Halloween then. My flight was scheduled at 2PM but I came in four hours early so I could work on my set in peace. I took my sunglasses off and smiled at the pretty lady who asked me to put my heavy-looking Herschel backpack on the weighing scale. My chest constricted a bit as I followed.

"Sorry but it's heavy by two kilograms for a hand carry, Ma'am. You do have check-in baggage allowance, however." The ground stewardess declared. "Would you like to check it in?"

"Sorry I really can't check this in because I have my laptop in here and other really important gadgets..."

"Do you have any other bag with you?" She asked, looking a tad bit annoyed now.

 _Shit._ "Uhm... I guess I could... Buy one?" I stammered, taking my backpack again. I really didn't want to shop for a new bag but damn this girl seemed to be on her period and it made the introvert in me quiver. I feigned control by checking the watch on my wrist. "I have plenty of time to shop anyway so... Uhm... Hold on to my boarding pass for a sec, okay? I'll be back in a bit!" I took my passport from her, my bag from the scale, and left my boarding pass behind, throwing it one last look of defeat. I didn't have the energy to argue, but I did have enough energy to go shopping.

I convinced myself that I needed a new laptop bag anyway. It's really not good to squish together my MacBook Pro, clothes, portable MIDI controller, DJ headphones, with a shit ton of cables and wires. I even managed to squeeze in two pairs of shoes in there. No wonder I went past the seven-kilogram limit.

One of the Kate Spade work bags displayed on the glass shelf looked absolutely promising, and it was the perfect size for my laptop, not to mention it was classically black. I walked closer to inspect it, checking the make and look against my body. As I was checking myself in the mirror with the bag dangling from my shoulder, I saw a familiar face behind me. A tiny gasp escaped from my lips. I turned around and walked a few steps behind her, awkwardly following. "A-annyeonghaseyo," I started. _Shit. I totally forgot I'm in China!_ "N-Ni hao..."

The lady turned to me with a slightly surprised look. "Ni hao..." She said, nodding at me. I was momentarily floored by her sophistication and her pretty, kind face. Sophia Wang got me way more starstruck than her world-famous K-Pop idol son.

"Sorry for interrupting you, I... Uhm... I don't know of you remember me," I said, finally speaking in English since I'm still nowhere near being fluent in Chinese. It's a damn hard language to learn. "I have blonde hair now but I used to work with your son at JYPE. I was part of the production team and we've actually met before on uhm... his birthday at the—"

"Excuse me, miss, are you buying this bag?" The saleslady rudely interrupted. _Jesus Christ!_ I turned to the girl with a smile, hoping my sharp eyes translated exactly what I was thinking at that moment. Just because I wore a t-shirt as a dress didn't mean I couldn't pay for this shit.

"No, I don't think this suits me, actually." I answered, giving it another once over and realizing it's way too classy for my hipster-y outfit. "I'm getting the floral one," I handed her the bag and pointed to the more expensive version inside a glass box. "Here's my card. Can you process this for me, sweetie? I still need to talk to the lovely madam. Thank you!" I added, all while taking my wallet and handing her my shiny Sapphire Reserve card. Shock passed through her countenance upon seeing my high-end credit card. I don't brag about my family's wealth, and all the people who are close to me could attest to this. But I refuse to be treated like shit especially when I feel like I'm already in a vulnerable position. I watched the lady scuttle off to get me my bag before turning back to Mrs. Wang. "I'm really sorry about that. As I was saying, we met earlier this year at the—"

"Corinthians Hotel. Of course I remember! Hello! Sarah, isn't it?" She softly said, leaning in for a hug and a kiss.

"Uhm, yes... Hi!" I leaned in to hug her back like we were long lost friends. "Your son introduced me as Sarang, which is how they used to call me at JYPE but my real name is Love." I clarified, feeling blood rushing through my entire being. _She remembered me! Holy crap!_ "I've actually... I'm not working with Jackson anymore because I'm working on my own career here in Hong Kong."

"Yes, I've heard. Aren't you a DJ? Jackson had told me a lot about you, and he did say you live here now." Her words made me halt. _He... What?_ Mrs. Wang updated me on his latest solo projects, especially after establishing Team Wang. That's also why I've lost contact with him, and with the other boys, for the most part. Sheen tried, still. But I just don't see the point anymore.

Mrs. Wang accompanied me to the counter and we talked as if we've been friends for a long, long time now. I signed the receipt for my bag which the sales lady raciously wrapped in a pretty box. Sophia touched my forearm and smiled right after I took my bag and my card from the flustered sales lady. "Oh by the way, where are you headed?" She asked.

"Oh, I'm going to Taipei and then to Macau for some events..." I answered, hastily tucking my card back into my wallet. I almost completely forgot that we were in a duty free store inside the massive Hong Kong International Airport, and not at some mall in Mongkok. She asked me if I was busy, and if I have to dash to my flight already. I quickly said no. Somehow, while watching her nod thoughtfully, I had a feeling that she was thinking of a way for us to get to know each other better. "My flight's actually not until 2PM so I have plenty of time. Would you like to join me at the lounge?" I secretly thanked the heavens for my mother who nagged me into getting a prestige travel card after my big move to Hong Kong.

"Well that's really nice of you but I don't want to burden you..." Sophia said as we walked out of the store.

"No, no, it's really not a burden. I can bring in two guests in with my card, it's totally fine."

"Are you sure?" She asked, holding my hand now. The chills ran from my hand up to my shoulders. She truly is Jackson's mother.

"Yes, I am totally sure," I smiled warmly at her. "I just have to go back and check-in this bag and get my boarding pass but I'll be very quick. Could you wait for me here?" I added while helping her sit on one of the benches. She nodded before waving me off and calling her husband. The image of Jackson's face the night we parted came back to life from the confines of my brain as I made a mad dash to the check-in counters.

There was a brief huffing, a momentary relief, that spread through my body as I dumped my heavy bag onto the scale. I was a mess—well, I've always been a mess—while transferring all the important stuff into my new bag, leaving out the bigger electronics and cables and clothes. Then I watched the lady slap a fragile sticker onto the bag, wishing I could ask for an extra to put on my forehead.

Inviting Jackson's parents to lunch was almost like licking on invisible wounds. Like scratching on the scabs that were almost healed.

Still, I found myself sitting with Ricky and Sophia for lunch at the business class lounge. We took selfies, as prompted by Jackson's dad. Sophia, I then realized, isn't just a nice, good-looking lady. She's one of the sweetest women I've ever met, probably even sweeter than my mom is to my dad. That's a lot to say coming from a child who grew up seeing her parents kiss, even in public. Jackson must have gotten his touchy ways from his mom, his effortless charm from his dad. "So how long are you staying in Taiwan?" Ricky, Jackson's dad, asked with an all-too-familiar smile.

"Just for two days, actually. I got invited to play at some corporate after-party event and then I'm flying to Macau to watch a concert and spin at Sky21. I'm staying there for like three days and then I'm coming back here again for my classes." I explained that since arriving in Hong Kong, I've been splitting my time between attending DJ Academy classes and going from gig to gig, wherever Sheen's amazing PR skills took me. They prodded some more about my job, about my beginnings, and somehow I found myself telling the story of how I started playing in small bars in South Korea after the viral video.

"Will you be staying in Corinthians again?" It was Sophia's turn to ask.

"Oh yeah, I'm curious too. Do you ever go to other hotels? Or do you always stay in your family's hotels wherever you go?" Ricky added.

"Ah, yes. I'm gonna be staying in Corthians Taiwan. We don't have a hotel in Macau yet so I'm staying at the Venetian. Of course I do stay in Corinthians whenever I can, wherever I am. It kinda gives my dad some peace of mind." Ricky and Sophia agreed and spoke about their sentiments regarding Jackson's crazy jetsetter lifestyle. It amazed me how humble they were, and their constant worrying over their youngest child warmed my heart. They asked about my parents, about my life in Australia, and I gladly indulged them with stories while eating dessert and drinking wine until one of the airline staff informed us that their flight to Beijing was about to start boarding.

They stood up, Ricky helping Sophia as she rose slowly. I saw, despite her grace, that she still felt a bit of pain whenever she moved and it gnawed a little hole in my heart for some unknown reason. I stood up, as well, bowing politely to them. She approached me with open arms and I went in for the hug. "Thank you so much, Love, it was really nice talking to you." _Oh, Jesus, they're all huggers aren't they?_

"Thank you for joining me for lunch, it's nice talking to you as well." I answered, kissing her cheek carefully. I wondered then what Jackson would think about this meeting.

"No, no, the pleasure is ours. And please, when we all get back, can you drop by our house for dinner? I do want to return the favor." Sophia said, squeezing my hand. I did my best not to stutter as I let out a half-hearted laugh and a hesitant promise. She asked for my business card, which I still don't have. _I gotta tell Sheen I need that._ I handed her my Corinthians business card instead which doesn't have a designation—because obviously I'm just the owner's daughter—but has my name and my contact details in it. She promised to keep in touch before the staff assisted them to the boarding gates.

Once they're gone, I sat back into my chair, finally able to inspect the bag I purchased and organize the mess I haphazardly dumped into it. As I was fixing my things, my phone buzzed.

 **Namjoon:** So... I heard through the grapevine that you're excited for our concert in Macau.

 **Love:** What grapevine?

 **Namjoon:** Oh, you know... Fan cafe messages. Someone saw you and a friend in Hong Kong buying tickets for the concert...

 **Love:** Wow, I didn't think anyone would care, let alone know me.

 **Namjoon:** Yeah, tell that to your super cool Sky21 poster.

 **Love:** Sasaeng!

 **Namjoon:** Haha! Only to a select few.

 **Namjoon:** Just for a change.

 **Namjoon:** So?

 **Love:** What?!

 **Namjoon:** You promised, Love...

 **Love:** I know. I know. I did fulfill my promise, right? I bought my own tickets!

 **Namjoon:** Yes, good. I'm inviting you to the concert, still.

 **Namjoon:** I mean, if you want to sneak in backstage that is... The boys miss you.

 **Love:** Thank you, yeah I'd like that.

 **Namjoon:** In exchange will you invite us to your gig at Sky21?

 **Love:** *laughing emoji*

 **Love:** Is this what this is about? Free party passes?!

 **Namjoon:** Yup, definitely is.

 **Love:** Okay then! I'll let them know we'll have VIPs on the guest list.

 ***Flashforward***

Needless to say, videos from my Sky21 set went viral in a matter of days, mostly because some BTS members were spotted partying with me. I shouldn't have allowed Taehyung to stand beside me at the DJ booth and MC for me. Firstly, his English is very limited and our audiences are mostly Chinese. Second, his surprise appearance caused wildfire on the dance floor, and online. A day later, photos of the hyung line hanging out with several Chinese celebrities and socialites surfaced, along with photos of me and Taehyung during my set. I wasn't surprised at all, but the incident brought back a lot of memories and it was enough to make me feel jitters all over.

Then again, that might just be the damp cold brought about by the rain. It was stupid of me to think that the weather wouldn't be different. It was really hot when I left Hong Kong this afternoon, the sun was out and the skies were clear after days of raining. When the plane landed in Incheon, however, I almost wanted to die. I'm freezing in my oversized cotton shirt, a pair of high-waisted shorts, a pair of white Puma sneakers, and wool socks. I only got to wear a cardigan over my thin shirt when I got my luggage at the arrival area.

The wheels of my suitcase rolled noisily on the hallway floor and I'm actually glad my neighbors haven't opened their doors yet to see who's making an entrance at this ungodly hour. I halt in front of my door and breathed deeply, glad to be back despite everything. The passcode's the same, even though I've been told to change it.

 _I guess old habits die hard._

The moment I step in, I immediately realize that something's different. The furniture are still there, covered in white sheets. The whole place is dark save for the light in the porch and the yellow light coming from the dining area. _Why the heck are the lights in the dining area open?!_ I listen warily, forgetting to take my shoes off as I walk slowly to the kitchen. _Maybe I should get something heavy for self-defense? Pepper spray?_

There's a light tapping coming from the dining table. A hooded figure's sitting there, hunkered down, wearing headphones that are connected to a phone, and before him, various papers and coffee. It's a mess in there, and there's a mess unraveling in my brain too. The man leans back and stretches his long arms, and the deep groan he emitted while doing so triggers something in my brain, and my chest. I walk closer, biting my lower lip now to surpress my smile, and then press my cold palm against the side of his neck. "Kkamjjag-iya!" [Oh my god!]

"Mhm..." I say, crossing my arms in front my chest, a tepid smile spreading on my lips. I can hear the murmur of beats and melodies from his headphones. "Hey Mark."

"Love... God, you scared the crap out of me! Jesus..." Mark breathes, standing up and taking his headphones off. "How—W-What are you doing here?!"

"Oh, I don't know, returning to MY house?!" I answer, rolling my eyes at him as I step back to allow some distance. I silently measure my heart rate as he steps closer to me, counting the beats in my head, trying to see if it races again as he gets nearer and nearer.

"I know but... I mean..." He's just a few inches away from me now, still way taller. I don't budge. His tongue passes over his lips and he sighs, so deeply he must've held that in for so long. "When... How... Why are you back? Why didn't you tell me you're coming back?" He asks, perhaps a bit confused. He pulls his hoodie down, revealing soft brown hair. I don't blink as I look up at his beautiful face, like a small child looking up at the clear sky. It's still as breathtaking as before. But my heart doesn't race.

"Because I finally feel like it..." I murmur, eyes dropping to his lips, then to his neck, then to his collarbones, and then to the fluffy material of his hoodie. "And I have no reason to tell you I'm coming back when even our boss doesn't know I'm back." He scoffs in response and shakes his head. "What are YOU doing here?" I finally ask.

"Writing lyrics..." He answers, shifting on his feet and tilting his head to the side. I feel his eyes scanning me from head to toe, a soft smile playing on his lips. "I can't concentrate at the dorm so I decided to get coffee and head out here. I told you to change your passcode but obviously you didn't listen."

"I didn't think you'd still come over."

"I didn't think you'd want me to stop coming over..."

Silence.

"I did." It's almost a whisper.

"Oh you did? Is that why you left without saying a word?" Dead silence. My heart doesn't race but I feel the slow, heavy thumping it's making as he takes one more step closer. "You kept asking me to stay that night. You were so drunk but I know you remember every single thing so don't you dare deny it. You didn't change your passcode. You didn't change the keys. You kept everything the same except for the cover sheets, and the only thing you left behind in your closet are linens and the nightgown I gave you. Do you still use the matching underwear or is it hiding somewhere in here too?" His voice is mocking, almost teasing, and I have to admit I missed that. But the image of him roaming my apartment and noticing all the pieces of me I've left behind hurts. It hurts and I don't know how to make it better.

"What is the point of running away if I'm going to take the things that remind me of you?" I reason, taking another step backwards.

"Oh, you tell me... What IS the point, Love?" I look up at him and the sadness I see in his deep brown eyes makes my insides melt. He takes a step forward still, his piercing gaze never leaves me. "You want to forget me? Really? We both knew it was gonna end at some point, Love. We knew it before it even began." Those last words seared along my skin and I give up with a sigh. He sighs too, and then steps closer and envelopes me into a warm hug. "Welcome back..." He whispers in my ear. "I've missed your face."

"I figured..." I answer, chuckling a little because his words reminded me of the song they released months after I left. "I've missed your face too..." I let my head rest on his shoulder, let my hands find their way around his waist, let my consciousness drift as he places a sweet, albeit quick, kiss on my forehead. We stay like that for a few minutes, just closing in on all the gaps that we have left behind and it almost feels as if we're gently rubbing balm on the dried out wounds that never got to properly heal. This time it's not as painful. This time I'm not crying, and neither is he. "I'm sorry..."

"I am too..." He whispers, his arms tightening around me.

The hug ends when the doorbell rings. "What the..." I say. I'm not expecting anyone, and by the looks of it Mark isn't too. We both walk to the door warily and I didn't bother looking through the peephole since I'm pretty sure whoever's on the other side knew I was in. I take my shoes off before opening the door, Mark pushes my bag to the side with his foot and stands by the hallway. The cold wind gushes inside as the man with a face mask steps in.

"Oh, Mark hyung!" His voice gives him away. "Am I interrupting here?"

"No. What are you doing here Jackson?" He answers.

"My mom told me she's back. What are YOU doing here?" Jackson asks, taking his mask off and pulling the hood off his head down. _Things never seem to change around here._ I close the door and pad to the living room, pulling my bag along. There's no use meddling in their conversation.

"Nevermind, I was leaving anyway." Mark says, turning his back to Jackson and shuffling to the kitchen to retrieve his things. Jackson blabbers about not seeing him all day and he finally realizes that Mark's been holing up in my empty nest. I can feel the awkwardness in the air, and Jackson's trying to alleviate that with small talk but both Mark and I are not having any of it. I pull the covers off the sofa bed, unsettling the dust suspended in the air. Jackson sneezes then coughs violently. _Ah, so that's why._ I knew Sophia was up to something when she asked me over for lunch the other day. She handed me a parcel and asked me to leave it for her son at the office. Obviously, I didn't need to do that know.

I sit and pat the space beside me. Jackson scoots close to me and whispers tentatively. "What? Not even a hug? Are you serious?" His remark makes me laugh. I snake my arms around his waist and he twists a little for a semi-hug. That's how Mark finds us, with Jackson's face eclipsing mine, body leaning towards me. He steps out of the kitchen with a brown pouch, face mask halfway on.

"Hey Love..." Mark shouts from across the room. It's strange, yet comforting, hearing him call me by my real name. No endearments. No moans or expletives. No meaningful looks. Nothing. Still, Jackson slowly lets me go when he sees the placid look on Mark's face. Mark smiles just a little as I stand to lead him out. "It's nice seeing you again. Let's talk sometime soon, yeah?" He says, hugging me tight one last time before heading out.

"Thanks. And yeah... We'll... We'll talk." I promise, a warm smile spreading on my face. I didn't have to tell him it was nice seeing him too as wave him goodbye before closing the door.


	47. Chapter 47 (M)

**Chapter 47: Angel**

I sit back down beside Jackson with a smile on my face and he just looks at me, wary and baffled. I shrug as I sift through my stuff to look for his parcel. Frankly, I could have asked Mark to stay. But I'm tired and feeling out of sorts and the last thing I need is coming home to an awkward apartment.

"Your mom asked me to leave this for you." I say, handing him a medium-sized box carefully wrapped in brown paper with a note scribbled on top. Jackson coughs again on the crook of his arm. The poor boy looks so sullen, sweating in his hoodie, in the middle of a cold front. I run my fingers through the hair at the back of his head, peering at him worriedly. His eyes are a bit bloodshot, a little bit teary even. He sniffles a little as he reads through the instructions written in Chinese.

He carefully tears the packaging, opens the box and in it are various flasks and bottles, medicines and vitamins, heat pads and tea bags, and a digital thermometer. Jackson tells me that the note says it's his emergency stash and his sad smile somehow makes my heart constrict. It's one thing to know that you mother is still there to take care of you when you're sick. It's another thing to know that she would send the same kind of care from oceans away, through a friend.

I press the back of my hand on his forehead, then his neck. "God, Jackson, you're burning up." I say, sounding almost panicked, if not irritated. I take the box from him to find a paracetamol from his stash and a peppermint teabag.

"I'll Facetime my mom, see if she's still awake." He pulls out his phone but I stop him from making the call. _There is no way in hell Sophia's still awake right now._

"No, don't. Just text her. Tell her you're staying with me." I command, handing him the thermometer. "Let me get you some water and tea, just... just stay here." I then pad to the kitchen, swiftly working on heating up water for his tea.

"I'm... What?!" He calls out. I come out of the kitchen with a glass of water, the kettle brewing behind me. I don't know where in the heck that came from. Somehow, I start to think that I'm making another bad decision here. Still, I can't bring myself to doubt my decision.

"You're... You're staying. If you give me some time I'll go fix the guest room for you. Unless you have a schedule later then I'll drive you ho—"

"No!" Jackson interrupts. My eyebrows quirk up. "No, I mean... We don't have schedules later... or tomorrow. I can stay... I will stay... If you want me to..." His voice sounds weak, palms consciously rubbing against his jeans. He waits for me to speak up, nibbling on the side of his lip. I wish I could tell him I'm more anxious than he is now that I've invited him haphazardly to stay. The silence envelopes us until we hear the beep of the thermometer. He fumbles inside his hoodie and takes it out. _38.5ºC._ I contemplate for a split-second if I should take him to the hospital, but the rain is pouring outside.

"Well it's raining and I can't let you out there in that state so..." I sigh and hand him the glass of water. My stomach rumbles, making me realize I haven't eaten a single thing since arriving. "Have you eaten yet?" I ask, listening distractedly for the tell-tale whistling of the kettle.

"No, have you?"

"Nope. Guess we'll order in. Think you can manage some pizza?"

"Duh," He rolls his eyes and makes himself comfortable on the sofa bed, sneezing and coughing. I take a pack of tissues from my suitcase and throw it at him while dialing food delivery, my gray wool socks rustling softly as I move around the apartment to give Jackson his tea, place a warm, wet towel on his forehead, and tuck him in with a throw blanket. I pad upstairs to fix the guest room. Slowly but surely my apartment goes back to its original state and by the time I hear the doorbell ring, I've managed to haul my luggage to my bedroom, despite Jackson's protestations.

I rush down to get the delivery, but he's already paying for all of it, and he's smiling at the bewildered delivery boy as if it's the most natural thing in the world to be greeted by an off-duty K-Pop idol at the door. "Hey, can you check if the soup is there?" I ask, huffing a little. The delivery boy—a tall, lean teen—peers inquisitively past Jackson's shoulder and sees me, now in a pair of gray pajamas that are way too huge for my frame. I've lost a lot of weight since living in Hong Kong, the constant workouts and training being the main cause.

"Oh, igeo?!" [Oh, this?] Jackson asks, pointing to a plastic container. The boy nods wordlessly, eyes still wide. Somewhere in the recesses of my brain I'm getting paranoid of the possibility that this instance might get publicized again—that people would know I'm back, resurrecting the scandals. But the prospect of old rumors becoming more real than they used to be scares me more than I would ever admit. "Okay, all good now I think. Thanks!" He announces before waving goodbye to the stunned boy and closing the door. Jackson turns to me, still staring at the food in his arms and cocking his head to the side. "Isn't this too much for the two of us?"

"I'm fucking starving, Jackson, I haven't eaten since I left Hong Kong," I take everything from his arms and walk briskly away.

"Oh... Okay..." He follows me to the kitchen, wet towel draped over his head, like fake hair or like a lamp head that slightly dims his a bright, dazzling smile. For someone with high fever, he looks way too cheerful. I heated up the soup in the microwave and laid out the food on the dining table. Jackson sits in front of me, watching me like a curious puppy and the unwanted attention makes me blush a bit. I've lived half a year alone in foreign land and I've gotten used to not having someone stare at me while I do things.

I take the soup out of the microwave and set it before him. "Eat. You shouldn't drink medicines on an empty stomach." I say, sitting across him, eyes on the food. I eat silently, trying not to think that I have made another grave mistake, trying not to meet his gaze. The last time I saw his face, I was shell-shocked. I was mindlessly flipping through the Chinese magazines in one of the exclusive boutiques my mother frequented. She paid me a visit, forced me to go shopping with her and while she was looking at designer handbags I randomly scanned through the pictures of the magazine, not understanding a thing. And then I saw Jackson in all his half-naked glory, clad in leather, nipples and abs showing, face looking beautifully grave. I wanted to pull all the hairs on my head then.

Jackson clears his throat uncomfortably. He never liked silence. "So... How's Hong Kong?" He asks.

I look up at him slowly, a smirk playing on my lips. "You're seriously asking me that? You were there a few weeks ago."

"I was in Beijing."

"Yeah but you went home before that, your mom told me." His eyes widen. I laugh.

"Wait, how are you so close to my mom?!" He asks leaning forward before digging into his soup again. I tell him the story of how we met at the airport, and I tell him that his mom has been contacting me since to accompany her to coffee or shopping. I'll never forget that first meeting, even if I tried. It had been a very eventful weekend for me, something that set the wheels in motion again after my hiatus. I played in Taiwan, flew to Macau and went straight to a BTS concert, and then played at one of Macau's most prominent party venues—which apparently he knew about. He tells me that he saw the videos because of BamBam. _Of course._ The younger idol messaged me on SNS when the videos came out and reminded me of my sudden disappearance. I promised to pay him a visit soon, if only to make up for the fact that I never properly said my goodbye.

"Did you know I visited your house once?" I ask after my second slice of pizza, brushing the crumbs off my hands before reaching for my can of Coke. Jackson just stares at me dumbfounded. I laugh. I laugh so hard that I almost hurt my stomach for doubling over. His eyes are so wide, lips parted, jaws unhinged. "I did! I went to visit last December, a few days before Christmas. I left presents at your house."

"For them?"

"For them and for you..." My warm smile becomes tepid. I never really forgot. I never really stopped thinking. I may have swam away from their ocean but all I ever really did was move into a grander, prettier, more controlled infinity pool of my own. I made my own waves there, but I have always sat on the ledge, looking at the sea, staring at the crashing waves. I never stopped reading news about them, never really stopped talking to Mina, who's now a senior editor at the company, someone who doesn't have to beg to be taken to events and to out of town trips. She updates me all the time, tells me Mark sometimes slips and calls her Love. It wasn't healthy, looking at it from afar and doing my best to pretend it never really happened. But I needed to remind myself of who I turned out to be, of that part of myself I turned my back to eventually. I used to be the kind of person who calls the past past and moves on as if nothing really happened. I burn bridges faster than I make them. But as I look up to meet his intense gaze, I can't help but think about how much I changed in the past year because here I am rebuilding bridges over turbulent waters. "It's the Dior Homme Cologne..."

"Oh! That was from you?" Jackson seems remember unwrapping my gift last Christmas.

"Yeah..."

"Why didn't you put a tag?"

"I didn't think I have to. I know you get a lot of presents anyway so why bother with a label, right?" I say, averting my gaze and tearing another slice of pizza though my hunger's waning.

"You really have a weird thing for taking out labels, don't you?" It's more of a side comment really, but it hit right through me. I look up at him again with a disbelieving face and he just smirks at me like he actually didn't care that it hurt. I take a huge bite to shut myself up. "You went to my house a few days before I came home. You never answered my calls. Sheen never answered my calls. You kept avoiding me for like... half a year! What should I label that, then? What was I supposed to think?" Oh we're in the deep end now. He dragged us all the way in there and I hate it. I feel so cornered and unprepared.

"Has it ever occurred to you that I just didn't want to get you in trouble? All of you?"

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I've been trying to think the same way? I tried, I really did..." Jackson pushes the empty bowl of soup and takes the paracetamol I have set beside his glass of water before we even started eating. "...But you just said you went to my house and bonded with my parents and left us presents. What am I supposed to think about that?"

"You're the one who told your mom I'm in Hong Kong."

"I just mentioned it in passing, Love. She's been asking me about you since my birthday last year!" I stop chewing just as soon as Jackson spits the words out. I watch him drink his medicines carefully, and it's his turn to laugh out loud when he sees my reaction. I look back to the last few months only to realize that it is kind of weird that Sophia remembered me at the airport even if we only met for a very brief period of time. She's been really nice to me, almost like a mother. She comments about my deteriorating weight, and about how pretty I am, and about how she wishes she had a daughter to go with her just like how I make time for her whenever she called. Last December, she asked me if I had plans to ever get married, and as someone nearing her 30s I didn't think it was a weird question back then. My mother had been asking me the same things anyway so I've gotten used to being reminded that my clock is ticking—as if my ovaries started to drying out and shriveling the moment I went past my mid-20s.

My mind quickly travels to the day we surprised Jackson for his birthday and the image of him staring lustfully down at me must have given Sophia the wrong idea. "Oh... Oh my god..." I mutter under my breath. _Why have I never thought of it that way?!_ I should have known I've been planting the wrong seeds. Who, in their right mind, would give an exorbitantly priced designer bag to someone who's just their son's "friend"?

"Why?"

"Do you know what she gave me for Christmas?!" I say, now scoffing at myself. _How could I have missed it?!_ I shake my head a little as I start to clean up. Jackson's so obviously done with eating anyway, what with the way he's staring hard at me, waiting for the rest of my statement to come. "She gave me a handbag for Christmas and it's not even, like, the normal kind of handbag. It's from the Gucci Fall 2017 collection which costs big, massive bikkies!" I don't always use my Australian slang but damn... Now that I think about it I am more and more shocked at the things and the signs that I have missed. Even Jackson is shocked. I take my phone to show him a photo of the bag. It's black and beautifully handcrafted and embroidered with a mythical creature in front.

"Well it's a good bag..."

"It's an expensive bag, Jackson. I wanted to give it back immediately but she insisted that since I only buy one designer item per year I deserve one more fancy fashion piece. She said it's the least she could do since I took care of you." I explain, leaving my phone to him and proceeding to dump the empty boxes to the trash. I haven't even used the damn bag, it's sitting in a locked-off closet in my Hong Kong apartment, still in its box. He tries to reason with me, tells me stories of his mom being super nice to his best buddies even when he was a kid.

"Okay, but have you ever heard of any of your friends receiving a $3,000 bag from your mother?"

Silence.

"If you're so bothered by it then why don't you just be my girlfriend then?" He suddenly asks. I turn to him, in the midst of my clean-up, with the most incredulous look on my face. "I mean, she once helped me pick a Pandora bracelet for my ex-girlfriend..."

"How is that a good answer?!"

"Well, I don't know how to answer!"

"Jesus, Jackson. Let's... Forget it, okay. I'm just... I'll just give her a much better gift on her birthday instead." I resolve not be so awkward about it. It's not like I never receive expensive gifts anyway. My own mother gave me a car on my 17th birthday. Then again, that's my mother. I don't know what's up with Sophia but if she thinks I should marry her rich-ass son, it'll probably be best to discuss that first with him because he's obviously much more confused than I am. Still, I'm quite thankful that she seems very fond of me. "Come on, you need to sleep." I sigh, taking my phone from his hand and replacing it with my hand.

He sits on the bed in the guest room with a huff, dabbing on the sweat pooling on his forehead. I'm about to leave when I see him stretch his muscles, wincing in pain. I sigh again and walk back in front of him, checking his temperature against the back of my hand. From where I stand I see pretty round orbs gazing up at me, like a puppy at an adoption center waiting to be taken home. "Take your hoodie off, you're sweating a lot." I say, heading to the windows to let the air in.

"You know if you want to see me half-naked you could just say it," He answers suggestively. A laugh escapes me, heat blooming in my body as the pitter patter of the rain enters the room.

"I don't think I need to see you half-naked, I've seen it all in the magazines. That Men's Uno shoot was awesome, by the way." I don't have to say that the images bothered me in the middle of a shopping trip. There had been many photos of him in the past few months too that made me wonder what it would have been like if I took him up on his silent offer to do something more than just kiss before I left for Hong Kong. But every single time, I would stop myself, shut it down, look away before the thought simmers. _I can't have myself falling for the same damn trap again._

Jackson takes his hoodie off with much difficulty, mostly because his arms feel really weak. I help him by pulling the hoodie off him and I try not to stare as his muscles rippled and moved when he's left in his black tank top. He sighs, looks at me with come-hither eyes and licks his lips. _Damn it, Jackson._ I step back, folding the jacket casually and placing it on the side table along with his watch, his phone, his wallet. "If you wanna take a shower you know where the bathroom is, just make sure the water's lukewarm. You need to... uhm... Let the heat out so your body temperature would normalize and..." I gulp, stepping away slowly, like a cat lost in a den of lions.

"I don't think I can, I feel so weak..."

"Well..." I fidget with the hem of my pajama top. I'm torn between helping him feel better, and running away. Far, far away from the potential danger of getting close to someone so magnetic. "You could have a sponge bath, I guess?"

"Will you give me a sponge bath?" He asks, half-smiling, eyes narrowing at me,

"Nope." I make a move towards the door.

"Please?" He uses his puppy eyes and sweet, low voice.

"No."

"Jebal..." Now his exhausted, baby eyes and edgy voice.

"Jackson!"

"I swear I can't move, my joints hurt, jinjja..." His whiny voice gets to me quicker than I could recollect my wits. I sigh heavily before looking back at him and his face is crumpled in a tormented look, he almost looks like he's about to cry.

"Jesus, fine." I say, my annoyance audible through out the whole damn apartment. I leave the room huffing and mumbling. I should never have suggested a sponge bath. I can already imagine the amount of touching we're bound to do and just the thought of it makes me squirm uncomfortably because a sponge bath might just be the most erotic thing I'm ever going to do for Jackson. Never mind the fleeting massages and the kisses, the suggestive words and the taunting stare-downs. This is basically foreplay under the guise of slackening concern.

By the time I'm back with a basin of water and a washcloth Jackson's lying on the bed already, fixing the pillows behind him. I set the basin on the floor quietly, eyes looking everywhere but him as I dip the washcloth into the water. _I swear to god, if he tries something funny..._ He sits up weakly as I take up the space beside him. "Okay, give me your arm." He does as he's told and smiles a little as the warm, damp fabric presses onto his skin, from his shoulder to his arm to his hands. I'm careful not to prolong the contact, though it's failing for the most part.

Jackson has gotten leaner. His muscles are still there, and he's definitely still as strong as a bull, but his build has gone from athlete-fit to popstar-lean. He's become anemic, I've been told, and it shows with the way his cheeks seem to almost look pallid, and the way his collarbones hollowed as I gently sponge his face, his neck, and what's exposed of his chest. He's staring at me, and the look in his eyes makes it harder for me to pretend like I don't care too much. "You wanna do this on your own now or...?" I ask, tentatively handing him the washcloth. He shakes his head, lips forming into a small pout, and then lifts his other arm for me. I roll my eyes at him and take his hand, careful not to spend too much time holding his long fingers as I scrub his arm thoroughly.

"It smells nice," He says, watching me dip the cloth in water again.

"It's mint soap. I'm hoping it'll help cool you down." I answer, wringing the washcloth with weak hands. The trip seems to be taking a toll on me already. I look back at him, pausing to think of a way to continue.

"Oh, should I take my top off?" He asks rather too innocently and for some reason it makes me want to kick him out... or kick myself for agreeing to this. I nod and try to look elsewhere but the temptation is way too strong now. I steal a glance just as he takes his black tank top off silently, purse my lips and let my breath stream through my nose. _Holy hell, what have I gotten myself into._ He watches me sponge his shoulder blades, his chest. He leans back as I work my hands down his stomach, his abs solid under my touch. His glare is ravenous, his fist tightening around the tank top that's balled in his hands.

"Turn sideways so I can scrub your back," I mutter before moving to dip the washcloth in water again. He takes a pillow and hugs it tight as he lays sideways, presenting his broad, muscular back to me. I spend more time there because it's way less awkward when I know he's not staring at me. Then I step away as soon as I'm done, ready to run and hide in my room. But while I'm hauling the basin up, Jackson kneels on the bed and makes a quick work of unbuttoning his jeans, devil eyes never leaving mine.

"You can't be serious..." I say, deadpan despite the drumming inside my chest. He shakes his head and makes a show of kicking his pants off weakly along with his socks until he's left with only his black boxers. Then he leans back against the headboard, eyes never leaving mine. He doesn't talk, but his smoldering gaze is enough to make me put the damn basin down again.

I take my place at the edge of the bed and start scrubbing his leg, his muscular thighs, my knuckles almost grazing his crotch. He tries to sit up more comfortably, chest heaving as my hands linger on his inner thighs before moving to the next leg. I smirk up at him as my hands travel his left thigh. "Oh, Honey, are you okay?" I ask, voice teasing and dripping with condescension as I sponge the rest of his leg. _Two can play in this shitty game, right?_

"Mmhhmmm..." He nods with knitted eyebrows while watching my hand. Then he looks up at me again with narrow eyes. "Did you just call me Honey?!"

"Yeah, why?" I say, moving to scrub his feet now. "Do you like it when I call you that?"

"Yeah, I like it. Call me Honey from now on." Jackson says, deep, sultry voice making the hairs on my arm stand up. I can feel the heat pooling in the pit of my stomach as he continues to stare at me while I finish cleaning him up. Had I known it would be this risky I probably would have just opted to drive him home. Or ask Mark to stay too, see how that goes for all of us. I shake my head and stand up from the bed.

"No." My retort sounds almost bitter, and broken, and he must have felt the fact that it's only half meant because as I step away, he reaches out to grab my wrist and yanks me towards him. I stumble on top of him on the bed and he takes the damp washcloth off my hand, throws it away, pulls me by the back of the neck and kisses me hard. We both struggle for control, with me trying to break away, and him trying to gather what remains of his strength to pin me down on the bed as I lose my balance. "Jackson... Wait... Please..." I try to say in between deep kisses. He stops, panting, wet lips parted as he hovers over me, arms on both sides of my head. The sight makes me lose my train of thought so I just stare up at him, wide-eyed and panting just as hard.

"If you can tell me honestly that you don't want this, I'll stop."

"I-I... I don't..."

"Bullshit." He says harshly before leaning down to kiss me again. This time I don't fight it. I ball my fists as his kisses leave my mouth and travel down to my neck. It makes me moan deliciously, makes me writhe helplessly, makes me call out to him passionately. "I'm gonna ask you again, Honey..." He breathes the words onto my skin and suddenly I feel like I'm the one who's delirious with fever now. "Do you want this?"

"I... Jackson, please... Please..." My nails are digging on the flesh of his shoulders now.

"Please, yes?" His fingers are toying with the buttons of my pajama top now.

"Please, no... We need to... Honey, listen, we need to slow down..." The words get tangled in my throat, my breath hitching with every movement he makes until he just completely stops. I try not to whine at the loss, try to control my breathing and collect what's left of my sanity. He slumps on the bed beside me, and we're both left heaving as the heat of the moment fades away. "I'm sorry." I whisper.

"No, I am. I'm sorry, I just... Fuck, I just missed you so much..." He murmurs guiltily. I'm glad we're both just staring at the ceiling now and not looking at each other.

"I missed you too but..." With the words left hanging, the silence that follows feels heavy on us. I just saw my ex—or not ex—in my house, half a year after I left with no parting words. I just found out he's been hanging around, looking at my things, wondering how I've been doing. And yet that doesn't seem to change the fact that I like his friend. Maybe I've always actually liked this particular friend more than I like him. The realization hits me square in the chest and it makes my eyes sting, makes me inhale sharply, and exhale deeply. _Damn._

"But what?"

"But I... I don't want us to make the same mistakes that Mark and I did. You've seen it. We were a mess, Jackson. I'm still a mess..."

A few minutes pass us by in silence. I look sideways and realize he's been looking at me all this time, his hair mussed up, eyes sad, body shivering. I sit up to get the blanket that's been long discarded near our feet. I'm about to leave the bed, tuck him in, and sleep away the rest of the feelings simmering underneath my skin but he stops me again.

"I can't just let you leave after that." He says, voice running deep again, face looking grave. Jackson's serious face can give JB or Mark a run for their money. "Also, I'm sick... And you made me stay here so I'm your responsibility." He pouts, and I feel my heart melt a little.

"Fine. Let's go for spooning. Just promise you won't try anything other than that."

"Only if you promise not to move too much because I'm basically naked here." He says, grinning now. It makes me laugh out loud, and makes me forget. The sound of my own laughter surprises me a bit because it sounded nothing like me. It sounded nothing like the girl who first came to Korea and then came to work at JYPE.

Deep down I know nothing much has changed anyway. I still work at JYPE, albeit under a new contract. I still need headphones for work. I still have this apartment, although it's a little bit worse for wear. I'm still friends with GOT7—some more than the others.

I reach out to turn off the bedside lamp, and settle under the blankets with Jackson, his warm embrace enveloping me as I finally fall asleep. Maybe tomorrow, when we wake up, things would be different. The good kind of different.

###

A/N: Yup, those three number signs right there means this book is officially over. Now I'm gonna do a bit of proofreading and then upload the 2-part Epilogue for this book (I know... I know... I'm horrible). As of writing, I'm also starting on the plot line for Book 2 (because I got ganged up on AFF, , Twitter, and Facebook LOL). Thank you all so, so much for your support. I didn't think anyone would be interested in my first ever K-Pop-related fan fiction. I appreciate all your votes, comments, messages, and tweets. They all make my day. I will keep writing, and I will keep posting, so hold tight! Thanks again!


	48. Epilogue Part 1 (M)

**EPILOGUE PART 1: A Moon Like You**

 ***Flashback***

We were halfway through the wine bottle, sitting under a solid wood umbrella of the deck table at the Seulberg Pension, when Sheen finally answered the one question that's been bothering me for the past seven years. "So who was it?" I asked, slurring just a little. I don't know if working in the music and party industry has made me more sensitive to alcohol or my if my age is catching up on me already. Either way, I think I was getting a bit tipsy then.

Sheen chuckled and looked away, cheeks stained red. "You're still thinking about that?"

"Can't blame me, I'm in another secret relationship with another member from the same damn group, what do you expect?" I shook my hand and laughed too. Jackson Wang and I have only been dating for almost four years already and so far we've gotten away with little to no scandals. I told him that maybe people thought it was old news—me and him. They've seen photos before, and fans have talked about us plenty. But he's 30 now, and the fans have grown old enough to understand that he's human too. He needed friends. Good friends. Like me and Sheen.

"Okay..." Sheen said, leaning on the table, head propped on the palm of her hand, eyes looking a lot more lost than when we started drinking. "So you want to know which K-Pop idol I banged?"

"I want to know why you said you used to be in my place too."

"Yes, because I had the exact same dilemma..." She said, tipping the remaining ruby liquid in her glass to her thin lips. "My first act was JJ Project. I just got in, I was a foreigner recruit too—you know, from Beijing—and everything was fine until a scandal threatened to come up. It never did, thankfully, because the evidence was a bit baseless, just like yours. But it was enough to get me suspended at work for like two months. A year later, just before GOT7 debuted, I asked to be transferred to JYPE Hong Kong."

"Wait... JJ Project?! So you mean—"

"NOT Jinyoung."

"Holy fu—"

"Yeah..."

We both went silent. I looked back on the day JB spoke to me in the midst of frying chicken back when I was still their video producer and I wanted to laugh at the irony of it all. _I guess that's why he was so concerned._ "I mean, JB was so young back then, you know? He and Jinyoung just debuted, he was wide-eyed and rockin' and I was stupid. It didn't even last for a year. So you, my girl..." She said, raising her finger at me using the hand she was holding her wine with. "...You've had one hell of a record."

"Is it a record if it wasn't an actual relationship?" I asked, smiling bitterly. She laughed hard before looking at me.

"I think you already know this but let me phrase it for you. Me and JB, you and Mark, those are actual relationships. Those may have been brief, and those may have started and ended on a bad note, but those were real... That's why I'm here in the first place." We both looked around, Yangpyeong's beautiful greenery before us, the cold wind nipped on our skins. It was the night before JB's wedding and we've all been here relaxing for over two days now because the event—as expected—was considered a top-secret affair and only about 200 or so guests. "We both just wanted to acknowledge that it was real although it really wasn't meant to be, obviously, but hey... at least it made us better people."

I nodded and thought about Mark, whom I have seen a total of seven times since arriving yesterday. He traveled with Jinyoung, arrived in his goddamn expensive car, and have been swaggering around with his superstar sunglasses on, taking phone calls and working on his laptop while sipping martinis. We haven't talked yet, and I was kind of hoping we didn't have to. It wasn't very easy now being in the same room with him and my current boyfriend, the memories from five years ago still felt like bile stuck in my throat. But we're okay. We said we're okay. _It's just... Awkward, is all._

Jackson and I have been extremely busy, and while it's hard it's also ideal for us because then we wouldn't have to worry too much about rumors flying around. I've always been cool with him saying he's still single in interviews, if only to protect what little privacy we have. We try to meet up whenever I'm in Seoul, and he does his best to visit when he's in Hong Kong. Last Christmas we visited his brother and his niece in Australia. I finally got to introduce him to my family, too. It's all been good.

With me working independently now, both Jackson and I have gotten comfortable with being in a long-term relationship, one that managed to survive despite the chaos, the temptations, and the complexities of fame. "I miss working with you," I told Sheen, still smiling. When my five-year contract with JYPE has ended, I decided to strike the DJ world on my own. It hasn't been easy at all, and I still seek Sheen's advice from time to time. But the freedom and peace of mind made it all worth it.

"I miss you too!" She said, reaching out to hug me.

"Any other revelations before the big K-Pop wedding day?" I asked her earnestly. She has been in the industry far longer than I have so before I face a multitude of stars tomorrow, I would like to be briefed about their issues, _thankyouverymuch._

"Let's see... Of course there's JB who's getting married to his non-celebrity girlfriend," She said, counting one with her long, thin finger. I smiled at that because I was so damn happy to find out that Jaebum is marrying Eun Ah, who I've met before because of Jenny's sister, Bam. I didn't even know back then that she had already been dating JB secretly so I was sufficiently floored when I found out that they were getting married. The media went nuts when JYPE announced it. "You probably already know that Mark and Jinyoung are listed as South Korea's top bachelors, although I really don't understand why Mark's on that list because he's American." Sheen continued, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, he's on every billboard and every Korean magazine and runway. Plus, he's got businesses here already." I answered, feeling a bit defensive for my ex. To be fair, he didn't look like he aged past 25. The man looked just as gorgeous as he was sitting under the night sky at Santa Monica beach in 2016.

"Fine, fine. But I don't think it's fair that he's still single. That's ridiculous. He's really hot."

"I know. He once said he wanted to get married after 10 years and it's way past his deadline now so I don't know what's up with him." My answer garnered a sly smirk from Sheen. "Stop that." I said, pointing a finger at her accusatory look. I refused to think that it was my fault he hasn't found anyone to marry yet. I haven't either, and I'm older than him.

"Why are you still so defensive about this?!"

"Why were you looking at me like that?!"

"Nothing! I'm just thinking... Like, what if you guys didn't break up? Or like, what if you two got back together when he—"

"Because..." I've been through those thoughts already. Over and over. And I always ended up with the same damn answer.

"Because Jackson. Right." Sheen took another swig of her wine and then smiled. I didn't have to wait for her to change subjects, she already knew how to take my mind off the things that happened in the past. "Oh, please tell me you've seen Jinyoung's latest drama. He's gotten so good at acting!" She said.

"Jackson made me watch it the other night. I've only seen one episode but Jingyoung in a pilot uniform?! Gosh, what a concept." I answered, emphasizing my last words.

"I hope he's not wearing white tomorrow because I'm like 100% sure Jackson's gonna tease him about it." Sheen's comment made me laugh because I knew she was right. My boyfriend still had that childish streak in him. "Oh, where were we. Youngjae. Right. I'm sure you know Youngjae's dating Mina, she—"

"What?!"

"What?"

"I didn't know!"

"Oh..."

"Goddammit, I just saw her two weeks ago!" I whined, taking my phone from my pocket to send Mina a text message. She must be the girl Youngjae kept singing to on the radio, but the idol-turned-DJ never once admitted to it. He would often laugh his airy chuckle whenever broadcast partner Jae pressed him on about it, but he never once gave a straight answer. "I am so grilling her about it tomorrow night." I decided, realizing that there's more reason to see her at the wedding tomorrow apart from her being an ex-JYPE employee. The last time we met over coffee she said she's working at KBS as a video producer for some of their variety programs.

"To be fair they only started dating less than a year ago so cut her some slack. Anyway... There's BamBam." Sheen said, still counting.

"Oh, I know what's up with BamBam, he still fills me in on every fucking detail of his wild sex life and his new show in Thailand—trust me, I know TOO MUCH." I laughed. We never stopped talking after I got back to Korea from Hong Kong because he said he missed his big sister so much. Thankfully he stopped hitting on me when he found out about me and Mark, and then about me and Jackson. When the four Korean members got into the army and GOT7 went into official hiatus, BamBam went home to Thailand to create a chain of cafes, launch his own clothing line, and star in a few Thai dramas. A month ago, I introduced him to Troye Sivan and Tyde Levi's sister Sagey. She's a model, and a frequent attendee at my Australian gigs, much like her brother Tyde. I've been told they've been talking a lot lately and I've resolved to tease Bam about it endlessly.

"Good, so that's five. I won't ask about Jackson anymore, you have way more details than I could ever imagine. Yugyeom's giving out dance classes, I went to one... You know, just to like, workout. Anyway, he's pretty good... Lots of young students..." Sheen started pouring more wine into her glass, cheeks flushed red perhaps due to the wine.

We fell into silence, relishing the light-bulb moment that we've all gotten so far compared to when we started. My mind went back to Jackson, who's spending the night bonding with his brothers after months of not seeing each other. Their comeback's still under negotiations. It's harder now that they all have something going on and with Team Wang still keeping Jackson busy in China, I doubt the group would be releasing anything anytime soon. But I am one of the very few people who could attest that GOT7's still solid even after all these years. They were brothers, after all, not just a team.

"Oh, I've seen some members of BTS and Monsta X loitering around last night and today!" Sheen said, disrupting my thoughts.

"Who?" I asked, consciously biting my lip. Of course I haven't been up and about the past few days. Jackson has this thing about having lots of sex in new hotel rooms—but of course I won't tell Sheen that.

"I saw Shownu yesterday, he's looking fine. Jooheon was here too, didn't Jackson mention that?" She asked. I shook my head in response, omitting the fact that I've been with Jackson the whole day yesterday, locked up in our room. "Yeah, they're here. All of the BTS members would be here too, I heard, and some guys from B.A.P and VIXX. The 2PM guys are coming in too, and JYP because he's the principal sponsor—You gotta make JYP your principal sponsor too when you get married." Sheen ratted on.

"Shut up, Sheen!" I said, blushing profusely.

"Oh my god, you're totally blushing. Did he propose already?! Let me see you hand!" She said, grabbing my hand to check for rings. Words do not count anymore when you're in an industry like ours. Any celebrity can lie about being single a thousand times and no one would bat an eyelash. But a ring, a bracelet, sometimes even matching pendants mean more than words of confirmation.

"No, he hasn't!" I said, slapping her hand away from my empty right hand. The subject of weddings have popped up here and there, and of course Jackson already had plans, which often made me laugh though I'd join in on the virtual planning every once in a while. Somehow the virtual wedding planning felt like a safety net of some sorts, a bubble we would often enter whenever the stardom and the parties faded in the background.

"But do you want it? Is he the type of guy you'd think you'd marry?" She asked, looking at me with tilted head.

The sound of cicadas from the distant trees made everything around us feel a lot more serene. I looked down on the courtyard below us. It was being decorated with white tables and silver lawn chairs. The workers were mounting a stage right upfront with the most gorgeous white columns and white and silver tapestries. Everything looked like something straight out of a dreamy live-action Disney movie.

"Yes," I finally said, after the stretch of silence. I wasn't thinking of an answer, I just wanted to savor that moment. I wanted to relish the fact that when asked whether I wanted to settle down with Jackson, my heart stilled, like it does every single time I'm with him. "I mean, he's not the type of guy I'd marry... He IS the guy I want to marry... Probably not now... like now, NOW. I don't think it's gonna happen soon. We're both busy. But if he asks, I'd totally say yes." I said, words flowing out softly.

"Jesus, you're making me emotional here." Sheen said while fanning her face and looking upwards, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

"Yah, uljima!" I said, fanning my face too, as if it would prevent the tears from falling. She giggled when she heard me speaking in Korean again. "You know, to be honest, I don't think you're emotional because of me, I think you're emotional because JB's getting married and that's totally okay!" That comment made her giggles break into rounded laughter as she nodded in agreement. "You're gonna find a decent guy, I promise. Who knows? He might be at the reception tomorrow!" I joked, wiggling my eyebrows at her. "Thank you, really... For everything." I added after wiping a rogue tear.

The tears have freely fallen from Sheen's face already and I hugged her once more, rubbing her back. I kept telling her that it's okay to still feel things even after all these years. It's okay to hurt, not just because of what happened but also because of how greatly it affected your life. I didn't think I'd be the person I've become if it wasn't for my decisions some years back. I probably wouldn't even be with Jackson.

We finished our wine before finally deciding to retreat into our bedrooms. Faces puffy and minds clouded.

 ***Flashforward***

The worst possible way to wake up in the morning, apparently, is the one where you're blinded by sunlight violently streaming through the thick curtains that have been yanked apart by someone you just can't seem to hate. I groan and stir, eyelids fluttering before turning the other way. "Honey, please..."

"The alarm went off five minutes ago."

"I don't care."

"We have a wedding to go to, Honey, come on."

"No."

"Oh, you want me to carry you to the shower then? Because you know I can totally do that..." His voice, I now recognize, is more teasing than threatening. I struggle to come out of the cocoon of blankets and pillows to show him my puffy morning face.

"God, Jackson, it's too early for shower sex." I declare. The beddings feel like I'm being eaten alive, and comfortably at that. He laughs, making my insides go fuzzy. _Must be the hunger._ Must also be the fluffy fondness I've always had for him. He crawls on the bed towards me and pins me down playfully, peppering my face with kisses.

"Well then how about we go for a quick morning sex right here before we shower?" He growls softly in my ear, caging my wrists with a strong grip, his morning wood grazing my thighs. I moan some sort of assent before pulling his shirt off. "Oh someone's needy..."

"Mmmhhh, shut up." I answer, grabbing him by the back of the neck and kissing him hard. Frankly, I'm way too hungover for morning sex. My hair is a mess and my breath stinks, I just know it. But he's looking at me with those glazed over eyes again and for a moment it makes me forget everything about my current situation, everything I've learned the night before, and everything that has happened before that.


	49. Epilogue Part 2

**EPILOGUE PART 2: It's A Beautiful Sky**

The courtyard looks a lot more beautiful that afternoon, with the sun setting in the background, the sky painted purple and pink and orange and red. JB and his wife are roaming around and it's so fascinating to see him socializing easily with everybody, when we all know he used to be such a grouch at any given social setting. Jackson says he couldn't even bully JB to go outside his own studio before he met Eun Ah. But for some reason, since getting engaged, they've spent more time together and JB has reportedly been nicer to everybody. I guess that's a sign he really did marry the person he's meant to be with.

I've learned that when you're with the right person things just happen easily. You find time despite the schedules and being far apart hurts less. The decisions are less difficult to make and the quiet times aren't suffocating. I look down on our interlaced fingers, hands clasped together and resting on top of my thigh, and I realize that the only person who's ever made me feel that way is Jackson. When I'm with him my head is clearer, my heart is at peace. BamBam nudges me from my left and leans in to whisper. "Your ex is checking you out." I look at him with a baffled face and he starts giggling like he just told me the funniest joke in the world. "Get it? Peach! I mean you look like a peach in that dress!" He blurts.

"Did you just say my girlfriend looks like a peach in her dress?!" Jackson whips his head faster than I think is humanly possible. I steal a glance at Mark who's sitting beside Jinyoung to confirm that he really is watching, a somber smile fixed on his pretty face. "She's peachy, yes, but she's not fat. She's not model-thin anymore but she's way sexier this way!" My boyfriend continues and I roll my eyes in mock disgust.

"What?! I just said she looks like a peach because of the color of her dress! You look lovely, trust me." BamBam tells me.

"Guys—" I try to interrupt but they're still going at it. Jackson's not the jealous type but for some weird reason he's acting so protective and clingy today.

"She's older than you, BamBam."

"She's older than you too, Hyung."

"Okay, I'm LITERALLY going to walk away from this conversation now." I place a chaste kiss on Jackson's cheek—out of habit mostly—before standing up and letting go of his hand. I send Mark a small smile and walk away.

"Okay, you're right she's totally peachy," I hear BamBam say as I trudge towards the bar.

"Stop staring at my girlfriend's ass, BamBam." Jackson's annoyed voice makes me laugh somehow. I've obviously gained a few pounds over the last few years. Blame it on Jackson for cooking good food all the time. All the cooking shows he starred in made him some sort of an expert in the kitchen and I would have laughed if not for the fact that he kept feeding me stuff that's way better than my cheese popcorn. At this age, however, I really don't think I look that bad so I give in a little. Live a little.

I reach the bar and ask for a champagne flute. I've decided to stick to champagne tonight because I don't want to feel all bloated in my Osman Maddy balloon-sleeved crepe midi dress. When the champagne comes, I thank the bartender with a smile and attempt to reach up for it but the action makes my skirt ride up so I awkwardly hold on to the hem with my other hand.

Suddenly I feel a hand on the small of my back, a tall presence beside me. "Here, let me get that for you." Kim Namjoon says, his voice deep, dimples popping as he reaches for the flute. "Oh and I'd like to have one too, sir, thank you."

"H-Hi!" I say, flushing a bit at his proximity. "Thank you," I add as he hands me the flute with his pretty long fingers. I remember speaking to him at Sky21 a few years ago about his career and mine. He used to feel so small, so unsure, despite the sudden success his group was having at that time. And yet here he is, standing tall and proud and fresh out of the army. "Jesus, you look so different!" I take a few steps backward to survey him from head to foot.

"Do I?" He asks, slipping both of his hands into the pockets of his dark gray slacks, his wool blazer and crisp white shirt with flower patterns on the tips of the collar making him a whole lot attractive. His sideburns have gotten longer though he's freshly shaven. His cologne smells like honey and citrus.

"Yeah! You look... I dunno, manly?!" My answer makes him laugh out loud. He still has that airy confidence around him, but his eyes look a lot more... rugged... humble. The bartender interrupts us to hand Namjoon his champagne-filled flute. I fix my ponytail behind me while waiting for his response.

"Uhhh... Thanks, I guess?" He says, tilting his head to the side for a bit and smiling down on his dress shoes. "You look great too! And that's not just a compliment, that's a warning because I can tell by the way Jackson's watching us right now that you're in for a lot of spankings later tonight." The comment takes me by surprise and I almost choke on my champagne ungracefully.

"Oh my god, Namjoon-ah!" I grimace, turning my face away from him and covering my mouth with the back of my hand as I cough. He laughs harder, throwing his head back. I see a flicker of darkness in his eyes and I can tell that he likes it—teasing me like that and seeing my reaction. _God, it's like I'm talking to a stranger._

"Sorry," He says, voice smooth and deep and almost velvety. I shake my head and hope the fog condensing in my brain clears up a bit before the blood starts to creep up to my cheeks. I steal a glance at Jackson and crap, both he and Mark are darting dangerous stares at me. They all know that Namjoon admitted to having a crush on me some years ago, but since meeting up in Hong Kong we have come to the conclusion that we're too alike in so many ways that things might never work out anyway. "I promise I'll talk to Jackson later. We've got a lot to discuss about his... about some business." He winks at me and it's all so out of the blue, it barely registers in my brain.

"Oh okay... Well... Who are you with? Where are the other boys?" I ask, finally regaining my composure. I sip my drink and look around for the rest of his bandmates.

"Uhhh..." Namjoon looks around and points at Jimin and Jungkook who are hanging out with Yugyeom not far away. "Those two lovebirds are over there," He says. I'm not sure if he's kidding or not about the two maknaes being lovebirds but I heard they're both going to army soon. "Jin's with Ken, as usual." His long finger points at another direction and as if on cue Seokjin notices that Namjoon's pointing right at him and he waves when he sees me. I wave back at him, noticing now that he's surrounded by VIXX members. "J-Hope and Suga are still probably in our table. We're sitting with some of the girls from Twice." He explains before turning to me and then pointing somewhere behind me. "And there's Tae with his girlfriend." He says.

I turn to check on Tae and let out a tiny gasp. "Oh my god, that's..."

"You know Bam Eun?"

"Of course! Oh my goodness, I do! Can I—Do you mind coming with me? I haven't seen her in years," I say, turning back to him with a giddy smile. Namjoon nods and gestures for me to lead the way. I walk towards the direction he pointed, heels pressing sure footsteps onto the grass. Taehyung and Bam Eun are making out grossly under a shade of trees and I can't help but chuckle quietly. I wonder if Jenny knows that her sister is dating her bias. I clear my throat as soon as I step behind Tae. "Excuse me, but before you fully consume each other can I at least give Bammie a hug?" I say with my sweetest voice, which makes Taehyung jump out of his skin.

"Oh my—Yah!" Tae says, more to Namjoon than me. His hyung just shrugs after laughing hysterically.

"Unnie!" Bam Eun pulls away from Tae to give me a hug and I grimace at the boy as he clasps his chest in a fake heart attack. "Oh my gosh, you're here! Why are you here?! I thought you're in Hong Kong!" Her barrage of questions stun me for a bit and before I even get to answer she surprises me with information that makes my jaw drop to the floor. "Wait, have you seen my sister already? She's here!"

"What?! Jenny's here?"

"Yeah, she came back from Bangkok three days ago! I... Uhm... I think she went up there," Bam Eun points to the balcony where several guests were hanging out. I spot Jenny sipping her drink with a few JYPE employees and I tell Bam I'll come see her sister in a bit before throwing a knowing glance at her and her boyfriend. "Oh, I'm not sure if you... Uhm... This is..."

"Your boyfriend?!" I guess, and Bam Eun nods shyly in response, blush creeping to her cheeks. I open my arms out to Tae who comes to me with his signature boxy grin. "Oh, jashik-ah! Jal jinaess-eo, Taehyungie?" [Oh, you little rascal! Have you been good, Taehyungie?]I say, ruffling his hair.

"I've been good," He says.

"No, you haven't because if you have been good you wouldn't be snogging you girlfriend out in the open!" They both laugh awkwardly. Tae resorted to scratching the back of his head and scrunching his nose adorably. "And you," I wag my finger at Bam Eun. "You have a lot of explaining to do. But don't worry, I won't tell your sister." I tell her before winking conspiratorially.

She just laughs at me and waves her hand dismissively. "Oh she already knows. You should go and talk to her, Unnie. We're gonna go... Uhm... Get some iced tea. Right, Tae?" She shoos me away so I finally bid them goodbye before turning to Namjoon. I was about to tell him that I'm fine going off on my own when he gestures again for me to lead the way.

"You sure? I think I can manage on my own."

"No, I think I'll just follow you around awkwardly. Make sure you're safe from paps and wedding creepers." His response makes me laugh.

"I think the paps will find me easier if I'm with you,"

"That kinda hurts my feelings, you know, because it's like you don't want to be with me!" He says, hand on his chest and closing one eye as if he's just been hit in the heart by a dagger.

"Oh stop, of course I do I just—" I turn to look towards the direction of our table only to find that Jackson and BamBam aren't even there anymore. My head turns from left to right, searching the crowd for a tall, handsome man. But then Namjoon takes a hold of my elbow and guides me to the wooden stairs leading to the balcony. "T-thanks," I mutter, my heels clacking against the wooden steps.

Apparently, Jenny's busy talking with Mina, Youngjae, and a few other people from the same team I worked with. They all gasp when they see me, ecstatic beyond words, iced tea on hand. I introduce Namjoon to them and they all raise their eyebrows at me. But Jenny, being the smartass, updated woman she is, steers the conversation away from Namjoon and talks about her experiences in Thailand, which Mina gladly supports. Youngjae, another smartass man, decides to steer Namjoon away to talk in private. "Yah!" I give Mina a light nudge, and she looks at me with a friendly smile. "Why didn't you tell me you and Youngjae are—" She nudges me right back, hard enough to make my champagne slosh dangerously in my flute.

"Let's not talk about it here, we'll have plenty of time to catch up later. Okay?" She whispers, lips barely moving as she pushes her glasses up her nose bridge. We smile at each other, glad we finally have something to talk about with regards to her love life. "Oohhh, I think someone else wants to catch up with you..." Mina says, tilting her head to the side. I turn to see Jinyoung approaching me.

"Mind if I steal noona for a bit, Mina-yah?" He asks.

"Not at all!" She says, tapping Jinyoung's shoulder. Jinyoung smiles at me in his baby blue suit (thankfully not white because he'll probably look a lot more radiant than the bride) and takes my hand. He calls to Youngjae and Namjoon to let them know they're whisking me away from the party.

"Jingyoungie..." I say, as we cut through the crowd and walk towards the other end of the balcony where a deck jutted out from the rest of the pension. He looks down on the merry-making happening at the courtyard, the voices distant below and behind us. I see JB and his bride talking to JYP from where we stand. "What's up?" I know something's been bothering him since he got here. We've spoken a few times, we even ate dinner last night with JB and Eun Ah and Sheen and Yugyeom and Jackson. He's been very quiet, and at first I thought it was only because he was tired from the shoots and the traveling.

But then he turns to me with sad eyes and raises his iced tea to somebody behind me. I turn my head to find Mark who was about to come towards us until he sees my face. His eyes go wide and he smiles awkwardly. He raises the same glass, takes a sip and walks away, down the stairs not far from us. "What the heck..."

"Let him be. I think he's got somewhere to go." He says, sipping his drink. I didn't see anyone serving iced tea but I guess, with the amount of people in this place, it would be impossible to notice. "I'm really glad to see you here." Jinyoung adds, smiling at me with those eye crinkles I've missed so much. I smile back in response, holding onto his forearm tentatively. His hands slip down to clutch mine and we both just hold hands right there, relishing the quietness. That's what I've missed most about him. "You've been away a lot so I keep wondering how you and Jackson make it through..." He continues, his sweet sing song voice sounding a lot like a lullaby to me.

"Well... It's just like how you guys still make it through despite your schedules," I say, gripping his hand tighter. "If something really matters to you, you'll wait and you'll make an effort and you'll make time... You won't still be GOT7 if you gave up after army, maja?"

Jinyoung nods in agreement, pursing his lips. "Maja..." He lets go of my hand and leans on the railing of the balcony. "Now I see the difference..." He says, and though I don't hear the rest of it, I somehow understand what he means. Because when I was with Mark I already knew things were going to end badly before it even started. I didn't even have a single hope that things would be okay, unlike Mark who seemed to have put his hopes up until the very last minute. "Noona, you know that I trust you, right?" He suddenly asks, staring at his drink.

"Of course... And I would never take that for granted." I step closer towards him and place my hand on his shoulder. He licks his lips and grips his glass harder.

"I like him."

"Wha—Who?" My heart stops for a second. _I swear to all that is good, if he says he likes JB I will flip the fuck—_

"Mark." Jinyoung answers, interrupting my thoughts. I sigh heavily, relief dousing me like cold water. Nothing would make this goddamn wedding a disaster for me than learning that the best man's apparently in love with the groom. I have no plans of consoling a grief-stricken handsome boy in a baby blue suit. "Noona are you mad?"

"No!" I chuckle at the thoughts running through my head. "No, Jinyoungie, absolutely not. You know that out of all the people in this party I'm the one who would understand that the most, right?"

"I know, that's why I chose to speak to you. It's just... I mean it's obviously impossible."

"Oh, trust me Jinyoungie," I scoff before taking another swig of my champagne. I think I'm getting just a wee bit tipsy. "Mark... He's... He has a way of surprising you with his life choices. So who knows, right?" He laughs at that, and I laugh with him because frankly I don't have much words of wisdom to impart. It's not like I've had a good, wise relationship with the guy he fancies.

"Fine. I'll see if I can drug him tonight so I can finally have gay sex with him or something," He jokes, which makes me gag before I could even gulp my champagne. I hit my chest with my fist repeatedly and Jinyoung just laughs and laughs. He's not even covering his mouth anymore when he giggles and I don't know whether to take offense or to appreciate that.

"Jesus, why does everyone seem so thirsty tonight?!" I ask, heaving for air. Jinyoung shrugs and looks away distractedly.

"Probably because we are?" He adds, sipping his tea again. "Oh look, see that? There's Mark by the pool." He says, pointing to the speck of black standing by the blue waters. I squint to look at it closer and Mark's telltale brown hair seems to almost shine from a distance.

"Oh good, he seems alone! Go talk to him! Tell him how you feel!"

"What?! No!"

"Why not?!"

"I-I'm not yet ready!" He says, visibly shaken. I can see the panic in his eyes so I try soothe him with words until he turns to me dramatically. "C-can you do it for me instead?"

"Me?!"

"Yeah, I mean... Y-you know him, you've been through a lot together so... Maybe you could talk to him for me? Just... To see where his head's at?" Jinyoung asks, swallowing thickly.

"You owe me for this." I finally relent with a sigh. He watches me make my way down the stairs which leads me back into the courtyard. My neck starts to ache from all the turning and craning I've been doing all night. Still, I scan the crowd for familiar faces but I can't seem to find anyone I know. Even JB and his wife are missing as Day6 takes center stage. I haven't seen Sheen since the ceremony ended, and frankly I'm getting a bit worried. I down the rest of my champagne and place my flute on a passing waiter's tray before taking a deep breath and heading for the pool.

Even after all this time, he still makes my heart race.

But what seemed like loud banging tomtoms in my chest now only feels like good, thrumming bass. Or maybe it's the Day6 music playing in the background. "Hey," Mark's the first one to notice. He walks towards me, dangerously close.

"H-hey..."

"I guess Jinyoung's done with the catch up then? Is it my turn to catch up with you?" He asks.

"Huh?" My confusion meshes with the amusement surfacing from beneath my skin when he shows me that wonderful smile. He's gotten way more handsome than before. His jawline murderous, his eyes ablaze with confidence. I really can't blame Jinyoung for falling head over heels for this. "Uhm... I guess?" I say, glancing at the drink in his hand. Iced tea. Like everyone else I spoke to tonight. I know it's iced tea because they were all garnished with mint leaves. Perhaps my friends refused to get drunk tonight and knowing Mark he'll only drink up to a few bottles until his face goes red. By then he'd be sane enough to excuse himself, unlike Jackson who gets blubbery drunk after three cans of beer.

"I heard you're taking over the Asian party scene." He says, smiling wider at me. I step away just a little, giggling shyly. Those were words straight from South Korean, Chinese, and Japanese music sites. Billboard also added me to their list of DJs to look out for and it helped a lot with the independent management thing I've been doing recently.

"Yeah, well... I heard you're taking over the Korean modeling industry." I tease, shrugging the stress off my shoulder. He just laughs at my retort and we both just stare at each other fondly, as if we haven't seen each other's face in a long time. "I know this is a weird question coming from your ex but I just need to ask this—for a friend." His eyebrows shoot up. I guess it's still amusing as heck for the both of us, calling each other ex. "Uhm... Do you... Do you have a girlfriend right now?" I just say it straight up, like all the times we've been frank with each other before, and even after, we broke up... If that's how you'd call it.

"No, I don't." He answers after letting out high-pitched giggles.

"Boyfriend?"

"Uhm... None so far..."

"Open to it?"

"Hmmm... Maybe? Wait, why are you asking me this?!" His eyebrows are tangled up in a knot across his eyebrows and I fret for a second.

"Nothing just... Just asking for a friend." I turn my back to him before my face betrays me. That's when I notice the faint light coming from the bell house above us. "Hey, there's... There's something up there..." I say, pointing at the bell house. My balloon-sleeved arms fall to my sides as I look up curiously at the ominous glow above. Suddenly, I feel slender fingers lacing with mine and I look sideways to find Mark standing beside me already. His glass of iced tea still in hand.

"Come on, let's check it out." He wears this familiar friendly smile on his face, the same one he wore when he toured me around his hometown. The same one he gave me when I introduced myself to him on the night we "accidentally" met. The same one he gave me five years ago when we agreed that we should just remain good friends. We walk up the stairs slowly, with him guiding me up as I try my best not to let my heels get caught in the cracks. "This place looks amazing doesn't it?" He asks as we walk slowly on the rustic walkway that connects to the bell tower.

"It does. I have no idea something like this exists just outside of Seoul."

"I know. And it's super near too which is convenient for when you're looking for a quick escape." He says. I chuckle, even though nothing about what he said was technically funny. I just realize that we're a lot like that too. We were each other's escape back then. Our moments were enough to get us through the inhumane working hours, the mounting pressure, and the crazy expectations. "What are you thinking?"

"That you're like the ocean," The words slip out of my mouth before I even realize it. The sound of drum beats resonating from afar mirrors the beating of my heart. He stops halfway through the walkway and pulls me so that I'm facing him again. There's a bit of dead air in there as he waits for me to finish. For some reason, I feel the need to restart again. "You're like the ocean. You're wide and deep and unfathomable sometimes but you're beautiful. I know that for sure. You kept me afloat for a few years and I'm really thankful for that... That I got to swim in you... Drown in you..." Maybe it's the champagne, consuming me now. I didn't think I'd get drunk at a wedding too soon. I look up at Mark and see that he's floored by my words so I let go of his hand and walk backwards, just a bit farther before looking at the blue color of the pool reflecting on our skins. "I'm sorry, I think I shouldn't have had too much champagne." I backpedal, chuckling as the blush creeps to my face.

"How about Jackson?" He asks, taking one step closer and tilting his head to the side. He doesn't seem to care that I just told him I'm getting tipsy, I guess it's because he had seen me at my worst. "What's he like to you?" Mark adds. There's a sense of curiosity there, a sense of shaky determination. Somehow it makes me feel like I'm walking a tightrope, not a bridge.

"He's..." I take a deep breath before launching into a lengthy description. "He's like a pool, or like an infinity pool. He's almost like the ocean... Blue and deep and beautiful... but he keeps me safe and he keeps me grounded. I don't drown. I can swim easy. I can leave and jump back and stay there for hours, and maybe... Maybe that's all I ever need." My lips form into a nice smile which makes Mark sigh. It might be his way of telling me that I'm right. Suddenly I hear a quiet buzzing coming from Mark's pants. _Wow, great timing whoever you are._

"Oh, I... I gotta take this, Love. You should..." He pauses, shakes his head and looks down on his dress shoes. He sighs again, deeper this time, and then looks up to me with a determined smile. "You should go ahead and check what's in the bell tower, I'll be right over." He instructs and then points me towards the room where there's a faint glow of whites and yellows seeping through the cracks. I take one last look at Mark who suddenly seems so distant before walking away.

I push the doors open and find fairy lights adorning the glass windows, and a laptop set on the table. It takes me a few seconds to recognize the three screens before me. It's a Skype conference, and right in the middle of it is Olivia. "Liv?!"

"Okay. Calm down, Love. I can explain. I know I should've been there and believe me I really really wanted to go but I'm stuck in New York. I still wanted to see his surprise so..." She gets drowned out by the sound coming from outside, by the wailing lead guitar and the heavy drum beats and the keyboard and the rhythm guitar and of Jae singing about two different people who used to not know anything about each other until they said...

"Uhm... Hi." I spin around and the lights inside the room disorients me for a few seconds. I blink and I find Jackson there. Behind him there are people, all of them holding half full glasses of iced tea, all of them smiling at me.

"Jackson? What's..." The song continues outside, and for the first time I'm hating the fact that I understand Korean because the lyrics are making me tear up big time.

"Yah, chamkaman... bol su eobsda!" [Hey, wait... I can't see anything!] That voice. I'm so sure that's my 94-year-old grandmother on Skype. I'm starting to get dizzy. I take a few steps to the side of the room so I can see everything. There's Liv in the middle frame. There's my mom, dad, Hope, Jihoo, and Nana Kyung in the left frame. There's Sophia and Ricky in the right frame. Everyone I spoke to stands behind Jackson, who's slowly stepping towards me.

There's Nawoon creeping in behind Jackson, holding a camera and wearing a professional-looking black shirt. She's taking photos of everyone. Of Jenny who's standing beside Namjoon, whose flute of champagne got magically transformed into iced tea. Of Taehyung holding Bam Eun's hand. Of Sheen and Yugyeom, who's uncharacteristically guiding her to stand closer next to him. There's heavy footsteps approaching us, and I look out through the glass panes to see JB and his bride running across the walkway hand in hand to join us.

"Are we late?" I hear him shout breathlessly over the fading voices of the band outside. My boyfriend shakes his head, tells the leader he arrived just in time, and then gives him a fistbump. "Good, hurry! The song's about to end!" Jaebum says, peeking inside. "Yah! Sarang-ah, iriwaba! [Come here!]" I hear him, but at the same time I don't. I'm frozen on my spot, eyes wide, heart thumping slowly... Too slow to even be possibly alive.

Before the bridge of the song ends, Eun Ah finally takes my hand and pulls me closer to Jackson. "Come on, it's okay..." She whispers, her long gown swishing against the wooden floor.

Just as soon as the voices converge, Jackson takes both of my hands from Eun Ah and smiles. It's that small, shy smile that makes his eyes sparkle. "I don't think I have to elaborate on this, honey..." He drops to his knee, kisses my hand tenderly.

That's when the tears fall as I finally look around.

My parents are crying. Sheen is crying with her head leaning against Yugyeom's shoulder. Youngjae and Mina are both crying. Jinyoung places his arm around JB's shoulder, and he's not crying but he might as well be because his eyes are shining with unshed tears. Mark steps forward and hands a bouquet of white roses to me. The card sticking out from it says I love you in three different languages. BamBam steps forward too and hands a red box to Jackson.

He opens the box and shows me the most beautiful ring I've ever laid eyes on. Our initials are embossed on the inside of the box, my mother's signature underneath it, like a goddamn sign-off. I gasp loudly before looking down and staring at Jackson's tear-stained face, finally voicing out my ugly cries. "Love Kangjeon... Will you marry me?" Jackson asks.

Silence.

Jackson is never comfortable with silence.

But I am.

And so I nod and breathe out an almost inaudible word. "Yes..."

###

A/N: FYI, the Day6 song is "Hi, Hello"

Thank you again for reading through this! I hope you liked the ending! And if you didn't I still have Book 2 to make up for it HAHA!


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